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Doumeki's name

I came across this post from @whosafishy talking about D's name and it reminded me that I had some ideas about D's name stuffed away in drafts in a forsaken long format meta about the thematic importance of eyes in Saezuru. That meta will likely never see the light of day, but I thought these ramblings about D's name were kind of interesting so here they are.

Doumeki's last name is written as 百目鬼 in kanji. This surname is very rare in Japan, which even an English-reading audience can surmise based on Yashiro's reaction to it in ch 1 (below):

Y: What's you're name? D: Chikara Doumeki Y: Is that a stage name? (holding back laughter)

But why did Yashiro think D's name was so ridiculous? Doumeki's first name, 力 "Chikara", is the character for "strength" in Japanese. One important side note about Japanese in general is that kanji characters almost always have multiple pronunciations (readings). In normal Japanese speech, this character shares the same reading as Doumeki's name- "chikara", but when choosing kanji for names, there are often different readings to choose from, specific to names only (these are called nanori if anyone is interested).

This kanji character is actually not too uncommon in male first names in combination with other kanji, but seeing this kanji alone and with this reading isn't very common. In my experience, when this character alone is a person's first name the reading is usually "Riki" *, or sometimes "Isao", but in Doumeki's case it's just the same reading as the normal conversational word for "strength" so it literally sounds like his first name is just straight-up Strength (lol).

* (By the way, in case folks don't remember or didn't know, this is why Niki immediately connects Doumeki to her old dog, named Riki - it's because the character for D's name can be read as "Riki")

Okay, so Doumeki has a weird first name, but his last name is even weirder. The kanji 百目鬼 ("Doumeki") is very close to the word 百々目鬼 ("doudoumeki" or "dodomeki"). "Dodomeki" is the name of an ancient yokai (spirit or apparition). The direct translation of 百々目鬼 is "many hundred eyed ogre/demon". So, if we tried to directly translate Doumeki's name into English it sounds like "Strength Hundred Eyed Demon". 😂 I can definitely see why Yashiro asked if it was a stage name.

My interest in Doumeki's name and how it might relate symbolically to the story in Saezuru lies in the legend of the "dodomeki". I'll briefly outline it but if you're interested in reading about it for yourself you can check out an English telling of a version of the legend here. If you'd like to see a Japanese source for the information I'm sharing you can check that out here (everything is in Japanese though, so you have been warned lol).

Anyway, the legend of the "dodomeki" is at least 400 years old and has been told in many parts of Japan. Each region has a bit of variation, but the general gist is that there exists a yokai in the form of a woman with long arms that are covered in 鳥目 "choumoku". The term "choumoku" is an archaic word for money, particularly the type of Japanese coins that have a hole in the middle. This kanji can also be read to mean "bird eyes" (鳥 = bird, 目 = eye) so usually the things on the arms of this woman are depicted as bird's eyes.

The "dodomeki" wanders the city in search of those who have stolen money (鳥目) and reclaims the ill-gotten money as her own, in some legends the money embeds in her skin to become more "bird eyes". In many tellings the yokai is born from a woman who herself had been a sneaky pickpocket in life and because of her evil ways had been cursed to suffer as a demonic spirit. It's said that she was taught the error of her ways and now takes money only from those who stole it, so in a way she's kind of a "good" evil spirit.

So what does this legend have to do with Doumeki and how his story is unfolding? Well, I think it's safe to call Doumeki a thief at this point. He of course stole the contact lens case (another reference to the double meaning of 鳥目 as "eyes") from Yashiro's apartment, but more relevantly, he stole a fuck ton of money.

We know that Doumeki (probably) gave Misumi two hundred million yen (roughly 1.3 million USD by today's exchange rate, if anyone was wondering). Half of that money is heavily implied to be stolen from Kouseikai (not to be confused with Kyouseikai - the group responsible for kidnapping Niki; the remnants of which now form Ryuuzu) , as shown by Amou overhearing the Sudougumi guys talking about it in ch 43, but the other half is still a mystery.

Misumi asks where Doumeki got the money, as there's no way he could have earned it doing typical low level crimes. Doumeki refuses to answer. It's clear that D doesn't want Misumi to know that he stole from Kouseikai, but I also think he must be hiding where he got the other half. Misumi then asks why D wants to join Doushinkai to which D clumsily replies "Because I don't know any other yakuza". Misumi is not amused and proceeds to have his men beat the shit out of D. The money then presumably falls into Misumi's hands.

