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alwaysjjk97 · 1 year

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I MISSED THEM OMG

love love love the plm jealousy drabble! can you also write a super needy, subby plm koo 🥹 only if you have the time and energy! Tysm 🫰🏻

This is 5 months late but here it is - my take on "subby" Koo even if I do not know how to write this kind of dynamic. But I tried with CK JK in mind so I hope you like it. There's also lots of fluff and teasing and walking down memory lane and this is me, making up for the past 2 angsty parts. 🙂

Title: Please Love Me Bonus (09) - The Lake House

WC: 16,648

Tags/Warnings: mentions of pregnancy, past illness; CK JK, lots of teasing and fluff; talks of past sexcapdes; explicit sexual content ("subby" JK & OC trying to be a "dom" (??), mutual masturbation, thigh riding, oral (m & f receiving), straddling, fingering, lots of kissing, penetrative sex, creampie??) (18+) I’m obviously unsure of my smut pls forgive me 😅😅

Series Masterlist

“Am I making your heart flutter again, Mrs. Jeon?”

Jungkook smirks as he asks, his body turning towards you when he reaches the stoplight.

Seated on the driver’s seat with his one hand on the wheel and the other one on yours, you shyly smile, knowing you’ve been caught, even if you weren’t really hiding your obvious attraction for your husband on this specific day.

He’s got the short sleeves of his plain white shirt rolled up, his arm tattoos looking bright under the summer sun. His hair is curlier than usual as it’s grown longer, and paired with the denim jeans that you asked him to wear, he’s an absolute stunner.

“You know the answer to that, hun,” you giggle, briefly looking away before he tugs your hand to look at him again.

“I wanna hear you say it, baby,” he urges, his eyebrows wiggling now.

You know that he’ll take any chance he has to hear you confirm that you’re ogling him, and well, you’ve told yourself that you’ll do that every few times just to see him be a giggly mess.

“You are, Kook,” you concede. “My heart’s non-threateningly leaping out of my chest right now. You’re so handsome and you’re so happy; it’s my favorite version of you.”

“Ah, I thought post-shower Jungkook is your favorite,” he teases. “But you also said that about post-sex Jungkook, and post-gym Jungkook, and Jungkook with his glasses on, and—”

“Oh stop it,” you laugh, getting flustered at him pointing out just how weak you are for him. He’s not wrong, though. “They’re all my favorites.”

“You can’t have more than one favorite though,” he playfully rolls his eyes.

“So then what’s your favorite version of me?” You ask, challenging him.

“The present one,” he winks. “Today’s you is my favorite as of today; yesterday’s you was my favorite as of yesterday, and then the day before that was… you get my drift. Each one has been my favorite and it changes everyday.”

“You’re a cheater,” you shake your head.

“I am a lover, babe. I love every version of you.”

You cover your face as you feel embarrassed for you and him, and you’re glad you’re the only two people who are witnessing your husband be incredibly cheesy, which happens every once in a while. You know he does it to make you laugh but you also know there’s truth to the things he says, no matter how cringey they could be sometimes. He loves you that way, and you like that he does.

“Do you love the version that upsets you, too? And that cries and gets sad when you’re away?” You wonder out loud, knowing that any reference to your recent fight and its aftermath doesn’t hurt you both as much as it used to.

It was two weeks ago when he took the 4-hour drive from Busan to Seoul to be with you, and you’ve both been more comfortable talking about the things that hurt since then. It’s how you managed to get back to how things were, playfulness included.

“Of course, babe,” he says, more serious and softer now. “I love you even when I’m angry. And even if it’s hard to see you cry, I love it when I get to hold you again. And then, you know, we have sex and then you talk dirty to me.”

“Kook!” You squeal, feeling your cheeks warm at the reminder.

You’re rarely ever vulgar during sex, letting Jungkook take the reins in all ways including vocally, but that night, you felt so much desire that you just wanted to push him a little, perhaps make him feel how he makes you feel, and your words did what you wanted them to. He came so hard and you basked in the joy that you could do that to him. Thinking about it now makes you shiver, and you truly can’t wait for the long weekend you’ve been afforded to go out of town and be together, knowing what you’ll be doing most of the time.

“Why are you shy about it?” He chuckles, taking your hand from your face and kissing it. “It was so fucking hot, okay? And since you don’t do it much, it surprises me whenever you do, and that’s just… shit I’m getting hard just thinking about it.”

“Honey, behave,” you laugh, although the thought that he could get turned out at the memory of that night makes you giddy. Perhaps that version of you could show up in the next few days.

“I will,” he smiles sweetly now. “But you know it doesn’t matter, right? You could just be lying in bed and sounding the way you always do and that’s all I need. It doesn’t take much to make me happy. Just you.”

Your nose scrunches as you try to temper your smile, but it gives him more reasons to tease you.

“Your heart fluttering again?” He wiggles his eyebrows now.

You pout in response and he can’t help but laugh, and the sound of it warms your heart in ways you can’t fully express. You were without it for weeks, as you recall the days following your stint at the hospital, how Jungkook had been cold to you until things blew over, and how he was distant right after because he didn’t know how to handle all his conflicting emotions towards you. Looking back now, your biggest fight since getting married was because of how much love you both have for each other, and that says a lot about how far you’ve come.

Despite the weeks since then having been tough for Jungkook because of the meetings and project preparations he had to manage, he made sure to go home to you, hug you every night, message when he can’t call, and let you know that he needs you even when he’s just about ready to pull his hair from stress. And you were there, letting him lay on your chest, massaging his head, and kissing him constantly to let him know that you’ll weather the storm with him, no matter how tough things get.

After getting things going and delegating the tasks for his project, Jungkook got the approval from his father to get two days off, which is why you’re both on the way to Busan, having missed home so much. You’ve both only visited since you got married but never stayed long enough to go around, and like what you both promised each other, you’ll make new memories in the places that hold unpleasant ones. Home felt the same but you’re both different now, and the flirty smile that Jungkook gives you is evidence of that.

Perhaps it’s his feeling of temporary freedom that makes him look a lot more handsome today; he’s smiling and laughing and teasing, and it’s when his youthfulness shines. Perhaps it’s the way the sun highlights his caramel skin, or the way his curls fall on his shoulders, or maybe it’s the casual look that isn’t his usual sweatshirt and joggers ensemble that’s making him look even more irresistible. Maybe it’s everything, as he bops his head to the sounds of his playlist, his carefree vibe somehow making him glow.

Maybe you’re just as excited, and so everything he’s done since this morning is probably just preparing you for what’s to come.

You’d stopped to watch him dress up earlier and commented that he could be a jeans and underwear model, and he’d laughed, saying that in contrast to his younger years, he no longer feels comfortable walking in his boxers around strangers. He had to clarify that he joined some community fashion show during one of his backpacking trips because his companion convinced him and he was a hit; everyone was cheering and then flirting with him afterwards. He’s done with that, he’d said. You’re the only one he wants to see him that way; he’d give you a private show if you wanted, he teased.

During your stopover at a cafe for breakfast, he was sitting on the chair with his legs spread wide while sipping his coffee, and you allowed yourself just about a minute to imagine climbing on his lap and marking his pretty neck while he moaned your name.

And this whole drive, he’d been nothing but a tease - combing his hair with his fingers, dragging his tongue along his lips just because, and singing along to love songs while smirking at you. All the while, you’re smiling like a giddy teenager admiring her crush, and Jungkook makes sure to call you out on it. But you don’t mind, really, not when he stops at a shoulder on the road just to kiss the pout off your face and tell you that he becomes such a giddy mess every time he sees you be a mess yourself for him.

“Kook,” you whine against his mouth, wanting it all over you even if you know it’s not the time nor place. “We have to go to our grandparents’. You know they don’t like it when we’re late.”

“They miss us too much to get angry,” he argues, as he presses kisses down your neck.

“We’re still out on the road and in public,” you counter, panting now as your pleasure increases. “And I don’t want to go into that lunch with messy underwear because that’s what’s about to happen. Please, hun, I—” your moan cuts you off when his fingers press onto your clothed pussy, feeling now the effect he has on you.

“Hmm, baby,” he groans, suddenly frustrated at not being able to do anything more right now.

He shouldn’t have teased you like this but he also couldn’t go on another minute not kissing you after you looked at him the way you’ve been all morning. There’s this perpetual desire in your eyes, as if you’re savoring every action that he makes, perhaps coming up with scenarios in your head that he hopes you’d play out once you’re both alone. He suddenly wants to fast forward to tonight for that, knowing it’ll take you until the early hours of the morning to get fully satisfied.

“We should save all this energy for later, okay?” You say, taking his fingers that felt you up in your mouth, wanting to get back at him but also wanting to excite him; his hardened gaze says you succeeded. “In the meantime, we have to act like the precious, wholesome couple that our grandparents think we are.”

“Hey, we’re wholesome sometimes,” Jungkook laughs, willing himself to pull away from you and continue driving. “But, uh, do you think they’ll ask us about having children again? I don’t really know what to tell them; we can’t really ask them to not be on our business like we can with our parents. I just don’t want you to feel pressured.”

“I know, same here,” you sigh. “But Mother told me that she told them not to bring it up, since I have to focus on getting healthy again after what happened. Hopefully our grandparents won’t hound us about it.”

“If they do, then let’s just be honest.”

“And say what?”

“That we’re living our best lives and we’ve decided to let life surprise us,” Jungkook says. “And that it’ll come. And when it does, it’s gonna be really special because we prepared ourselves for it. Because that’s what we’re doing, right?”

“It is,” you smile, liking how he’s able to talk about having children in a casual manner now, with less of the fear and more of the excitement.

You may still be just letting things take its course - with some false alarms along the way - but the challenges in between have been helpful in preparing yourselves for eventually starting a family. You know that when it happens, it’s going to be everything you imagined it to be.

Your grandparents’ estate is not far from the beach. They bought a humble home in this area decades ago and slowly expanded the property by buying the surrounding land, until they were able to build a large main house with smaller living quarters for when their children and grandchildren visit.

The garden is large and well-designed. You claimed a section of it when you were young. It’s where you had your playhouse set up because playing in it was the only thing you could do; you weren’t allowed to run around like Seokjin and Soyeon were. There was a spot where you laid your mat to play with your dolls; as you grew older, it became the place where you’d read books or paint or draw. The playhouse is still there, a little old and rusty but you imagine your future children playing in there one day.

There’s a tall tree in the center and you stand underneath. It’s the one that used to shade you when you would watch your siblings play with the Jeons.

Apparently, it’s also the spot of your first picture with your husband, as you find out from your grandparents. Your grandmother holds an old photo they recovered from one of their albums - you and Jungkook at 2 years old, standing next to each other, with him in a red hooded jacket and you in a yellow sundress. There’s distance in between, but you’re both posing the way little kids do, and you can’t stop gushing over how adorable you both looked.

“Honey, look at us!” You giggle. “Two years before you started disliking me.”

“You mean, 2 years before you rejected me?” He counters, pouting at you.

You both pose the same way for another photo - Jungkook with a peace sign by his head and you with your close-lipped, sweet smile - and lay the polaroid next to the old picture, over 25 years apart. It’s amazing how things play out, you think to yourself as you gaze at them. Life does surprise you, and realizing it decades later is a different kind of special.

Jungkook makes you take another photo so he has a copy, and you indulge him, knowing he gets pretty sentimental about these things. He said once that he wishes he had more of your joint childhood to remember and treasure, but much of that only lives in your mind because you’re the one who always paid attention; he was the one who tried not to mind you even if you were right next to him, the jealousy clouding his mind. Which is why whatever piece of your past he finds, he’ll take it, if only to put together the puzzle of your lives back then, and smile because even if he doesn’t remember much of that, he remembers everything about this - your now and everyday.

He goes through other old photo albums of your grandparents, telling his grandparents that he’ll check their stack as well when you both visit on your last day. It’s stories of the yesteryears that fill the air as you finish your meal, and you’re thankful that everyone is immersed in the stories to even bring up your sickness or your future family.

The sound of Jungkook’s laughter fills your heart once more, and as he pulls you close under that same tree for a kiss, you think that it’s another new memory you’re going to hold dear.

Pulling up to the side of the road, Jungkook turns off the engine and meets you by the railings overlooking a semi-private beach. It’s one of several in town and Jungkook’s favorite. This is where he first learned to surf and he spent much of his time here with Jimin and Taehyung.

He tells you this as you both walk down the steps to get to the shore, reminiscing the days when things were much simpler.

“So that’s why you chose this for your 13th birthday party,” you say, looking around. “It’s gorgeous, Kook.”

“You knew I had it here?” He looks at you curiously, immediately thinking that Junghyun had told you.

“Yeah, I could tell from that big rock,” you say, pointing to it near the shore. “You had photos there and your brother told me how your mom was yelling at you to not jump from it. I… I asked him to show me pictures when he visited me at the hospital. I told him I wanted to see how happy you were.”

“You were recovering from surgery but you were still thinking about me, huh?” Jungkook says, a sigh almost escaping his lips at the thought.

“You were really excited about it and I was sad I couldn’t go. If I was strong enough, I would have, but I guess you wouldn’t have noticed either way,” you laugh, knowing that Jungkook didn’t pay much attention to you then.

“I was pretty bitter, actually,” he admits. “You were supposed to be family but you didn’t come - that was the thought in my head. Silly, right? And pretty childish.”

“You didn’t know, Kook,” you assure him. “So you were looking for me?”

“Sort of,” he laughs. “I was being petty. I remember not wanting to ask hyung where you were so I never did, but I just chalked it up to you never attending parties anyway, so what would be different about me?”

“Yours was the only party I would actually go to, but I didn’t want to be the boring girl to you who just sat at the table while everyone enjoyed,” you reason. “So I never went to the ones after that. I always wanted to, though. But that doesn’t really matter now, does it?” You turn to him and smile before you wrap his arms around your waist. “I’m literally family and we’re here together. I think this is a nice good memory to make.”

“It is,” he says, kissing your cheek. “I’m glad I took you here with me. Immature 13-year old Jungkook can get over it now. If I told him I’d be marrying you 12 years later, he’d probably cuss me out.”

“You were cursing at 13?!”

“Yeah. Don’t tell my Mother.”

You laugh together as you head back to the car, the late afternoon heat starting to prick at your skin. It’s been a long day but you’re nowhere near done. You take the half-hour drive to your home for the next few days, a place that holds a lot of unpleasant memories for you, which is why you insisted on staying there.

One of the Jeons’ beach houses would’ve been an easy choice, but when you told him where you wanted to go, he immediately understood.

With your luggage bags in his hands, Jungkook looks around the graveled pathway and at the cabin in front of him. “So this is the place, huh?”

The place, he repeats in his head - the one where you found refuge in when you wanted to be away from him after he’d hurt you. That fight before your wedding was years ago but sometimes, it still feels like not much time has passed. He gets to see where you spent your days though, and while that may remind you of how hard it was back then, you could at least remember it now as a place where you both spent your weekend together.

“This is the main house,” you say, ringing the doorbell and greeting the caretaker who welcomes you. You smile at the lake view just across; it calms your senses as it did all those years ago. “They only allow a small percentage of land to be used for residential purposes. When my siblings and I got older, my parents wanted to give us our own spaces, so they bought the surrounding areas so we can build our own houses however we want.”

