allbecauseofhim

[allbecauseofhim]

i gave a man my starbucks coffee and thought i was a saint

i’m calling it good to just place these words somewhere other than my journal because i won’t reread them until i force myself to in 10 years or in late night conversations with Papa when i’m overly caffenated and feeling all my emotions at once. 

i’ve met these gifts. gifts that teach me so much about the Father’s heart and what is looks like to eat at His table, to be surrounded by love with no conditions or boundaries. i’ve watched men with the purest hearts love women with no ulterior motive, but simply to let them know they are valuable and chosen. men that delight in women simply because God does. they love them because they bear the image of God and that’s reason enough.  after being loved by him, the girl claims, “that love was the purest love i’ve ever received.” how would it feel to know that kind of love?

i’ve been healed in so many ways by people that usher in the Presence and understand holy moments.  holy moments in a massive van, zooming down the interstate. prayers flying and tears flowing and God is just there. you can’t even question it.  thats the biggest revelation for me- God is here. Love is with us. and He loves our humanness more than we even know. and i can’t miss it. i can’t miss it trying to catch these moments- i have the let them simply live and feel the full weight of them there. then, exhale them after a circle of hugs and goodbyes. i have to just let myself cry. and dance. and be ok with feeling human... do i often forgot that Jesus was indeed human and holy? God is redefining what holy means.

we’ve put a wall around it. we’ve made it untouchable. we bottled it up to associate with water blessed by a priest. we can’t even recognize it anymore when it is in our midst. 

i can’t miss the holy moments where i’m humbled to my knees. we go to these homeless shelters and we think we have so much to give these people. we have jesus, right? we just assume they don’t. we have socks and toothbrushes, and i feel like such a saint for giving one man my starbucks coffee.  and this man wouldn’t stop looking at me. i knew immediately this man was a light to the world with his dirty camo jacket and long hair in a braid. he never stopped smiling. he called me over to him and he talked to me, like really talked to me and he listened. he saw me. i kept thinking, “if everyone looked at the person in front of them the way he is looking at me, heaven would fall down immediately. there wouldn’t be a hard heart in sight.” he’d been living in the homeless shelter for 8 months, and i should have been preaching to him, but God doesn’t work like that. he humbles. he considers wise what we consider foolish.

this man spoke courage over my fearful heart. he taught me about angels and faith in a 20 minute period. all i wanted was this man of great love to pray for me. pray for me. and i thought i came to “give so much.” one of greatest moments of my life was right there on that floor, crouched over, my hand interlocked in these calloused man’s hands, realizing my own poverty. it’s coming to terms with the fact that you want to give so much to the world, to people. you want to make your mark. but for what purpose? i’m afraid of being forgotten. i want God to use me, but only on my terms. i want to be important, but am only creating a temple for myself.  it all crashes down when you see it isn’t about you. when you’re set on making your name great, it falls everytime.  you read the bible, you should know? its the same old sin, don’t you see? don’t you see how captive you are? how in chains you are in this mindset? when you try to use God and to love others with an agenda i’ve never known the power of asking people questions, listening to them, and how much love you expel from that. from just seeing them. i’m beginning to see it. who cares if you get a picture? who cares if no one in the entire world knows that that person looked you in the eyes and claimed, “your love has changed my life.”

[allbecauseofhim]

the sun and the moon

i remember the first time i learned that the sun never goes away. from our perception at night, a small child just assumes that it disappears from existence until its job in the morning.  but like the Son, even when you can’t see Him or feel Him, He’s always there. He’s always working. in the darkest of nights, He shines on us- His Moon, and in those nights, we are to reflect His glory, to give light in those dark night by the Son’s power. He’s always there. He never leaves. meditate on that. sit in the warmth of the sun and rest in that truth.

[allbecauseofhim]

God is not a Christian

i‘ve been reading a book called, lies we believe about God by William Paul Young. he’s the guy that wrote the shack. he questions traditions and customs and really digs deep into the Bible to challenge certain things that Christians relatively believe/have believed for years that often times have no Biblical or Love basis. he wants nothing to do with religion and everything to do with the Life and relationship that was intended for us with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

I like him. his views make me think and pray and lately I've been struggling to undo a lot of thoughts and views I hold mainly because people told me it was the right thing to believe. I just want to know what God has to say about things, how He sees things.

i’m not sure if I agree completely with all of the “lies we believe about God’ William Young writes about in his book, but they make me think. they make me want to dig deeper into Scripture and find out the intent of passages and God’s Word- to really ask and search. I truly believe God wants to show us and teach us all these mysteries and help us answer our questions.

one lie he described was one that has rocked my world lately. 

the lie is that God is a Christian meaning

God is not a Christian.

deep breaths. it’s okay. I should also mention that God is not a Muslim, a Buddhist, or an atheist, or any other category we humans have created for our own will and peace of mind.

what does it mean to be a Christian, as in where did the word even come from? God, nor Jesus, ever came up with it. Jesus never once called His disciples Christians. the term Christian was originally an insult toward the followers of Jesus. it means “little- Christs” or “mini- Messiahs.” it was like they were saying:

“who do you think you are? you live your life without any real allegiances-- not to Rome, not to politics, not to Moses; and you waste your time caring for the poor, the slave, the prisoner. Your relationships matter more to you than your country or culture. you are all about this turning-the-other-cheek and going-the-extra-mile nonsense- both impractical ways of living, with naïve commitments to other centered, self giving love. that will never work in this world. sure, you don't return evil with evil, you work hard, and tell the truth, but we can’t count on you to keep our system going. you are just a bunch of idealistic losers who are under the delusion that death can be defeated and who think the world could possibly be changed by love: little- Christs, that is all you are: (from the book, pg. 53-54)

I mean honestly the best insult I've ever heard. if that’s what it means to be a Christian, uh, count me in.

so, all things were created in and through and by Jesus- not ONE SINGLE THING comes into existence apart from Jesus.(john 1:3; colossians 1:16)

Jesus challenges every religious category. He is not about separation and doesn’t treat people from different faiths, denominations, and such as outsiders. I mean, just read the stinkin Gospel. who did Jesus eat with?

God relates to all of us as insiders, because when He died, it was for ALL. HOW BEAUTIFUL. we are all insiders because of Jesus!!! of course, we all have to make the choice to believe in Him or not. but the Gospel means we can stop categorizing everyone into groups based on judgement of value and worth, that cause separation and most of the time, a lot of pain. people walk away from church because they feel like outsiders, and there is no sense of Love and community which the church should be. we are the BODY OF CHRIST. we work together. we help and share and give sacrificially. categories are meant to establish healthy boundaries like a child learning safe and unsafe, us following Jesus learning to discern between His voice and other voices, not to cause an us vs. them mentality. Christian vs. non- Christian. 

at the end of his chapter on this, he inserts a quote that I think is one of the most profound thoughts. ponder it. 

“Christianity is not a religion. Christianity is the proclamation of the end of religion, not of a new religion, or even the best of all religions. if the cross is the sign of anything, it’s the sign that God has gone out of the religion business and solved all of the world’s problems without requiring a single human being to do a single religious thing. what the cross is actually a sign of is the fact that religion can’t do a thing about the world’s problems-- that it never did work and it never will.”

Christianity is not “the way.” Jesus is the Way.

it’s wild to me and becoming more precious each time I post something because I always think, “what if I don’t believe this in a year or a couple years?“ the answer is: great. that’s fine. we grow. we change. we learn. God speaks. we break. we rebuild. 

I hope this made some sort of sense. I would love to discuss this with anyone, agreeing or disagreeing. feel free to message me anytime.

