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You have fundamentally misunderstood Bruce's character, If you do not 100% know what Bruce would say in any of these instances.

Any iteration of....

"B can we skip patrol cause I....."

"Dad can we...."

"Bruce I was thinking instead of...."

"Baba I want to....."

Bruce Wayne is throwing off his bat-suit running to the car, fishing his wallet out because his children don't want to fight crime today. This is the best day of his fucking life.

The thing I feel like is forgotten Bruce does not want any of these children to be vigilantes.

This fact is very much forgotten.

If all of them decided tomorrow to never get a fucking job, never go to college live completely off Bruce's money, but also never be a vigilante again. Bruce Wayne is throwing a parade that has not been seen since Alexander The Great lost his boyfriend.

Bruce would have a house filled with like 30 year old children who eat his food and refuse to never work a day in their lives and he would absolutely love it because they are not risking themselves.

He would skip patrol no questions asked.

In fanfictions I always see a moment of them like trying to convince Bruce to take a night off or they need a break or whatever.

Bruce, who is not absolutely butchered by a writer is actively burning down the Batcave because dick said he's just not feeling this vigilante thing anymore.

Bruce Wayne will never skip patrol or being Batman by his own decision or for his own benefit.

Throw one of his kids in it and he is just Bruce Wayne. 

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Regulus snorts when he laughs and he hates it. He doesn’t like people knowing either so he tries not to laugh unless he’s alone. Anyone who catches him off guard and makes him laugh receives threats of bodily harm immediately after.

James thinks his laugh is adorable and tells stupid jokes to try and make Regulus laugh whenever he gets the chance <3

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The universal constant of younger siblings doing whatever they can to annoy the snot out of the eldest. Alas. Look at their smug faces. They’re so proud.

Too proud.

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A long time ago…

Bruce, walking into the kitchen: Ack! My eyes! They burn!

Dick, just trying to eat his waffles: Shut up! *rolling his eyes and pouting*

Bruce: I know it’s free dress day at school, but damn

Dick: You just don’t understand my fashion genius!

Bruce: *deadpan* You don’t have any, which is exactly why I made sure you went to Gotham Academy.

Bruce: They have a uniform

Dick, shoving two pancakes in his mouth and choking slightly: *muffled* I don’t need this.

Bruce: You’re wearing neon green and electric blue. I’m the one who doesn’t need this.

Dick, turning around with his eyes narrowed: Ya know, people think I’m cool!

Bruce, reaching over and pinching Dick’s cheek: Of course they do, I think you’re the coolest, you know that. *peppers Dick’s cheek with kisses*

Bruce: *smirking* But the clothes you choose to wear are atrocious.

Dick, struggling out of Bruce’s hold: I’m staying after school for one of my clubs! Don't pick me up!

Bruce: Ooh, is it one of your many nerd clubs?

Dick: That’s rich coming from you! Mister Greatest Detective

Bruce: Oof! *clutching chest* Right in my heart! My own child! My flesh and blood! How you wound me so!

Dick, unable to stop himself from laughing: Bye, Bruce! Love you!

Bruce: Love you too! Make good choices

Dick: I will not!

Bruce: Yeah, obviously. What was I thinking? *goes to eat breakfast*

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I‘m not immune to SuperBat………

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Tim: Kon is too tall for me to kiss him on the lips. What should I do? Cassie: Punch him in the stomach, then, when he doubles over in pain, kiss him. Stephanie: Tackle him. Bart: Kick him in the shin. Kon: NO TO ALL OF THOSE. JUST ASK ME TO LEAN DOWN.

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Kon: Tim and I are dating! Bart: Aw, who confessed? Tim: I did. I made it short and sweet. Kon: You stood on the roof and yelled "listen here you little shit I have feelings for you and you better start acknowledging them!" Tim: It worked though.

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late at night

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Teacher: Mr Wayne, thank you for coming in. We need to talk about Damian’s family tree project. Firstly, he is claiming his mother is Talia al Ghul, the renowned terrorist.

Bruce: Ah, yes, well she is.

Teacher: I'm sorry? You and her... None of my business. Now he claims his grandfather, uh, Ra's... He claims he is 687 years old. That can't be right.

Bruce: It's not. Me and him are in a disagreement about it. I think Ra's is only 679 but you know what Damian’s like.

Teacher: I... I guess so. Now in this section he did on his siblings, he has included Jason Todd, which I thought was very sweet of him only he. Well, he gives him one birth and death date and then he includes a 'rebirth' date and when I asked him about it... Mr Wayne, are you alright?

Bruce: *tearing up* He listed all his siblings. Even Tim!

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Bouys.

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These four idiots (they're not idiots, they're smarter than I'll ever be)

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Something I do to irritate my younger sibling is to just casually and intentionally get their age wrong, and I feel like that's something that the batfam would do to Damian. Such as:

The batfam is getting interviewed after a fight or something.

Reporter: Aren't you worried about Robin? He's a bit young to be fighting crime, isn't he?

Dick: Yeah, he may be four, but he's a tough kiddo.

Damian: I'm thirteen.

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Damian: May I accompany you to the movies?

Dick: Aw sure, Damian!

Jason: They won't let him in.

Damian: Pardon?

Jason: It's a horror movie. You're like negative six years old. They won't let you in.

Damian: I will murder you.

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Duke: Dude go to bed. It's way past your bedtime.

Damian: Your hypocrisy is infuriating.

Duke: There's a difference! I'm 17! You're still a growing three year old!

Damian: I'M NOT THREE!

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Fuck it *washes your robins

Hanging them out to dry…

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"You're so silly!" Dick would say, this wide eyed, cute little kid doing backflips on top of The Riddler's tied up body. "So funky, sooo goofy!"

And Bruce would nod very solemnly. "Yes. We are so so silly. Now please help me defuse this active bomb, thank you, sweetheart."

And to this day, 'silly' has been embedded into Batman's vocabulary. Flash wants to stop an alien invasion by running circles around the space ship like a hedgehog? What a silly plan that absolutely won't work. Damian almost falls off a building trying to catch and domesticate a pigeon? Stop being so silly, Dami, before you hurt yourself. Jason literally dies? It's okay. It's okay. He was just being silly. Accidents happen. He'll come home soon, right as rain. He's always been silly like that.

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my weird infatuation with dead gay fictional wizards has led me to places i wouldn’t even go to with a gun