You walk out to a covered pathway that leads you to your own piece of paradise - a one-floor home with a veranda that’s overlooking the lake. It has an open floor plan with the kitchen and dining on the left of the entrance. At the center is a freestanding wall that separates the sleeping area from the living room, both spaces having a good view of the water. The corner on the left houses your painting materials, giving you access to the outside where the magic happens.

There’s a stretch of land down the steps towards another walkway that juts out to the lake, and as you lean by the railing, you take in everything that you see. It’s been years but a lot of things look the same, and just like this city, it still is; it’s you and the man next to you who are different.

“So what did you do while you were here?” He asks, trying to imagine how you spent your days while he wasted away in your apartment in Seoul.

“I… cried,” you admit. “I was upset but I still missed you. But I also painted a bit, read books… Most times I just sat here. It’s so picturesque, you don’t really get tired of it. It helped because I kept thinking about you being alone and worried even if I wasn’t ready to speak with you then.”

“I was thinking of you a lot back then, too,” he says, facing you now and taking your hand. “I hated that you were alone and I didn’t know how to get to you. But I guess I should thank this place, too, for letting you breathe and letting you think. Is that how you forgave me?”

“It was,” you smile. “After my emotions settled, I thought that one day, I’d like to bring you here. I’m glad I could do that now.”

Jungkook smiles at you softly before his eyes turn desirous. “So are you gonna paint and read books and just sit out here this time, too?”

“Hmm, I could,” you smile back. “But I was also thinking of making love to you here. I think that would be nice.”

“It would be,” he hums, cupping your cheek now and pulling you in for a kiss. “We could probably start now, huh?”

His free hand sneaks inside your dress to cup your breast, and you jerk when he flicks your pert bud and you’re taken out of his spell.

“Honey, I’d love that but we have a dinner reservation soon,” you say, pulling away. “It’s jazz night and we said we’d catch that.”

Jungkook doesn’t look disappointed. He agreed with tonight, after all, and he thinks he’d just be craving more and more if you started anything right now, so he lets you go for a shower while he unpacks his things.

He looks out the water as the sun starts to set and spots the two other houses not far away. It seems as though those have been renovated, with extra rooms for your siblings’ kids now, and Jungkook wonders when you’ll have your own place extended for another room.

He lets the thought settle in, as he continues to get used to the idea of having a family with you. It would be nice, he imagines, driving off during long weekends to come here and enjoy the scenery and just spend time together. Your children would grow up knowing their great-grandparents, running around the same garden and beaches that he did, perhaps playing with your old toys, too. He knows those have been preserved at your request, waiting for the perfect time to give them away.

You call out to him and he turns around to find you in a simple linen dress, the neckline low enough for your tattoo to make an appearance. You look stunning, as always, and he has to stop himself from pulling you for another kiss.

He gets ready and goes out in a white button-up long-sleeve polo, loose enough for the cool summer evening. He catches you staring at him again, and he smirks at you to let you know that once dinner is over, your long night will begin.

The restaurant is just 10 minutes away by car. It’s fancy yet still cozy, serving some of his favorite elevated local dishes. The jazz performance is great, and with a small crowd, the singer encourages the guests to take the dance floor and that’s what Jungkook does, taking your hand and asking you to dance with him.

You’re shy at first but give in. Flushed against his chest, you both sway more than anything, and inhaling his ocean scent while he caresses your back, you feel that warmth that only his love can give, the kind of warmth you’ll constantly seek.

You finish your glass of wine before you head back to the car, with Jungkook laughing over something on his phone right before you leave, saying that the guys’ group chat is blowing up.

“What are they up to now?” You ask.

“Tae did this stranger role play with his girlfriend,” he shares. “You know, when they pretend like they don’t know each other and pick each other up?”

“O… kay. And then?”

“He got made up to look like some old Hollywood actor with the red jacket and slick hair and all. And people flocked to him to flirt before he could even get to his girlfriend. I can imagine she wanted to stop it all right then,” Jungkook narrates.

“Why don’t they just stay at their place and flirt there?” You say. “They can even dress up if they want to. Why go through the struggle?”

“Because it’s fun!” Jungkook exclaims. “There’s a kind of thrill from doing that, especially in a public place. The usual role play can get a bit over-the-top sometimes.”

“And you know that because… you’ve done it?” You ask, ready for his answer because you’re used to him just casually mentioning his previous sex adventures by now.

“Just the usual,” he shrugs. “Boss-secretary, doctor-patient… She was into it and I went along because sure, why not?”

“Did you enjoy it?”

“Is that a trick question?” He asks, as he parks the car.

“No…” you answer. “I’m just wondering if role playing is something you like. If it is, then we can, I don’t know. Maybe try?”

He furrows his brows at you as you both enter your house, curious as to why you’re suggesting it when he knows it’s something that would make you uncomfortable.

“Or like… uh, what else could we do?” You wonder out loud.

“Baby, we don’t have to do anything else,” he says, pulling you by the waist now. “If this is about you wanting to be ‘adventurous’ to appease me, then I’m gonna stop you right there.”

“I was just curious,” you pout. “I mean, it’s no secret that you’ve done a lot of these… ‘adventurous’ things with your partners - sex in a tent, in an alley, behind a waterfall… a sex show, and role playing as well? I guess I’m just wondering if you want us to do something exciting, too. If you’re still into that.”

“Baby, why would I want something else ‘exciting’ when I’ve got you?” He says, his onyx eyes boring into you to let you know that he means every word. “I married the prettiest girl in the world. Why would sex with you not be exciting? You know how fast I get hard with you. That’s… that’s exciting.”

You feel your cheeks warm again because he’s right. He does get hard pretty fast.

“Plus, we’ve skinny dipped, had sex in a caravan, in the car, on a deck…” he continues. “But to be honest, you could just be lying down and I’d be all set.”

“That’s literally all I do,” you laugh embarrassingly.

He’s always known that you like things simple. Sure, you give in to Jungkook’s requests, but most of the time, you settle for the same positions that you know give so much pleasure. You’re content; you just wonder if he is, too.

“Not all the time,” he corrects. “And those are just as exciting as when you’re coming undone under me and moaning my name, your perfect tits bouncing and your tattoo reminding me how much you love me.” He kisses your neck and you sigh in satisfaction at the movement. “I could get hard just thinking about that.”

You merely hum in response, not able to move on from it. You want to surprise him, maybe go out of your comfort zone to excite him differently, and so your wandering mind continues, something he picks up.

“Okay. Why don’t you… take control this time,” he suggests. “It’s nothing crazy. It’s just you directing me what you want me to do, how you want me to do it… anything.”

“That’s fine, hun, except there are times when I try to do that but you get so impatient and touch me right away,” you counter, chuckling now as you recall the times you direct him what position you want but his mind goes blank once things intensify and so he’s got his mouth and fingers inside and on you in seconds.

“Fine, then we’ll do it without me being able to use my hands, then,” he says. “I’ll only use them when you ask, and stop when you ask. Are you okay with that?”

Your mind thinks of all the scenarios you’ve been playing in your mind all day, and you lick your lips in anticipation.

“Looks like you are,” he says proudly, excitedly. “I guess then, we can start?”

You nod your yes. “You’ll be good for me?”

“Fuck, yes,” he groans, his eyes widening in anticipation. “I’ll be so good for you, baby.”

“Kook, that wasn’t meant to be dirty talk or whatever,” you giggle. “I just meant that you’ll be good in following the instructions you set out.”

“Don’t care baby. Don’t take it back. But say it again, please?”

The way his eyes plead does something to you, and so you let your inhibitions go and follow what your pussy says. And right now, it wants to command Jungkook.

You bite your lip before kissing him softly on the neck, trailing up until you reach his ear.

“You’ll be good for me?” You whisper sultrily this time.

He releases an incredibly deep grunt before he answers. “Yes, baby. I’ll do whatever you want.”

“Okay,” you pant, feeling your heart race now. “Kiss me. Just kiss me.”

Your mouths crash against each other, desperate and wanting in their movements. Your tongues fight for dominance but he lets you take this, liking how you aggressively take him in and pull his hair, causing him to moan, even more as his hands remain at his sides, aching to touch you but he promised he’ll be good; he promised to let you take control even if all he wants right now is to rip off your clothes and make out with your body.

You moan as well, slowing down now as you try to catch your breath. You face him, your eyes glassy and your lips swollen, and he seems to like what he sees. You take his balled-up fists and unclench them, placing them over his top.

“Undress please,” you say softly. “And do it slowly.”

Jungkook follows, his fingers working on the buttons carefully, skillfully, making sure you get to see and remember what those digits could do to you. He can’t wait for you to direct him to work those on you later on.

He gets everything undone and so he removes it - slowly, as you asked.

You gaze at his toned body, crafted by immaculate beings themselves as they created him so perfectly - the tautness of his chest, the line down his torso that branches out to his abs, the narrowness of his waist, all complementing the gorgeous face that you also can’t get enough of.

His jeans hang right underneath the white band of his underwear, and though you love this look on him, you like something better.

“Pants off,” you say this time.

And he follows, undoing the button and unzipping his jeans, pushing them off him until they pool on his ankle. His feet do the work of ridding himself of the heavy material, and all the while, his eyes are set on you - dark with lust and challenging you to do more, to ask him of more.

“Sit on the couch for me, baby,” the pet name coming out during tense moments like this.

He walks there as you say, and you watch his half-naked form move away from you, and it’s making you go feral.

“Where do you want my hands?” He asks when you’re finally standing in front of him.

“Just on the side,” you answer, your mind going hazy as you admire him seated on the couch now, his legs spread enough for you to see the stiff member in between.

His eyes remain on you but you’re staring at his gorgeous lap and those blue boxer briefs he’s wearing, shaping him in all the right ways. You take this time to ready yourself, removing your dress for him to observe. With your lace underwear, you know you’ve got him craving for you. His jaw tightens and you know just how to ruin him.

You kneel down in front of him and he seems to know what you’re up to, as he clenches his fists to control himself. He looks like he really wants to break his own rules now. But you push on, meeting his eyes before licking a strip over his clothed cock. It’s hardened even more now, and you can’t wait for what you’re about to ask him to do. You softly bite the flesh, feeling him strain his thighs as you tease him relentlessly.

Once you think you’ve teased him enough, you look up at him. “I want to see,” you whisper. “Take it out for me, show me what I do to you.”

He grunts before he follows, taking his cock out of his boxer brief, begging in his mind that you’d let him at least squeeze it because with you in your underwear on, commanding him like this while still maintaining your softness and hints of shyness, he’s losing his mind; he’s in real pain right now.

“Do you think about me when you’re away?” You ask.

“Yes, baby. I think about you all the time.”

“What do you think about?”

“Kissing you,” he grunts. “Tasting you, sucking every sensitive part of you, making love to you. Fuck, baby, I could go on.”

“Can you show me what you do when you think about those things?” You say, taking deep breaths now as you prepare yourself for what you’re about to see.

Jungkook sighs in relief and gets to it, squeezing his throbbing member and stroking it as you requested. He wouldn’t have known that this is what you wanted him to do. He’s obviously touched himself during the times before sex, and he also really does it when he’s away from you, but doing it this way - on the couch while you now stand before him, your eyes watching his every move - it’s exhilarating.

He continues his movement, getting into it completely as he takes in the way you look, especially with your parted mouth and heaving chest as you watch him pleasure himself to the sight of you. It seems like you’re in a daze, as your eyes don’t move away from him.

It’s the way his perfect slender fingers wrap around his thick, hard cock. It’s the way they glide, how his thumb occasionally presses the tip, how he starts to heave, feeling the pleasure build up, and how his head leans back and his back arches, revealing the column of his smooth neck, a perfect canvas for you to mark later on. You don’t stop the moan that you release, wanting to get into it, too, as the sight of your husband touching himself to the thought of you is so captivating. Seeing that this is what he does when he’s missing you makes you giddy, and you get to marvel at all of that right now.

You sit on the coffee table, your eyes still not leaving him. You feel the dampness in your underwear, so you press your fingers onto it for that much-needed friction, and you’re left wanting more. You remove it, feeling the string of essence stick to you and disappear as you throw your lace clothing on his side.

You touch yourself, too, your fingers drowning in how wet you are. They aid in your own pleasure, as you rub patterns on your clit that has Jungkook’s eyes widening in shock as you get into your own action, quickening by the second. Your eyes drift away briefly from him as your thighs start to shake, only being brought back when you hear him ask you to “open up.”

You spread your legs wider to give him a view, knowing that will help him. You want him to reach that peak, and you want to see him do so, since you miss out most of the time because you’re too caught up in the haze of how he pleasures you. You continue with your movements, speeding up once you feel you’re close to the edge, and Jungkook matches your pace, only for you to crash first.

“Oh my god,” you heave, feeling the mess you’ve made of yourself, and seeing it, too, as it pools on the coffee table.

“Fuck, baby,” Jungkook groans, his hand still working on his cock. “That’s so hot, I’m— fuck, I’m close. I want to come, baby. Fuck.”

He looks at you like he’s pleading, but you want to be selfish. You want to hold onto this scene of Jungkook pleasuring himself like this.

“Just a little bit more,” you end up saying out loud.

He concedes, knowing he’s given you all control. He slows down a bit, just so he won’t make a mess before you’ve asked him to.

You see his thighs shaking, his jaw clenching so tightly, and the veins from his hands and arms popping out form how much he’s controlling himself.

“Fuck, baby. I can’t take it anymore,” he pants.

You don’t want him to suffer. You’ve ingrained this scene in your mind already, so you tell him he can come, and the grunt that he releases will live in your mind, too. He paints his torso with his slick, but you get to him before it all ends, as you kneel back down and take his dick in your hand to swallow all that’s left.

“Shit, baby,” he groans again, taking you in with your eyes closed, lapping him up as you lick him off. “You drive me crazy. That was so hot.”

You sweetly smile at him before spotting his cum on his abs, perfectly placed on the dips and ridges, tempting you to clean him up.

And that’s what you do, as you lean forward and lick what’s remaining of his seed, your tongue gliding upwards and to the sides of his stunning plane. You lick and suck each patch of skin in your way, and you feel him still shaking a little bit, perhaps still coming down from his high. You get to his nipples, dark and beautiful as you nibble on them while trailing up to meet him in a searing kiss, letting him taste himself on you.

“I’m sorry for making you hold back,” you whisper against his lips, meaning it because you could tell he’d really wanted to come.

“No need to, babe,” he responds, heaving. “That was so sexy; I was losing my mind.”

You giddily smile, and Jungkook doesn’t know how you can maintain that sweetness while saying words and doing things that make him breathless.

“Can you go again?” You ask, eyeing his flaccid cock and licking your lips.

“As much as you want me to,” he replies, his body tensing in anticipation once more when you trace his dick with your fingers, tugging on the hem of his boxer brief until you’re pulling it off him completely.

You place it on his side and return to kneeling in front of him, capturing his gaze and savoring the look of him naked and willing. “I really like that brand of underwear.”

“I’ve been wearing that since I was a teenager.”

“I know,” you hum, earning him a cocked eyebrow from you. “You used to wear those low rise jeans that showed your brief’s waistband, and then you’d pull up your shirt or do cartwheels or anything to show off. It wasn’t hard to miss.”