[allbecauseofhim]

am i too crusty

when I was a little girl, I used to get the sweeping feeling that I wasn’t where I was supposed to be- as if I didn’t belong where I was. from as early as five, I remember it so clearly because of the amount of dread and sadness that covered me. it was the day before Easter and my family was coloring eggs, my dad was holding me, and I felt- at five!- that I did not belong where I was. I cried and had a hard time putting into words what I was feeling. all throughout my life since, I get the feeling sometimes. it’s not, “wow, I’m so different than everyone around me. I don’t fit in.” it’s not that. it’s a fleeting moment that my brain somehow believes for a hot minute that I am not where I am supposed to be or that my life doesn’t really mean much where I am. a lot of people, I’ve learned, feel that way. as if they aren’t in the right place or time. they, especially, feel like they don’t fit in- into the grand scheme of life. christians tell people- “GOD HAS A PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE!” and you’re like, “sike. not for me.” most of the time, we want God to use everyone else but us. we don’t feel worthy. we don’t “fit in with Christians.”  we’ve had two abortions. a couple drugs and endless nights of drunkenness. multiple sexual partners. we lie, cuss, cheat. we live for ourselves. we’re not worthy. we tell ourselves that and you know what? it’s true. we’re not worthy of God. we’re not worthy of Jesus. that’s why it’s grace. we don’t deserve it. we did NOTHING to earn the free gift of salvation.

I was reading through Genesis and going through Joseph’s story, and in the middle of Joseph’s story is a small story about two people that I feel like have been looked over. at first, I was so confused as to why this random story was just slapped in here. but I knew there had to be some significance to it. It’s the story of Judah and Tamar (Genesis 38). basically, there was a guy named Judah, brother of Joseph, son of Jacob. Judah had a son and wanted him to marry a woman named Tamar. but the son was wicked in the Lord’s sight and was killed (yikes, I know. gruesome stuff.) according to their law, that meant Tamar had to marry the next brother in line. he was also killed and that left Tamar to marry the next brother who, at the time, was too young. therefore, Judah told her when he gets of age, he’ll come find her and they can get married. Judah lied and wasn’t planning on making any arrangements for them to get married. in this culture, for women, it isn’t good to remain a widow or single. years later, when Tamar knew Judah lied, she heard that he was coming in town. I lowkey think she knew he slept with lots of prostitutes because she disguised herself as one and covered her face. he had sex with her and got her pregnant. some other drama happened after this like how he figured it was Tamar, but any who, she had twins- one named Perez. why does this matter? well, thank you Google. despite that MESS. despite all the sin, that God didn’t approve of, He still used it for good. He used Tamar, who acted as a prostitute, who when Jews read this story, would have been scorned at. God used Tamar and her son, Perez, in the lineage of the Messiah, Jesus!!! check out Matthew 1:3. it mentions Tamar in Jesus’ record of ancestors which is a big deal. women weren’t included in lineages, but God breaks barriers and boxes. He says to the one that doesn’t fit in, “I’LL FIT YOU IN. YOU BELONG.”

He still chooses to use us and our stories. He still has mercy on us. He still loves us and pursues us. He longs for us to repent (which literally means to regret and hate the sin and turn from it) and turn to Him and believe that He is LIFE. He gives true life.

how beautiful and merciful of God to use, to want, our messy, crusty selves.

everyday, He’s calling us to live with and for Him. join the Kingdom.

[allbecauseofhim]

the story at the motel, room #17

i saw four children cramped on a bed, the 14 year old with mascara under her eyes, her dad beside me with bloodshot eyes from crying all night. the woman at the front desk had immediately given me their room number- no questions asked- her shoes were off and there was no computer for entry. just an old composition notebook

i was at a local cheap motel

i would romanticize it if i didn’t know what was in those rooms. i don’t want to pity them because i know they’d hate that

i imagined the children going to school on Monday and no one would know that they got kicked out of their home and are staying in a motel room

i was so nervous about knocking. what do i say to them, Papa? even that morning, when i felt the Holy Spirit lead me there, i was terrified. i even half- hoped that the front desk woman wouldn’t tell me their room number so that i could just leave them a note and pray for them. but realizing that’s not fair, i asked God for favor with the front desk lady before i left home.  there were no questions asked.

God, help me, i prayed before knocking. room #17

and then, here comes the beauty of obedience. of doing it out of love for God and people, even when it’s uncomfortable and your own selfishness is screaming. i didn’t even have to think about what to say. it just spilled out. i didn’t even stutter which is a surprise for me. it was terrifying and electrifying because when God is with you, you don’t have to think of what to say

He says it for you

and you’ll never know that truth until you do it and you’ll forget the next time He tells you to speak out, until you do it and you remember how exciting doing life with God is.

in that moment, you’re so sure of God. so sure that He’s just there. and when someone asks you, “but how do you know He’s real?” it’s so hard to put into words that you don’t just believe He’s real, you’ve experienced Him. you’ve experienced Him directing you to a place and speaking through you in a dirty motel room with a single dad and four kids on top of each other watching a fuzzy TV

[allbecauseofhim]

the boy with the boiled peanut

a short story

I was pushing shopping carts outside, before closing time, the other night. when I pushed a set of buggys (yes, hello Alabama) through the doors, a little boy was standing beside the garbage can outside desperately trying to get a boiled peanut open.

“excuse me,” he whimpered, “can you help me get this open?” I walked over to him and he had white dried snot from his nose down to his upper lip

I was in love with him instantly.

it was so simple, his request. but its unbelievable and kind of insane how badly I wanted to help him. I wanted to put all my love into getting that boiled peanut open for him

his hands were sticky with the peanut juice.

my nails were recently bitten down to the quick. they burned. for a split second before I reached down to help him, I thought of that little pain i’d endure.  have you ever opened boiled peanuts with the hot juice seeping into your burning nails? what about hot wings? it isn’t fun. (this is a plea to not bite your nails, kids) but the thought of the pain didn’t stop me for even a second from wanting to help him- I was willing to endure it. however small or big the pain was. I just wanted the little dude to get the peanut free.

jesus spoke and said, the pain never deterred me from setting you free. it was worth it.

you’ve all had English class. i’m sure you can work out the metaphor

man, I love God

[allbecauseofhim]

will God call you to China???

here’s the thing, a lot of people say, “well, the Lord won’t call you somewhere or ask you to do something that you don‘t want to do.“ and that is just wrong.  i’m going to say it again, that is a LIE. but its okay!! don’t panic. let’s talk about it. i’m not going to tell you He’s sending you to China (although, maybe) we just have to confront this lie that has been told so so so many times.

the lie that if you say a simple prayer, and surrender it all, that Jesus will come live inside your heart and be your Savior. i’m not hating on the prayer- i love the prayer! we need to pray a prayer of surrender and ask Jesus to be Lord of our lives. however once we say that, we have to actually do it. i think we long for people to say that prayer, especially when the invitation comes at church because we’re afraid of Hell. we want people into Heaven and that's a valid reason! but if there is no action involved, then we are merely hearers and talkers. not doers (james 1:22) it’s one thing to say the prayer and then actually make God Lord of your life. we lie to people and do not tell them the full Gospel. we lie and say it’s simple, that they can go on and live comfortable and not sacrifice anything and whoop dee doo get into Heaven. we worry too much about getting people into Heaven when if we just get Heaven inside of people, they’ll get into Heaven. the Kingdom of God lives inside of us. we need that in people. we need the real Gospel on display for people. we need action. the Gospel is not only to be accepted but lived out.

so, there is this lie that goes around that Christianity is comfortable and God will give you all that you want and never push you outside your comfort zone. “okay, paige. where in the Bible did God ask someone to go somewhere they didn’t want to go?“ TONS!!!!!!! He called Moses to set His people free and Moses was so terrified. he did not want to go and he even tried convincing God that he was not good enough, that he didn’t speak eloquently to convince Pharaoh to let them go after God told Jonah to go preach to a certain group of people, Jonah was so scared, he ran away. did Esther really want to stand up to the king for her people? i’m sure that was incredibly uncomfortable. Paul, the persecutor of Christians, the one who fought so hard against those who were following Jesus, he was killing them left and right, and then God blinded him and called him to follow him and preach the truth. imagine how uncomfortable it was for Paul, a new changed man, to walk into places where people knew him as a killer of Christians. how uncomfortable it was to be ship wrecked and travel to new places to preach, to be put in chains, to be beaten, all on account of Christ. Peter probably did not want to leave the comfort of his business as a fisherman and his wife, but Jesus said, “Follow Me.“ the great heroes of faith were afraid and uncomfortable.  God did call them places they really probably did not want to go. I do believe, sometimes, God will soften your heart to the things He has called you to do or the people He wants you to talk to. but most of the time, He doesn’t. He wants you to be obedient and just trust His word. we’re going to be afraid and that’s okay. we step out in faith through the fear and God meets us. WOW DOES GOD MEET US!! HE IS SO FAITHFUL TO MEET US. HE HAS AND WILL ALWAYS GO BEFORE US. but we have to step out. 

