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[allgodschildrenlgbtchristian]

Hey, I live in a very Christian family, and I would like someone to talk to. I feel really devistated, knowing that if I came out, I might not be loved. Not gonna come out, like, ever to my family, but can I have some reasons why I can be LGBTQIAP+ and still be a faithful Christian? Would appreciate the validation. Asking around to some blogs.

Hey sweetie,

I'm really sorry you are going through this. It's a really tough situation to be in but you're not alone.

First of all, let me say that coming out is your choice. The how, when, if and to who is all up to you. If you don't want to come out to your family, that is a valid choice. But that being said, it's very important to find a support system of some kind, be it your friends, a queer book club, a therapist, or an actual support group. The internet is good for a lot of that, especially if you're still living at home, but I would greatly encourage you to find a consistent group of people you can speak with face to face( or on zoom or something because ya know the global pandemic and all!)

As for your faith, you can absolutely still be a faithful Christian and be part of the LGBT+ community. Existing as who you are is not a sin. I know it's hard to take a stranger's word on it but I promise you there are a great number of faithful people who love god and who they are, who live happy and fulfilled lives while celebrating and embracing their faith. Again, if you're able, looking into affirming churches in your area, or that do online groups you can join. I also highly recommend reading affirming theology. There are a great number of author's like Matthew Vines and Nadia Boltz Weber who are vocally supportive of lgbt+ christians and have written books and articles on the subject.

I know it's tough, I know it's scary, but you are made exactly as you were meant to be. You are not wrong for what you feel. You are loved, even if you're family doesn't make you feel that way right now.

-Mod A

[allgodschildrenlgbtchristian]

I'm at the end of the road where my ability ends and God's begins. I'm seventeen, mtf trans, I grew up in the church, I believe in God and the resurrection, but I feel like I keep crying out and I get no response. You know, there are countless youtube videos about how "oh I stubbed my elbow when I was six and it really hurt but when I cried out to God and asked him for help he rescued me" but I get nothing. What should I do?

I’m sorry you are going through this honey. It’s soul crushing, to feel like you’re breaking an no one hears you. But I think growing up evangelical, we internalize this idea that God listening looks a certain way and if we don’t get that, it’s because of our personal failure. I used to believe that. But as I’ve gotten older, i don’t think that’s true anymore. I think that God shows himself in people, in the connections we create between each other. You are not alone in this world, and you’re struggles are real and their are people who love you, and want you to be safe. Who want to help you on this journey, and help you be the person you are. Trans lifeline, Glaad, Trans Youth Equality Foundation, and Ok2BME are all great places to find people and resources to help. You are joyfully and wonderfully made, darling, never forget that

[allgodschildrenlgbtchristian]

Hi. I don’t really know how to say this, but I’ll try. : I’m 17, a devoted Christian, and lgbt+. I’ve come out/been outed multiple times to my parents and every time it’s been awful. So I’ve decided to start pretending I’m “normal” again. They mostly believe me now, but I’m scared. I’m moving away soon. How do I start living as a lgbt+ person when my parents think it was a phase? How do I avoid being unable to come back home? How do I be 100% me without losing 100% of my family AND friends?.....

First of all, I’m so sorry that you are having to deal with all this. I know it’s a lot to weigh on your mind, and I wish i could give you a cut and dry answer. But having been in your shoes, “pretending” to be normal around my parents while trying to find my most authentic self, all i can offer you is honesty and solidarity. I can tell you that leaving home is often the first big step, I love my family very much, but I was in the closet to them for almost a decade after I was out to everyone else. My biggest piece of advice is, where ever you’re going, find an inclusive church, find an lgbt+ support group or GSA. Those were huge resources to me when I left home. There are people out there who get what you’re going through. College allowed me to explore myself and create a support group of people who understood me and what i was going through. I know it’s scary, that feeling of isolation and loneliness but I promise you, you’re going to meet a lot of new people who will understand you.  Being out isn’t an all or nothing game, and no one gets to tell you how you get to approach it, who you have to be out to, and when you have to do it. I am by no means telling you NOT to be your most authentic self to your family, I’m only saying that it’s okay to do what you have to do to keep yourself mentally and physically safe. I’m 30 and i only came out/started acknowledging my queerness around my family a couple of years ago, because I was finally in a place mentally/emotionally/financially where I could handle the push back I knew they were going to give me. It’s not right, that that’s a thing we have to go through, but that’s why you find people who understand you, people who will support you in those choices and have your back when you’re feeling lost. I know it’s easy to feel scared and overwhelmed right now, i did at your age too. But i know you’re going to find your group, your people, and when you do they will give you the courage and support to do what you feel is right.

