alteredbitchthing

[alteredbitchthing]

i Need to Quit My Job

[alteredbitchthing]

love when stories inflict unspeakable horrors onto a person for no real reason. its not karma. its not payback. its not a lesson. its not your fault. no ones even out to get you in particular. youre not the chosen one or special or anything. it just sorta happened and you were there. sorry man

[alteredbitchthing]

I know there’s Bauhaus smut but it’s all gay stuff

ITS A BAND WITH 4 MEN IN IT........

[alteredbitchthing]

some kind of virtual clown vomit flooded soundcloud & turned all my waveforms into tv static

[alteredbitchthing]

random anecdote for father's day: one time during a long car ride my dad asked me, "you're familiar with Murphy's Law, right?" and i was like "isn't that the one about how anything that can go wrong will go wrong?" and he said "yeah, exactly" and i said "why do you ask?" and he went "well, have you heard of Cole's Law?" and i said "no, actually, what's that?" and he said "it's mostly lettuce and carrots with a little dressing mixed in"

[alteredbitchthing]

What's the opposite of "fuck my stupid baka life" ?

[alteredbitchthing]

thank god for big women

[alteredbitchthing]

anyone remember what these things are called like little cartoony expressive doohickies i think they have a real name but i can’t remember

[alteredbitchthing]

[OPENS FRIDGE, REMOVES TUPPERWARE CONTAINER LABELLED "Pomegranates from land of dead do not eat"]

[alteredbitchthing]

[alteredbitchthing]

j'adore le franglish content le code switching c'est tellement fun je sautille from a language to another like a gazelle et toi aussi tant que tu voudras :)

OUAIS baby we are so fucking back. franglais est parfait parce que americans get mad AND it sends evil psychic vibes à l’académie française. The phrase “qu’est-ce qu’y’all doing aujourd’hui” came out of my mouth this evening and i think that might be the pinnacle of human language. i love being annoying

[alteredbitchthing]

[alteredbitchthing]

Damn bro....

[alteredbitchthing]

ok time to lock the fuck in *opens discord* ok time to lock the fuck in *opens tumblr* ok time to lock the fuck in *opens gmail* ok time to lock the fuck in *opens youtube* ok time to lock the fuck in *opens an unstable vortex in time and space* ok time to lock the fuck in *opens ao3* ok time to lock the fuck in *opens discord* ok time to lock the fuck in *opens tumblr*

[alteredbitchthing]

then the lord said to astarion. where is your brother bimbles?

[alteredbitchthing]

my MOLD #mymold

[alteredbitchthing]

pee

part 2 tomorrow

on the edge of my seat