so, some of you are saying: well, if He is going to ask me to be uncomfortable or possibly do something that seems impossible or crazy (to the world) or scary, then maybe I don’t want to become His follower. maybe i‘d just rather sit in my house and be comfortable, thankuverymuch. good. i’m glad we’re finally counting the costs, which is exactly what Jesus told us to do (luke 14:25-34) are we willing to take our plans and our desires and lay them at His feet? to do whatever He asks? He said if you’re not willing, you can not be my disciple. wow. it stings. it’s a hard blow. but what‘s important? i’ll tell you why you should. He is the Way. the only Way. the only Way to abundant life and I don’t just mean eternal life with Him when we leave earth. i’m talking about abundant life RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW. we will never be satisfied apart from Him... never outside of His will. and we can say no to God and we can run and find ourselves in the belly of fishes and in the beds of men and on a couch, smoking a bowl of weed and compulsively shopping to make that unsatisfied feeling go away,

but it won’t. only He does that. 

He wants us to listen and trust and be obedient. not plan out of lives, leave Him out of it, say a prayer, and feel good about going to Heaven 

I pray that this message God gave to me (again, while driving. nice) is received in love. all He is is love and all He says is said with love for us. it sounds harsh, but its truth and truth really convicts and hurts at times. it certainly has for me. it has been rocking my world and my core ever since i first came a believer. i love you guys so much and pray for you, always. 

*sidenote: i 100% understand that everyone’s life looks different and God each calls us to something different, but a lot of the things He calls us to aren’t that different. it's all found in His word. i’m not at all pushing that everyone move across country- many are called exactly where you are at home, but what are you doing with your life? do you live only to be comfortable and add a little Jesus with your coffee? I feel like we all need a little wake up call. it’s so easy to get comfortable. it’s so easy to rest in the fact that you have given your life to God and go to church, but you haven’t really given your life to God. we’re lukewarm. we don‘t even think about those who are spiritually dead, who have no idea who Jesus is truly and are suffering. I know it’s a lot, it’s overwhelming, and its a burden that we always given to Jesus. only He saves, but we, as disciples and followers, must understand what being a disciple means (and i’m still learning too) this is me, literally, preaching to myself 2/13/2018

[allbecauseofhim]

cheese eggs

over the course of the holidays, i find it extremely hard to write. i find it extremely hard to express what goes on inside my head some days, that sounds cohesive. a lot has to do with the business of the season. why can’t we seem to make time for the important things? Papa God always tells me to just sit down and talk to Him, He reminds me that i don’t have to write. i don’t have this obligation to write when most days, it is easier to just sit in His presence and pray. i don’t have to do anything- just sit and be with Him. sit and be honest. sit and love Him and let Him love me back.

writing causes you to be honest with yourself because what is the point of lying on paper? it’s not therapy if you’re not being honest. in this season, i’m learning to be honest. i’m learning about pure faith in God’s provision. i’m learning to be a friend to Jesus and to those around me. i’m learning to stop tripping over the stuff Christ died for.

Where can I run from Your presence? Where can I flee from You? Even if I hide on the highest mountain You are there

Where can I run from Your presence? Where can I flee from You? Even if I lie in the lowest valley You will find me there

i don’t necessarily think a lot of the times we, intentionally, run from God. i think we run ourselves so busy that we don’t have time to sit and hear His voice. we don’t make the time to trust Him. so we keep tripping over the same sin, the same heartache, and when the world crashes down on us, we finally sit down and cry out to God, “Help me!!!” “Why have You left me?” but God has never left and He’s there every single day. but when we don’t make the time to hear Him, we become lost. we lose track of the way to go. we decide that our way is better because yo, God isn’t speaking to me so i’ll just do what i think is best. God wants to meet with you so He can pour into you, so you can praise Him before the sun comes up and take that praise throughout the day with you, so you can understand what it feels like to live in the presence of God. where, yes, Jesus is your beautiful Savior, but He is also your friend. you’re washing dishes and you’re full of joy. you love washing dishes. why? because you’re in the presence of Jesus. and this isn’t about feeling; i don’t always “feel” His presence but i know it’s there. i know the Holy Spirit is alive inside of me and He teaches me. He moves me.  you find joy when you’re broke because you see the beauty in the people God created, the ones He has put in your life, and you’re walking with the One who brings life. you stop tripping over the things that you can’t control. you love being broke because with your $7.82, you buy eggs and cheese and make cheese eggs with your friends. y’all have dance parties in the kitchen and drink cup of coffee after cup of coffee. and in that moment, you realize it’s glorious. where you are at right now is glorious. walking with Jesus is glorious. and scary. but beautiful. 

so i guess this is where i’m at. i feel like everyday is a leap of faith and i’m heading to an even bigger leap of faith. that when i finally lay down the crap i’ve been tripping over, i get to look at it through an eternal, heavenly perspective. i realize that Jesus matters. loving people like Jesus matters. being 100% in the present matters. for what do you gain from worrying about tomorrow? what do you gain wanting more and more from the world, all the while you’re losing your soul?

there truly is no massive point that will bring all these paragraphs together. like i said, i’ve had a hard time writing down things in a cohesive manner and that’s okay. God doesn’t teach you sometimes in a way that brings everything together.  so God is speaking to you and here’s what He says:

wake up. wake up and understand those menial things that don’t bring you life are not worth you falling. they bring death to your soul. you get to surrender them to Me and let Me teach you life. I will teach you the beauty of My way. i will teach you to see the beauty in people. to overflow from your rest with Me. I will do all the things you can not. I will provide for you. in your heart, you will know you can do nothing apart from Me. you have this opportunity to know Me, more and more everyday. to quiet the world and hear Me speak, personally, to you. let Me lead you. don’t you know how much I adore you? that I am for you and not against You? is it easier to trust in money and things perishable than Me? I have a deep love for you that I so terribly want you to know, to know that nothing satisfies your soul more. don’t run or hide in the busyness of this life. for this life is not all there is. sit with Me, beautiful child. let’s talk. and wherever you’re at, enjoy your cheese eggs.

nothing compares to Papa God. 

song: On and On by Housefires

[allbecauseofhim]

marriage + kids are not my goals

today, there is this constant pressure to “find the right one.” even most how-to-life books-Christian books even- are on how to cure singleness. as if the goal in this life is to find the right partner. how do you cure singleness? well, get married duh. for a hot minute now, i have not felt that way. i found everyone around me wanting a boyfriend/girlfriend and getting excited to get married one day. you hear “omg goals” and in my head i was like, “not same.” we make it our main life goal and tell ourselves that everything will be better once i have the right man and some kids. …but i have the right Man. my goal is Him. it’s following Him, now before you sigh, roll your eyes, and click off, just listen. i know it sounds corny, but this is what i’ve been going through and i know i can’t be the only one.  i don’t have the biggest urge to have a boyfriend. it’s all been so strange for me- this contentness in myself and God. i’ve heard people say, “i just want God. i’m just so in love with Him that i don’t need someone else to satisfy me.” and i get that. i feel that. we weren’t designed for a man/woman to fulfill us anyway. i pray we all get to that point where our hearts scream that. before i knew God, i loved men. (i still love them but you know what i mean) i wanted a boyfriend and someone there and because i didn’t let God fill the void that only He is meant to fill, i was left scratching for a man to fill it. and baby, let me tell you that it always leaves you empty. i wanted this guy so badly to make me feel whole and he became my entire world, seriously. if him and i weren’t doing so well, or had a fight, my entire day was ruined. imagining not having a guy in my life was scary to me. but now, i’ve been single for two years and i haven’t let anyone else pursue in 5 months and i can’t tell you how okay i am with it. 

