alphas101thoughts

[alphas101thoughts]

Thought 15: Alexander Hamilton

OOOOOOMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGG

Let me contain my excitement. Hamilton by Lin-Manuel Miranda is a trueee masterpiece. I am absolutely obsesseddddd. I play my favourite songs out of the 46 songs the musical has, at least 10 times a day. I learn new things from the musical each day. Sadly, I haven’t watched it live, I only listened to the songs on YouTube that they all released. My brothers watched it last year in Autumn but I wasn’t interested. However, nooooooo I am 100% hooked. 

Lemme explain some or even all my favourite songs from Hamilton. But before I do. It took 6/7 years for Miranda to create tis piece of art and it was definitely worth it. Wow I am entranced by such work.

Alexander Hamilton is an orphan, immigrant who used his skills of writing and speaking to create America’s finical system. Within his life he faced many obstacles and was sadly killed in a duel. (I’m still finding more information about his history through the songs and interviews. 

Satisfied - this was the first song I listened to from the musical. A quick summary is that Angelica Schuyler has a younger sister called Elizabeth ‘Eliza’ who’s getting married to Alexander Hamilton. Angelica is the maid of honour and the eldest sister. She has a crush on Hamilton however he’s married to Eliza now. The song uses rap and song to showcase Angelica’s issues of never being ‘satisfied’ because she loves her sister and she doesn’t want to take Hamilton away from her. The song uses harps, cellos, a lot of string instruments which my ears loved. Also what I found really clever is how other songs from the musical make an appearance in satisfied. Lin-Manuel does do this with other songs in the musical too.

https://youtu.be/InupuylYdcY

Alexander Hamilton - the first song of the musical, which introduces the entirety of Hamilton’s life. Which talks about his mother dying, his cousin committing suicide, using his skills to become a Foundling father of America. This is where we hear the way they sing ‘Alexander Hamilton’ which will make appearances in other songs such as Satisfied. Another amazing piece by Lin-Manuel that starts off the musical. 

https://youtu.be/VhinPd5RRJw

Wait for it - this is sung by Aaron Burr which is the man that seems to always be second behind from Hamilton. Which obviously brings jealousy through their friendship. However, this song is about Burr always waiting for his opportunity but it never seems to come. It also talks about his family and the affair he is having. The song is honestly beautiful especially the lyrics. Such as ‘love doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints’. This song also has lyrics appearing in other songs in the musical such as Non-stop. To also add Leslie Odom Jr ,who sings. does a brilliant job gosh you need to listen to this song. 

https://youtu.be/ulsLI029rH0

The world was wide enough - so this song is a reprise of Ten Duel Commandments, which is basically about rules about the duel Burr and Hamilton will have. The world was wide enough is song about the duel and how Hamilton died. The song is so powerful, especially Hamilton’s monologue on how he’s running out of time and how he’ll see his passed ones like his son and mother. In this song we also see another side of Burr, how he’s blinded by jealousy and anger and that he will never allow Hamilton to kill him. ‘Look him in the eye aim no higher, summon all the courage you require the count 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9′ - this lyric is also found in the Ten duel commandments but that was song by Hamilton and this time round it was sung by Burr. Every time I listen to this song I get goose bumps especially near the end of the song, this is where we hear the pain in Burr. He regrets killing Hamilton, he killed his friend. ‘He aimed his pistol at the sky - Wait!’ The killing was essentially an accident. During a duel aiming your pistol or weapon at the sky meant you surrendered however it was too late at the bullet was already in his chest. The rest of the song is so sad and heart breaking because Burr finally realises ‘the world was wide enough for both Hamilton and me’. Now Burr is painted as a ‘villain in y[our] history’. Whether that is true or not s up to the listener.

https://youtu.be/ANMdqh5EkJQ

As you can tell I strongly adore Hamilton and hope one day I get to see it with the original cast. The effort and the intelligence placed into this cast and production is phenomenal, truly outstanding. I really would suggest taking a listen to the songs because I left some massive chunks out of this blog so take a listen to them. All of these opinions are my own so take them as you wish.

