almostlikequake

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house of anubis is truly the silliest show ever because robert who summoned an ancient evil spirit to bring chaos to the world is the same guy who wrote "today i saw a cloud that looked like a sphinx. what a joy it is to be alive" in his diary

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the difference between s2 eddie and s3 eddie will never not make me giggle

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you know what it really is me and the characters that have the same name against the world like ninas (house of anubis & six of crows), eddies (house of anubis & 911), fabians (house of anubis & marauders era) we all do be like 🤞

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the difference between s2 eddie and s3 eddie will never not make me giggle

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Finally figured out how to permanently disable google assistant on phone

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Crystal: You remind me of the ocean Edwin: Why the ocean? Crystal: Because you're salty and you scare people.

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@zahnie i am kind of mad tbh bc now i keep thinking about that leverage/batman crossover and it’s ridiculous. they’re using a charity gala as a way to get into the manor. eliot immediately pegs alfred for former mi6, but he can’t figure out what the fuck bruce’s deal is. something about the way he stands or the way he watches the room or his shoulders or something. “is it not distinctive enough?” “oh, it’s distinctive as hell, i just don’t know what it is”. let’s say it’s older bruce so hardison has to get into a hacker fight with tim. sophie can’t grift bc there are too many rich people who’d recognize her in attendance. parker can’t infiltrate the catering service because they run that shit tighter than the white house (WHY is he so paranoid about his CATERERS what the HELL i’ve seen BANKS less lax about tracking employees than this) so she has to pretend to be a model. that backfires so fast because bruce is so nice and wants to know if she’s okay bc she seems uncomfortable. parker is thrilled when she discovers the house is full of secret passages but that also ends poorly when she turns a corner and bruce is standing there like “hey there, you seem lost”. he’s still wearing the tux and drinking his champagne. he helpfully guides her to the bathroom since she is having such trouble finding it. eliot has a tense standoff with alfred bc this is wayne manor alfred and that means he is like an older, british eliot who’ll shoot a motherfucker. hardison and tim get distracted playing wow together and it isn’t clear exactly how that happened. there has to be at least one scene where eliot and bruce are fighting and the rest of the team just watches instead of doing anything useful because it’s actually kind of really hot. they don’t even really hurt each other so it’s fine. probably fine. just let them keep pinning each other to the floor for a while, it’s fine. bruce has a lot of helpful critiques for nate’s plan that nate does not appreciate. the obvious thing is that they figure out he’s batman but it’s kind of funnier if they don’t and just think bruce wayne is an inexplicable bamf. they’ve all learned a valuable lesson about judging people based on appearances. bruce flirts with sophie and nate pretends not to be bitter about it but he gazes out at the gotham skyline and broods. it’s just what happens when you’re in gotham. it’s a very broodworthy skyline. make fun of batman all you want but you look out at that skyline and try not to brood. you can’t. even superman broods. i mean, he looks like he’s brooding. he’s usually trying to remember if he left the oven on because every time he decides to make himself a nice dinner a supervillain attacks and four hours later his baked ziti is charcoal. it still counts as brooding. nate never stood a chance.

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a quick one-shot that's been on my mind since i watched the finale last night.

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Around dawn, when Hardison was snoring lightly into his pillow, Parker slipped out of the room.

It was her room, technically—even theirs, when Alec was in town. But Parker never liked to call it that, not when it was just a place she laid her head while away from the home they’d built together. 

She didn’t mean the house, either, though she loved that place and missed it fiercely while they were in Louisiana. Hardison had put so much work into it, a beautiful ranch-style build for Eliot with a courtyard of flowers—both the beautiful and the bizarre—for when Sophie needed a break from everything. The library had been for Nate, a place of stained-glass windows and quiet contemplation, where he’d spent a good chunk of the end of his life. The server room and workshop had been for Alec—and Breana, though he’d never admit it to her face—and the vents? The vents had been the first thing he’d planned, and were so complex and labyrinthine that it had taken Parker months to master them all. 

It was the closest a place had ever felt like home to Parker, but she knew better than that. Home wasn’t walls and windows and vents; home was people. Her people. 

The sun hadn’t risen yet, but the sky was starting to lighten as it drew near, a cobalt blue that reminded Parker of the Hope Diamond, of the Star of India, of a million different gems she’d stolen at one point or another. It was the sort of color that made you believe you really could start anew, go on a journey and come out of it changed, maybe even for the better.