when i read Scripture, i didn’t get this idea that singleness was something to be cured. it was actually encouraged. in 1 corinthians 7, paul is responding the questions the new believers in Corinth had at the time. Corinth was wild, y’all. crazy with sex, and sex, and more sex. they worshipped idols and even their temple was a place for prostitutes to do their work. so these new believers obviously had questions on what they should do. paul answered questions on marriage, divorce, and sex in this chapter so i highly recommend you read all of it but at the beginning of the chapter he is saying how it is good to abstain from sexual relations, but because there is so much sexual immortality, each man should have his own wife… he, then, begins to discuss how to fulfull sexual needs (yeah the bible stays juicy) and then, we get to verse 6-7:       “i say this as a concession, not as a command. but i wish everyone               were single, just as i am. yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind to another.”

so we’re kind of like, “okay paul, why is it better to be single???” and we start getting defensive because we just HAVE to get married. but everyone has their own gift-marriage AND singleness are gifts. and no, you don’t just have one or the other, you have both. why do we waste our singleness looking for marriage when the Lord has so much to teach us and show us in that season? why do we waste our time when we could be using it fully devoted and chasing after the King of our lives!? this is so crucial. this world will soon pass away and we spend beautiful time, chasing after some dusty man or woman. seriosuly, dust.

in verse 32-35, IT IS EYE-OPENING and answers our why to paul’s opinion on why it is better to be single:      “i want you to be free from the concerns of this life. an unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please Him. but a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilites and how to please his wife. his interests are divided. in the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit…. i am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. i want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best with as few distractions as possible.” guys used to be and have been a big distraction for me. whenever a guy pursues me and i’m interested, i get really distracted by it. i don’t even stop to ask God what He thinks or if the guy is even supposed to be in my life. in this season, it has been nothing short of testing but so so awesome. devoting and spending time with God and letting the Holy Spirit lead my steps. i’m free from constantly wanting to be married and have kids and to just start a physical family. i don’t feel that at all, and could that change? absolutely. i have desires to adopt and save children one day, however that may look.  but my main goal isn’t that. my goal is: "if any of you wants to be My follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow Me.” (matt 16:24) my goal is: “go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.” (matt 28:19) my goal is Jesus. 

i have friends that are so excited to get married and it’s beautiful, seriously. it makes me so happy to see men chasing God’s heart and daily, becoming like Christ, and thinking about how lucky a woman will be to have him in their life. so, no, please hear me say that marriage is a good thing!!! i’m not hating on it. i’m not saying, guys, if you see a girl and want to pursue then don’t do it, but it is not our main goal. our goal in life- our life, itself- is for God. if you have the desire and you feel God is calling you to that, chasing Him will eventually lead you to your spouse. we just can’t make marriage an idol in our lives. i’m here for those who feel like they’re surrounded by everyone pursuing marriage and in the back of your head, you’re like, “not same.” i feel that. paul felt that. it’s okay. i’m here for those who feel like singleness might or might not feel like a lifelong calling. we don’t have to know all that yet– we just press on and in time, God’s will continue unraveling His plan for your life for His glory. 

keep going after God with all your might. i pray we don’t look to the right or to the left and daily, we aren’t just seeking man and their approval but we stop to do God’s work, for His approval. only His opinion matters. we stop to love people, pray for them, call upon Jesus daily. we aren’t consumed with the pressure of finding the right one but we want to be the right one and just make God number one in our life. we follow Your paths, Dad. we follow the right One. i pray you are Lord of our lives, Lord over all in our lives, espeically our love life. we set our “goals” and desires at Your feet and surrender that to You. do what You will. 

**for a fantastic sermon, where he explains how both marriage and singleness are good (i’ve listened to it twice… its phenomenal) watch, “the Gospel and Singleness” by David Platt http://www.radical.net/sermons/sermons/the-gospel-and-singleness/

[allbecauseofhim]

sex and Jesus coming back

let’s talk about sex. and what we’re afraid to say or do. let’s talk about how we actually often do care more about people’s opinions than God’s. i’m going to tell you what we’re afraid to admit. i’m going to tell you what i’m often afraid to admit

i’m afraid to admit that waiting to have sex is really hard– not impossible– but sometimes it feels like it. i’m afraid to admit that it would just be easier to give in to my flesh. i’m afraid to admit that i’m afraid of following God. i’m afraid to admit that some days i choose to read fiction over God’s Word. i’m afraid to admit that i am terrified of really liking someone and getting serious because i think they’ll hold me back.  i'm afraid to admit that porn has distorted my view of sex. i’m afraid that i’ll be stuck in my hometown. i’m afraid to admit that there are some days where Hillsong or Bethel isn’t my first choice of music… i want a little Nicki or 21 or some old classic Chris Brown. i admit the beats sometimes are real poppin.

and we’re afraid to admit this stuff to people because what??? it makes us look weak??? 

i felt led to write this for two reasons- 1) it’s easy for us to get caught up in thinking someone has it all together and that their relationship with God is perfect. what even is perfect? the word doesn’t even exist. the word is meaningless and the more we seek to reach perfection, the more we fall into Satan’s lie that we’re constantly failing God. if there is one thing that is perfect, it’s God’s holy, unrelenting pursuit of you. and that pursuit is never determined by whether you think you’re failing Him or not.  we have to stop comparing our relationship with God and life with our christian brothers and sisters and the people around us. 2) in this world, i am called to lift up His name. not mine. HE deserves the glory. He is strong. He makes me strong. i- and every human- am weak and not to be praised. we make it common to make people idols and it’s not okay. mainly, this is me at 1am just spilling my thoughts on you guys and hoping it relates. hoping that at the end, like me, you’ll just tell God everything and let Him work it out. that we’ll stop going to our phones for the answers and stop looking up to people on social media and just BE REAL. i am afraid to admit most days that i am earthly minded. everyday i pray God cuts down my pride and makes me get on my knees to just admit that. to admit that i am struggling so bad right now internally and i can’t seem to fix my eyes on Him.

and i get so mad because people are hurting and disaster is around us and all we can think about is ourselves. how we look to others and the things we have. we get so distracted. i get so distracted and for what??? over meaningless stuff.

we walk around without the kingdom of God in mind when it’s what matters most

we walk around and ignore the issues inside of us to look good on the outside. we don’t want to sit with the Father and talk about sex. we don’t want to tell Him how we struggle with porn and looking at everything but His Word. we don’t talk about our petty theft or cheating and lying.  we don’t want to get better. it’s so much easier to just give in to the world.

when Jesus comes back and we see Him. beauty. glory. i don’t have the words to describe what that will be like but i do know this– it will be the only thing that matters.everything else will just be utter nothingness. meaningless just like our strive for perfection. i think i’ll wonder why i didn’t treat every day like the Lord wasn’t right beside me. why i didn’t listen to the people in front of me because i was too distracted by my phone. why i didn’t pay more attention to the needs around me.

i’m not saying let’s beat ourselves up and feel ashamed. definitely not. don’t let the enemy whisper lies of guilt and shame and what-ifs in your head. i just know when i see Jesus in all of His glory… my Best Friend, my Counselor, my Savior, my Father… He will be the only thing that matters. that has ever mattered. 