You giggle at the memory, recalling how anytime Jungkook revealed slivers of skin when you were both in your teens, you’d get flustered and look away. Your siblings and Junghyun didn’t miss how nervous you’d been then, saying that your little crush grew up with the both of you.

“Ah, yeah. It made the girls go wild,” he smugly says.

“That includes me now. It’s probably the tiny waist,” you say, kissing him there, your hair dangling over his skin that causes him to curse.

“Or the strong thighs.” You spread his legs open so you can kiss him in places, too, finding his sensitive parts and licking him there. He stiffens at your movements, his clenched fists clenching even more, and when you look at his dazed eyes, you know you’ve got him wanting again.

“Fuck, fuck, baby,” he heaves, losing breath once more.

“Or, to those lucky enough to see it, your pretty cock,” you smile sweetly again, as if your words aren’t sending him in a spiral.

Perhaps all the times that you’d ogled at him quietly isn’t so bad, Jungkook thinks, knowing that this is how you are once you finally voice them out. You’re so enchanting like this, as the lust in your eyes is tinged with that love and adoration you have for him. It’s such a turn on, but it’s also turning him into mush.

He watches you as you suck his balls and then lick a strip up his member that’s now stiffened from your words. You take him in - slow and deep - before swirling your tongue around and he seriously could cry. You’re teasing him but giving so much at the same time; his mind and body don’t know what to do.

“But it’s all yours now, baby,” he drawls, tempted to break his rule and tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear. “This body’s all yours and you can do whatever you want with it.”

You pop his cock out of your mouth and smile at him. “I will. That’s why I will admire it all I want.”

You stand up and look down at him, liking the anticipation in his eyes. You remove your bra and proceed to sit on his thigh, your slick sticking to his skin immediately.

“You can touch me a little with one hand,” you mumble, humming once you let him cup your cheek first.

“You’re so beautiful, baby,” he moans, tracing your lower lip with his thumb before sliding it inside your mouth.

You suck on it while meeting his eyes, and he pulls it away before a moan escapes you, his wet finger now tracing circles on your pert nipple. His smooth hand with patches of callouses from his workouts caresses your bare body, fondling your breasts and pulling your face close for a kiss. It’s right after when you take his hand and place it on his side, signaling that his time for exploration is over.

You’re in control again, as you slowly grind against his taut thigh, perfect for the friction you badly need.

“You’re so beautiful, Kook,” you smile, combing your fingers through his curly locks. “I like your long hair,” you say. “You kinda look like a rockstar.”

He chuckles at your remark, a little thankful for the change in your tone. “So I’ve been told. That’s why grandfather asked me to cut it. I said I need something to pull when I’m stressed since work is driving me up a wall and they’re all pushing me too hard.”

“Hmm, still talking back to your elders, I see,” you laugh. “Nothing’s changed, Kook.”

“I’m a lot braver now because I’m with you,” he winks. “You’re kind of my shield, you know? You protect me from them so I can be honest. They gave me shit for my tattoos but they stopped once you got yours.”

You hum in satisfaction at the thought, knowing that you could do this for him.

“Guess I’ll have to comment during lunch with them that I love your long hair and your grandfather won’t ask you to get rid of it,” you giggle. “He quite adores me and trusts my taste.”

“Nothing’s changed, indeed,” he laughs, knowing that even from his side, they adore you wholeheartedly.

“I love hearing you laugh, hun,” you say, causing him to smile at your words. “You look so free and happy and so full of love.”

“And that’s because of you,” he responds, his voice low and serious and it does something to you again. “You’re all I need, baby. You’re all I want in this life.”

You nod to let him know you feel the same, but it gets you going, with you wanting to keep on admiring him. And you do, kissing him tenderly with your arms around his neck as your fingers comb his hair. You continue to slide against him and his moans in between tell you how into it he is.

Your lips slide down to his jaw and then to his neck, alternating between its smooth expanse to the stunning canvass of his chest. It’s soft kisses turned to playful nibbles turned to desperate sucking, as you take all of him in and express your adoration with marks and bruises that will stay with him. You’re rarely able to do this because he’s always the one on you so you take your time, liking the rise and fall of his chest and the moans and curses he lets out and the way he tries to hold back any other movement from the one you’re directing him to do, which is nothing.

So you give him something, reaching out for his hand and guiding it to his cock that’s hard right now. “Touch yourself please,” you ask, your hand still on top of his as he strokes his member like you instructed.

“Keep going, okay? I just want to see you this way,” you whisper in his ear. “You’ll get to touch me soon.”

“Yes, baby,” he moans, cursing as you increase your pace of thrusting against his thigh.

You suck his neck, feeling his head bopping to his own movements and hearing the vibrations from his throat. You finally sit back up to watch him touch himself, the same movements from earlier driving you just as crazy. His parted mouth makes you want it on you, so you ask him to kiss your body, and he happily complies.

“Fuck, yes,” he grunts once his mouth is on your breast, aggressively licking and sucking just like you did on his neck. “You’re so hot, baby. I could suck your tits forever.”

“Hmm, I’d love that.”

Jungkook gets lost in the softness of your breasts. It’s perfectly shaped and feels so good in his mouth. He knows how to get you going, so he does all the licking and sucking and tricks he knows. It’s hard when he could bust any moment as he pleasures himself; it’s tough not being able to touch you, too, but he’d take this scenario any day. Hearing you instruct him what to do drives him wild, even more with your giddy and soft eyes looking back at him before it turns lustful.

Your moans are louder now; your thrusts are getting erratic, too. Jungkook wants to savor this but he also wants to reach his high with you. But you take his free hand first and direct it to your cunt, and his curses again at being able to feel exactly how wet you are.

His fingers find your throbbing clit right away. Bent a little back, you give him space to play with you, getting lost in it once again because even with limited movement, he knows just what to do.

Jungkook works his way on your cunt while he continues to stroke himself. It’s insanely pleasurable. It’s also getting hard and painful, and so it’s music to his ears when you say that you want him inside you.

He lets go of his cock for you to slide down on, and the relief of your velvet walls makes him shiver. It’s like being out in the cold and then being wrapped up in something warm; your pussy is all the comfort he needs.

But you’re still in control, he reminds himself, as you thrust on your own pace before you’re bouncing on top of him. Seeing your breasts bounce with you is disarming; you’re so sexy like this and he has to remind himself that you’re his wife and he’s truly able to be blessed by this sight everyday.

You collapse on his chest, flushed against him as you catch your breath. But you keep going, grinding against him slowly. He takes the opportunity to nibble your ear and you don’t complain, so he keeps going, sucking your neck until you’re moaning and bouncing on him again. You sit back up and turn to him, and he captures your breast in his mouth. That’s when you lose it, feeling an out-of-body experience where all your nerves are heightened and stimulated so you give in.

“Take control, baby,” you moan. “I want to come all over your cock and I want you to come inside me.”

You say it to challenge him, to get him going, and that’s what happens, as he growls and immediately lays you on the couch because even as he loves this view of you, there’s still nothing like seeing the pleasure on your face when he’s on top of you, pushing to the depths of your hole and hitting you where you want it.

Your hair creates a halo and you look absolutely stunning, ready and desperate for him, as you whisper that you love him, that you want to feel him inside of you.

Jungkook thrusts hard. He’s got your legs spread so he can hold your thighs up and you can touch yourself while he’s reaching that spot that only he can. You both watch as he slides in and out, and it’s messy and obscene and erratic and every bit as good as it can get. You’re screaming by this time, and when he feels your legs shake, he goes even harder.

He kisses you, wanting to swallow in your moans when you finally let go, and you do, after a deep thrust that sends you over the edge. But he continues, chasing his high as well. He gets there when you whisper in his ear, feeling as if his body’s on fire with your words.

“Come for me, baby. You’re so good to me,” you moan. “No one can make me feel good like this. You’re all I need, baby. You’re all I want.”

He loses it every time you praise him like that and you know this, and that’s why you always say it at the end, when you want to bask in his essence just as he basks in yours.

You feel his warmth coating your walls, and just as you’re about to shiver from the sound of his end-of-sex moans in your ear, he turns to face you - damp hair and heaving chest - and his look softens, his small smile appearing before kissing you tenderly.

“I love you, so so much, baby,” he mumbles against your lips. “Every version, every day.”

You giddily smile at him again and wrap your arms around his neck to pepper his face with kisses. You pull him on top of you until he shifts to lay on your side, afraid to suffocate you after what was an intense period of lovemaking, which really started from when you’d asked him to take his clothes off.

“How was that?” You ask, turning to face him.

“Baby, did you see me?” He chuckles. “I was a mess.”

“Yeah, me too,” you laugh, nodding towards the droplets of cum you left on the coffee table. “I… I kinda let myself go earlier.”

“And it was so fucking sexy,” he praises. “But did you like it? Did you like being in control and teasing me like that?”

“I did,” you giggle. “You were pretty pliant, too. Not gonna lie, I was surprised. I thought you were gonna be whiny about it.”

“I was losing my shit,” he admits. “But I kinda made the rules and it was so hot hearing you tell me what to do. Or, well, ask. You’re still pretty polite about it.”

You laugh along with him but he assures you that he doesn’t mind it, and that he’s glad you don’t try to change just because you’re with him. The last thing he wants is for you to feel like you have to be adventurous or daring just to make him happy.

“I know I talk about my reckless and thrill-seeking past like it’s a badge of honor but it doesn’t mean that I’m not satisfied with our safer, more comfortable way of living,” he tells you. “I don’t yearn for anything more than what we do, okay? You literally turn me on with whatever you’re doing or wearing so don’t think I’d want you to be or do anything else, babe. I get to kiss you and make love to you all I want and that’s it… I’m a happy man.”

You scrunch your nose and giddily smile at his words, hiding your flushed face on his chest.

“And when you lose your shit like that because of me… it’s pretty special, too,” he adds, hugging you now.

You turn to face him and soften at how he fondly looks at you.

“You… ignite something in me, Kook,” you say. “Coming here after so long reminded me a bit of how it was back when I left. I was emotional because it hurt, and it was because I cared about you; I always did. Junghyun told me how distraught you were and I let myself believe that you cared about me, too. That’s what made me go back to you and try to make it work. And being back here… I just can’t believe how far we’ve come.”

You caress his face and he kisses your hand, the sparkles in his eyes making your heart race once more.

“You make me love so certainly and so passionately,” you add. “It’s thrilling, loving you like this. And we can argue or have issues or feel off with each other sometimes but if at the end of it, we can forgive ourselves and each other then it’s okay. We love hard and I know that’s how I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

It’s his turn to scrunch his nose now and smile, choosing to kiss you deeply as he pulls you in a hug instead of saying anything more. You’ve said it all, he thinks; he knows you know he feels the same.

But still, you ask. “Have I left you speechless now, Mr. Jeon?”

He laughs at your teasing. “I don’t know why you say you’re not good with words. I… I needed to hear them, babe. Being here and knowing where you spent your days while I was wallowing in guilt and misery at home hits me but doing all this now with you reminds me that we got through that. And we got through the past weeks, too.”

“Thank you for taking a short break to be with me here,” you say, kissing him.

“Baby, I wouldn’t pass up on any break from work,” he laughs. “But hyung assured me that I could. He knows I need to be with you after all that.”

You sigh in relief as you hug him, feeling the knots and bolts of his body melt away like yours are. Being together is like that for both of you, you think. Your love - in whatever form it’s expressed - is healing; it’s rejuvenating. It’s the kind you give so much of yourself to but feel like you’re becoming whole, complete, yet there’s still space for more.

You’re glad your parents made that deal with the universe to save you all those years ago. It made you live long enough to experience this.

A small smile forms on Jungkook’s face as he watches your soft, steady breathing. You seem to be in a deep sleep - a good one - he thinks, as the light from the sun coming from the glass doors doesn’t seem to be bothering you the way it usually does. He can’t blame you though. Last night was incredible. And pretty tiring, too, especially at the end when you let him take control, and he’d made love to you hard on the couch and then during your shower right after.

You were breathless by the time you were in bed, and you had to constantly assure him that he didn’t go too hard for the sex to be considered a ‘strenuous activity.’ You’re still required to take things easy, as your cardiologist had told you, and the last thing Jungkook wants is for you to overwork your heart just because he’d been too keen to fuck you. But seeing you enjoy yourself did things to him. So did seeing you be giddy, and then hearing you express your feelings.

It’s been a tough few weeks. He knew that during the times he was cold and distant towards you that he still felt so much love; it was just hard to express it because he was upset. He just had to process his negative emotions properly and ride them out. Once he’d cleared his head, there you were again, the only clarity he needed, and he was back to being the lovestruck man who’s head over heels in love with his wife. The best part was that you were the same, and being back in Busan and in this specific house is making him a little sentimental. And pretty horny, too.

Jungkook moves away from the bed and removes his shirt that’s absorbed all his sweat. He woke up early and went for a run down a nearby trail, savoring the cool morning breeze by the water and the natural sounds of the forest. It was gorgeous, and he thinks of going on a picnic with you tomorrow to see the sights.

He just got back to the house, expecting you to be awake, but the sight of you sleeping peacefully is still something nice to return to. Wanting to take advantage of the tranquility of this place, he decides to do some painting.

You showed him your corner yesterday. It’s complete with an easel and a stool that faces the view. There’s a bench with paint and brushes that you’ve left and you brought. You told him he could use them if he wanted.

The lake sparks creativity, you said, and he feels that now. The sun casts a glow over it that he wants to capture in brush strokes, and he wants to create something to remind him of this particular day and this specific moment, where he stands by the kitchen counter in a space you’ve both come to claim as your slice of heaven. Moans were bouncing off the walls last night but right now, it’s quiet. And whether you’re naked and bouncing on top of him, or naked under the covers as you take your needed rest, he knows you’re all he needs and wants, and he’ll never get tired of telling or showing you all that.

Choosing the colors he’ll be using, Jungkook starts to work. He stays true to the view before him, blending the blues and yellows and greens that he sees and laying them all out on the canvas. He wants to surprise you, show you he’s learned some tricks that he’s seen you do; he can already imagine your proud face and that gets him excited.

It’s almost an hour later when he hears shuffling inside the house followed by your call of his name.

“I’m outside, babe,” he yells. “I prepared the coffee in the pot, just press the button.”

You shout out your thanks and he gets back to work, immersed in the almost-finished product when your voice takes him out of his zone.

“That’s gorgeous, Kook,” you hum. “Way better than the one you did the last time.”

“Hey,” he laughs, tickling you.

He turns to you and his face softens. You’re standing next to him with mussed hair dressed in his white button-up polo from last night. He’d left it on the stool by your bed and you probably decided to wear it when you got up because you know he loves seeing you wear his clothes.

“Am I making your heart flutter, Mr. Jeon?” You tease, seeing his soft, dimpled smile.

He hasn’t said anything for the past 10 seconds and you think maybe it’s your chosen morning outfit.

“You know the answer to that,” he replies, pulling you by the waist and directing you to sit on his lap. “It was supposed to be a surprise,” he says of the painting. “But since you’ve seen it, what do you think?”

