alixisherebutringagain

[alixisherebutringagain]

I think people have this very unrealistic view of active psychosis based on reddit and tiktok posts that the typical presentation is being able to very effectively situationally mask and otherwise present as normal while living a fucked up fantasy life on the side, like idk, your husband has always acted normal and still is but then you find out he keeps a secret mannequin family under the porch and leaves rotten food offerings for them and stuff and now that he knows you know he’s plotting to murder you while still masking to all your friends and family. or you’ll feel totally normal and like nothing is wrong but you have a new roommate no one else acknowledges exists.

psychosis takes many forms, admittedly, but in general if someone is having a hardcore break with reality they will be showing outward signs of not being in good shape holistically speaking; they’ll neglect their hygeine and possibly stop eating, they may self harm or pick their skin/pull their hair, it could be very easy to mistake them for someone under the influence of drugs. personally, my psychotic episodes feel like waking dreams or fever-induced delirium and involve both insomnia and borderline narcolepsy.

“crazy people don’t even know they’re crazy! if you think you’re going crazy, you’re not, because if you were schizophrenic you wouldn’t even ask that question!” not to scare you bro but I think like 75% schizophrenic worry they’re going crazy when their symptoms first show up, like they may not realize they’re schizophrenic per se but they know SOMETHING is up

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Are You Psychotic? Do You Self-Medicate? You Are Far From Alone

If only it worked the way the mental health system said it would. " If you get on the right medication, it will fix the underlying problem, and you won't have the need to self-medicate anymore". That is a fairy tale. If anything, the side effects of "the right medication" will have you wanting to seek out something to improve the way you feel. They're right when it comes to certain hard drugs, of course. Meth is never the answer to treating your psychosis. What of alcohol and weed? The latter literally gets prescribed by some psychiatrists. The former is the most widely used amongst schizophrenics. Why? It's not because they have a grudge against their liver. They are getting relief from a symptom that's tormenting them. Self-medicating is not for everyone. It is for some people. People that aren't being properly treated because there is no proper treatment for how fucked up they are. They've tried every medication. Every therapy. These people do what they do as a measure of last resort. Are they going against medical advice? Most of the time, sure. There is a reason why it's not quite as bad to do so when it comes to mental health. The reason is this. While a patient may be a total layman when it comes to what is best for an organ such as their heart, they are somewhat of an authority on what goes on inside of their own head. At the end of the very long day, people who suffer from a psychotic disorder have to make a cost/benefit analysis. Consider all of the information available (this including what doctors say). Then decide for themselves if that drink that makes you feel a million times better is worth it. For many, the answer is a no brainer.

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It’s frustrating, dealing with incoherent thoughts and speech. I say things out of order. I ramble and add details later to something I mentioned five minutes ago. I stutter and stammer and have a weird, stilted pattern of speech that pauses and resumes at odd times. I say things that only make sense to me.

And sometime they don’t even make sense to me. Either my thoughts or my words - sometimes both - are jumbled. The meaning is in there somewhere. I know it is, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t figure it out and it keeps getting further away.

Sometimes, I’m so close to figuring out the meaning to something or at the very least finishing my thought, and I’m told to shut up. I do, and that last thought repeats over and over in my head, prying my teeth open and pushing against my lips. It twists my tongue on the way out and I have to repeat it to try and say it right. Or maybe those words just happen to be fun for my mouth to repeat in that moment.

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Take Control of Your Healthcare

I’ve read countless posts from people that absolutely hate their medication(s). They say it makes them feel like a zombie. They say it’s made them gain weight. They say it’s giving them hot flashes. The list goes on and on.

Many patients bring up these side effects to their doctor and, often times, get told that they have to stay on the medication and tough out the side effects. This doesn’t have to be the case.

I’ve heard from some psychiatrists that the best AP a schizo can be prescribed is the medication that the schizo is willing to take. In my opinion, this couldn’t be more true.

If a psychotic person is prescribed a medication that gives them side effects so severe that they won’t take the medication, then that patient might as well not be being treated. They’re not taking their meds anyway.