i want to live everyday like i see Him as such. i want to treat those around me like He is right beside me (and He is) but just imagine if human Jesus walked beside you daily, how would you treat people differently? how would we handle situations differently? would we be more willing to talk things out to Him… to just pray and tell Him what we’re struggling with… to tell Him all the things we’re afraid to admit.  we say, “well i’m not Jesus so i can’t do that” or “well Jesus ain’t really here… i can’t see Him” no, but He empowers you. He guides you and directs you and teaches you His word. He has commanded us and made promises to us. He wants us to be real. to admit things. to throw away the ideal perfection. to obey Him and love Him. Thomas didn’t believe Jesus beat death until He revealed Himself and then Jesus told him, “you believe because you have seen Me. blessed are those who believe without seeing Me.” (john 20:29)  why is it so hard to just focus on Him? to live faithful– like we actually believe in Him? to turn away from our own wants and desires and wishes on how we want to handle things and just turn to Him?

we don’t fear God. and not the fear that makes you afraid to look at Him. the fear the people had when the He healed and cast out demons… the reverant fear of knowing God is mighty and powerful. we act like that Man is dead and not STILL ALIVE. we fear people’s opinions more!!! how crazy is that? as if people’s opinions had the power to take our breath away… to put breath in our lungs. why do we live for others and not God? when the disciples were preaching Jesus to the people when commanded not to, Peter and John were thrown in jail. they were offered a trial before the council. the council members noticed so heavily the boldness in them… the Presence of Jesus. people’s opinion’s didn’t matter to Peter nor John and we see that when the council commanded them to not speak Jesus’ name again. “but Peter and John replied, ‘do you think God wants us to obey you rather than Him?’” (acts 4:1-22) why do we act as if our boyfriend is our savior? why do we give substances the power over us as if they endured torture and died an excruciating painful death for the people that spit in His face and rubbed dirt in His bleeding wounds? my boyfriend didn’t. so why is he the center of my world? sex didn’t. so why do i think about it and let it control my mind? drugs didn’t. so why do i give it authortiy over my life and over my days? my job didn’t. my friends didn’t. 

i’m learning to not be afraid to admit the things that scare me. the things i’m struggling with. i’m learning to talk to Jesus about everything because He yearns for that so much. i’m learning to everyday not be ruled by earthly things but eternity. i’m learning who my Savior really is and fixing my eyes that Way. i’m learning to accept and love every part of growing in Christ. especially when it’s hard and uncomfortable and more than anything, humbling. 

so hey, talk to God about sex. about what you’re afraid to say or do. talk about how you care more about people’s opinions than God’s. tell Him it all. He’ll give you the answers, the path, the people you need. always.

[allbecauseofhim]

the Bible is a chocolate thing

there was this girl, Penny, who was an atheist. she was a thinker and a humanitarian. she cared about the rights of people and dispelled Christianity. to her, it was a bunch of judgment. to her the religion generated the Crusades, funded the Republicans, and fathered religious television that made people feel worse about themselves. when she thought of Christianity, she didn’t think of Jesus. she didn’t think of love and acceptance.  but she met a girl, who quickly became her friend. the author telling the story said the two girls couldn’t have been more different but still, Nadine and Penny became friends. Penny couldn’t believe Nadine was a Christian. Nadine was intelligent and kind and cared so much about Penny’s past and story without judgement. Penny began to wonder if this thing that Nadine believed in could actually like her after all.  so Penny became interested in it and Nadine asked if she wanted to go through the book of Matthew with her, just to see what it was all about. Penny said,  “we would eat chocolates and smoke cigarettes and read the Bible, which is the only way to do it, if you ask me. The Bible is so good with chocolate. i always thought the Bible was more of a salad thing, you know, but it isn’t. it is a chocolate thing. we started reading through Matthew, and i thought it was all very interesting, you know. and i found Jesus very disturbing, very straightforward. He wasn’t diplomatic, and yet i feel like if i met Him, He would really like me. i can’t explain how freeing that was, to realize that if i met Jesus, He would like me.”

i’ve read this story over and over today because i can’t seem to get past it. i’ll read it and smile and sometimes cry a little bit each time. i find myself praying and talking to God about it and scanning the book of Matthew, imagining reading it the first time and what was going through Penny’s head. i thought about the first time i picked up the Bible, a little over a year ago, and decided to see what it was all about. i remember hating Christians or the thought of religion. i could do what i wanted and think what i wanted. i thought, “why do Christians hate people? why do they hate... everything?” i had God all wrong. i had this walk with Jesus all wrong. i learned with some really great people, sort of like Nadine, and me simply reading Jesus’ words myself that i had it wrong and a lot of people, Christians included, had it all wrong and sometimes displayed Christianity itself all wrong. i often- most days- get it all wrong.

i don’t want to be the kind of person that refines God’s Word to a clean Bible and a neat lunch. i want it to be messy. i want to cry at God’s grace because we’ve all messed up so bad and it’s okay. i want the person in front of me to have questions and be skeptical, because they have been hurt in the past. they’ve felt judged and condemned in the past. people have taught them wrongful things about God in the past- that God hates them and is disgusted by them, that there is no going back, that God doesn’t really care about their feelings, just that they don’t drink or smoke, don’t have sex before marriage, don’t cuss or kill people; so of course, it’s understandable that they’re skeptical and mad. i want them to ask questions, smoking a cigarette or drinking a beer and know that i’m not judging them. and i hate that Christians are seen as judgmental. i hate that people feel like Jesus would sit in front of them and judge them instead of talking to them about their past and problems and hopes and dreams. i hate that people feel so alone, that God isn’t walking beside them.

i want acceptance and love and non-judgement- Jesus Himself- sitting right there at that table or on that floor or in that dirt with us.

let’s stop refining following Jesus as this clean, pristine thing where Christians only come together to meet other Christians who have it all together. let’s stop pretending we have it all together. 

let’s stop interrupting people who have questions about God because we’re offended that they’re questioning God

let’s start listening. let’s stop telling strangers who could care less about our opinions everything they are doing wrong and tell them about God- about our Best Friend, our Dad, our Helper- who has changed everything for us because His love is wild and crazy and not boring and not Him putting a bunch of rules on us. it’s this real love that deep inside, every human craves because God put it there. let’s tell them about that God- the personal One that came for each individual one of us. the One that came for me when i smoked on the weekends and sometimes would get drunk and fall asleep in my driveway and have sex with a boy who was sort of my boyfriend but would never say so and disrespect my mom and cuss people out. that despite all that, He met me and came for and told me He was proud of me and still wanted me to come Home. yeah, He’s my Dad and didn’t approve of what i was doing but He never stopped loving me. He loved me more because of it. He still wanted me to be His daughter. He told me that despite all that, i could be clean and i could follow Him and know what real love looked like. let’s walk out acceptance toward people and open arms. let’s walk out this Jesus love.

Penny continuted and said, “i never felt like that about some of the Christians on the radio [that they would like me] i always thought if i met those people they would yell at me. but it wasn’t like that with Jesus. there were people He loved and people He got really mad at, and i kept identifying with the people He loved, which was really good, becayse they were all the broken people, you know, the kind of people who are tired of life and want to be done with it, or they are desperate people, people who are outcasts or pagans. there were others, regular people, but He didn’t play favorites at all, which is miraculous in itself. that fact alone may have been the most supernatural thing He did. He didn’t show partiality, which every human does.”

Penny was right. the Bible isn’t a salad thing. Jesus isn’t a salad thing. He’s a chocolate thing. 