It wasn’t hard to find him. Eliot didn’t like to admit it often, but he and Parker were cut from the same cloth. Parker wondered if she’d be more like him if she’d had parents who loved her. She wondered if he’d be more like her if there wasn’t so much blood on his hands. 

The roof of the Hancock-Whitney Center was technically off-limits, but Parker assumed those rules were for normal, honest people. As the tallest building in the city, it housed an emergency heliport, but it was a poorly-kept secret around New Orleans that some of the richer lawyers who worked in the penthouse offices constituted “trips to the Caymans” as emergencies.

There was something freeing about being up so high without a rope or harness. One misstep, one miscalculation, and Parker would tumble to her death, gone in seconds. It was a thought that frightened normal people like Hardison and Sophie, but sent a chill of excitement down Parker’s spine. No one could touch her when she was so high above the world.  

Eliot, she knew, came to places like these out of a sense of duty. Like a livestock dog, he’d choose the best vantage point to watch over his flock—even if that flock included every innocent person in the world. When he needed to think, he could stare out over the city for hours, silent and still. 

He was there now, perched on a ledge with a six pack by his side. There was something endearing about the way his admittedly short legs dangled over the edge, like a child in a chair built for someone larger. Parker let her footsteps gradually grow louder, knowing Eliot would hear her long before she reached him. 

“Can’t sleep?” He asked, not bothering to turn around. Parker climbed up next to him and stole the bottle that hung loosely from his fingers. 

“Got a couple hours,” she said truthfully. “How long have you been up here?” 

Eliot shrugged. “Dunno. When did Hardison and Breanna start arguing about dipshits and dorks or whatever?” 

“Dungeons and Dragons,” Parker corrected, though they both knew Eliot already knew that. “Four hours ago.” 

Eliot tipped his head as if to say, well there you go. Parker always found it amusing how expressive he was when he wasn’t busy scowling. She took a long pull of her stolen beer and handed the bottle back. 

“Would you really have let me kill him?” 

It was the question that had been on Parker’s mind for days now, in the quiet hours where she tried to nap on the loaned chopper that took her to and from Colombia. Eliot had been serious, when he’d told her he’d have her back no matter her choice, but something didn’t sit right, like puzzle pieces that looked like they should fit together but didn’t quite mesh no matter how hard she forced them. 

“Of course,” Eliot said, like it was the most normal thing in the world. “I told you, Parker, you’re not Nate.” 

“No,” she agreed. “We’re different than them. But you don’t…do that anymore.” 

If she didn’t know him as well as she did, Parker wouldn’t have noticed the miniscule twitch of the muscle in Eliot’s jaw, the way his shoulders set to brace for a blow. “I don’t,” he said quietly. “But you’re not me, either.” 

“Would you?” Parker heard herself ask. “Do it again?” 

For the first time since she’d sat down, Eliot looked at her. His eyes were always so soft, so sad, even when the rest of him was a hardened tool of violence. Hardison had mentioned it once, late at night when the two of them had been too wired to sleep. He thinks he’s broken, Alec had whispered. And that he can never be- fixed? Healed?

You could, she’d said. You do. You fix everything. 

The half-smile he’d given her had been so devastated, Parker had nearly cried. 

“I would,” Eliot finally admitted. “With the right motivation.” 

“And what’s that?” Parker asked. 

“C’mon, now,” he said, elbowing her gently. “You know the answer to that.” 

And she did. There was no doubt in her mind that if her life was in danger—or Hardison’s, or Sophie’s, or Breanna’s, or even Harry’s—Eliot would kill the entire world to keep them safe. 

“But that’s not what this was, with Ramirez,” Parker said, looking out over the city. Even New Orleans had to sleep, but there were hundreds of dots of light speckling the darkness. There were people coming home from graveyard shifts and people getting ready to replace them. There were students up late studying and parents up early with crying babies. There were friends out partying still and lovers wrapping themselves in each other’s arms and families coming together for a meal or a hug or to say hello or goodbye. Thousands of souls laid out in front of Parker’s eyes—and Eliot would just let her end one? 

“Ramirez hurt children,” Eliot said simply. “He would’ve gotten one killed sooner rather than later. Leaving him alive is a risk. A calculated one,” he added quickly. “But a risk nonetheless. You wouldn’t have been protecting one of us, Parker. You would’ve been protecting those kids.” 