“It’s very Bob Ross-esque,” you compliment him. “And it’s really good, hun. The day’s pretty nice, huh? I’d paint this scenery, too, if I wasn’t so tired.”

“You’re welcome,” he smirks. “But I went for a run and everything was just so pretty. You were still sleeping when I got back so I thought to try painting while waiting for you to wake up.”

“Well, it’s good I was still asleep then,” you smile. “The piece is great. You’ve got a good teacher, I’d say.”

“She is. She’s pretty hot, too, so it’s hard to focus sometimes.”

“You’re so cheeky,” you playfully roll your eyes before kissing cheek and standing up to get your coffee.

You choose to lean on the railing when you return, soaking up the midday sun and relishing the calmness of the lake. It’s so peaceful out here, making you appreciate your house’s soundproof walls because you definitely were not quiet last night. Other than the loud thrumming of your heart at how much you were lusting over your husband touching himself and coming undone in front of you, you also know that your joint moans were pretty obscene.

You didn’t shy away from letting him know how you were affecting him, especially when he’d pounded into you so purposefully that you felt him so deep within you. Even the bathroom sex was mind-blowing. So was the loving way he’d kissed you until you both fell asleep, and the thought of all the ways that Jungkook makes love to you sends a shiver down your spine.

You shake a little bit and turn around, surprise laced on your face as you see your husband looking at you from his stool, legs spread with a smirk on his face in all his shirtless glory.

“How long have you been ogling me?” You arch an eyebrow.

“As soon as you came out,” he smiles. “You look stunning, babe. The lake’s pretty lucky it gets to be your background.”

You chuckle at his cheesiness and sip your coffee. “Finish your work now and then we can get ready to head out. We can have early lunch at the seafood place our families used to go to.”

With you by the railings looking breathtaking against the view, it’s a nice scene that Jungkook wants to capture. “I wanna try to draw you,” he states, taking one of your sketch pads and placing it on the easel now.

“Oh yeah?” you ask. “I should pose then.”

He turns to you just as you start unbuttoning your top, leaving your tattoo and black satin underwear exposed. You see him visibly swallow and you push it, adjusting his polo to reveal more of your skin.

“This okay, hun?”

“I–, uh… hmm,” he furrows his brows, his eyes flitting from you to the pad.

Jungkook decides he’s not good enough to capture you in drawing, and he’s definitely not patient enough to wait to finish it before he can kiss you because the way you’re teasing him is a little too much. He has to have you right now.

Retrieving the polaroid camera from inside the house, he walks back out and snaps a shot. “I won’t do you justice, babe,” he explains. “And you look too fucking sexy to pass up on.”

He takes another one and then places them on the coffee table next to him. He walks to you and immediately captures you in a deep kiss, his hand gripping your waist the same way yours grips his chest.

“So that worked, huh?” You giggle. “I was wondering when you were gonna just walk over here and claim me.”

“You could’ve just said you wanted me, too,” he laughs. “You know I like hearing that.”

“You also like it when I tease you,” you counter. “And, well… here I am.”

You bite your lip and pull the polo just enough to expose your shoulder, and Jungkook basically growls at the act, putting away your coffee then kissing you once again.

You moan against his mouth once his hand slides inside to fondle your breast, and the sensation from his touch sends you in a daze. You let him suck your neck only for a while, nudging him to turn to you so you could get a look at him.

“Baby,” he whines, wanting to have continued to map out your body in this open space.

“I just…” you trail, your eyes scanning his half-naked form, his cream-colored joggers low enough again to show the band of his boxers.

You trace your fingers down his torso, following the lines and ridges that you know he works hard on. His breathing quickens, even more so when you slowly slide your hand in, immediately stroking his semi-hard cock.

“Fuck,” he groans, his head leaning back at the pleasure he feels, your soft skin soothing yet electrifying him at the same time.

But you shouldn’t be the only one, he thinks, as his hand sneaks inside your underwear now, his fingers finding your throbbing clit amidst all the wetness.

“Mhmm,” you hum, your mouth parting as you suck in a breath.

Jungkook wants to bask in your look as you pleasure each other, but he also really wants to kiss you, so he pulls you close, angling your head with his other hand and takes you in. It’s all tongue and teeth, as you both seem desperate for the other, and that’s what prompts him to start walking back and taking you with him, needing to taste you this second because he can feel just how wet you are for him.

He guides you towards the desk near your bed, lifting you a little so you could sit on it, causing you to let go of his dick and you whine in response. You’re not able to say anything more, as he slides two fingers inside your hole at the same time that he sucks your nipple.

“Kook, oh my good,” you keen, feeling your slick spread as he pumps into you.

He doesn’t say anything. He just continues with his movements as you heave in pleasure, grinding reflexively as you seek more friction than just his fingers.

“Do you want more, baby?” He asks, looking at you now.

“Yes,” you whisper, your mouth parting once he presses your clit. “Want your mouth. Oh god, baby, I want your mouth.”

He slows down his movements before retrieving his hand from your damp underwear, showing you his fingers drenched in your slick. He licks them off you as he holds your gaze, and you take his hand off his mouth so you could suck them, too.

You moan as you do, suddenly wanting his dick as well. He crouches down before you get to say anything, pulling off your underwear to see you dripping wet, your essence forming a dot on the desk this time. You’d be embarrassed if he didn’t look so turned on by it, and you completely lose it once he licks a strip up your pussy and swirls his tongue around it.

You lose all sense by then, allowing yourself to just let go because with how he’s gripping you and sucking you dry, you know you won’t be able to control how your body will react anyway.

He sets a rhythm, pulling your hips to meet his mouth and you follow the pace, grinding against him as your body burns with so much pleasure. Your ass sits by the edge and your legs are hanging on air, but you know he’s got you. It isn’t like this is the first time, yet every time feels like it is. Jungkook does you so well, you’ve stopped questioning his ability at this point.

Your legs start to shake and his hands glide to hold up your thighs while your arms support you. It’s uncontrollable by now and you don’t mind the moans that escape you. He’d just fucked you senseless last night but that already feels too far away. You know it's still gonna be another good one this time.

“I’m coming, Kook. Agh–” you shriek, feeling it so suddenly, until you’ve reached the edge and feel even wetter, as your orgasm hits and it feels like a waterfall.

Your husband hums from in between your legs, taking all that he can, even as your legs continue to shake. He kisses your inner thigh before kissing up your torso, meeting your dazed look with his satisfied smile.

“Can you go again, baby?” He smirks, taking off his joggers and boxer briefs in one movement to reveal his cock that’s definitely ready for you.

You want to trace the veins with your tongue, lick the pre-cum off it, and swallow it until you can’t breathe, but his hand gets to it first, with him knowing now how touching himself turns you on. He strokes himself a little, and the version of you that touches herself when he does is back, as you instantly fiddle with your clit to address the aching need at the sight of him like this.

Holding the base of his member, he pushes slowly into you, joining your moan at the feel of him within your velvet walls.

“Baby, you feel so good,” he grunts, as he meets your thrusts. “So, so fucking good, my dick could live here.”

“I want it to,” you manage a response. “Kook, baby, you’re so big. Go deeper, please. I can take it.”

Jungkook follows, moving closer and pushing harder as you ask, feeling your edge as he drags his cock against your walls. You’re moaning in his mouth, lips no longer moving as you feel lost in all that he’s doing to you.

“You like that so much, don’t you?” He moans. “Like how deep I go? How much I stretch you out?”

“Yes, baby,” you huff, unable to form words now. But you try, knowing he likes hearing you like this.

You’re flicking your nipple while he’s massaging your clit, and with all the movements, you feel it again. You try to hold out, wanting to savor this feeling a little longer, but Jungkook’s erratic movements tell you that he’s just about to reach his peak, too, so you let yourself go again, waiting for the crash and hoping he’d get to do it with you.

His body shakes now, you feel it, as yours does the same. And it’s not long after when you feel the shiver all over you, and then he comes, too with a release of a deep breath that gives you goosebumps.

He pulls out, and seeing his cum slide out of you, he pushes back in, making you yelp in surprise.

“We made a mess,” he chuckles, his voice low and hoarse from all the moaning he’s done.

“Hmm, we did,” you huff, seeing him swirl his dick with your joint essence on your pussy.

He’s done this before. But seeing it from this angle, with the sun shining from your glass wall - it’s incredibly sexy. You laugh to yourself. It’s not even lunchtime.

“Honey, I’m tired,” you laugh now.

Jungkook kisses you tenderly and you smile against his lips. “Okay then. We shower and then we take a nap. Food can wait.”

You stare at the plates of food that you and Jungkook had devoured. A lunch for 4, you think, and you blame the late morning nap you took that’s caused you to have your first meal at 1PM. You don’t mind though, as the dishes were much more delicious with how hungry you were, and Jungkook seems the same, as he satisfyingly smiles at you.

“Ah, that was good,” he hums. “Nothing like our favorite seafood restaurant.”

“I know, right? I remember how our grandparents would always reserve the function room for our families,” you say. “You boys were always so rowdy, running around the place.”

“Food energizes us,” Jungkook shrugs. “And yeah, I remember. Seoyeon would scold us for being noisy.”

“And I was always just there, sitting and laughing at the silly faces you were making when the adults finally told you off.”

“You really had a crush on me, huh?” He smirks, pulling you closer to his side so he could have a better look at you.

“Yes, and you really never noticed,” you counter, laughing at his pout. “Would it have made any difference if you knew that weak little me adored you and your bowl-cut?”

“I really don’t understand how you found that cute,” he laughs. “That’s my most embarrassing look ever.”

“What? It was adorable!” You giggle, pinching his chin. “You were always so mischievous but the haircut made you look tiny and pure for some reason. Plus, you had this smile. It was always very sweet.”

He sighs at the thought, imagining a prepubescent Jungkook causing trouble with you still thinking he was pretty special. “I don’t remember as much about you. I hate it.”

“Kook, we have so many photos and home videos,” you comfort him. “We can always go through them and try to remember. I think that’ll be fun, don’t you think?”

It would, he smiles to himself. Days and nights of being curled up on the couch, watching your younger selves and thinking of how neither of you would’ve imagined getting married and being this in love. Your future kids would ask how you two met and you could both show them those videos. He’d proudly say how you were crushing on him early on and you’d tease that he never really minded you. It’s all fun, though, and he can picture your future kids enjoying it, too, perhaps thinking it could be them on screen. He’s suddenly excited to find out who they’d take after.

“Honey? You okay?”

“Yeah, I just zoned out a bit but of course, that would be fun. We can make fun of each other while watching.”

You smile at the thought, knowing that reminiscing those days would be a shock to him. You wonder how much of your adoration for him was caught on camera, but even you are curious. Your siblings and Junghyun would tell you stories as you got older, and there were things that you’d either forgotten or didn’t know.

Sometimes you think you downplayed just how big of a crush you had on Jungkook when you were younger because it was unrequited - a silly thought now, given how he is with you. He used to not look your way but now, it seems as if he can’t take his eyes off you the way you can’t take your eyes off of him.

You both exit the restaurant and drive to your middle school. You introduce yourselves and are immediately allowed in. Classes have just ended so it’s a little busy with the students leaving, but the shrieks remind you of how things were during your time, and how different you and Jungkook remember your pre-teen days to be.

The difference is much more glaring once you’re in your high school not far away, especially as you look around the library that’s changed a lot over the years. But you remember your spot at the corner, where you and Yeri would study while Nari drew dresses and Minhyuk read comics.

“You know, I’ve probably only ever been here thrice,” Jungkook laughs, the place an unfamiliar spot for him. It’s also so quiet; it’s unnerving and probably why he never really came here.

“I’m not surprised,” you laugh. “But then again, I’ve only ever stepped foot on the field twice.”

“What? Did you not have PE class?”

“I did,” you say. “My parents had me spared from the physical stuff, so I just read up on sports and other things for my grade.”

“That’s so sad, babe,” he laments. “PE was like, the best. It was the only subject I liked.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” you exclaim. “But yeah, I got used to it. It’s different learning a sport by reading it but it was okay, I guess. My teacher would let me watch classes and varsity games sometimes.”

“Let me guess, you were watching me?” He smirks.

“Not always,” you playfully roll your eyes. “You weren’t the only good-looking guy in school, you know?”

“What! Who else was?”

“Secret,” you tease, sticking your tongue out and walking down the hallway.

You pass by the auditorium, another place you spent a lot of time in. Minhyuk used to play the violin and you’d watch his rehearsals with their music group here.

“Okay, tell me you’ve been here at least once to watch a club performance or something,” you say, turning to him.

“Uh, no?” He laughs. “All I remember from this is that we had an important game against a rival school on the field and all your friends were there except for you. Hyung watched it and I overheard him ask them where you were and Yeri said you were at the auditorium because there was some flute recital or something.” He rolls his eyes. “Why would that be more interesting than my soccer game?”

You laugh at his bitter expression. “You wouldn’t have cared, hun. And I’m pretty sure she said saxophone. That was Jaehyun’s instrument.”

“Who’s that? Why doesn’t he sound familiar?”

“Because he was a year older,” you respond as you walk past the seats. “He, uh, he invited me, said I was probably gonna watch the game but it didn’t hurt to try, and he was surprised that I said I’d watch him.”

“Were you… a thing?” He furrows his brows.

“Why would that matter,” you ask. “You were the one dating the class President and the gymnast and a lot of other girls.”

“Yeah but I never took them seriously,” he defends. “We just… you know.”

“Oh, I know,” you chuckle. “Talks of how good of a kisser you were and uh, other stuff spread like wildfire, Kook. It wasn’t exactly a secret.”

You're right, it really wasn’t. He was the rich popular jock that girls flocked to and he loved the attention, and that continued until university. But like he always said, it was all fun for him.

You… you were never the type to date for fun, so he knows that any guy you were with could’ve been the one, and yes, even Won-shik. Or Jongin. Maybe this Jaehyun dude.

It could’ve been Mingyu.

“So you and the guy, were you…?” He asks again.

“He courted me,” you say. “But I wasn’t sure about having a boyfriend at that time and he said he’d wait but I told him not to. We drifted once he graduated and that was it.”

“Okay.”

“Does that matter?” You wonder.

“Sometimes I think there could’ve been a version of this life where we weren’t married,” he starts. “Like, you could’ve been with someone else you loved and I probably would’ve been arranged with some other person but you and I would still see each other regularly because of our families and like… that’s just… a hard thought to have. If it wasn’t me with you right now.”

“Yes, Kook, it’s a hard thought but also impossible because I’m with someone I love and you’re with me right now,” you tell him. “And this is the only version of life I’ll have. Also, I think I have a pretty special connection with the universe so sometimes I think they were truly on my side. They kept me alive and well, they made me marry you, the man who never really took anyone seriously and now look at you!”

“Yeah, look at me, head over heels in love with the woman he was bitter about and barely minded,” he laughs dryly. “But I think they were on my side, too.”

You smile at the thought, knowing that Jungkook may not really be able to let go of the guilt from years ago but he could at least look at things this way - at the end of it, you get to be together happily, making new memories in the places you’ve known all your lives, and out to make even more.

You continue your walk around the school. You pass by the faculty to greet your teachers from over 10 years ago, who fawn over both of you. They say how surprised they were that you’d ended up together, but don’t doubt that now seeing how happy you both look.