Here I’ve listed a more of my favourite songs from Hamilton

1) Alexander Hamilton

2) Satisfied

3) Aaron Burr, sir

4) Wait For It

5) The Election Of 1800

6) Non-Stop

7) Your Obedient Servant

8) Ten Duel Commandments

9) The World Was Wide Enough

10) Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story

11) Burn

12) Yorktown ( The World Turned Upside Down)

13) My Shot

14) History Has It Eyes On You

So these are some of my favourites, I have more as well. So take a listen if you wish. These songs aren't in order of the musical remember it has 46 songs. 

Until next time x

Thursday 21st March 2019

[alphas101thoughts]

Thought 13: Pay the price with a life

Wings as black as evil. Every feather coated in the world’s misery, sadness and badness. She is the epitome of a vulnerable human taken and churned to become a broken angel. An angel consumed with thoughts so dark it can make Satan himself blush. Ola. Her name is Ola. Though what she bares on her back is malevolence. Her anatomy is the replica of a beautiful doll. Ola’s eyes are fiery amber, every piercing stare could either make you fall in love or turn and dash in fear. Silky, short cut and shoulder length dark hair. Such a beautiful creature yet, beholds the responsibility of bringing evil into planet Earth. Ola has one thing. One thing that could restore her morality. Her silver locket, inside contains a boy. Smiling, showing his pearly white teeth to whoever took the photograph. But, she puts that thought aside, Ola flies to London. From her senses London is radiating with misery – what she thrives off of. With a large spread of her magnificent wings Ola departs.

The streets of London are engulfed in pollution. Left, right and centre trails of poverty, loneliness and depression is everywhere. Ola smiles. This is what she likes, a place soaring with pain. Her smile widens to resemble the Cheshire cat. It’s filthy here. Debris piled along the road, streams of gunk smelling like flatulence and all the dilapidated houses ready to collapse at one touch. A rustling of noise occurs, extremely loud noises. Hiding behind a large tree, Ola stays still and sees the trouble brewing. From her view she sees a young boy, for mortal, looks around thirteen. The boy is being beaten viciously by three, older and tougher boys. Ola can see that they taunt him and mock him, kick him till he bleeds profusely. Ola sees the pain in his eyes, and again starts to smile… but then stops. The young boy sees Ola and screams and begs for her help. Her heartbeat runs still. It’s either flight or fight. Yet this is different, familiarity. That boys’ screams reminds Ola of a vivid memory. A memory in which the boy in her locket was taken away from her. Her brother perhaps this boy is. Without hesitation Ola sweeps in with her wings takes the boy and flies to an abandoned roof. Their features are the same, fiery amber eyes and dark hair. Ola looks closely and then she starts to believe this boy is her brother – Manor. Taking off her locket she gives it to him, he looks down at it. Wiping away his fountain of tears and brushing the dashes of blood, he recognises Ola.

“Ola?” Manor questions.

“It is indeed I, Ola,” She responds.

So many questions corrupt Ola’s mind. What happened to Manor? Does he remember me well? Am I turning? Ola is a broken angel, broken angels must stay broken it’s a part of their identity. Ola cannot change because if she does there’s a price to pay. She looks back at Manor and realises he’s wearing his locket, she takes it and opens it. In there is a picture of her. Crying with joy, something she’s never done before. Realisation fills the atmosphere. Without thinking she grabs Manor into a hug, she’s noticed humans do this. Their tears continue to rain on the roof they’re on. She found him, and whilst doing so she’s found her morality. Seeing the way Manor has been treated, Ola doesn’t want to be bad no more. She doesn’t want to be the cause of pain no more. No more! But with wings come a price. This price is a life. Explaining to Manor everything from: her time as an angel, to her responsibilities and her dreams of becoming normal. Manor gives Ola the most important, sacred and loving words anyone or anything has said to Ola.

“Though we’ve only meet and I’ve seen the world through these same streets. I want somebody like my sister to view the world as beautiful as it is. So Ola, I Manor De Taylor declare you free from being a broken angel.”

