Comedian, artist, lover of burritos. @allieshapiro on the twitter // allieshapiro on the Youtube.
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How My Body Reacted To Trump Getting Elected to be our President.
Today I feel my body revolting in ways it has in the past when I felt like my voice didn’t matter: a need to eat and stress bleeding from my vagina. Stress bleeding is when you bleed when you’re not on your period. Mine was supposed to end three days ago but here we are. My body is literally revolting at what this means for our country.
I spent the first 21 years of my life believing I was not smart enough to take up space. I bought into this ridiculous notion that my worth depended solely on my body and appearance. So I subjected myself to scary amounts of body dysmorphia and abuse in hopes of gaining some semblance of control.
When I was a freshman in college riddled with untreated depression, I starved myself. I only allowed my body 1200 calories a day and on top of that I worked out constantly. I hoped that like my self worth, I would disappear and everyone would forget I was ever there. And it almost worked. I lost 35 pounds in a month. My reproductive system stopped producing blood because it knew I couldn’t sustain myself let alone another living being. I was killing myself and my body knew it.
Since then my relationship with food has been a sordid one. It took my menstrual cycle years to recover from the damage I did to it. And food became either the enemy or the reward, not what it is meant to be, a requirement for life.
Today I feel defeated in the same ways I did then. I feel our screams and cries for change have gone into the void. And just like then I feel the need to either literally starve myself or to binge on whatever I can get my hands on. Literally. All day at work I could think of nothing else but going home, hiding under my covers, and eating until I threw up. Because what these past 48 hours have confirmed is that although my doubts of my ability as a women have disappeared the majority of our nation does not agree.
But what I have now that I didn’t have then is a fire to exist rather than to disappear. I no longer listen to or believe these crazy misogynist thoughts that have elected our future president. I have since learned I am worth fighting for. I am worth taking up space. I can achieve and be greater than some think I can be. I learned to be strong, because for a woman being strong is a learned practice while for men it is a given right.
We need to treat each other differently than I treated myself back then. We cannot starve ourselves of one another or those that are different from us. Junk food will always be there and we must indulge in it in moderation to stay informed - it is more important now to pay attention to the junk than it has ever been because that junk is going to run our country. Educating ourselves and remaining strong in the eyes of adversity is our strongest tool right now. And I am not naive to the fact that the junk is hard to avoid and easy to binge on. But we must feed ourselves with the people in our lives that will make us feel healthy and feel strong. Because we need one another to survive. We need to celebrate what has gotten us here and keep fighting. Because pussy’s are strong as fuck and mine recovered from the abuse I gave it and I believe our nation’s can too.
So instead of binging on food today I fed myself with a healthy helping of the women in my life who have proven the work I have done for myself was not in vain. We don’t need a female president to show us what we can do, we will do it anyway. And when we do have a woman of any color or sexual orientation, it won’t be the feast we’ve been waiting for, it will be the desert we’ve earned.
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Thank you to all who made it out to "More Than Coworkers" last night! And thank you to @iamparisfresh for sharing her talents, time, and friendship with me. If you didn't make it, we can hang out and talk about my art for HOURS. I can come to you.
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Working on a piece for "More Than Co-Workers" on the train. December 4 @ 600 S. Michigan. Paintings and creations made by @iamparisfresh and I.
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I'm pretty honored to be watching these goofballs bring this weird idea to life. Woo! #freqout2015
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Hang 11 for those polydactyls out there.
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That's me before my first gospel choir concert. I'm having the time of my life!
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Audition opportunity for Columbia kids! And Columbia adults. No judgement.
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Mark you calendars now! December 4th, 600 S. Michigan Ave. A showcase of images created by people who are not just co-workers. Much like this picture, there will be something for both the refined and unrefined in all of us.
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A Woman’s Lament
I am the perfect size for me.
I am the size my body wants me to be.
But to society I cannot be that, and be free.
Women are to be dainty. Women are meant to be small.
They link their stick thin arms together as they walk through the mall.
Women must have purity. Women can’t like sex.
I guess I didn’t really like it when pressured by my ex.
Oh, you have a tummy? Better tuck that away.
If it’s not hidden by Spanx, your man won’t stay.
Grow your ass, slice your belly in half, grow your tits, and have a sweet little laugh.
There will be shame for exercising, whether you do or you don’t.
There will be shame for eating, whether you will or you won’t.
Be pleasant and smile. Dear God, don’t make a fuss.
A confident woman is labeled a bitch. And she’s not one of us.
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