Walking down the hallway, you gush over the shelf with championship trophies that Jungkoook had won with the soccer team. And then finally, you sit on the bleachers that overlook the soccer field, Jungkook’s stage during your years in school.

“It does look pretty with the sun casting a shadow over it,” you hum, seeing that it’s late in the afternoon. “I can see why you loved being here, Kook. And seeing you play now, you truly belong on the field.”

“Those years were fun,” he reminisces. “I loved the adrenaline rush, the thrill, the cheers… I loved the attention, really. It made me feel free. I think I kept chasing that high outside of it. And it got me into a lot of trouble.”

“Well, all that trouble landed you right here with me,” you comfort him. “I think it’s not all that bad.”

“Not at all,” he agrees. “But I still experience all that, you know? The thrill, the cheers, the attention… I married someone who gives all those to me. My younger years can’t really compare.”

Your cheeks reach your eyes as you giddily smile. “My heart is fluttering, Mr. Jeon,” you giggle. “Too bad we’re in school so I can’t kiss you right now.”

“Actually, I know a spot…”

“Kook!” You squeal, not wanting to know where he’d made out with the girls back then, but he laughs along to tease and says that you both could always drive back home and do all the kissing you want.

Tempting, you think, but all the walking has made you hungry and he promised you’d have milmyeon for dinner and then pass by the kiosk where Mrs. Na always bought you your favorite hotteok.

You do all that, and just like what Jungkook said, you go back home and do all the kissing you want.

The kissing obviously escalated to so much more. Jungkook let you ride his face and you let him fuck your mouth. The lake house is so conducive to lovemaking, you told him as you started to doze off, and he assured you that all this wouldn’t end here. There’s lots to make up for, but also, making up with you makes him feel like a new man and a better lover, and he wants to be able to show you all that.

He doesn’t mess around though, as you wake up the next morning flushed against his firm chest that you can’t help but kiss all over, and to get you going for morning sex by the lake, he wildly eats you out then takes you from behind while you look at the view outside.

You at least eat your breakfast that you had made on the veranda and then have enough energy to walk down the trail by the lake to see the forest and the birds. Jungkook lays down a mat and you both enjoy fruits and desserts before heading out for a late lunch of pork rice soup that you’ve dearly missed.

You drive around your part of the city, passing by spots and beaches you used to frequent, and it’s as if you could hear the shrieks and laughter from your younger days, sounds you joined in on every once in a while. But much of it was Jungkook’s, and you smile at the thought; he was already making your heart flutter then, and you don’t think that’s ever gonna stop.

He stops by a familiar park, and it takes a while before it registers that this is the playground that both of you used to go to a lot. It’s the midway point of your grandparents’ estates so all you Jeon and Kim kids would play here before heading to either of those places.

It’s also where he asked you to play when you were 4 years old. And where you told him no.

“Are we here to reenact that moment I broke your heart?” You tease, walking next to him as you bask in the sight of your childhood. You may not have played in the playground but you did have your dolls with you.

“Sort of,” he chuckles. “With a good ending this time though. I kind of wanna have both memories ingrained in my mind so they could remind me of how far we’ve come.”

“Sounds good,” you smile, sitting on the bench that you think is the one you would always sit on.

It’s been over 20 years and a lot about it has changed, but you suppose it’s a good guess.

“It’s amazing the memories that we retain, isn’t it?” You wonder out loud. “I remember that day, too. We were just 4 years old, and, well, it’s one of the few that I remember.”

“I know, right? I don’t remember much from that age apart from that moment, actually,” he says. “It stuck with me, maybe because it really affected me. Who knows? Maybe I was crushing on you before that so I chose to forget everything else after you rejected me,” he laughs. “Selective memory and shit.”

“Could be,” you laugh along. “But can you imagine how it must’ve been like for our families seeing us grow up and grow apart? It must’ve sucked.”

“I’m sure it did,” he hums, knowing how much your families wanted this union. “Perhaps the universe was on their side, too.”

You smile at the thought. Coming back to the places with traces of Jungkook as the kid you admired from a short distance makes you sentimental because he’s right, there could’ve been another version of life where you didn’t end up together. Who knows if your fondness for him would’ve faded if you’d married someone else? But you’d still see each other regardless, and the feeling could be haunting you.

You wonder if you weren’t sick, or was just careless enough to have played with him even if you weren’t allowed to - how different would your friendship have been like growing up? Would you be closer? Would he have been as reckless or less of the playboy he was? Would you have been more daring just to keep up with him? Would you have both tried to date? What if it didn’t work out, being as you were both still young then?

But as you look up at Jungkook who’s now standing before you, his hand in his pocket before he reaches it out the way he did over 20 years ago, you think that maybe all those had to happen so you could have this.

Maybe the distance meant that you’d both grow and make mistakes individually. Maybe having different sets of friends and hobbies meant you’d both appreciate yourselves for who you are so you could appreciate the other just as much. Maybe his colorful relationship record and your neutral one meant being able to balance excitement and security. Maybe all the heartbreaks along the way meant you’d learn how to ride through them so you could love each other even more.

Because as you take his hand and stand up to meet him for a kiss, you don’t think you could ever love him more than you do right now. You feel it all over your body that you think it’s all it knows to do at this point.

“Four-year old Jungkook is probably bursting at the seams right now,” he hums as he kisses you again, his arms around your waist and his forehead against yours.

“And four-year old me is probably doing the same,” you smile. “But this 29-year old version of me is so content right now, Kook. She can’t get any happier.”

She can, are the words that echo in Jungkook’s mind. Being here makes him realize how else you - both of you - can be happier. But he keeps the thought to himself and chooses to agree with you for now.

“That’s great, babe. This version of me feels the same.”

The stack of Polaroid photos from the past 3 days has gotten taller. There’s so much from the beach, your grandparents’ house, your schools, the trail, and of course, the playground. Jungkook holds up the ones from earlier where you’re sitting on the swing and the one where you both attempted to slide together but got stuck.

Your smiles are as wide as they could get, and seeing them now tugs at his heart. You seem like you can’t get any happier, but he also knows there’s something more that you wish for.

And it isn’t just about giving it to you; he wants to make it with you, because seeing you skip around earlier and play in the seesaw with him and laugh your sweet, tender laugh - he knows that there are so many more ways he can show you he loves you, and the sight of you happy and free and content is something he wants to see everyday of his life.

“What you looking at, hun?” You ask, as you wrap your arms around his crouched form on the edge of the bed, your chin sliding in the crook of his neck and peeking at what he’s holding.

“All our photos,” he says. “We ended up taking so many.”

“Hmm, more to put in our photo album then,” you hum, kissing his cheek before kissing his shoulder, and then his back, given that he’s too sexy not to have your lips mapping them out.

You make it to the line down his back, kissing his tailbone before lying in bed. “I’m tired,” you yawn. “Let’s sleep, hun. We have a day of travel tomorrow.”

Jungkook keeps the photos in a pouch and turns off the light before he lays next to you, his arm stretching out so you have space to rest your head on his chest.

You make yourself comfortable right away, close to drifting to sleep with his post-shower natural scent and his smooth skin.

“Baby?”

“Hmm?”

“I was just thinking…” he starts. “We kinda went down memory lane, you know? And sorted things out like we said we would. We got through a fight that had us loving each other even more and I feel like I’ve learned and matured after all that and I… I think I’m ready.”

He turns to you, wanting to see your face, and your curious eyes meet his certain ones.

“I want to have a family with you,” he says. “And I mean, really want it, like, I want us to seriously try now.”

“Kook…” you mumble, a little surprised but beaming with joy just the same.

“I’ll admit at the start, a part of me just wanted to get ahead with it because I knew it would make you happy and that would make me happy,” he admits. “But now, I just… I want that for us because we love each other so fucking much and I don’t know how else we could show or express it. And that’s nice, isn’t it? It’s overflowing and the only other person who should receive that love other than you or me is someone we both created.”

You’re frozen, constantly blinking at him in disbelief until he nudges your nose with his.

“Hey, say something,” he whispers.

“I… ” you quiver. “I’m… Kook, that’s amazing. You… We… we’re ready. We have so much to give and we, I…”

A tear falls down your cheek.

You and Jungkook had agreed to let life just happen. You make love all the time anyway and it used to comfort you that there could at least be a chance you’d get pregnant with the frequency you do it. But conceiving a baby isn’t that easy. You may have sex a lot but it doesn’t mean you always do it at the right time. Both your stress levels have been quite high, too, and that’s been a factor on why it hasn’t happened yet.

There were a few times when you thought your period being late meant you could be pregnant, only to have it happen right before you told Jungkook. You won’t deny it disappointed you a little.

But now, with him saying he wants to actively try, it’s making you excited and nervous but incredibly happy. You’ve wanted this for a while, and you realize now with what you and Jungkook could handle and take on together, you want it even more. And he’s right there with you.

“Oh, baby,” he says, caressing your cheek. “I’m… I’m sorry it took a while for me. Wanting to let life surprise us feels like a cop out now.”

“Don’t be sorry, hun,” you sniff, sighing into his touch. “What matters now is that we both want this. And we’re… we’re really gonna try.”

“Yeah,” he smiles. “We can go see your doctors tomorrow or the day after to consult. Whatever they say, we’ll follow. If we have to have even more sex, then that’s great.”

You laugh at his words. “I think we have enough of it.”

“We never know.”

You kiss him. Deeply. You kiss him so hard, it’s the only way to express how happy you are because words fail you. You kiss him so long that you climb on top of him, wanting to feel him wrap himself around you, touch you, cradle you, show you how much he loves you.

“Oh, so we’re starting now?” He teases once you pull away.

You just hover over him, your eyes boring into his sparkling ones, and you giggle as you boop his nose.

“I’m actually not ovulating but it doesn’t matter,” you say, pressing your clothed pussy against his cock. “I just… I just want to feel you right now. Your wanting to have a family is such a turn on, I’m scaring myself.”

He smirks at your honesty but he loves it. Your being turned on by it is also turning him on.

But he lets you do what you want first, as you kiss down his torso then pull down his boxer briefs to lick his hardening cock before you take him all in.

“I thought you were tired, babe,” he huffs, feeling the tension build as you take him so desperately, his thighs straining from the pleasure.

“Not anymore,” you say, gagging with how big he is. You turn to look at him with his cock in your hand now, meeting the smirk he has on his face. “I think I can do this all night.”

“Fuck, baby,” he grunts. “You gotta play fair. I need my time to do you, too.”

Waking up the next morning feels different. With Jungkook flushed against your back and his arm around your middle, you think that hopefully in a few months, he’d be lovingly caressing you there when there’s a tiny human growing inside you.

It’s a nice thought, but one you can wait for a while to happen. Although last night’s sex was pretty intense, you’re not fertile and there wouldn’t be any surprises soon, but it was still really good. Your emotions had overtaken you and you went with what your heart and body were saying, and you’re now left with sore limbs. But you don’t mind. You’re satisfied beyond belief. And while this may be your last day of your time here, you’ll be going back to your normal life with much more excitement this time. And you know your husband feels the same.

He wakes up shortly after, and you both pass up on breakfast to just sleep in and cuddle, knowing there’ll be less of this again, so you savor being naked in each other's arms, giggling and kissing.

You finally make it out of bed and pack up, ready to head to his grandparents’ as you both promised. It goes by smoothly, with them fawning over you as always, and you and Jungkook spend some time right after going around the estate and recalling memories again.

He takes you to his room, which is where he stayed when he was much younger. It’s still a little boy’s bedroom with all the toys organized and the clothes stored neatly. He opens his closet and takes a chest from the floor, unlocking it to reveal sets of baby clothes in mint condition.

There’s a swaddling cloth and a blanket, a crocheted bunny and a baby giraffe. There are onesies and beanies and tiny shoes and mittens.

Jungkook touches them lightly, excitedly thinking about your future baby wearing them.

“I have a chest like this, too,” you say, smiling up at him. “It’s at my grandparents’. Do you think we could pass by for it? I think it would be nice to have our tiny one wear our clothes, don’t you think?”

“It would be,” he smiles.

You both casually tell your grandparents that you wanted to bring the chests back with you to Seoul “just in case” because you’re sentimental, not wanting to make too big of a deal out of deciding to finally and seriously try getting pregnant this time. You don’t miss their glassy eyes and proud faces, though, and you think of the joy they must be feeling. You hope all goes well and that they’d get to spend as much time with their future grandchildren as possible. It was their dream, after all, and you know it means just as much to them.

With your treasure troves in the trunk and your hand in Jungkook’s, you both drive away, hoping that not too long from now, a little one will be joining you in your weekend getaways and short breaks and vacations. You could only hope they’ll love you with all their heart as much as you know you’ll love them with all of yours.

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alwaysjjk97 · 1 year

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Yeah I was embarrassing when I was 15 who isn’t. Was also Embarrassing at 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. Last week. Yesterday

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alwaysjjk97 · 1 year

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OMG I CANT WAIT TO READ ITTTTT

colour me in: unhindered | jjk (m)

Summary: Half of him inhabits a beast; the other part is made of colours of suspiciously peaceful gardens. And you, no matter how fierce, will take all of what he grants you.

➳ pairing: Jungkook x reader ➳ rating: 18+ ➳ genre: fwb/f2l, college au; fluff, lots of smut ➳ warnings: oof. okay, bickering, oc a bit bitchy at first, jk is a little shit, eating ramen together <3, most of this is smut so… explicit sexual content: oral (f. & m. receiving), fingering, cockwarming, sloppy making out, quite a few positions, some spanking, spit, manhandling, unprotected sex, rough sex, pet names, big dick jk, dom jk, teasing, multiple orgasms, some choking, consent, squirting, he likes her tiddies and ass, praising, some thigh grinding, the good kinda crying, aftercare, showering together <3 ➳ word count: 12.2k ➳ a/n: please ignore how shitty the banner looks LOL i forgot i had to make one :’) but enjoy this piece of filth and let me know your thoughts once you’re done !! ALSO !!! this is part of my series colour me in, but this chapter can fully be read as a stand-alone. no knowledge required, just rivals f*cking !! <3 ➳ listen to: love on the brain by rihanna | full (collaborative) playlist 🤍

SERIES MASTERPOST | TAGLIST MASTERLIST | WIPs

There’s a limit to insolence. And what’s enough is enough.

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alwaysjjk97 · 1 year

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oh wow... i just came back to tumblr after such a long day at my internship and i cant believe my eyes when i first realized u actually mentioned me in this heartwarming post.

mimi.... i have become such a huge fan of your works and to be recognized by you in this way makes me feel so extremely happy. i'm glad to have been a part of your journey, even in the slightest way possible, because you have become a huge part of mine. i will continue to cherish all the love, comfort, and lessons that your stories have instilled within me. i hope you know that by allowing us to experience life through your stories, you made many of us feel the warmth and familiarity of loving and being loved back. your escape eventually became home for many of us. ily! and looking forward for what you have in store for us 💗

I don’t normally do this but it felt quite serendipitous that I reached a special milestone this month - 3 years after I got this blog up and running again (no thank you but thank you, covid.) I started as a silent reader then became active and then had this crazy thought that maybe I could write, too. 😅

And through all the ups and downs of this blog, I just want to thank each and every one of you whom I’ve directly or indirectly interacted with. I’ve fangirled over authors, felt all the love from the sweetest people who’ve read my stories and/or reached out, and just let myself escape in this lovely community that may continue to change but one I’ll always have an affection for; it’ll always be the place where I get to shamelessly shout out my love for 7 amazing men who’ll always have our hearts 💕

I don’t know for how long I’ll be doing this but know that my stories that have a piece of me in each one will always be around. I hope that despite the emotional roller coasters, all the multiple pov switches (yay to fanfic freedom), and all the angst and tears, you’ll constantly feel comforted and remember that love comes in all forms. And it’s an amazing thing to give and receive 😊

I don’t have anything special prepared. 😔 but a new story will be coming in a few weeks! Pls look forward to it 💕 and if there’s anything you want to ask or say - about any story or BTS or random things, my inbox is open!