Ola’s wings fade, her badness evaporates. The price has been paid with Manor’s life. A young sweet boy, who gave all he had to give a chance to his sister. 

- I wrote this story a few months back for Question 5 in an English Language paper. It’s one of my favourites cause I really tried to push myself and really involve of the criticisms my teacher gave me.

Until next time x

Thursday 21st March 2019

[alphas101thoughts]

Thought 11: November Crush

It was the 21st when it first happened,                                                              times have changed like people did,                                                                     but we remained the same.

Is this love of ours a curse? In 6 months it all will go.                                          My love story, that I should know.

Brown eyes, gold glasses. Strong smile I don’t wanna quit.                                Two kids maths classes. Are you my November Crush?

Chase down the bell again. Do you love me or do you not?                                   Is this all or nothing, this madness I don’t wanna stop.                                     Falling up and flying down, my whole world turned upside.                        Insanity our normality, beautifully planned tragedy.

Oh well, oh well. If it hurts that’s good. Oh well, oh well. I don't love you?

Age sped up before we could run away.                                                           Gold turned to ash we fell and we crashed, it took one mistake.                             Is this why it pains so bad, so bad?                                                                         6 months had gone, that’s when it had dawned. I wasn’t sane.

Brown eyes, gold glasses. Strong smile I don’t wanna quit.                                Two kids maths classes. Are you my November Crush?

Chase down the bell again. Do you love me or do you not?                                   Is this all or nothing, this madness I don’t wanna stop.                                     Falling up and flying down, my whole world turned upside.                        Insanity our normality, beautifully planned tragedy.

Oh well, oh well. If it hurts that’s good. Oh well, oh well. I don't - love you?

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Okay can I start off by saying, don't take this song seriously, lol. I edited and cut my original version so it can some what make sense to whoever is reading this. So the song was based on 11 year old me, gosh this is embarrassing. I had my first crush (we’ll name him Blue for the sake of this “analysis”). Anyway Blue and I were in the same maths class back in primary. As boys are they love using violence to portray flirtation. So I was regularly kicked and at one point had my shoe stolen from me - don’ t ask. Anywayyyyyy as it says in the ‘song’ we started “dating” (it wasn’t dating but my 11 year old self thought we were for life), on November 21st. For 6 months! I know 6 months is quite a long time for 11 year olds. My romantic, young self thought this was like love, love - it wasn’t though. At the time when things ended, Blue broke up with me, poor me was upset for days. To get over it I listened to Bad Blood by Taylor Swift whilst cleaning room. I wrote this around 10 months ago, so looking back at it again makes me laugh. Blue was my first crush so if you’re reading this boy, oh boy did you make an impact on me. 

We’re good acquaintances to this day, if anyone was interested. I’m going to post this before I die of embarrassment and cringe.

Until next time (if I don't die of embarrassment before) x

Thursday 14th March 2019

[alphas101thoughts]

Thought 10: February’s Finished

So the second month of 2019 is over. Honestly, it weren’t bad at all.

These 28 days of February were filled with happiness, laughter and memories. Day by day things are getting better. In a sense that I’m growing still, I still have things that millions of people and children don’t have. 

But I still have a long way to go. Especially education wise. Still have my sciences and maths to work on. So let’s see how I decide to control that and work upon that.

Until next time x

Thursday 28th February 2019

[alphas101thoughts]

Friends are family you choose

Jess C. Scott

[alphas101thoughts]

[alphas101thoughts]

Thought 9: These are the times we will hold

Recently, I had a group of my friends over to my house. I must inform you this never happens like ever. The last time I had friends over was in July 2017 but then that was for a family party and I invited two friends over. Even before July 2017 it was maybe Spring 2014 when I invited friends over. So as I gave you some quick background of my life, having friends over was super important to me. For a few reasons.

1) For them to meet my family. Family is super important to me, and introducing people to them is also important. Altogether I had 9 friends over - yes a lot. 

2) For them to know me better. Sometimes knowing someone’s home and surroundings allows you to understand them better. For example, you can tell quite a lot from someone’s bedroom. I love a music artist called EDEN and I have posters of his lyrics and music art everywhere.