[allbecauseofhim]

play.

i’m in college and so there’s that obvious question. you know what i’m talking about. the question is pie if you know what you love so deeply and you’ve known since you were 9 that you wanted to be a doctor, ballerina, CEO, preacher, etc. i think thats amazing, it really is. but then there are some of us who kind of squirm at the unnessecary pressure the question brings:

what are you going to do for the rest of your life

whatsyourmajorhaveyouthoughtaboutwhereyouwanttotransfer???

all my life, i think i’ve always seen or thought that there is the things that you love and are passionate for... and then there is your job. i don’t think God intended for it to be that way. i don’t see the reason to wake up everyday, with the God of Life by your side and you’re doing a job you hate or aren’t passionate about. God put things in us, those things that when you do them, your soul kinda lights up. it comes alive. makes you excited. you feel in your element. theres a purpose in that. i don’t think our passions should be our side hobby while a job we hate gets the limelight in our life.

so the question. i’ve been asked over and over and so here i’ve been praying to God to give me the answers. God, just tell me what you want me to do!!! at work, i was having a talk with one of my managers about how i’m worried about it. i said, “what if i make the wrong decision?” she said- and i’ll never ever forget it- “paige, sometimes we stress and worry about the right or wrong career path to take and we forget one of the most important rules in this short life: to play.”  to play. this world is our playground, and i don’t mean that in a “don’t have goals and do whatever you want” but it reminds me of this: “come now, you who say, “today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. what is your life? for you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. instead you ought to say, “if the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” (james 4:13-16) we are worried about a tomorrow- boasting in a tomorrow- that might not come. and we’re losing our TODAY because of it. we’re losing a today with God that He is giving us. He hasn’t given us tomorrow yet. we’re losing God’s plan for today. His plan doesn’t start when we finally choose a major or decide where we want to go career wise. His plan for us is today. why are we wasting our today worrying about tomorrow. play. play in this life, and yes, there are serious moments. but give with all your hearts without fear. love with all your hearts and don’t regret when the love isn’t reciprocated back but run to the Giver or Love. get up one day and decide to road trip to the Grand Caynon or wake up at 6am just to drink coffee at Waffle House with your friends. spend a month in Italy. i believe God appreciates and adores when we take this life and just make the most out of everyday. when we see life as a daily adventure to play with Him. i work at a grocery store, and no, i won’t be here forever but right now, as i finish up community college in my hometown, this is God’s plan for me. i have people, individual people around me, that i’m called to love extra hard and give to and focus on and that is God’s plan. for me to grow closer to Him and point those people to Him and go on adventures and just give and love and be filled and be okay that i don’t have all the answers.  there’s not a formula to this thing. there is no perfect way. there’s only life and your passions and a God that is in the midst of it all, leading you, going on this crazy adventure with you. i’m narrowing down colleges and considering my passions in it all (please consider your passions. God put those in you for a purpose!!!) and i’m praying, but God says- like He says to me all the time- “do not fear. do not worry.”

i will not fear or worry that i’ll make the wrong decision because i won’t and you won’t. let me say it again, with God at your right hand, you will not be shaken. you will not make the wrong decision. keep letting Him lead you.

that doesn’t mean we won’t mess up or make mistakes, but thats all the more exciting. the need for God. the need to laugh at yourself and learn a lesson and let Dad pick us up and dust us off. we won’t get it right every time, but we won’t get it wrong either.  we don’t know what we’re doing, lets be honest, none of us. and we don’t really know how to do life or who to be and what the heck is insurance and why does it cost so much??? and sometimes as a girl, hello hollaaaa at my ladies with hearts on fire, i have lots of feelings and emotions all the time about everything. so it’s vital for me that i know and lean on this truth:

even though i have no idea what i’m doing, i follow a God that does. 

and once God settled this in my heart, the “do not worry” verse comes alive for me and i hear God say, “play” more often. sometimes this life- and God’s plan- is Him inviting us to play.  but paige, for real, what are you going to do with your life? i can just say, “serve God. play with Him.” but my parents would get annoyed with me real quick so here’s my answer for today... since it’s all i’m promised... there are those things God put in me to love, that i was created for, that makes my heart go on fire my soul, my design-- a love for literature, books, seeing the joy on someone’s face when they finally “get” something or learn something, traveling, seeing someone free in Jesus, learning about people’s lives and what brought them to where they are, giving, the idea of going somewhere new without a plan, laughing, dancing... and so my life could look like a lot of things. i could write a book or go backpacking through europe. i could become a teacher in the States or in Uganda. i could be a missionary. i could work in a spanish speaking country and salsa til i die. i could work in a karaoke bar and belt out Stevie Nicks and listen to drunk people tell me how their life sucks just so i can pray for them afterwards. i could help run a homeless shelter. i could be a nurse. or a ballerina if i start stretching now. God says I can be anything. and so can you. but let’s not worry so much about a tomorrow that isn’t promised. let’s focus on the anything we can be and do today. 

[allbecauseofhim]

own less; minimalism and the bible pt. 1

i’m going through this... time. i’ve felt this way for a long time now. if i’m being honest, i get really heated about it and it might come through as i write. towards the end, i’ll be sharing my personal journey through owning less. i pray that You, Dad, take ahold of this post and shine through it and it is not just merely my opinion.

so i’m going to make a bold statement: we undermine Jesus’ words. we make His words say what we want them to say, stick them in a perfect little box, and put a pretty little bow on top.  i wonder what would happen if when we actually opened our Bible and asked the Holy Spirit to help us understand, and then read His words and took His words literally, what would happen. what if we actually lived a live where we took Jesus’s commands seriously?

a very popular story: luke 18:18-23. in my Bible, it’s titled Jesus Counsels the Rich Young Ruler. i’ll sum it up: a ruler asked Jesus, “Good Teacher, what can i do to inherit eternal life?” Jesus said, (i’m paraphrasing) “You follow all the commandmants in the Law of Moses (that was required of Jews) but you lack something... sell all that you have and give it to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; come, follow me.” but the man was very rich and he loved his earthly, material possessions and he got really sad.  very boldy, Jesus said, “sell everything. give to the poor. then you will have tresure in heaven. come follow me.”  aren’t we like the rich young ruler? we don’t want to give up our things. we don’t really want to give the poor our pairs of shoes even when we have 10 pairs because certains ones go with certain outfits, and oh wait, we have abundance of clothes and outfits that we might one day wear so we can’t actually give them away. we don’t really want to follow Jesus. we just want to dress really nice and go to church on Sundays, attract a nice godly spouse, occasionally read our Bibles, occasionally pray when our heart is broke or someone is mean to us, occasionally pray for that high paying job that we will one day hate because God didn’t tell us to go after it, but we’ll get the job and the spouse and we’ll live in a really nice house and give $100 to the poor every once in a while and feel really good. what a life ya know as i read about the rich young ruler, i cross referenced other verses where Jesus talks about possessions:  *do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. (matthew 6:19-20) theres that command again... do not store up possessions but treasures in heaven hmmm. *luke 12:33 says, “sell your possessions and give to the poor. provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys”

now, is this to say that we all must be dirt cheap because we give all of our money and house and car away to the poor? no. not at all. we are able to give because we have, right? there is nothing wrong with things or money... just making it an idol, wrongful love of it, and storing it up here on earth for self- righteousness. “then he said to them, “watch out! be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” (luke 12:15)

in Timothy it says not to be so arrogant and put our hope in wealth because it is uncertain. but to put your hope in God who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. wow. God gives and our hope should be in Him and seeking Him. we value money and possessions over everything, because we listen to the world’s voice that we must have more and look a certain way and have this big of a house to define success. we don’t value God. our heart is not with God. its with the world. we’re chasing the american dream that’s not really a dream!!! think about that. 

we miss the splendor of a true abundant life... we miss the splendor of God because of stuff

stuff is weighing us down. we miss it all sometimes- true life. beauty and laughter and legit the SPLENDOR OF GOD because we idolize things. we idolize our phones or the people with all the stuff in our phones. and it kills me. i often want to take all of the bull crap things we think will make us happy and dump it in the ocean (but the ocean is too pretty for that i know i know).  we know things don’t fulfill us. we know money doesn’t buy happiness. so why are we still stuck in it? why do we constantly let it decieve us? we get old and we haven’t experienced anything and barely grown in our relationship with God and we can’t just travel because we have this massive house full of things that hold us back. why do we do that?

i think more than anything my heart longs for what we lost: pure, simple life with God. lets take it back to a better time... in Paradise. in Genesis, God created Adam and Eve and they lived in the Garden of Eden with Him. He talked to them. communed with them. watched them grow. they got to dance and laugh with God and eat all the fruit they wanted. they got to run around naked and not worry about clothes... dude, WHAT A TIME!!! and then, of course, we know what happened. they chose against God and were kicked out to toil and work for food and such on earth. i’m sure immediately they realized the mistake they made. it wasn’t the end, God knew, and He had a plan from the beginning, but still... deep down i- and alot of us- long to be that free as they were in the Garden with God... not held captive by earthly materialism and possessions. our souls want to be in Paradise, and to just be with God.

and yet, we still buy the stuff we don’t need and want the stuff we can’t afford and work at job we hate to get the stuff we can’t afford and don’t need

and FOR WHAT???(told y’all i get heated)

for it all to be left on earth when we die? for us to never get to experience the abundance of life with Jesus? to let the stuff just sit there collecting dust after we realize it doesn’t fulfill us? 