Mod A

[allgodschildrenlgbtchristian]

A few months ago I came out to my friend that I'm bi. She told me she is bi too. We came out to the rest of the friend group together. That was a few months ago. Since then she had lost contact with us because her phone was taken away. When we regained contact we began talking again. I was talking about how I was scared of my family's reaction for when I later come out. She started on how I don't really know that I'm bi. That it's just a choice and that God cant be around sin in heaven. Part 1

She started on how nobody is really gay or bi. They are just confused and lost. How the reason I think I'm bi is I just want to be liked. I feel betrayed rn. I though she understood. She is my friend and I love her but this really hurts bad.

I am so sorry you are going through this love. Honestly, it sounds like you friend has been internalizing some homophobic messages likely given to her by family or other adults while she was out of contact with her friend group. Those messages can be strong and persuasive and make you doubt your reality. It’s gas lighting and it’s sadly something a lot of young queer people in religious circles are put through. I know you are worried about your friend and hurting. If there is an adult in your life that you trust being out to, maybe think about sharing the situation with them. It could be a trusted teacher, a family member, the parent of a friend. Know that you’re friends love and support you. I know it’s easy to feel scared and betrayed right now, but I promise you there is nothing wrong with you. You are not a bad or sinful person because you are bi. The world is a scary place and I know there are a lot of people telling you otherwise, but you are just as God meant you to be. Honesty isn’t always easy but I promise you, in the long run, it’s worth the hardship, because you will know who you are. It sounds to me like you’re friend might be struggling with that herself. I know it’s hard but all you can do at this point is stand your ground and let her know you’ll be there for her if she needs you. But remember, you do not have to hide yourself for someone else’s comfort. God made you exactly as you are. 

[allgodschildrenlgbtchristian]

Can I please talk to you about something?

Of course! Our inbox is always open

[allgodschildrenlgbtchristian]

I want queer folks who have been told by the church that their sexuality is offensive to God to know that God is not ashamed of her children. Not only that, but your queerness is a gift the church needs. Like Phillip needed the Ethiopian Eunuch – only a queer eye could notice something as queer as water in a desert. We need you to show us what we can’t see, and you deserve love and sexual flourishing as much as anyone does. I want that knowledge to bless you.

Nadia Bolz-Weber

[allgodschildrenlgbtchristian]

Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Christians are not outsiders or enemies of the Church. They are the Church. And they are leading Her to a more hopeful, inclusive, and gospel-centered future. Will you join me and follow their lead?

Rachel Held Evans

[allgodschildrenlgbtchristian]

Like, our stance towards exclusionary theology should not be “well actually if we look in the Bible we can see that it never actually forbids being gay,” but instead “how fucking dare you presume to delimit God’s love? What blasphemous arrogance could have possibly led you to where you are? When did you start worshipping your own image in place of the Divine?” 

[allgodschildrenlgbtchristian]

I'm sorry you lost someone that mattered so much to you. I am incredibly grateful as a queer Christian that she used her voice to advocate for my community. In fact, I heard so many wonderful things about her on Twitter that I ordered Inspired and A Year of Biblical Womanhood and I really look forward to reading them :)

You know, sometimes I wonder if I’m all out of tears, but this ask brought it to me.  But…you know, good tears.  Good tears that people are reading her books.