3) For myself to create a beautiful memory. Knowing that they willingly came and made their way over to my house to be apart of my home life. It felt really awesome to see all of us enjoying themselves.

I know I sound like I’m stretching it and making a big deal out of something so small. But ‘these are the times we will hold’ - The EDEN Project. Each of my friends have a story, all including the good, the bad, the ugly and the weird. All of us have our struggles and issues of our own, but for those hours it seemed like they vanished. It was a lovely, sunny day we took group photos and a lot of slips of each other (can’t wait for them to post it on my birthday). Anyway this was the second outing we made as a group. I also learnt more about them as individuals too like each of our fears. 

Linking back to the title. ‘These are the times we will hold’ because for once it felt like peace. Us against the world. I hope everyone reading this (if you are I applaud you for your commitment) has their group of friends or family that make everything better. 

So this is to my friends - if you guys (you know who you are 100%) are ever reading this, you made my day and I have so much love for you. Thanks for sticking with me x

Until next time x

Thursday 21st February 2019

[alphas101thoughts]

Thought 8: Mr Man?

Doctor freak and science geek, door made out of ivory                                           Eyes like winter, wedged in splinter - love is what I feel                                          Calculations pen and paper printed in my diary                                                       Heart’s wide open. Red’s a token -  will I ever heal?

Cause, baby you cut my veins and watched me bleed                                           Closed up mouth was hard to breath, CO2 is what I need                                      Lately, fogged up clouds, I can’t know your face,                                                    Turned around in a different place - get me out I can’t win this race!

Baby. You’re hurting me.....                                                                                     Damage that I don’t see.....                                                                                      What have you done to me?                                                                                    Baby. I’d die for you. Lie down and cry for you. Kiss my goodbyes for you.            Damage was done. Before it begun. Shoot with your gun..... Love <3                    I don’t understand. I’m drowning in collapsing land.

Is love where I stand? Mr Man.

Broken dreams and violent streams pour out of our fantasy                                   Masquerading lies that seem to clearly show my sanity                                          You’re a hurricane that never changes, you leave behind the mess you made      Different perception, presenting your deception.. I don’t like this charade.

Cause, baby you saw the food that you made me ate                                             Poison truth with a happy face - plastic kind I know you’re fake                              Lately, you got me trapped in my own mind. Want to run but I can’t hide              I know that you’re mine right ?

Baby. You’re hurting me.....                                                                                     Damage that I don’t see.....                                                                                      What have you done to me?                                                                                    Baby. I’d die for you. Lie down and cry for you. Kiss my goodbyes for you.            Damage was done. Before it begun. Shoot with your gun..... Love <3                    I don’t understand. I’m drowning in collapsing land.

Is love where I stand? Mr Man

You liar... You lied... Satisfied? You won your prize..                                              Mr Man, are you the man? Mr Boy was I your broken toy?

Doctor freak why can’t you see!

I’m dying...

Silently

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So I made this song (edited it a little to make it easier to read). Honestly, I wasn’t going through anything at the time of reading this. However, has the months went passed I was unfortunate to experience a situation like my song above (not in the same way if that makes sense). Anyway. The song is about a boy and a girl. The girl is madly in love with the boy, she’d do anything for him. But as time in the relationship goes by she realises he’s not what he seems. His eyes are cold, the love she feels hurts. He’s changing and because of it she’s hurting more and more. She continuously degrades the severity of the awful situation by calling him ‘baby’, ignoring the elephant in the room. But this relationship was set up in the first place ‘damage was done, before it begun’ it was never meant to be. She realises that this is just a sick joke that is hurting her mentally and physically. She questions him, saying is he happy at what he’s accomplished. Then because of everything - she dies. But that’s not to say she died physically, she could of died mentally. 

>Sometimes we don’t realise that love isn’t as lovely as we believe it is.

^This is my interpretation - comment down below what you think my song is about

Until next time x 

Happy Valentine’s Day

February 14th 2019

[alphas101thoughts]

Thought 7: Me

I need to get my act together.

