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Please stop telling yourself you are complaining and whining when you are only expressing how you feel on a physical, mental and emotional level.

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With DID, I constantly feel like saying, "I'm not who you think I am." But that's creepy and ominous so instead I just have to try to pretend to be who they think I am.

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Quick little note to myself and also others: you can just be somebody else if you want to be. Nothing's stopping you. Being a unique cryptid you invented when you were 14 that now exists inside you? Yeah, that's allowed, that creature can remind everyone to touch grass. Being an artsy girl who's totally the current you's soulmate and who takes care of your shared body because she loves you? Hey, that's the most effective way I've ever found to brush my teeth. Lonely in your head? Not anymore!

Oh and btw: it doesn't actually have to matter if those people are "real" or not either.

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Any other systems struggle with the urge to constantly delete their social media accounts and start again from scratch? 😭

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You’ll be okay. I promise.

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Touched starved and touch repulsed

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Too mentally ill to be “normal,” too good at faking functionality for people to take my issues seriously.

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“Oh, living is so uncomfortable. Everything presses in: the body demands, the spirit never ceases, living is like being weary but being unable to sleep – living is upsetting. You can’t walk around naked, either in body or in spirit.”

— Clarice Lispector, The Stream of Life

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Plurality can be fun, actually

You can joke around with your headmates

You can (AND SHOULD) make little groups and discord servers for you to chat with your headmates

You CAN dress up to look like yourself better

You CAN make art of your headmates

You can. try to be happy. despite your pain :)

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Margaret Atwood, from The Door: Poems; “Poetry reading”

[Text ID: “and asking, Why can’t I be good? / and later, Are these my real parents? / and later still, Why does love hurt so much? / and even later, Who causes wars?”]

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“Learn to be alone, and to like it. There’s nothing more freeing and empowering than learning to like your own company.”

— Mandy Hale

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To me, it's like thinking you're in a dream but at the same time sort of knowing you aren't asleep. It feels a bit like liminal space. When people begin to seem like mannequins or NPCs. Your home feels like a giant dollhouse, and all the familiar things look off.

Also when I derealize that much, I see everything in a sort of sepia-shade. Which makes it even harder to be convinced that everything is real.

Can we talk how frightening is to derealize?

You start dissociating for one or another reason, and in the moment you less expected the dissociaton gets that hard that you enter in a derealization state

Derealization can feel and present in many ways, once you enter in that state everything starts to lose sense... The world around you starts to feel unreal, this can be in many ways

Feeling that's just a dream

Feeling that it's fake

Feeling like every things is distorted

Feeling that's too fantastical

Feeling like it's too bright or dull

You can't even describe in a correct way how it feels and it's scary, because it feels unreal

Maybe my things aren't real, maybe my envirioment isn't real, maybe the people around me aren't real, maybe I am not real, who knows? Definetly not me

It feels so fuzzy, strange and terriffying, but at the same time can bring a calm sensation of anything being real or important, a calm that scares me

Derealization is a very frightening experiences, and I can't quite describe the whole dissociative experience this states brings me

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being aware of abnormal mood shifts is so embarrassing like damn i know this is happening but knowing doesnt stop it from happening :/

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I was busy talking with some headmates while I cleaned around the house and made all these plans for what we'd spend out evening doing.

I've only just realized I forgot all about the plans and I'm about to go to bed. Ugh, my memory gets a little spotty sometimes!

~ Host

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M.S. (via coffee-crinkled-pages)