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I know that realistically, my mom is better than my dad. But since I’ve always been, I dunno, the independent older daughter, or since I am too fucking anxiety ridden to tell her everything I want, she seems to clearly favor my sister. She seems to be more worried. I hope she knows that if this continues I’m going to cut her off once I leave home. I can’t fuckimg manage living like this, especially with the state of the last year, and now having to always feel unfavored and unwanted. I want to fucking run away, cut off everyone, either start new or just be alone.
#She doesn’t fucking understand#So I’m just going to be angry#Because there’s too many shifty things I have had to deal with and I want to end it
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You said it was never done intentionally or anything. So why. Why the actual fuck did it happen so many times until I pointed out that hey, that’s shitty behavior and I don’t appreciate being treated like that. I’m so fucking sick and tired of this because no matter what I just feel left out. Like I don’t know what’s happening. Like nobody gives a shit.
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Some days I really just want to die. I don’t want to be here. My friends can find someone better. Or. It’ll be one less idiot to worry about.
#Pft.#I say that like people ducking worry. Nobody gives a shit. Nobody cares. I could stop posting and stop messaging#And just disappear and it would take weeks for someone to notice. Wouldn’t it.
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Like how when I say something it’s crickets. But when someone else says something similar it’s roaring applause
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my skin is too fragile, had to cut the fingernails so there wouldn’t be any blood
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It’s just sad knowing that if I were anyone else, people would care
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Would say my mental state is great if it weren’t for the fact that I have been sitting in a depressed slump since my birthday
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Anyway it’s one of those days. Everything hurts. I’m convinced my friends must hate me. I don’t matter. so I’ll be angry about me being a shit person. My friends deserve better. If I were anyone, anyone, else I would have gotten legit help by now. But I’ve always been the one to stay quiet and just not ask because I can’t make anyone worried like that.
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Vent blog just so the mutuals don’t have to see this. Hopefully I’ll look happier on main and not like I want to perish.
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