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alwaysjjk97 · 1 year

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will always be one of my favorite comfort fics alongside PLM. 🥺💖

Only Love: An Inevitable Epilogue | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader (ft. ot6)

Genre/Tags: exes au, parents au, baseball player!JK; slight angst, fluff, smut (18+)

Warnings: Making out, lots of pregnancy stuff, pregnancy sex, sort of impreg kink; family fluff

Word count: 13k

Summary: You knew early on that Jungkook would be a great father and husband and he proves that to you everyday. With a child on the way and his first time experiencing pregnancy with you, you both go through the growing pains of raising a family - with tears, more tears, and a lifetime full of love.

A/N: I started writing this 1.5 years ago, right after Inevitable wrapped up and finally, I finished it and can now share this with all of you. It’s a pretty special piece and I hope you find comfort in it the way you did with the series.

Also, I went wild with the photos. Thank you Pinterest and random people on the internet.

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alwaysjjk97 · 1 year

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jungkook :((( i wish they can finally talk because im just here crying for the two of them these past few weeks!!!! PLS somewhere at the end of this chapter i was very much hoping for her to show up bc it's apparently his birthday too bUTTTT i guess she also deserves to take her time... but GOD i love them both so much i hope they can finally make up 😭

colour me in: letters from the heart | jjk

Summary: You’re a maze without an exit – there’s not a single way out of you, no end to the madness you inflict on his fragile heart. You keep going on, and on, and on.

➳ pairing: Jungkook x reader ➳ rating: 18+ ➳ genre: fwb/f2l, fake dating; suggestive, angst, fluff ➳ warnings: heartbreak, coping, flashbacks, full jk pov!, good friends, tae is amazing, confessions, bottled up feelings, tears, fears, past secrets, mood changes, jk kinda a dumbass, pining, yearning, Art ✨, a birthday; kissing/making out, mentions of sex, brief sex, groping, oc is cute and i love her. the ENDING!! ➳ word count: 17k rip ➳ a/n: here gooooes. not sure when the next update is gonna be, since school started, so please indulge in this for now and definitely lemme know what you think! this one was a challenge, so i hope you like it :’) parts beta’d by my wonderful kitten @missgeniality <33 ➳ a/n2: the chapter begins with the night of their confession, as narrated in cmi6/silhouettes! the first few scenes are flashbacks, but from his pov. ➳ listen to: angels like you by miley cyrus |full (collaborative) playlist 🤍

SERIES MASTERPOST | TAGLIST MASTERLIST | WIPs

The sudden rain wasn’t part of the plan, but Jungkook certainly doesn’t mind its presence.

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alwaysjjk97 · 1 year

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THE WAY I AM SOBBING AT 2AM UQJDGDHSGSGGAGA

colour me in: monochrome | jjk (m)

Summary: The sky and the flowers, and even your heart and your mind, have turned oddly colourless since you left the warmth he used to wrap you in.

➳ pairing: Jungkook x reader ➳ rating: 18+ ➳ genre: fwb/f2l, fake dating; angst, fluff, smut ➳ warnings: lovesickness, crying, coping, tension, a hospital scene but nothing too major, mention of a small accident, MORE tension, pov changes, a Guest Appearance, a flashback, the Guest Appearance flirts with oc 🤷‍♀️, jk’s attitude is painful… heartache makes him mean, kissing… 🤐, arguments, pining/yearning, explicit sexual content: masturbation…, fingering, groping, mention of unprotected sex, soft sex… the ending x100 ➳ wc: 21.6k ➳ a/n: HI AGAIN. so. cmi7, finally; beta’d and fixed by my kitty @missgeniality ily !! <3 you guys… thank you so much for supporting me and loving cmi so far; please never stop and keep talking to me, it means so so much 🥺🤍 and don’t forget to listen to the playlist! ➳ listen to: reflections by the nbhd | full collaborative playlist 🤍

SERIES MASTERPOST | TAGLIST MASTERLIST | WIPs

Jungkook [9:23PM]: are u guys okay You [9:35PM]: Still talking but… it’ll be ok i think Jungkook [9:37PM]: okay.. i’m glad You [9:42PM]: Thank you kook. And i’m sorry

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alwaysjjk97 · 1 year

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AHHHH THEY'RE JUST THE CUTEST EVER. I have grown way too attached with this couple, i don't think i can ever let them go lol 🥺 thank you for this!!! happy valentine's day ily 💗

colour me in: undying roses | jjk

Summary: Jungkook’s been acting strange all noon – and it might or might not have to do with Valentine’s Day.

➳ pairing: Jungkook x reader ➳ rating: 18+ ➳ genre: fwb/f2l, fake dating; suggestive, fluff ➳ warnings: banter once again, surprises, mention of sex and his d*ck lmao, they hooked up like an hour ago, teasing, lowkey sexual tension, they just keep annoying each other, frat party mention, it’s insinuated that jk sleeps with other girls ha ha, jk takes good care of his girl, the ending <3 ➳ word count: 3.3k ➳ a/n: another flashback drabble!! this time… right on vday! it’s just a smol something before the next full-length chapter drops, but i hope you guys like it. ugh, i missed them a lot. do let me know what you think !! <33 ➳ listen to: i can’t fall in love without you by zara larsson | full playlist 🤍

SERIES MASTERPOST | TAGLIST MASTERLIST | WIPs

“You really don’t need to do this.”

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alwaysjjk97 · 1 year

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smooth like butter

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alwaysjjk97 · 1 year

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i cant believe im so whipped for plm couple that i literally turned my tv off while in the middle of a kdrama episode to read this bonus chapter as soon as i saw it. thank you for this mimi!! happy holidays 🥺💗

A little something from our PLM couple 🥰

Title: Please Love Me Bonus 08 - The Aftermath

WC: 15,116

Tags/Warnings: angst; mentions of pregnancy/having a family; mentions of illness; fluff; explicit sexual content (making out, nipple play, thigh-riding ish, pillow missionary bc yes, unprotected vaginal sex); JK Dreamers MV behind with the exposed arm

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alwaysjjk97 · 1 year

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we need a please love me argument or something drabble from after they got married and confessed their love for each other!!11!

Hi, they're back! Just a reminder to think of OC's personality bc this is already a 'fight' for her hehe. I don't know how this is bc I'm not in my best form but I still hope you enjoy 🥰

Title: Please Love Me Bonus 07 - The Fight

WC: 14,953

Tags/Warnings: angst; mentions of pregnancy; hospital setting/talks of illness that might be inaccurate (I just based some off my own experience)

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It started small.

It was a fleeting moment that you barely missed it - one exhale and you felt that knot in your chest that once was familiar. You brushed it off, not thinking much of it. It wasn’t the first time, yet all those other times, once was enough and it didn’t happen again.

But this time wasn’t like that; this time, you felt it once, then another time, then another, the long intervals between knots getting shorter and shorter.

You try to even out your breathing, grounding yourself so you can listen more to what your body is saying, to what your heart is saying. It starts to work as you count the seconds and the minutes because it starts to go away. It may have taken a lot longer, but just like those other times, this one ends, too.

You’re unable to process what just happened as your phone rings, your husband’s sigh greeting you on the other end.

“Hey, Kook. Everything okay?”

“No. One of the associates gave me wrong figures and I overlooked some elements for my presentation tomorrow,” he groans. “I was gonna stay up late in the office but I’m too pissed off. Are you still at the studio? Can I pick you up?”

“Yeah, I’m just working on my last design,” you reply, already packing up. “And sure. I can call your favorite Japanese restaurant and we can pick up the food on the way home. Is that okay?”

“Yes please. That’s what I really need right now. And you. Be there in 15.”

“I’ll see you, hun. And chin up, you’ll be okay.”

He hums his goodbye and you feel the tiredness from his voice, and the earlier ache in your chest is now replaced by worry for your husband.

Jungkook rarely lets the toxicity of his job affect him, so hearing him frustrated is something you’re not used to. You feel for him, as the new project he’s taken on is a big one, and you just know he wants nothing more than to prove himself to his family this once. He’s begun having bigger responsibilities after all, and he’s said as much that he wants to step away from his brother’s shadow and be his own self, show that he’s just as capable and can get things done his way, too.

A small smile tugs on your face, knowing that a good meal and some encouragement from you might do the trick. You call the restaurant and head outside once he messages that he’s nearby.

Mr. Yu, the chauffeur, stops the car and Jungkook exits, enveloping you in a hug and mumbling his hi. He doesn’t even give you time to properly greet him back, as his body curls into yours and you feel him exhale - a deep one, as if he’s been holding onto his breath the whole day.

“Hi,” you smile, kissing his nose. “The food will be ready in a while. Let’s pick it up and we can talk, okay?”

Jungkook nods and leads you inside, immediately taking your hand like it’s his lifeline. He asks you about your day first and you narrate how it went - ocular of a hall you’ll be designing and then art class for the kids in the afternoon. Then he talks about his - the tense meeting with the staff member who gave him outdated information, the conversation with his father about the expectations for this upcoming project, and having to skip lunch to help his Japan team troubleshoot something.

“I’m exhausted and my head has been hurting all day but I’ve got so much to do,” he exhales deeply before falling into your lap, your hand reflexively combing his long locks that has him moaning at your touch.

“Hmm. And how much coffee have you had today?”

“Five cups,” he answers with his eyes closed, his breathing steadying now as you start to massage his temples.

“That’s 3 cups too much, hun,” you say softly; he said he’d regulate his caffeine intake and you know he’s been trying.

“I know, I’m sorry,” he sighs. “It’s just been tough, but this is nice. Let’s eat then I can work in the dining room while you watch Masterchef or something?”

You hum your yes, saying you’ve actually got some design studies to work on so you can both work together downstairs.

And that’s what happens as you put away your dirty plates after dinner and settle in your respective spots. Jungkook likes to work with you around when he’s at home, only staying in his office off your bedroom when he’s pulling an all-nighter. Having you close calms him down, he’s always said, as your soothing voice and presence give him the most comfort, even if it’s just a quick look at your expression as you watch TV or your sweet laughter or your tender words.

“You look serious there, babe,” he looks over at you from the dining table. “You’ll get wrinkles if you frown too much.”

“I can’t find the right art piece for this one wall,” you groan. “This is gonna keep me up.”

“Maybe you just need to sleep on it. I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” he comforts.

“Hmm, maybe,” you say, your body slowly giving up as it yearns for the bed, chest pains already forgotten. “Join me?”

You walk towards him and sit on his lap as he asks you to, your arms wrapping around his neck.

“Probably in 2 hours or so. I wanna get this presentation finished tonight,” he pouts, apologetic.

“Okay. I’ll wash up and go to bed. Rest soon, okay?”

He holds you a little longer for his goodnight kiss, tickling you before letting you go.

You walk to your room and fall asleep right away, suddenly feeling as if you’d run a marathon today when your body hits the bed. It seems to have been happening more frequently, though - feeling incredibly tired at the end of the day, whether you had a full-packed schedule or a light one. You went to a boutique store yesterday and painted at home then felt dizzy and faint by the evening.

It’s 4 hours later when you suddenly wake up, a mix of that knot on your chest and shortness of breath almost jerking you off the bed. But you catch yourself, turning to the side to see if you’d somehow disturbed Jungkook’s sleep, but you’re surprised to find he’s not there. You see light coming from the office and your husband’s mumbling, and so you get up and walk over to him.

“Kook, it’s past 2,” you stand by the door and sleepily call out to him. “Come to bed.”

“Baby, what are you doing up?” He turns to you with a frown, his long locks almost covering the glasses over his eyes.

“Just woke up. It’s hard to sleep without you,” you frown back.

“Sorry. I’m finishing up already,” he turns again towards his laptop.

“You can do that tomorrow. Just wake up early but sleep now. You’ve had a long day, come on.”

With you standing behind him and your arms around his neck, you pepper his cheeks with kisses to further convince him, knowing you need to shower him with affection so he’d listen to you.

And it works, as he chuckles and turns his laptop off. He heads to the bathroom to wash up while you lay in bed facing his side as you regulate your breathing again, feeling the tightness subside with every set of breaths.

He lies down next to you and kisses your lips before you turn around so your back faces him, his arms enveloping you, with him pulling you as close as he possibly can. Jungkook buries his head in your neck and finds his peace there.

“It’s hard to sleep without this, too,” he hums. “Love you. See you in my dreams.”

It started small, like it always does.

A pinch in the muscle - one, two, three seconds longer than usual; one, two, three instances more than what you’ve been having. You try to take a breath, knowing it’s what’s always worked, but it doesn’t this time. This time, your chest feels tight, too, like something is keeping you from breathing, like you’re gasping for air in the large space of the art studio.

“Hey, do you need some help to pack up?” The teacher for the next class asks; you can already hear the giggles of her little students not far away.

You try to pick up your tools from the desk but your hands and arms feel numb. This will take time, you think, so you smile at her and nod, letting her put away some of the palettes that your kids have left behind. You walk slowly, unable to fully feel your legs, too, and that’s when you start to panic.

“Everything okay?” She looks at you worriedly. “You look a little pale.”

“Oh? Just tired, I guess,” you fake a smile. “I’ll just, uh…”

“Rest, ___. You’ve been working hard on your project and your exhibition. You don’t want all that to catch up to you.”

Too late, you tell yourself, as the helplessness that once was familiar starts to overtake you. You just nod and assure her, then fortunately manage to walk out the street for fresh air and take some medicine. You’re relieved that those at least work, lessening the pain that you’re feeling.

But you know you’re not out of the woods yet, and so you raise your arm to hail a cab, thankful that the hospital is only a 15-minute drive away.

You settle in the backseat, ready to dial Jungkook’s number when you read the text he’d sent an hour ago - I don’t know why I’m so nervous, babe. I’ve barely eaten anything all day. But thanks. I’ll let you know how it goes.

You’d messaged him earlier, wishing him well for his presentation today, and you know how much this means to him. He’s worked so hard on this; it’s a big project and the directors have got their eyes on him. There’s no way you’ll add to the stress that he’s been experiencing for the last few weeks.

It’s a little past 2 and he’s set to present a quarter before 3. His palms are probably already sweating as he dries them on his shaking legs. He’s never been nervous for any of soccer matches even when he was a teenager, but you’d understand if this is the one thing that’s making him lose his cool a little bit; he may never directly say it but you know he just wants to impress the big bosses, and that includes his father and yours.