“Thought you looked down on vigilante killings,” Parker whispered, voice growing suspiciously thick. 

“Usually, yeah.” Eliot shrugged. “But I trust you. And even- even if it was a wrong call, a death I couldn’t justify, I’d still have your back.” 

“Even if I killed Hardison? Or Sophie?” Parker dipped her face against her shoulder, trying to wipe away the tears that had started falling. 

“I can’t imagine a world where that would happen,” Eliot said with a gentle laugh. “But yes.” 

“That’s horrible,” Parker said, making Eliot laugh harder. “I’m telling Hardison you said that.” 

“Do not-” Eliot turned to shove her, but Parker was already dancing across the helipad, tears drying on her cheeks. Eliot followed after her, beer forgotten, scowl back in place, and for the first time since Edgar Ramirez came across her radar, Parker’s heart felt light. 

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house of anubis AU: anubis house gets a 20-something housemother (p2)

(see part 1 here)

we have some updates! I’ve considered all of your name submissions m, and I am currently torn between three: daisy, julie, and danylle “danny”. i’m gonna put it to a vote here, and by season 3 the young housemother will have a name. for now, we will refer to her as “YHM”

season 2:

at the start of a new term, there’s uncertainty if the young housemother still has a job. trudy’s on the mend, and will probably want her job back

(not mentioned in part 1 is that YHM was a student at anubis house when she was in school, and had trudy as her housemother, and part of how she got the job was via recommendation. okay back to the bullet points)

of course, the anubis residents that knew trudy love and miss her, but most of them have grown to really like having a young, hip 20-something as their housemother because she’s relatable, lets them get away with shit, and also knows at least a little bit about all the mystery stuff (and is on their side)

they’re very adamant that she not go, no matter what

when talk of the frobisher library begins, trudy agrees to come back as co-curator of the exhibition with jasper, just like in canon, only now she has some mobility issues due to her injury

YHM is also offered a better paying job working for the exhibition, and considering victor is not her number 1 fan, she decides to take a gamble and accept the more lucrative job at the library, knowing that she may not be able to come back to her position as housemother if trudy or whoever they hire next expresses more interest or performs better in the job

but she’s poor af and needs the cash, and anyway, she’s still living at anubis house, just not cleaning up after everyone.

alfie begs her to help him scheme up a present for amber before she leaves, and she suggests the dollhouse from the attic she was just going to donate when she was done cleaning out that space.

he gives her a bouquet of dandelions as a thank you

she’s also taken to visiting jason, who spends a lot of time in hospital now that his symptoms are getting worse. he’s not in danger of dying (yet), but even if he didn’t feel too ashamed to come back to teaching, he wouldn’t really be able to function well.

they’re not dating. she’s very adamant they are not dating, whenever anyone asks about it.

her new hours at the library give her more opportunity to visit, though, and she knows he likes when she visits (even if he occasionally forgets who she is). it’s fine.

anyway, things progress pretty similarly to how they do in canon with sibuna and co.

YHM and trudy are quite close, YHM having always been super helpful around the house when she was a student, and trudy having helped YHM cope when her mother died of cancer her first year at anubis house

so together, with the power of mother-daughter friendship, they clock right away that something is off about vera

and when mrs. andrews confirms the vibes are off, it’s anybody’s game

trudy and YHM spoilt their time between working the exhibition, attempting to get the dirt on vera, and keeping an eye on jasper, who’s definitely dealing in some shady business.

the mara vs vera trial comes as a bit of a shock, but YHM is obviously firmly on mara’s side. she does give victor an earful over allowing this sham to even take place, but he just threatens to change the locks on her

when the dust settles after that, and mrs. andrews resigns, they get coffee together. that’s when andrews spills the whole story about the society, and everything it stands for

“i just wanted someone to know why we did it”

this is news to YHM bc jason was so cagey about it, even though he’d explained a bit why he’d joined. she didn’t actually think the whole bit about eternal life was REAL, just that a bunch of lunatics thought it was

when nina’s gran falls sick, she finds out via a visit to the hospital to see jason. they’re at the same one

she and nina bond over dealing with sick people they care about, and YHM explains that she knows what it’s like to lose a parental figure, after her mother died

she’s worried when nina suddenly disappears and doesn’t buy the story that she’s visiting her grandmother in the hospital, because YHM is at the hospital all the time and NINA’S NOT THERE!!