I set myself a few goals this year to achieve. Sure it’s been 38 days into the New Year but I feel like I’m at a stand still. I’m in the eye of my hurricane watching all the debris swirl around me. Being pulled in so many directions and I’m trying to figure it all out.

I need to stop procrastinating, I need to stop making excuses, I need to stop judging myself and let myself be.

So what if I make a mistake - everyone does.

So what if I fall down 10 times - I need to get back up on the 11th 

So what if I’m the biggest idiot out there - as long as I know myself who cares

I’m me and that’s what it’s supposed to be about me. Not him, not her, not them or they - me.

The quicker I realise this the better.

until next time x

February 7th 2019

[alphas101thoughts]

Thought 6: January

Well that was something. A full month of January in the year of 2019.

Looking at my pixel chart I must say it was quite eventful. Thought it’s a new month I did feel some 2018 vibes and I must say 2018 has kicked my mental state into the next generation. Oh my goodness. But that’s a story for another day. 

But overall, I think I did pretty well in January. I learnt a lot. For example, people around you can make or break you. Sometimes you become your surroundings. But I am really happy that I believe I found the right set of people to have around me and because of that I’ve laughed so many times I probably lost 2kg. 

I also learnt that everyone isn’t permanent, people who you think might be in your life forever - could leave the next day.

Anyway to end this ‘blog’ off on a good note. I learned a lot in the 31 days in January. I hope I learn more in the 28 days in February.

Looking good so far 2019....

Until next time x

January 31st 2019

[alphas101thoughts]

[alphas101thoughts]

Thought 5: Crash

Josh. He was one of my best mates. We were peas in a pod. Knew each other since we were 6. We always had big dreams. Mine was to become an artist, create music. His was to become a musician also. We saved up our money and flew out to America. Bought a small apartment in LA. What fun memories we had. Roaming the streets of America living our best lives then, at the age of 18. What could go wrong? He was a brother to me. I trusted him with everything.

Well a letter came in the post. It was addressed to me but Josh was opened it for me. I wasn’t home yet but I was on my way. Excited to find out if I’ve been accepted on the record label. If so this means I can produce the music I want. Become the person I’ve always wanted to be. Doing this means leaving Josh behind, but we’ve always supported each other. He’ll understand right?

However, the letter read how I’ve haven’t been accepted. Josh was looking very happy that I wasn’t accepted. See he’s a very jealous man when he wants to. I went to bed that night upset and hurt. How could I’ve been rejected. I decided I’ll call the company in the morning to see whether it’s true I’ve been rejected.

  I called them in the morning. I was accepted. But I explained about the letter but they said. They don’t send letters to confirm whether you’ve been accepted or not, their company does it by email or phone call. I checked my email and there in my inbox was my acceptance email. Josh set me up. He lied to me. He almost ruined my chance of being a musician. I confronted him. He denied it of course. What a liar. I had enough of him and moved out to a near by hotel. How can I be friends with him? 

But that didn’t stop me. I went to record label and was signed. I started making music under the alias The Eden Project. I made a name for myself. I did it. Yet it was only the beginning. I used all my emotions I felt over the years to create music that my fans connect with. I did all this without Josh. It’s been a few years. I was 19 I’m 22 now. Three years is a lot.

  My phone rings. “Meet me at our old apartment. It’s Josh. We’ve got catching up to do”.  I knew within me this is a long shot that Josh will show up but in all honesty... I missed my best friend Josh. I arrive and I’m standing right in front of our apartment and knock on the door. A man I didn’t recognise opens the door. Josh? He looks sleep deprived, lacks exposure to the sun. He looks absolutely awful. He ushers me into our old flat. Everything was exactly as I left it.

January 23rd 2019

[alphas101thoughts]

Thought 4:

A little over 2 weeks into 2019 and so far it’s okay. I mean I have been exhausted recently, honestly sleep and I need to get back on good levels again. Without sleep what can I do? If I don’t sleep I’ll be tired, less motivated, stressed and unable to think. 