I think if we use the legend of the "dodomeki" as a clue, it's clear that D is due for some comeuppance for stealing the money. Just as the "dodomeki" is taught a divine lesson, I think D will definitely suffer some retribution for taking the money from Kouseikai. He's also got the contact lens case to answer for. It seems certain that as soon as Yashiro realizes that Doumeki took it, he's bound to react some way and if this legend is really giving us a hint it's probably (maybe?) not going to be positive (at least initially. Probably.).

Aside from giving us a clue about the plot, I also see some connection between the legend of the "dodomeki" and D's personality. The legend says the yokai was created from a woman who couldn't stop stealing - a person who wanted to possess things that didn't belong to her. I think Doumeki, for all his gentleness and genuine intentions, also has a troubling possessive streak.

Aside from the overtly possessive thoughts D has pre time skip (which I'll talk about in a bit), I've always thought the quote below from ch 17 shows this really well. Yashiro has had his first encounter with Inami, followed by the first blow job (to completion) by Doumeki. While in the car afterward, Yashiro is remembering Doumeki buttoning up Y's new white shirt in the hotel room:

D: As much as possible, don't do it by yourself. Even washing yourself D: Everything you need, I'll take care of it.

Just before this, Yashiro confesses to masturbating after Doumeki left to buy Y a new white shirt (half confesses, really because he lies about the number of times lol) and this leads to Doumeki saying he wants Y to satisfy all his sexual desires with D alone. Not only that, D wants to do everything for him, even bathe him. The absolute look of perplexity and bewilderment on Yashiro's face - it's got to be one of my favorite expressions in the manga.

(look at him, he's like wtf?)

I would argue this drive to take care of Yashiro and be everything for him may have an altruistic origin, but ultimately this kind of desire is destructive. Doumeki himself recognizes this quality and yet can't seem to stop his own urges. These lines are the overtly possessive thoughts I mentioned above from Ch 22:

D's thoughts: I want to make him mine Cont'd: Will there ever be a time in the future when I feel such desire for someone? Cont'd: I only exist to serve as his arms and legs - he wants nothing from me Cont'd: Even though this is the only path that allows me to stay by his side...

D goes on to say "Why can't I restrain myself?" on the next page, bringing his hand to his face in frustration.

Doumeki wants to stay by Yashiro's side, but the means by which he thinks he can achieve this (pre time skip anyway, we don't know much about what D is thinking post time skip) will just restrict Y's freedom in the end. These restrictions on Yashiro are, in a way, Doumeki's attempt to own him - to wrest Yashiro away from the dark world that originally "stole" him first, just as the "dodomeki" steals ill-gotten money from those who stole it in the first place.

(Just as a last little tangential side note: There are other famous characters who share Doumeki's sir name. The two that come to mind are Shizuka Doumeki from xxxHolic - a character who's right eye is stolen at one point by a spider demon - and Hanako Doumeki from a recent TV drama called Zeichou - Haraenai niwa Wake ga aru - - a character who aids in tax collection. So in both cases the characters stories are at least loosely related to eyes, stealing, or money.)

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Okay, so chapter 61 of Saezuru.

This was a really interesting and emotionally heavy chapter, and although nothing apparently moved forward between Yashiro and Doumeki, I think it seems obvious that something dramatic is going to occur within the next, few chapters as a result of this one and, specifically, from Doumeki getting shot while protecting Yashiro.

What's interesting about this chapter is that we see both Yashiro's and Doumeki's acts of indifference begin to crumble, though they're both still stubbornly holding onto them, too. Doumeki obviously acted on instinct when he shielded Yashiro from that bullet, protecting Yashiro's life, and exposing his true feelings in the process, and in turn, Yashiro was unable to abandon Doumeki while critically injured, interceding to keep him in his care and away from Tsunakawa's men and, presumably, Tsunakawa himself.

We also see Yashiro's true feelings surface when he tells Nanahara to "drive faster" while taking Doumeki to Kageyama's clinic. He's obviously worried about Doumeki dying, which Nanahara takes notice of and seems surprised by. That's interesting too, because it indicates that Nanahara wasn't aware that Yashiro still had strong feelings for Doumeki. In previous chapters after the time skip, Nanahara seems to want to keep Doumeki away from Yashiro, seeming suspicious of his intentions. Maybe he genuinely believed that Yashiro didn't want Doumeki in his life, which would make sense, since Yashiro's feigned indifference to Doumeki since they parted ways four years earlier.

More interesting, though, is that Doumeki essentially reveals here that he does understand that Yashiro was trying to protect him by pushing him away in the past. He reveals this by telling Yashiro that the reason he shielded him from the bullet was to repay him for protecting him before. In typical fashion, Yashiro denies this, and I think it's because Yashiro both genuinely fails to see or understand his own altruism and, as a result, continues to believe, now more than ever, that it's no good for him to be near Doumeki. As he's said in the past, he believes he just destroys what's beautiful and good.