and when all of a sudden trudy vanishes too, YHM knows almost immediately something very bad has happened.

she sees jerome and jasper having shady talks, and she butts right in and demands to know what they know about trudy

this leads to the barn storming with sibuna to rescue trudy that ends up getting all of them kidnapped with the dollhouse

trudy still gets her memory wiped when the door falls on her, because of her mobility issue from the broken hip, and YHM is freaking tf out as one does in situations like that

especiallyyy after the “memory doctor” fiasco leaves trudy convinced she was on holiday and that she and vera are lowkey besties

vera offers to try the memory box on her too and YHM almost breaks her ankles dodging that situation

sibuna + joy & jerome confide in her about all of it, and she nearly faints dead away from the stress

“the maniac with the flies from prom is the collector?!?! i KNEW i shouldn’t have taken that library job! my kids needed me!” “we’re not your kids, you’re literally only 25…” “you still NEEDED ME!!”

she expressly forbids them from going thru with the memory box senet game plan, and they immediately ignore her and do it anyway

she is there in the library when everything goes down, and nearly has another heart attack seeing a ghost possess two people and send one to hell because “WHAT THE FUCKKK?!”

victor begrudgingly admits vera did in fact suck and offers trudy her job back, much to YHM disappointment.

despite missing her old job and having the blissful ignorance from the memory box about how wild life in the house actually is, trudy graciously bows out and gives her blessing to YHM to return as the anubis house housemother

victor sighs but agrees

everyone cheers, and YHM notices at least twenty more gray hairs growing out of her head from the stress

but she loves her kiddos so much and they love her

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I think I may have posted about this before, or at least something related, but I really like the idea of a Patrina AU/timeline, where during the summer after s2/before s3 Patricia makes the America trip to see Nina. (We know from canon that she made it to Eddie, so this seems reasonable.)

And during the trip Patricia starts thinking about breaking up with Nina for reasons similar to whatever motivated her to break up with Eddie in canon. But before she can make herself say anything, Nina admits that she's thinking about not returning to Anubis. We're ignoring the Chosen One Osiriran thing, and just focusing on Nina feeling like a curse, because she is cursed, and that's she's a danger to her friends.

Patricia starts internally freaking out, because sure she was about to break up, but she cannot stand the thought of potentially never seeing Nina again, at all. So, instead of breaking up with Nina, Patricia instead forces herself to be vulnerable enough to go on an impassioned rant about why Nina is wrong.

She starts with S2, and how she and Alfie may not have known they were at risk of curse, but they did know that the tunnel was full of deadly traps and they went along anyway, and there was no way Fabian or Amber were going to let her do it alone, and then Patricia points out that during S1, she would have been in more danger without Nina there to rescue her from Rufus, and to help her search for Joy. Sure Fabian and Amber were there too, but they were there with Nina, they didn't believe anything was wrong with Joy. And she just generally begs Nina to stay/come back.

And while she's doing it she realizes she doesn't want to break up, but that's something she'll process later.

And when she's done, Nina says "Okay, I'll come back." and hugs her. Patricia hugs back so tightly. And while they're hugging, Nina whispers in her ear "I love you too." Which is when Patricia realizes she said "I love you" to Nina for the first time during her tirade.

And then they kiss and things are good. And when KT shows up and the new mystery is about her, Patricia is like "See, this would have happened with or without you, but at least you didn't leave us with Eddie."

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Fifteen immediately changing the TARDIS to warm toned lighting is such a mood

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David Tennant being a lifelong Doctor Who fan who was inspired by the show to act, becoming the Doctor and Ncuti Gatwa who watched David Tennant and was inspired to act, playing the Doctor opposite David’s Doctor is the most beautiful thing

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aint no WAYYY THEY JUST TRIED TO SAY THAT. not even "the doctor's" but doctor who's in general 💀💀 so now that they have a disney contract every single gay thing (which they've had for fucking decades) is gonna be a huge big huge first gay thing ever!!1!1!1!! event??? like yeah there's a very specific significance to it i get it but what the fuck do you mean😭 jamie pull up the files

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I know the doctor doesn't know what blink is other than safely assuming it's a weeping angels episode, but there's something truly hysterical in talking to the main character of your favorite show and telling him your favorite episode is one he's barely in 😭

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We have 4 of them now. Has anyone done the obligatory meme yet?