Thinking is what I have been doing a lot lately, and I mean a lot. It can be extremely overwhelming. Imagine a computer or any digital device. Weekly you organise the files and make sure the security is in check. You know general house keeping. However, if you don't order the files and the security is weak and house-keeping is atrocious. You see this is how I sometimes view my brain.

The files can be like, memories and things I have learnt and the security is like my feelings making sure I’m protected and don’t let allow my heart on my sleeve. Sometimes the files get too much. Way too much. Too much that it’s chaos and disorder. Sleeping is a way of calming everything down I suppose. 

-I’ll probably continue this at a later date so until next time x

January 15th 2019

[alphas101thoughts]

Though 3: Growing paths

In my opinion it’s fact. As you grow older you are going to lose some friends behind. Of course it’s disheartening and a sad time for both or one person involved. But truth be told that it’ll eventually get better.

I find personally, find it hard to let things go that are so near and dear to myself. For example my teddy bear, Daisy had her since I was 5 years old and years later I cannot bear the idea to give her to somebody else. But friends are like teddy bears in a way. Let’s use Daisy and I as an example. Daisy and I found each other. We created so many memories. From pretending to be teachers, to having our own Paris Fashion week, pretending to make a rocket to the moon and acting as if we were reality tv stars. As you can see Daisy and I have made multiple and countless memories together. So many of which give good feelings thinking about them. I remember one horrible moment where I thought I lost Daisy forever, I was looking high and low, left and right, everywhere I could think of I tried and tried. Until eventually my mind was put at rest and I found her again. The Daisy adventures continued.

But then this thing called puberty came along. I started growing, and releasing that I don’t need Daisy as much as I thought I did. Of course I’d still have her on my bed waiting for me to come back from school. However, I wasn’t telling her about my day no more (don’t look at me like the crazy one I am 100% sure you talk to yourself too). But minutes turned into hours and hours days, days to months and months to years. My need for Daisy was growing on a separate paths. When I look back on our memories I will never forget the fun Daisy and I had. 

But relating to the main topic. Friends who’ve known each other can grow and learn that they don’t need each other as much as they used too. Going through this currently has made me realise that friends come and go - though it is heart aching. But you need to not remember the friendship on how it ended but how it began and ventured on. Not to say that endings aren’t important but remember how you started to get where you are currently at.

Overall, don’t be upset on friendships lasting as long as you thought they would. Good things sadly do come to an end. But it’s apart of my history now. When I grow old and turn grey I can reminiscence on the good that happened.

Until next time x

Tuesday 8th January 2019 

[alphas101thoughts]

Here is a picture of my life in pixels from 2018. I decided to do the same with 2019 and I have a jar of goodness, where each day I write at least one good thing that happened on that day. So at the end of the year I can look back and read and remember the good times that outshine the back. I’d recommend anyone to do this so feel free to. 

[alphas101thoughts]

Thought 2: Rambling Hopes

Time for myself.

So Happy New Year to anyone reading this. As it is the new, fresh and ripe year of 2019. Wow what a year 2018 was. But now it is finally a new page, new chapter some even new book filled with whatever we want to have contained in it. It is weird to be honest. The fact a second on the clock and change to a complete the new year and the beginning of a new month. It fascinated me too because we can never ever go back to 2018 ever again. Anyway I guess here are my ‘hopes’ and ‘dreams’ for me to achieve in 2019>

Learning to love myself. Now I’ve never really done this before, so this is new ground for me to touch on. I have a feeling that learning this new objective for me to achieve will definitely take time and commitment. I would like to go into this new year with confidence in myself to do anything that I want to do. I can be anything I want to be. Having good people around me who can support me whilst I am supporting myself. (This may not make sense but bare with me I guess Loll). But I would like to sit here writing my achievements on December 31st 2018 with the joy of writing; I am learning to love myself. Do you know how nice that’ll be. ANYWAYYYY I think I sound sappy and cheesy.