Jesus was a fan of minimalsim. He was an advocate for owning less because He knew true abundance came in owning less and putting you heart in God and not things. we want the extra money for the extra shoes... but what kind of shift would happen when we saved our money and used it to buy a need for someone else that can’t afford it? how would our lives looked if we stopped owning so much and really decided to chase after God and the dreams He has put in our hearts? and owning less isn’t having bare walls and bare rooms and backpacking the world (unless that is what you’re being led to... that’s freaking awesome) it looks different for everyone. owning less, and minimalism in general is owning the things that you really need and bring you actual joy. its owning less so you can give more which i promise, is one of the greatest joys (i’m going to write part 2 of this on giving so whoop whoop)

this is the part where i talk about myself and my journey through this lalala... here we go!!! 

i’m guily of all the things above. i’ve wanted to own more and chase after the American dream and go after the money even though that’s not what God leads me to do. i’ll share and update gradually where i am on my personal journey that God is taking me on of giving more, owning less, wanting less, seeking God more, etc. why am i so passionate about it? when i first read the scriptures, my heart was convicted and i wanted to take them literally. sometimes sermons are preached on the “sell everything” verse and they say, “oh Jesus is just talking about get rid of everything internally that’s effecting your life negatively. it has nothing to do with your actual material possessions.” and the church breathes a sigh of relief and they go, “good, i didn’t actually want to have to start owning less stuff.” and that’s sad to me. Jesus has alot to say about selling everything and money and having your heart in material possessions and i deeply encourage you to seek them out yourself and let the Spirit convict you and speak to you personally. i realized very quickly things didn’t make me happy and i didn’t just want more possessions in my life time. i didn’t want a big house. i didn’t want lots of nice shoes. i wanted God. i wanted an abundant life. God put a desire for travel and experience and people and spreading the Good News in my heart. so that’s what i want to chase. i pray that’s what i put my money and energy to, for the long run, for the Kingdom. i long for the eternal life Jesus talks about. and i know He wants to take us all on an adventure if we let Him.

for the past three months, i’ve refused to buy myself clothes and shoes, and i’ll continue to this for a while... who knows how long. i’ve given it to the Lord. the desire to buy myself anything i don’t really need is fleeting and also freeing. simply because i have clothes and things. multiple shirts and dresses and jeans and shorts and shoes. and it’s absolutely ridiculous to me to own so much of just clothing when my money could be going to something more worthwhile or something i can actually experience. i’ve given bags full away of clothes that i just never wore/ didn’t need and i’ll continue doing so gradually as the Lord leads. however, if anyone knows me, they know, i own a lot of books. one of my greatest joys in the entire world is reading. i have a love for charachters and words and conversations and getting to see another person’s point of view. i can’t even begin to explain it. i love reading really great books and then giving them to people i meet so they can enjoy them too because whats the point of a book if it’s not being read? it is such a PLEASURE of mine to share good books with people, something i have a great desire for. i get alot of books from the library and lately, i’m making it a habit that if i really want a book, i buy it cheaply used. (amazon has used books for sometimes 99 cents holla). so this owning less thing isn’t saying we just can’t spend money on things we enjoy or love, but i have to ask myself, “am i storing possessions because my heart is attached to them? do i really enjoy this item that i am keeping? could i walk away from it if God asked me to?” with books, i am not storing them up for any purpose. i’ve just accumulated lots of books over the years and i simply enjoy them. i would give all of them away in a heart beat and leave them behind if the Lord told me to move to Central America tomorrow. it’s all about where your heart is at. sometimes when i want a book, the Lord pushes “no” because my money is needed elsewhere. 

i’m also currently dying my hair pink and it’s a long process because i have dark brown hair so it’s taking multiple sessions to bleach my hair. i’ve been saving up money for it because pink hair is something i’ve always wanted to have and experience and hey, i’m young and 19... its either now or never so i’m doing it and i’m okay with it. i’m even believing God can use it for His glory and bring some unusual people in my midst to talk to. ya know know. 

again, with all of this, i pray that you are praying and being led in all things.

so i ask, where is your heart? is it with the world and in possessions or with God? are you chasing the american dream or God’s plans for your life? 

-book recommendation on minimalism: the more of less: finding the life you want under everything you own by joshua becker 

-documentary on minimalism: minimalsim: a documentary on important things *its on Netflix!!!

-youtube recommendation on minimalism and the bible: “minimalism and the bible” youtuber: samantha lindsey

[allbecauseofhim]

i am a child

i believe i’ve mentioned that one of my favorite things is driving alone… which is funny because i had the biggest fear of driving for years (legit. i refused to get my license until i was 18) so i love that what was once a fear God now uses to talk to me and for my great joy. some days, all i want to do is scream and dance to songs with the windows down. sometimes i want it completely silent. a lot of the times, especially after driving home from a great night out, i love to pray and reflect on the time with the Lord. pray for the people i was just with, the conversations we had, the seeds that were planted, and such.

God led me to write about our talk in the car and what He has been teaching me daily about it so here we go… another lesson from my Dad.

yell if you have ever had someone- a parent or someone in authority- tell you “stay in a child’s place” it was kind of a punch back then… we were grown up dang it. how dare they tell us to stay in a child’s place. but as i get older, and if you’re a parent you know the reason behind this, there are certain attributes about a child, a certain innocence and joy and love and faith and simple forgiveness that we don’t want squashed out by the world. there are certain things children aren’t allowed to watch or hear or engage in, because it could possibly stamp out their beautiful attributes and we want to protect them as long as possible.

that is what God has been saying to me:

stay like a child, My child, My daughter. My beloved.

as followers of Jesus, we are God’s children.“but to all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God–”  (john 1:12) “for you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus.” (galatians 3:26) therefore, there are certain things God protects us from and doesn’t want us engaging in or listening to. granted, we don’t always listen to Him and we follow the desires of our flesh and do so anyway. but in Galatians 5:16, it says, “walk in the Spirit and you shall not fulfull the lusts of the flesh.”this has been an ongoing lesson for me: walking in the Spirit and learning to listen to my convictions. when you want to watch porn, you hear the Holy Spirit say, “no.” when you want to sleep in all day, but you know you have responsibilities and the Holy Spirit urges, “get up.” when you want to pop off at your boss because he corrected you rudely and the Holy Spirit says, “don’t. just breathe. let Me respond with love.” frequent convictions of mine have been to cut out social media because i’ll choose my phone over digging into the Word. and watching a vulgar TV show that is quenching my Spirit the entire time. you’ll get convicted and as you spend more time in His word and ask Him to search you, He’ll bring to light the things that do not need to be in His children’s life.it’s amazing. this protective Father we have.i was relaying to a friend how hard it was sometimes to cut off the bad things, the things i’m convicted about, whether it be music or TV or people or food, and she reminded me of a sign she had passed recently:

remember the sacrifice,

it said shoutout to lauren grier- shes a freaking star. but she reminded me that God gave up His SON for us and when He convicts us to give up certain things in our life, we complain and don’t want to do it. Jesus sacrificed. and this life calls for many sacrifices. “deny yourself” (matthew 16:24). how illogical is it that we can’t even give up small things in comparison to the sacrifice Jesus made for us? once you follow your convictions, have faith that God has a purpose for them. He knows what you need and don’t need. trust and listen to the Holy Spirit. He is your Guide.