You decide against calling him for now. Your breathing has evened out already, and you still think it’s just one of those moments and there’s nothing to worry about. You were always told that this could still happen, after all, but that doesn’t necessarily mean a relapse. It happened a few years ago and all you did was have a change in medication and all was fine after. Like then, this may as well be just a minor thing that you can easily get over on your own. You’ll call Jungkook after you know more about what’s happening to you, knowing he’ll be asking anyway, and not giving him an answer immediately will just scare him.

The emergency room has less people than you expected, although you can say you’re probably the calmest out of all the patients there. Given, you’re in one piece and not puking your guts out so you believe you’re fine, but the attending physician doesn’t seem convinced, as you narrate what you’re feeling.

“Your heartbeat is irregular and your blood pressure is quite low,” she informs you after doing the basics. She looks through your record and confirms your condition. “No relapse since your surgery 15 years ago,” she reads. “No reported abnormalities, no alarming findings… but these are still from last year.”

“Yes, I’m due for my annual check up in 2 months,” you say, as you sit on the hospital bed.

“Well, seems like you’re due now,” she hums, excusing herself to make a call then returning to you. “Dr. Kwon is just finishing with surgery so he’ll see you after, but I’ll have you run some tests already. We’ll call you for x-ray in a while. We’ll take blood samples as well just to be sure.”

You nod, suddenly feeling nervous. These tests are routinary for you at this point; you take it every year every time you have your check-up, the one you’ve been having since the surgery that corrected your heart over a decade ago.

But you’ve never had to come back to the hospital out of your usual schedule ever since you fully recovered. Because any pain you’d felt since then was never serious; it never lingered, it never left you feeling breathless or numb. It never got you feeling weak, and it definitely never had you feel this anxious because it had never hurt this way.

It’s 3:30 by the time you finish filling up all the forms, and though you know nothing more than an irregular heartbeat and low blood pressure, you decide to send Jungkook a text to let him know where you are, knowing his presentation would be done by now. But right as you’re about to, the technician calls your name for the x-ray, and it’s not until several minutes later when you get your phone back and decide to just give him a call.

He doesn’t pick up after the third try, so you go for your next option and call Junghyun, as he knows that you only ever call when something is up.

“Hey, ___. You okay?” He answers.

“Hi. Is Jungkook still presenting?” Your voice quivers.

“He’s done but he’s somewhere in front answering questions,” Junghyun responds.

“Did he do well?” You ask, wanting to know.

“He was really nervous but everyone was impressed,” the older man smiles. “Were you the one calling him? He left his phone in his seat and I saw it light up.”

“Yeah, I, uh… Once he’s free, can you just let him know that I’m in the ER? My chest felt tight and—”

“You’re what?” He almost yells, his voice in a panic. “What happened? How are you feeling now?”

“I’m fine… I think,” you sigh. “It was just chest pains. I’ll see Dr. Kwon in a while then I’ll know more.”

“Fuck, okay. Who’s with you?”

“Just me.”

There’s a pause in the other end. “What are you doing now?”

“Waiting for the next tests. Can you, uh, can you let Jungkook know once he’s done there?”

“I’m telling him now, ___. You’re in the emergency room and he needs to be there with you.”

“Okay,” your voice shrivels, not used to Junghyun’s authoritative tone. “I’m being called for my ECG. I’ll, uh, I’ll be waiting for him.”

Junghyun drops the call and returns to the conference room. He immediately walks to his brother and whispers what you’d said.

Jungkook’s eyes widen in shock, worry and distress painting them. He quickly excuses himself and runs out the door, leaving the older man to explain to their father and yours what had happened, both of whom panic as well and make calls.

It’s another red light that Jungkook beats, and he makes it to the hospital in 15 minutes, almost half of the usual time it takes to get there from his office. He asks around the ER where you are, and he’s directed to a room where he finds you lying in bed, looking perfectly normal, save for your furrowed brows as you seem to be answering messages on your phone.

“Baby!” He exclaims, rushing towards you and taking you in his arms. “What happened? What hurts?”

“Hey, honey,” you look up at him and smile nervously. “I’m fine, I just…”

“Babe, you can’t be fine when you’re here. Your check-up isn’t due in 2 months. What… what brought you here?”

“I was, uh, I was having—”

“___,” the familiar voice of Dr. Kwon calls out for you, prompting you to turn to him. “I wish I could say I’m happy to see you before our scheduled check-up, but it’s never a good thing seeing a patient here before I’m supposed to.”

“Hi,” you smile, returning his hug. “I suppose it isn’t. But I didn’t know what to do. It was getting too painful.”

“Tell me what happened,” he instructs.

And so you do, telling him of the times you’d experienced this since your last meeting, and how it had hurt too much earlier, forcing you to come here. Jungkook holds your hand the entire time, and you’re immersed in your narration that you miss the way his jaws clench and unclench as he listens to your stories.

Clearly this isn’t the first time it’s happened, although it’s the first time that he’s hearing about it. It seems like you’ve been experiencing this and chose not to tell him.

“What do you think may have triggered it?” Dr. Kwon asks.

“I don’t really know,” you shrug. “I mean, I’ve sort of been doing the same things - working at the firm, doing my own pieces, teaching art classes… just focused on my regular job.”

“Looks like it’s 2 jobs too many,” he responds, his eyebrow arching the way that doctors do when they catch you doing something you shouldn’t.

“I rest and exercise and take my medication,” you counter. “All the work is fine. It’s an imperfect heart we’re working with, you know?” You giggle, trying to diffuse the tension.

Dr. Kwon just shakes his head and returns to his records. “So you’ve got the x-ray and ECG done. You’ll have blood tests after this then we can do the 2D echo in the evening after I schedule it. I’ll need you to be confined for the other tests.”

“What other tests? Can’t I come back tomorrow and do them then?” You ask, not really keen on spending the night at the hospital.

“It’ll be easier to monitor you from here, especially since the pain seems recurring. But I’ll schedule the stress test and MRI tomorrow morning so you can go home right after,” he responds. “Better ask someone to pack you and your husband some clothes. I’ll have the nurse pick you up to bring you to your room; just wait here.”

You nod as Jungkook lets go of your hand.

“You’ve had 2 tests done already? What time did you get here?” He asks, his voice low and disappointed.

“Around 2:30,” you respond casually.

Jungkook feels his own heart rate shoot up. It’s 4PM, and he’s sure it was just half an hour ago when his brother had cut off their discussions to tell him that you’d called about your whereabouts. The fact that you didn’t call him - your husband - much earlier is making him incredibly upset. He wants to ask you why you’d delayed it, why you’ve been keeping all this from him, when you planned on telling him if it didn’t get this bad.

But knowing you, you’d pick up on this, and he doesn’t want to add to you feeling any more pain that you apparently have been experiencing, so he takes a breath and lets things go for now, and he just nods.

He gazes at you looking pale and nervous, and he tries to think of how you may be feeling - back in the hospital when you’d believed everything was already okay.

“Baby,” he says, cupping your face so you’d look at him. “We have to believe that things are fine, alright? That this isn’t serious. Worrying too much might make things worse.”

They’re things he doesn’t fully believe in himself. He doesn’t know what’s going on. He never experienced this with you; he hadn’t even known about your condition until 3 years ago, and he doesn’t know how you are when you’re in pain and what you need him to do or be for you. But he has to put aside his own concerns because this is about you, and the only thing he knows to be right now is strong so you can take that strength from him, too.

You smile, much more genuinely than you did earlier, and Jungkook thinks it’s a good first step.

“I’ll be okay, hun. Sorry I pulled you out of your meeting. Junghyun said that you did well, though,” you say, pulling him into a hug, your arms finally wrapping around his waist while his envelopes around yours.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t really matter. You were here in pain while I was doing my presentation when I could’ve been with you,” he replies, trying to temper his voice. “I could’ve screwed up or completely missed it for all I care.”

“Nonsense, Kook,” you turn to him again. “You’ve been working so hard on that. I managed to get here on my own.”

You rest your head on his torso, not seeing his hardened and helpless face at how you casually dismiss what you’re experiencing and talk about his work like it’s all that matters when you’re the one in the hospital right now.

You still should’ve called, he wants so badly to say. I would’ve come here right away. But he decides against it. He was never good at bottling his feelings; he supposes he needs to learn that from you. He does it anyway, knowing that this isn’t the time nor place to get mad at you for it.

“Kook, can you be the one to talk to my mother?” You ask, giving him your phone. “She’s been calling and I’m too dizzy to rehash everything.”

“Okay, I will,” he responds, guiding you to lay on the bed and letting you take a nap first.

He calls your mother, then his, then your brother and sister, and then Nari and Yeji. There are so many people to update about your status but he pushes through it, despite the same words of you experiencing pain and needing to be monitored for the night becoming harder and harder for him to say.

“She seems fine, just looks tired as of now,” Jungkook informs each one. “We’ll know more tomorrow.”

They’ll drop by in the evening, they all say, and he’s thankful that there’ll at least be distractions, and he won’t have to be with you alone for long. He supposes that’s better, otherwise he’ll be tempted to push for answers on why you kept all this from him.

He calls Mr. Yu and Mrs. Na and instructs them to prepare your clothes for your stay and bring them over to the hospital. “Please buy a box of macarons on your way here,” he tells the chauffeur. “And her chamomile tea as well.”

Jungkook sits on the chair next to you and watches you take your nap. He sees you take deep breaths and he can sense your struggle, causing him to worry once more. You catch yourself and jerk awake.

“Was it hurting again?” He asks.

“A little,” you respond, raising yourself up off the bed.

“Just keep breathing. Here, drink some water.”

You follow as he says, and that’s when the nurse arrives and informs you that the VIP room is ready. You’re led there by wheelchair - an all too familiar scene - and Jungkook helps you lie down on the bed. The nurse takes blood samples and informs you of the scheduled test in 2 hours then leaves you right after.

“Tell me about your presentation,” you urge your husband. “What did they say?”

Work is the last thing that Jungkook wants to be talking about right now. He hates thinking about being in that room while you were here and all alone. You smile tenderly, as if you really want to know what took place, so he forces himself to think about it.

“That the project proposal was well-designed and well-thought out. I set out the plans and the entire process and got to show the expected outcomes and return of investment,” he explains. “They said it was sound and profitable, and that they were surprised I pulled it off on my own.”

“It’s silly that they still doubt you,” you frown. “Of course you’d pull it off. You’re innovative and incredibly hardworking, honey. They should know that by now.”

“Nah, I'm used to it,” he shrugs. “They’d take every chance they get to remind me that I’m not my brother.”

“And you aren’t, because you’re your own self with your strengths and own conviction. And don’t tell Junghyun, but you’re definitely funnier.”

Jungkook manages to chuckle a little, and your smile grows at the sound. “That last bit is definitely true,” he hums. “Thanks, babe. Though I didn’t mean to be so down.”

“Not at all. I just wanted to remind you of how good you are,” you comfort him, reaching out your hand that he takes. You sit up and pull him close. “You’re so good at so many things. Remember that.”

You cup his cheeks and kiss his lips, something you realize you haven’t done since he got here. It’s slow and gentle, which is exactly what you need after a scary experience; all you’ve been wanting is his touch and the comfort you get from being close to him.

Jungkook indulges you, kissing you back with just as much tenderness, and you smile against him, knowing that whatever happens, you have him next to you. And as long as he is, there’s nothing to be afraid of.

The knock on the door pulls you both apart, and you hear the familiar voices of both your parents and siblings who all hug you one by one.

A flurry of questions about how you’re feeling and what will happen next overwhelm you but you should’ve expected this; no one really thought you’d be back here after all these years.

Shortly after, your friends arrive and you have to say the same things, and you fumble for Jungkook’s hand next to you to keep you stable.

You dislike this part - the one where everyone is worried and no answer or assurance from you would be enough, and you hate that they have to go through that anxiety of not knowing as well. But you just smile through it and downplay the pain.

“It’s probably nothing; it’s more like a precaution thing, you know?” You reason. “I’m fine. Please, don’t worry too much.”

You mask the desperation with your smile, and you’re almost glad that Dr. Kwon enters and informs you that the nurses will start prepping you for your 2D echo.

“Mr. and Mrs. Kim,” he greets. “Not so great to see both of you.”

“Likewise,” your parents chuckle. “It’s never a good thing being back here, huh? But what happened? Why is she experiencing this so suddenly?”

“Well, your daughter did say that the chest pains have been recurring,” he responds.

“They have?” Your parents frown at you.

“They weren’t that bad,” you reason. “I mean, they weren’t painful to warrant a visit.”

“But this time it was,” Seokjin crosses his arms, looking disappointed. “And to the emergency room at that.”

“I didn’t faint or anything,” you reason. “Look, I’m fine now. It’s probably just stress. ”

“___, what did I say about stress? You’re not just like anyone who can experience it and then be fine. It’s not that simple,” Dr. Kwon warns.

“I know,” you whisper, feeling like that 13-year old child again who felt helpless when she was first told of the many things she couldn’t do despite having a normally functioning heart already. You’d like to think you’ve followed all the rules since then; it’s just lately when you’ve been more brave and wanting to do more.

“But is she going to be okay?” Soyeon asks this time.

“I suppose. The test results aren’t alarming and it seems it’s still bearable, but we’ll know more tomorrow,” he responds. “For now, she just needs to rest and take things easy.”

Everyone nods in agreement. The door opens with the nurses taking you away to be prepped. Jungkook kisses your forehead and tells you to just push through it and that it will be fine; you always said you disliked the pain from this specific test.

Back in the room, Jungkook feels light-headed. Perhaps he’s still reeling over seeing you on a hospital bed, being wheeled out and leaving him behind to wonder how much pain you’re in or how your heart looks like. Maybe it’s being in the room with your family and friends and all their questions that he doesn’t have answers to. He thinks it’s this new experience for him - this kind of fear that he’s never experienced before. It’s probably all of those, so he excuses himself to buy some snacks in the store just to get out of there.

Seokjin promptly follows his brother-in-law. “I want some snacks, too,” he responds after the younger man looks at him questioningly.

They walk in silence for a while before Seokjin asks. “Did you know about the other times?”

“No,” Jungkook almost whispers, his hands in his pockets as he mindlessly walks down the hallway. “She also only called earlier after 2 tests were done. I feel so fucking useless.”

“Hey, you aren’t, okay?” Seokjin sighs.

“If I wasn’t then I should’ve known about all the other times, and I could’ve convinced her to get checked earlier. Then she wouldn’t have needed to come here like this; then it wouldn’t have been this painful,” Jungkook responds, his voice more helpless now.

“Kook, you wouldn’t have known if she hadn’t told you. You’re not together 24/7. I love my sister but sometimes she tends to brush things off like that, thinking that the short-term burden of her sickness will just go away. But not this time. We just have to believe it’s not serious.”

Jungkook just nods, all the thoughts screaming at him and he just wants to lay next to you but also be away from you because how could you keep something like this from him.

There aren’t any more words exchanged, but Seokjin stays with his brother-in-law as they buy snacks and walk towards the wing where you are, probably currently squirming in pain as your chest is being pressed to get that image of your heart.

It’s some time later when they hear Dr. Kwon’s voice, calling for them.

“Jungkook,” he says. “It’s not surgery. You don’t have to be waiting here.” There’s a soft smile on his face, however, so that calms the younger man down a little.

