aliveinthedark

[aliveinthedark]

i don’t know what to do

[aliveinthedark]

Don’t know what to do

[aliveinthedark]

From Robbie’s sketchbook…thinking of putting together a book of his writings and artwork. Can possibly raise money to search for their remains.

[aliveinthedark]

Heading out to the desert again. Thought of some new areas to cover.

[aliveinthedark]

I thought that with more time, the hope that I hold to - to find Robbie, or more of Robbie - would soften, or morph, as reality set in. But it hasn’t. Especially as people speculate and assume the worst. I find myself holding tighter to the idea that there’s more to find and to understand. It’s exhausting - to hold out - and confusing. All time seems to do is make this hope - this need to keep looking - feel like an identity more than a mission. And is that fair to Robbie - the real Robbie? Do I even want to reconcile “my” Robbie with the real one if he’s found - and is that why this feels so excruciatingly crucial? Because I’m defending my sense of the world - my reality - and Robbie has somehow become that - a symbol of that - after all this time. I don’t know. Is all this a tribute to someone I can’t actually know? Or never did.

[aliveinthedark]

[aliveinthedark]

Cold morning. Many dreams.

[aliveinthedark]

[aliveinthedark]

enough for tonight. gotta sleep somehow.

[aliveinthedark]

some of the most joyful videos from Robbie’s YouTube are the most painful for me, but they should live. I’ll post a few tonight.

[aliveinthedark]

Can’t stop thinking about it

[aliveinthedark]

the Zagorac brothers

[aliveinthedark]

❤️

East Louie Road, Siskiyou County, California (January 2023).

[aliveinthedark]

I downloaded all of the videos from Robbie’s YouTube before it was taken down. Was thinking of posting them here along the way. All kinds of things from his life. He filmed everything.