One positive of all this is that I don't think Yashiro believes anymore that Doumeki hates him, but, again, I do think this event has likely just reinforced Yashiro's belief that being with Doumeki isn't an option, because when he's around Doumeki, Doumeki gets hurt. So him playing off his actions in the past seems like an attempt to ward Doumeki away, again, for Doumeki's sake.

Getting back to Doumeki though, and what him revealing he's always understood Yashiro was trying to protect him means, I think it pretty much definitively tells us that Doumeki hasn't been acting cold and indifferent toward Yashiro to punish him. I pretty much already knew that, as I think most people did. If Doumeki understands that Yashiro did what he did to protect him, then that means he doesn't hold any ill will or hurt feelings toward Yashiro, really, and he also understands that Yashiro didn't push him away out of any ill will or negative feeling toward him. Which tells us also that the way Doumeki's been acting has solely been an attempt on his part to keep Yashiro from running away again, not because he's trying to guard himself emotionally. Of course, this whole situation may throw a monkey wrench into that plan, if Yashiro really thinks being around Doumeki now will continue to endanger him.

Though I doubt that's how this is going to go. I think Yashiro is scared now of what Tsunakawa is going to do, and we know Yashiro won't abandon Doumeki if he thinks he's in danger. It's also going to be pretty much impossible for Yashiro to deny at this point that Doumeki's behavior since the time skip has been anything but an act. I think he genuinely believed before that it was sincere, that he'd driven Doumeki to hate him, but Doumeki shielding him has pretty much done away with any such notion. The question now is, how will Yashiro respond? Right now, he's still refusing to yield, and again, I think it's out of fear over what accepting Doumeki might mean for Doumeki himself. Doumeki's already landed in hot water by protecting Yashiro instead of Tsunakawa, which, once more, will only feed into Yashiro's past and probably present belief that he's bad news for Doumeki. I think the panels of him starting to reach for Doumeki, but then pulling back, are likely reflective of that feeling. He wants to be near Doumeki and care for him, but he doesn't think he can have that and also keep Doumeki safe

It's going to be harder for Yashiro to run away this time, though, both because there's the lingering threat of what Tsunakawa might do, but also because his own identity has long since cracked apart and left him, essentially, bereft and suicidal. He can't escape anymore into the idea that he wants or desires cruelty for himself. He understands now that he wants someone to love him the way Doumeki loved him, and has tasted what his life is like without that love, and without the coping mechanism of his past identity. It leaves him with nothing but the haunted memories of his past and present abuse at the hands of other men.

Anyway, we'll see how this goes. I hope Yashiro can, for once, be kind and more generous toward himself, and allow himself to be with Doumeki. I hope he can come to a place of understanding that he isn't bad for Doumeki, and that Doumeki didn't get hurt because of him. Before Yashiro can accept Doumeki's love and express his love in turn, he has to get to a place where he doesn't think so badly of himself.

Also, just an addition. The fact Doumeki was on the cusp of seemingly begging Yashiro to take him back if he really believes Tsunakawa won't forgive him for failing to shield him, tells us that Doumeki has never had any real interest in being a member of a yakuza gang, and pretty much seems to confirm that he only joined, and has only remained all this time, in order to stay near to Yashiro. It's obvious that, if he has to choose between Tsunakawa and Yashiro, it won't even be a question for him.

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we will always get through the bad times

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omegaverse dating apps probably involve some kind of frangrantica style This Is My Scent feature and it’s huge discourse if someone lies

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tsubaki’s biggest fan!

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happy pride month to "i like myself when i am in love with ume. i'm proud of who i am for falling for him. whether he feels the same way or not or ...our genders... none of that matters. the value of love comes from our souls" !!

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Yeah, so I love them actually.

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btw I’ve found these stretches from the WAK blog very helpful when knitting a lot:

Plus make sure to take breaks regularly - and stop if anything starts to hurt!

especially with gift knitting I know it can be tempting to push through it for a deadline, but it’s really not worth causing long term injury. (And anyone knit-worthy should be understanding of that, imho.) Stay well :)

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sns doodles ☀️

the first outfits are based on the picture below (which google image search said is of band members from EXO but every source just linked back to a different pinterest post so idk)

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SOUND ON.

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"We shouldn't be doing this."

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Do you like this picture?

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—THE BANGKOK BOY · Episode 8

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do you guys think naruto likes someone?

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A snake story, based on an experience I had while I was in Florida.