You don’t need to be afraid to tell your doctor that you simply can’t deal with the side effects of the meds they prescribed. They’re there to help you. If they see that their options are switching your medication or having you go unmedicated, they’ll choose to switch your medication.

I was given the loading dose of Invega one time. My experience with it was so bad that I refused to let my doctor inject me with any more of that crap. He didn’t discharge me, he just switched me to Zyprexa pills.

The point of this post is to let people know that you don’t have to smile and nod at whatever your doctor says. You can tell him which medications you will and won’t take. It’s your body. It’s your choice.

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psa: not every weird esoteric thing a schizophrenic person does is creepy, threatening, or indicative of a mental downspiral. sometimes we’re just stimming or engaging in our interests and enjoying ourselves like any other neurodivergent person! sometimes it involves stuff that can look spooky, like making little talismans or wandering around in the dark or taking strange-looking notes, but unless we’re visibly distressed we’re probably just having fun!

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okay i lied put your clothes back on we're not having sex i'm fundamentally evil and i need you to kill me

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"I am half-convinced that-" SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

LITERALLY JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP

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me: tries to do anything

brain: GRAPHIC INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS & IMAGES ABOUT VIOLENTLY KILLING MYSELF

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the “i wanna go home” never leaves my head even when i’m physically sitting in my bed

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Fuck fuck fuck I don't like this feeling

Pulling my ears doesn't help

It's like my head hurts but it doesn't, or maybe it does but in another dimension ??

I just want to go to be left alone

I want it to go away

It's fucking screaming at me

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Schizophrenia vs Police

Police can suspect a schizo for intoxication It's not always for the obvious reasons. Not your medication. Not disorderly behavior of any sorts. It's from coming across as overtly weird.

It's said that schizos have a flat expression. Many do. It's also possible for a schizo to produce inappropriate expressions for the situation.

When a cop pulls a person over, they are not expecting to see a person beaming from ear to ear. Police would likely inquire about intoxication before asking for licenses.

It's far from unheard of for schizos to be dressed as a cliche homeless person baring a special occasion to do otherwise. Add on the fact that they can still be high functioning, and you've got a filthy person with a giant smile handling the encounter with legal perfection. It's almost like taunting the cop. Daring him to pin something on you.

The field sobriety tests that get given aren't too difficult to pass. There's no intoxication after all. Just bizarre craziness.

I've been told "I know you're intoxicated but I just can't prove it'. Pleased that I wouldn't be going to jail, I simply say "GREAT!" with a shit-eating grin.

One of these days I might wind up actually getting nabbed by the cops. Until then...😁

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Everything is fine. This is just some mind zoomies. It'll calm down on its own. Nothing to worry about, nothing to mention. As I said, everything's fine.

This is normal.

Just mind zoomies.

Just talkative.

Just a bit anxious.

Normal stuff.

It's going to go away on its own.

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My mind zoomies as I call them calmed down a bit. I don't know why I had them. Something's still up though, cause I don't trust the weather. I don't know if it's normal. Something is just weird about it and the word suspicious just comes to mind.

A friend said that talking to me was very fun, and I said it's because I'm more than me. She was confused. I said never mind. She kept asking about it. I said it was transcendental stuff. She said oh. Nothing else. After a few minutes of silence, I changed the subject.

Did I make her uncomfortable? She seemed to understand when I told her to keep an eye out for the weather.

I try to keep to myself the branches coming out of my head but they're bursting out of my cranium. What if they start looking at me wrong ?

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The only thing worse than an able bodied person asking you invasive questions about your disability out of nowhere is when they ask invasive questions about your disabilities to SOMEONE ELSE who is with you. "What happened to him?" maybe you should be more worried about what's going to happen to YOU if you do that shit one more time

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i dont get offended at white people jokes even though im white because: 

i can recognize white people as a whole have systemically oppressed POC in america, which is where i live 

most people when they make white people jokes only mean the shitty white people and i am not a shitty white person 

im not a pissbaby

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