allaboutjean

[allaboutjean]

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Do you remember whatever happened that day? I know you do; we confessed our feelings to each other. We admit that we don’t see each other no longer as an ordinary friend anymore, instead of the object of admiration.

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You said that you made me as the muse, making your fingers firmly gripping the pen and make it dance on the paper. Seeing you capture your handwriting all about me, willing to waste papers and ink just for this child made my heart flutter.

Honestly, I still can’t believe I manage to be yours in reality. I still can’t believe or even figure out what kind of charm did I use to make you feel the same way as I did. But it’s still hilarious to know our friends’ reactions to this situation.

I feel amazed, you introduced me to your friends, which gave me a sign that you are not even ashamed to love me publicly. There, I feel more love coming out of you to me. I can sense the sincerity of your pure heart to me. Now I know that the thing I need is your presence, that’s all.

It’s more wonderful when you told me that you don’t need any medicine to swallow. It always made me tear up when you asked me to remind you about pills. How can a pure soul are tortured, bleeding? How can a joyful angel face alarming weight decrease? It all kept me hurt inside, but concealed with the phrases “good job!” I gave to you.

However, just few days away from our first month together, you need to leave. I admit that I am totally not happy thinking that we can’t celebrate this together. Not to even mention, my birthday for few days ahead. I weep this tears that aren’t flowing down mentally, feeling stabbed on my chest.

But what can I do? It’s for the sake of your life, your path in the future. Your absence disturbed me, made me uneasy. Then I realised that it’s the last time. After this, you’ll still come here back to take me away from this misery. That’s all I want and will always wait like how I promised you every time.

You don’t see me stressing, questioning why we are far away from each other? Why we can’t be together in physical way? Why we can only share our affections in virtual? More hurtful, why I can’t wrap my arms around you when you need them to escape from your problems?This haunts me since days. It’s just too disturbing me.

But you manage to make me feel safe during your absence. Poems, our random conversations and playlist. Those gave me joy. Just like how you tell me about myself on the Epitome. You give me sense of comfort, love and feel cherished. I won’t be bored to say you manage to pull me away from my past.

To wrap up, I thank you, the cheerful woman who remind me of love. I am grateful for being yours— who I can now call as the home. Two souls that came with identical issues are wrapping each others in their safe arms, which the souls are us; Sarah and Jean.

The end of the day, you know the answer of “she shall be mine, all mine”— which I am gladly yours, the lover of a woman who need each other’s warmth and affection. Perfect pair, like how Beabadoobee said.