altered-intellect

[altered-intellect]

Snaggleback donation request for @kgproductions-tmblr

[altered-intellect]

Bank of Sapphire Cold?

[altered-intellect]

HOW TO SMELL AN ENTIRE APPLE: A SHORT STORY

Inspired by this post by @thatnordicguy and @anphivenas

Step #0 - Input the molecular formula for apple scent into the chemosynthesizer. Check against standard atmospheric regulations.

Step #1 - Inhale from the olfactory vent.

Step #2 - Step away in dissatisfaction, shake your head, put your hands on your hips. Purse your lips a little bit. Document discrepancy against memory file.

Step #3 - Ask Arto why he thinks real apples smell different. Listen to him talk about dirt while he mops, even though hydroponics hasn't used soil in sixty years.

Step #4 - Adjust temperature to match hydroponic bay specifications. Modify humidity levels to Earth-standard apple growing conditions. Calculate optimal dispersal timing.

Step #5 - Spend three months adjusting the ratio of esters while the Father AI logs your overtime as "personal research."

Step #6 - Request access to historical apple cultivation records. Compare against current hydroponic yields that you keep insisting aren't quite right.

Step #7 - Accept illegal thermos coffee from Arto while explaining why you're trying to simulate apple stem rot. Ignore his comment about how your genetic mother used to sneak him fresh apples during maintenance shifts.

Step #8 - Visit the hydroponic bay during off-hours. Stare at perfectly engineered apple trees while holding your latest formula.

Step #9 - Get caught by Arto in the hydroponic bay. Pretend you're doing official atmospheric maintenance.

Step #10 - File your three thousandth chemical variation attempt while children from the education deck eat fresh apples during their biology lesson.

Step #11 - Listen to Arto's story about his great-grandmother's apple trees on Earth while pretending to calibrate environmental controls. Make detailed notes about soil composition that aren't relevant to hydroponics. Make a note to yourself to request synthetic dirt.

Step #12 - Run formula past the station's other atmospheric engineers. Ignore their suggestions that the hydroponic apples are chemically identical to your synthesis.

Step #13 - Request video logs from the hydroponics bay from 14 years ago. Watch your own face.

Step #14 - Realize you're no longer sure what real apples smell like. Spend a week comparing your formula against hydroponic samples (to get back to square one) while Arto watches silently.

Step #15 - Submit research proposal for expanded apple volatiles study. Receive approval with note: "Recreational research permitted within standard atmospheric duties."

Step #16 - Calculate that you've spent more time perfecting this formula than an Earth apple tree takes to mature. Continue adjustments.

Step #17 - Watch Arto retire from maintenance duties. Inherit his illegal thermos and refuse to acknowledge why you keep it.

Step #18 - Access archived footage of the education deck from your childhood. Focus on analyzing environmental conditions instead of your own face.

Step #19 - Visit Arto in the elder care deck. Bring him hydroponic apples that you both agree aren't quite right.

Step #20 - Find Arto's old maintenance logs with notes about the original hydroponic bay installation. Ignore the drawings in margins made by children who are now atmospheric engineers themselves.

Step #21 - Input your final formula into the chemosynthesizer. Tell yourself it's for the sake of documentation.

Step #22 - Inhale from the olfactory vent while holding a fresh apple from the hydroponic bay. Compare the two. Bite an apple. Chew. Swallow. Inhale.

Step #23 - Step away in satisfaction, shake your head, put your hands on your hips. Smile a little bit. File formula in public database under "standard atmospheric maintenance". Take a seat in your motorchair, satisfied. Rub your achey legs.

Step #24 - Watch new generation of children eat apples during their biology lesson.

Step #25 - Die.

[altered-intellect]

[altered-intellect]

thetah

[altered-intellect]

Since I dont live with my super religeous mother anymore I can buy shirts with cuss words : )

[altered-intellect]

Project D by 肉十鹿RSL

[altered-intellect]

YOU PLAY WIF ME

[altered-intellect]

the next conclave is going to be called 2 con 2 clave and they have to elect 2 popes

[altered-intellect]

images of foxes with things in their mouths...

[altered-intellect]

[altered-intellect]

The author's poorly disguised fetish

The author's proudly displayed fetish

The author's fetish you're pretty sure they don't realise they have

The author's fetish which they're firmly convinced everyone has and is just pretending otherwise

The author's non-sexual special interest which just sounds like a fetish because of their habitually unfortunate phrasing

The fetish the author is making a well-meaning effort to cater to in spite of clearly not understanding it themselves

The author's fetish that never quite makes it into the text because they keep getting sidetracked by the requisite worldbuilding

The author's utterly pedestrian sexual preference which the text treats like a bizarre fetish because they've got shit to work through

The author's seemingly innocuous recurring trope they're going to have a personal revelation about ten years down the road

The author's fetish you missed on a first reading because it's so far out of pocket, it never occurred to you that you could sexualise that

[altered-intellect]

"craving a food means your body needs something that food can offer" now what the fuck does my body need with an ice cream

[altered-intellect]

Arches National Park, Utah photo: Elliot McGucken

[altered-intellect]

Rb if you have an ass worth smacking