Honestly, I’ve been in rough shape since Saturday.  I feel like I lost a member of my family.  She did so much for so many people, her death is just so intensely unfair.  

I’m so grateful I got to meet her.  I’m so grateful I own all of her books.  I’m so grateful that all of them are signed by her.  

I just wish she wasn’t gone.  I miss her so much.  

Please let me know how you like it.  I’d love to hear your thoughts.

[allgodschildrenlgbtchristian]

Please be keeping the family of Rachel Held Evans in your prayers. She was a leader in our community and a healer for many of us.

[allgodschildrenlgbtchristian]

“In a perfect Friendship…each member of the circle feels, in his secret heart, humbled before all the rest. Sometimes he wonders what he is doing there among his betters. He is lucky beyond desert to be in such company. Especially when the whole group is together, each bringing out all that is best, wisest, or funniest in all the others. Those are the golden sessions; when four or five of us after a hard day’s walking have come to our inn; when our slippers are on, our feet spread out towards the blaze and our drinks at our elbows; when the whole world, and something beyond the world, opens itself to our minds as we talk; and no one has any claim on or any responsibility for another, but all are freemen and equals as if we had first met an hour ago, while at the same time an Affection mellowed by the years enfolds us. Life—natural life—has no better gift to give. Who could have deserved it?”

The Four Loves

[allgodschildrenlgbtchristian]

Hi! Are you reading Nadia's new book? If so, do you mind telling me if she ever explicitly says she's bi/queer/LGBT somehow in it? or if on the other hand she ever explicitly says she's straight / just an ally?

Hi there! I actually just finished.

She doesn’t explicitly say so in “Shameless” what her sexual identity is, though she does deal a lot LGBTQ sexuality among her friends and parishioners within the book.

However, in “Pastrix”, her memoir, she mentions having both male and female lovers so I believe she is not straight. Hope that answers your question!

—Mod K

[allgodschildrenlgbtchristian]

Asher came to us nine years ago as Mary, and transitioned while at House for All Sinners and Saints. [Nadia’s church] Eventually he went on to seminary. Preaching at his ordination was one of the peak experiences of my life. The last time I saw him, Asher said that being a girl for four years helped make him the guy he is today. If he were offered the chance to go back and be born male, he would not—because God intended him to be trans. To the glory of God, Asher managed to quiet the voices of the Accuser and bad therapists and society, and live instead as the kind, weird, beautiful trans guy God has made him to be.

Nadia Bolz-Weber, Shameless

[allgodschildrenlgbtchristian]

You are not an issue...You are not a mistake. You are not anything but what your God has created you to be. I will stand by you. We will stand by each other.

Nadia Bolz-Weber, Shameless

[allgodschildrenlgbtchristian]

It may be comforting to believe God has some kind of master blueprint for gender expression and sexual relationships, which if followed correctly will allow us all to build happy, fulfilled lives, and that veering from that plan is dangerous. I see the appeal of that as an idea. But I want to remind the drafters of the Nashville Statement that when people asked Jesus how to be righteous and live in God’s plan and be pleasing to the Lord, Jesus didn’t say ‘Don’t be trans’ or ‘Don’t have sex outside of marriage.’ He just said, ‘Love God, and love your neighbor as yourself’ (Mark 12:30-31)

Nadia Bolz-Weber, Shameless

[allgodschildrenlgbtchristian]

Do you have any advice for dealing with anti-LGBT sentiment when it comes from a place of love - eg. christians who are genuinely sad that gay people ‘won’t go to heaven’?

This is a tough one and I’m sorry it’s taken us so long to respond. For me, I encourage these people to read things outside what they’ve always been taught. Matthew Vines, Rob Bell, Rachel Held Evans, Nadia Botlz-Weber, and many other progressive christians have really great books and articles arguing for the inclusion of LGBT+ in the church and it’s a good way to steer people who are trying to come from a place of love. Be patient with them, but don’t be afraid to walk away from these conversations if you need to.