Girlllll, Booyyyyy or whatever you identify as oh I would love to have really good grades. At least to have a Grade 6 in my subjects. Of course I know I have to put my 100000% effort in, because at the end of the day the person who will be in that exam will be...… me! Since I am in Christmas break, I have made a quick timetable of the things I need to get done. I am so proud of myself because I got my Chemistry revisionnnn doneeee. Honestly, you have no idea how happy I was because I understood most of the work, if I didn’t understand I would search and search until I did. This gave me a god confidence book that I can be good at anything if I put my mind too it and not procrastinate etc. Hopefully I can succeed in my other hard subjects during my time at school. 

Well I guess this ‘blog’ is coming to an end. I hope you enjoyed loll. Anyway -

Until next time x

1st January 2019

[alphas101thoughts]

Thought 1: Lessons

Well this year has been an absolute rollercoaster. Honestly, I don’t even know where to begin. Laughs, tears, sad days, horrible days 2018 in a nutshell has been a year of growth and experience for me. Since 2018 has been erm….. questionable let’s look at some of the lessons I have learnt and hopefully grown from to bring into 2019.

1) Time goes on. 

Looking back on the past 12 months I’ve realised that no matter what I can do time moves on and it’s my duty to move with it. There has been some pretty horrific moments in 2018 like the horrible problems happening all over the world. But for the problems that occurred to me I think that it’s not the best to dwell on it too much. Of course in the moment it seems like the world is ending and yes I guess I did have a right to be upset. However, writing this blog now on the 24th December has made me understand that it’ll soon be over. A majority of things that happen in January doesn’t concern the person you are in December. So I have learnt and I am beginning to understand that time moves on whether I move with or without it, the clock ticks and the sun sets.  

2) Treasure the good 

Treasuring the good can be different for each individual. For me I have learnt to enjoy myself in the moment. Like I remember a trip I had in March and honestly it was one of the best trips I ever had. Looking back on it I am really happy to have cherished and now it’s part of my favourite memories. Also treasuring the state I was in before. Though that's conflicting my previous lesson of moving on. But quickly looking back to how I was before compared to now has been an eye opener - which leads to my next lesson.

3) Change

From September I have begun to change in way I never thought I would before. Even my friends noticed it yet I was still blind to it. As time progressed I have changed even more and more. In the moment I didn’t realise and thought I was going along the right path. But all that aside what I have learnt. It’s okay to change because how do we grow if we don’t change? But as you change don’t forget to bring yourself with you. With the craziness that happen it’s easy to forget yourself. So learn from me change is beautiful at times and hands you the opportunity to grow. But don’t forget that sometimes you need to look back to remember why you are going forward. 

4) Those feelings

Yes the topic of ‘those feelings’. I started to learn this lesson from September. Okay let me find a way to say this without being erm cringe and cheesy. DON’T AND I MEAN DONNN’TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT put yourself in a position where you start having feelings for someone without understanding yourself first. Pleaseeeeee find the person’s intentions discuss and communicate them thoroughly. Yeah this is awkward to write and I have goosebumps of embarrassment looolll. But just know that time and state of mind is an amazing this and please please from me listen to your gut. Okay enough of this.

5) Mental

Woowwww OH MY GOODNESS mentally it have been tested. Having to experience such battles inside me has made me realise that mental health is no joke. Not going into too much detail because I think I am better from that period of time. But please talk to someone and release those feelings inside you. It felt like I was battling everyone but ultimately I was battling myself. Fighting especially with yourself is so overwhelming and it leaves you dumbfounded and questioning how on Earth did this happen. Overall 2018 has been extremely eye opening concerning my mental health. Though I wish I didn’t go through what happened and thinking about it makes me feel a certain way. But again it happened and I can’t change that and as lesson 1 has taught me time moves on. Now it’s part of my history. 

As the days further to the end of 2018, I can say that this year was a eye opener. It’s my time now to step up and to become the person I want to be. So I leave you with this thought on how your year went and what lessons you’ve learnt. 

-I understand this have made zero sense to some but it’s a way of getting this out of my system. 2018 thank you for what I’ve learnt. I hope that I can own 2019 and I hope you guys can too. 

Until next time x

24th December 2018