on that car ride through this discussion on being like a child, this verse was plainly laid on my heart:

and he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. (matthew 18:3)

i’ve read it before, but this time it hit wow.

growing up, we get so cold. so cynical. where’s the joythe lovethe imagination and adventurethe simple forgivenessthe faithof a childGod says become like that.that doesn’t mean we aren’t wise and we just do things impulsively. God speaks so much about the value of wisdom… theres a whole book of Proverbs about wisdom. Ecclesiastes 7:12 says, “but the excellence of knowledge is that wisdom gives life to those who have it.” we need wisdom, espeically godly wisdom. wisdom gives life (i wrote a post about wisdom… if you want to check it out. it’s even king solomon was a mess…) and unless you change your ways and become like little children, you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven… our hearts… are to be like a child’s. completely trusting in our Father

children believe they can be whatever they want:

the presidenta muscianan engineer at NASAwriterathletetrapeze artistthe options are endless and they believe it. they have complete undying FAITH you accidently hurt them and in five seconds, they FORGIVE and are telling you how much they love you

they find JOY in paper plates and grass

they LOVE people beyond what there eyes can see

they DANCE when no one is dancing with them God is saying unless you change your ways and become like little children, you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven.

// become like little children. stay like a child, My child. My daughter. My son. My beloved //

[allbecauseofhim]

[allbecauseofhim]

i’m thirsty and God is laughing at me

deep within each of us is a heart and desire for love and companionship with our Creator, and it cannot be satisfied by any thing but him... the Lover of our souls.

psalm 42:2-- David thirsts for God and like being parched, you want nothing but the purity and satisfaction of water. David says, “my soul thirsts for God, for the living God. when can I go and meet with God?” WHEN, he cries. when can i meet with the beautiful, God Almighty whom my soul thirsts for? we long for God, but how often do we completely ignore Him altogether and His invitation  to come meet with Him, and believe we simply need other things?

and then.... we’re sad when we’re disappointed we’re shocked when we’re not satisfied we’re confused as to why it didn’t measure up to our expectations

we’re under a disillusion that things of this world- things, humans- can fill us. we choose them because they’re in front of us and it’s easy. it looks good. once we get what we think we want or need, we’re disappointed. it’s not what we expected.

God is saying, “you’re disappointed because you didn’t let Me fill you. you didn’t let Me lead you. become Mine and go where I go.” how often do we disillude ourselves? we see movies on sex and marriage, and we want that. but we realize that one night stands aren’t that fun and fulfilling. once we get married, realization hits that it’s not a honeymoon all the time. we’re rushing to get married and not be single when there is so much God wants to show and teach you while He is all you’re focused on. He wants you to be with Him and accept the love He offers first. we desire sex outside of marriage because “it’s impossible to wait” “i gotta test drive the car first” and we watch these movies and read these books, and it looks so passionate and we begin to believe “it can’t hurt anything,” but again, maybe... just possibly... it’s just a disillusion.  we ignore God’s words because it’s not like He knows anything, right? it’s not like He created us and knows what we need and don’t need and when we need it, right?

“... yet in her trembling, miserable little heart, she did love Him, even if He asked the impossible, she could not refuse.” -Hinds’ Feet on High Places what’s the “impossible” you’re facing? what’s so impossible for you, right now? feelings? the next step in your life? can the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit not help you face you’re impossible and conquer it quick prayer break!!! help us to follow You, even though it seems impossible. help whoever is reading this to be obedient, flourishing them in the knowledge that You DELIGHT in them so much to deliver them, Your follower, from all the impossible’s they face and take them to Higher Places, no feelings compare to how You felt on that cross. no sexual desire or thing or human compares to the amount of feeling and love and want You have to save us from ourselves. help us to thirst for You... to long to sit at Your feet and to long to be obediant to You. to face the impossible’s with You. thank you, Dad, for loving us, for never failing.  i love fiction and i daydream like crazy. but through that, i’ve learned that i don’t ever want to get to a place where i’m stuck on the disillusionment of things, or on the other side of that, where i feel like my dreams are so far off that i can’t do them... especially when i know God is with me and ahead of me.  i don’t ever just want to do something where i don’t make the time to stop to ask God to give me vision and to help me see reality. it’s easy to get caught up in moments.  and i forget to stop, often. i do things impulsively without ever asking God first and i wonder what went wrong. i wonder why i’m left unsatisfied. have you ever been so excited to get something like a good book or a pair of shoes and once it arrives, it’s exciting. after a while though, the excitement is gone and you’re on to the next new thing that gets you excited.

God gives you an everlasting excitement... a joy that surpasses understanding... a reason to wake up.

you get excited to wake up just to talk to Him. your soul thirsts for His word. you get excited to do life with Him. but hey, let’s not disillude ourselves. there are days where you’re exhausted and overwhelmed, and you’re just not feeling it. days you don’t want to spend time with Him or let the Holy Spirit lead you. and that’s okay. push through it, prayerfully. i can’t express the gratitude i have for the mercy and unending grace God gives. He know we’re hard headed and fickle and emotional. He’ll get you through the feelings. no stress. He’ll meet you. “the process toward victory starts with just being willing to begin... step out in obediance to His voice, He will meet us at that place of obedience.” pray through the tough days and He’s patting your back, silently giggling at how moody you are. together, Ya’ll got this.  on my bad days, i pray God renews me more and helps me to see joy in each moment... to see Him in each moment... and before i know it, we’re laughing together or i’m just being laughed at. my best friend, Steven, makes fun of me a lot, especially about my accent, and laughs at me constantly, and i see God so much in that. i think that’s another disillusionment we have; that God doesn’t laugh or want us to do so. God created laughter, dude. He’s not some stoic Guy sitting in the sky, waiting on us to just mess up, He is walking with us, yes, waiting for us to mess up (because it will come,, everyday for me) and He picks us up, dusts us off, and helps us laugh about it and teaching us in our failures. laugh with Him. let’s look at a major disillusionment that the Pharisees and religious rulers had about what the awaited Messiah would look like.  they had it all planned out in their head... He was coming to condemn the sinners and become the king over the military and political mess there in Jerusalem. you already have your future planned out too.

but then God sent Jesus, the merciful Prince of Peace. the Pharisees were shocked and disappointed. Jesus showed love to sinners. He had relationships with people. He got dirty. He didn’t care about war and politics. He was there to spread the Word of the Kingdom, to heal, to save, to fulfill the Law of Moses that the Jews clung so hard to, to give guidance, and to ultimately path a way for us. the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6) He had no beauty to His appearance that attracted people, He was despised, He took up our pain and suffering, He was oppressed and afflicted and did not open His mouth to those causing Him pain (Isaiah 53). that is not the picture of the Messiah that the Pharisees had.

God will shock you and He’ll disrupt your disillusions and plans... the map you have in your head.

but it’s always better. His way... His plan... is always better. He’s molding you into who He made you to be. don’t leave Him out. don’t choose the world over Him. ask Him for eyes to see. you may think you don’t need Jesus.  you may think you’re ready for marriage and God is like, “lol no beloved, not now. just be patient.” you think that girl you’re with is your wife, even though you know the Holy Spirit is saying no, and you’re afraid to let go because you can’t let go of your plan and embrace God’s. i’m learning through our disillusionment and disappointments that God is teaching. failing is really needed sometimes. a wake up call. a surprise to let you know you’re not in control and that you’re thirsty for God. you don’t have to strive for a perfect future. you can’t mess up God’s plan. “but if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God." (Acts 5:39) you cannot stop it if it is from God. so just sit at His feet. drink from the Living Water and be obediant. it’s humbling, it truly is. get low, lower still. at His feet. 

[allbecauseofhim]

today i rest in knowing God is God, and I am not.