“Just wanted to immediately know how she is,” he responds. “___ said she doesn’t like this test.”

“Ah, yeah she doesn’t,” Dr. Kwon chuckles. “She would pout her way out of even if she knows it won’t work. She did say she wished you were there with her though, holding her hand.”

“But what did you see?” Seokjin asks.

“A tired heart,” Dr. Kwon replies. “I honestly hope that’s all, but I’ll have to look through all the test results to be sure that there isn’t anything else.”

Your husband and brother sigh in relief.

“But keep an eye on her, okay?” The doctor tells Jungkook. “She mentioned feeling pain when she’s asleep so watch out for that. She just needs to breathe and be soothed. The tests tomorrow will tell me more but I can already tell you that she needs to rest.”

“I’ll make sure of that,” Jungkook responds, his eyes softening at the sight of you smiling when you see him.

“You were waiting for me?” You ask.

Jungkook only nods but your brother responds, “everyone was so noisy in the room so we walked around. And got some snacks.”

You smile at them as they walk with you while being wheeled away to your room. You enter and sense the aroma of beef bone soup, and Minhyuk grins proudly at your satisfied face.

“You always said that hospital food didn’t excite you,” he says.

You express your thanks and the nurse announces your need to rest after dinner, prompting everyone to decide on leaving already.

Seokjin, who’d earlier sensed your husband’s own stress, whispers to him. “Just hold it in for now, okay? She’ll be alright.”

As the last parson leaves, Jungkook sits next to you on the bed and you both eat the delicious meal. He surprises you with the dessert he had bought and prepares your tea as you like to take before sleeping.

“Thank you, Kook,” you exclaim, kissing his cheek. “I’ll just wash up so we can both rest.”

“Do you need help?”

“I’m fine, I can do it in my own,” you assure him, disappearing into the bathroom.

Left alone for awhile, Jungkook takes to heart what your brother had advised him - hold it in for now. Knowing that you tend to absorb your husband’s own emotions - as you’d said once that it’s natural for you, that it’s how you get to empathize with him - he does as he’s told. He holds it in - the disappointment, the sadness, the doubt… and tells himself that this is about you and what’s best for you right now.

You finish up and he helps you in bed, then he washes himself, exiting the bathroom in his shirt and pajama pants.

“Do you want me to sleep next to you?” He asks. “You always said it’s hard to sleep without me.”

He gives the idea, knowing that it’s the only way for him to know if you feel pain while in slumber. He doesn’t think he trusts you in telling him otherwise.

“Yes, can you?” You ask excitedly.

“I guess? It’s a big bed. I’m sure we’ll fit.”

So he scoots in next to you as you give him space, and you immediately wrap your arms around his torso as he wraps one around your shoulder. He supports himself against the headboard with his other arm behind his head.

He lets you listen to his heartbeat, confident that they’re perfectly normal, as if he isn’t buzzing deep inside.

“So how was your day going before all this happened?” He asks to eliminate the silence that’s suddenly feeling awkward for him.

“I was just at the studio,” you respond, snuggling next to him and enjoying the comfort of his warm body. “I got to finish a design study and then had class with the kids.”

“Did it start hurting then?”

“Hmm, right after, just when I was fixing up,” you say, slowly dozing off.

Having your class schedule memorized because it’s your favorite thing to talk about, Jungkook knows what time that was, and he knows you could’ve informed him then if you wanted. But you didn’t.

“So you just came here on your own?”

“Yeah,” you hum. “I hailed a cab. It’s a good thing that the hospital’s just near the studio.”

What if it wasn’t, he thinks. What if you were driving when it happened? What if there were no available cabs and it took long for you to get here? What if you were somewhere else where no one knew you? What if something worse had happened, and then he wouldn’t have known it at all because you waited so long to call him?

“Why didn’t you call me?” He manages to ask.

Somehow he has an idea of what you’ll say. You’ve only been married awhile but he knows enough about your courteousness, how you don’t like to burden other people, how you always put others before yourself. You’d developed that attitude because you don’t like being fussed over; you dislike having others worry about you. He noticed it earlier when you took his hand and held onto it tightly as your loved ones asked how you were feeling. And so he knows what’s coming next. He just didn’t think it would hurt and anger him this much.

“You were busy with work, Kook,” you mumble, and he knows you’re about to fall asleep. “Felt like I could manage and I did.”

What if you didn’t, he thinks again. What if it was someone else who’d called him? What would he do then?

“Sorry,” you add. “Just didn’t want to worry you.”

He hears you take a long breath and the succeeding low snores let him know you’ve fallen asleep. It’s been a long day for you, after all.

It’s been a long one for him, too. But unlike you, he’s filled with too many emotions to fall asleep. And contrary to what you wanted, he’s worrying even more. He’s worried about your condition. And he’s worried about himself.

Hold it in for now, Seokjin had told him.

Jungkook will try. But he doesn’t know for how long he can, and he doesn’t know how he’ll deal with you - how you’ll deal with it - once he’s unable to keep it in anymore.

Jungkook didn’t get a wink of sleep. Other than being unable to because he wanted to make sure that he’d be awake should you feel any sort of pain, he also couldn’t help but think about what you’d said.

In your few years of being married, you’d had small and brief arguments, mostly stemming from how incredibly different you both deal with emotions and conflict.

You tend to be unnecessarily courteous at times and too patient. You also prefer to let tension fade rather than addressing it, so more than half the time, any negative emotions you have are kept in and rarely ever mentioned. You don’t hold grudges, though, and you easily forgive, unlike Jungkook who’s always very transparent about what he feels. He talks about things, and he always talks about them with you, whether it’s about you or something else.

Despite all this, your little misunderstandings never escalated. They never really lasted, because more than half the time, he’s the one crawling next to you, hugging you tightly and saying that he doesn’t care whose fault it is, just that he wants to be okay again. He admits that a lot of times, it’s on him. He gets too emotional, too proud, too shortsighted, and unable to let things go. But right now, he doesn’t care if he’s all of that. He’ll feel what he’s feeling; he just won’t be able to express it fully.

The knock on the door puts him out of his thoughts. The nurse enters and Jungkook has to wake you for your MRI and stress test today.

“You’ll be okay to wait here?” You ask, as you watch him from the bathroom door.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Just think about what you’ll do this morning. Don’t worry about me,” he says dryly.

“Okay, I’ll see you after.”

You’re wheeled out and Jungkook allows himself to fall asleep. He’s still exhausted from preparing for his presentation yesterday, and he’s dealing with too many thoughts in his head about you, about both of you, and an hour or so of slumber is what he needs.

He’s awoken by a phone call over an hour later, and he’s reminded that he failed to inform his team that he won’t be going to the office today. Perks of being the CEO’s son, he tells himself, but he also can’t bring himself to think about work and the project that he has to fine tune for immediate implementation.

All he can think about is you. And despite feeling anger and hurt, he also just wants you to feel okay. He hopes that deal that your parents made with the universe when you were born - the one where they asked to keep you alive and they’ll give you a life you’ll be happy with in return - holds up for the longest it possibly can. Regardless of what he feels about you, he also knows that seeing you smile can make him forget about his own pain.

And that’s what happens, albeit temporarily, when you return to the room and see a breakfast spread prepared for you, one that Jungkook had asked Mr. Yu to buy.

You smell the carnations that’s come with your meal and your face lights up.

“Where did you get this, Kook?”

“There’s a flower shop in the other building,” he responds. “Thought that can make you feel better.”

“Of course,” you say, walking towards him where he’s seated on the day bed. “But you’re also here and that's really all I need.”

Then why didn’t you ask me to come earlier, the question rings in his head. But he lets it stay there. For all the times that he’d willingly and easily put you first, he didn’t think that holding all his emotions in for your sake would be the hardest.

He hugs you back then lets you rest your head on his shoulders as you talk about the tests and that you have 2 hours before Dr. Kwon can meet you for the results and diagnosis.

You and Jungkook use the time to eat, take a shower, and pack your things. It’s not long after when you’re in your cardiologist’s clinic where he explains your condition.

“As I suspected, your heart is overworking,” he says. “Fortunately, the tests show no holes, no enlargement, or any other complications.”

You breathe a sigh of relief and take Jungkook’s hand. You didn’t want to be thinking of the worst and this is definitely not it. It had hurt so much yesterday that you were almost sure there was something severely wrong again, but this is actually welcome news. At least it’s something you know; it’s something that you can deal with, and it’s something you can easily address.

“What’s causing it?” Jungkook asks.

“Stress, perhaps. And lack of sleep,” the doctor answers, turning to you. “I know you’re eating well and exercising, but there’s still so much you’re doing. All that mental and physical and emotional exhaustion pushes your heart to overwork, to pump blood more than it’s capable of doing.”

“What does this mean, then?” Your husband asks once more. “I mean, what should she do? Will it get worse? How can we prevent this from happening again?”

“She should rest. And I mean, rest.” Dr. Kwon glares at you to emphasize his point. “Take a few days off from work, do some very light exercise, and have a change in medication. It will only get worse if she doesn’t let her heart breathe, if she doesn’t let it take its time to do its job properly. I know it sounds simple but that’s really it; there’s no shortcut to it. It’s just something to be done consistently.”

“Okay,” you hum. “I can take the week off. I can just turn over my design studies at the firm and then get back to it after. And the kids will understand if I don’t see them this weekend. My exhibition also isn’t in 3 months so I have time to get back to my pieces.”

“___, I don’t mean to rest for just this week,” he responds. “You’re gonna have to rethink all the work that you’re doing because it’s too much for you, and this isn’t me telling you what you can or can’t do. Your heart is functioning normally, but it’s still relatively weak, weaker than a normal one’s. Sure, there are things you can do now that you couldn’t before but being perpetually stressed isn’t one of them, okay? And I feel that as long as you’re doing all those things at the same time, you’ll always be at risk.”

“So you’re telling me that I have to let one of those go?” You look up at him, feeling heartbroken that you’re gonna have to give up one of the things that’s been giving you so much joy.

“It’s more practical than cutting off your time in all those. It’s still work, ___. As long as you’re doing all of them, you’re gonna keep spending time on them, and you won’t even notice it.”

You sigh, knowing he’s right. You do so much on a normal day; work doesn’t end even on the weekends. It just doesn’t feel that way because you get to do it at home and you manage your own schedule and you genuinely enjoy it, but you have been feeling the exhaustion all over your body. You know there’s more to lose if you don’t follow his orders.

“Okay then. The next exhibition will be my last for a while,” you announce, deciding right then.

“Are you sure, babe?” Jungkook asks, surprised. He thought for sure that that would be the last thing you’ll let go. “Don’t you have invitations in Paris and Mexico?”

“I can pass,” you smile faintly. “I’ve still got commissions that I’ll spread out. I’m sure the patrons will understand. There’s this big project at the firm that I’m so excited to do and I can’t abandon my team. And the kids…” you sigh, “I love them too much. They take my stress away so I can’t let go of the art classes that I teach.”

“But you’ve been waiting for the shows, too,” Jungkook reminds you. “Those are huge and not easy to get invited to.”

“I know but there’s gonna be another time,” you say. “And if there isn’t, then that’s fine. I can always paint, Kook, even when I’m gray and old. But all the other things? I can still manage them. I wanna help my team, I wanna teach the kids… those things matter more.”

Other people always matter more, Jungkook tells himself. Your art is what you’ve loved your whole life, he knows that much.

“It’s really up to you, but it’s good that you’ve thought about it already,” Dr. Kwon says. “You just really need to stabilize your heart for now. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

“I will,” you smile at him. “And uh, I just want to ask. This won’t affect any future pregnancies, right?”

You nibble your lips, and Jungkook can see the nervousness in your eyes.

“Not unless it’s immediate. Are you both—”

“No,” you interject. “I mean, if it happens then it does but we aren’t really… uh,” you turn to your husband, knowing that despite the last conversation you had about this months ago, you’re still unsure of how comfortable or open he is talking about this. “We haven’t planned everything out yet. But I just wanted to make sure that this whole… overworking heart thing isn’t going to risk me and our future baby. I don’t… I don’t know how I’ll handle a complication.”

“Your condition will always be a factor but you’re not in any more risk than you were before this incident,” Dr. Kwon assures you. “You don’t have to give up everything. But just always consult and make sure you rest. That's really all I can tell you.”

“I’d give it all up when I’m pregnant if I need to,” you giggle, missing the way Jungkook’s gaze saddens at your words.

Clearly that desire hasn’t waned, and the worry on your face at the thought of what this scare could mean to your future family - one that he’s still not able to give you - says a lot. But that scares him, too. Would you be open about your struggles once you’re pregnant unlike what you’re being now? Would you be honest and open? Would you let him carry your burden with you?

“Well, I guess that’s it, then,” Dr. Kwon announces, handing you the prescription of your new medication. “I’ll see you again in 2 months for your regular check-up.”

You bid your goodbye and head out, taking Jungkook’s hand as you walk to pay the bills. He doesn’t say much, merely humming to your musings the whole time - when you head to the car, on the way home, and when he decides to take an afternoon nap.

That night, after you both had food delivered for dinner and have washed up, you wait for him in bed as he sends emails to his staff. You kiss him goodnight and turn your back towards him, ready for his tight hug and his nuzzle on your neck. But he doesn’t.

He merely gently lays his hand on your hip and doesn’t pull you close. He doesn’t kiss your shoulders nor tell you he loves you or that he’ll see you in his dreams like he always does.

There’s silence where there shouldn’t be, and you slowly fall asleep to drown out the worried thoughts in your head. Maybe he’s just tired, you reason to yourself. Maybe he’s still processing what just happened. Either way, it’s just tonight, and you know your husband - he’d never been able to resist you. And you let that comfort you. Tomorrow, things will be back to normal. Tomorrow, you’ll wake up and fall asleep in his arms again.

The mid-morning sun peeking through the blinds provides you with much needed warmth that you’d missed last night. There was no arm wrapped around you, no hot breath on your neck or soft lips on your skin. It felt cold, even with the blanket covering your body, and you have half a mind to go to Jungkook’s office for that morning kiss that you didn’t get and which usually wakes you a little everyday.

But to your surprise, you hear his voice, deep and low as he gives instructions to whoever it is he’s speaking to. You get off the bed and find him in his office nook, in an online meeting with his team. As it looks, he probably decided on working from home to look after you.

You know that he has to iron out details of the new project and delegate tasks to his team. Those from the Busan and Daegu offices have to be briefed, too, and you can just imagine how much is on his plate yet he’s home because of you. Sighing, you turn around to head to the bathroom when his voice stops you.

“___? Everything okay?”

You look at him and see that he’s turned off his video, his questioning eyes greeting you.

“Yeah, just feeling a bit bad that you have to be home when you should be out there with your team,” you share. There’s a small, selfish part of you that’s glad that you get to spend time with him, though it’s not something that you say.

Jungkook shrugs. “We can manage. Are you feeling better? No pain or anything?”

“Better, yes. And no, no pain,” you reply. “Have you eaten?”

“Yeah,” he responds. “I asked Mrs. Na to stay over for the next few days since I’ll be working from home and I won’t be able to cook for you. She’s downstairs so just tell her what you want.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll go there, then,” you say dryly. You wish he could join you but then again, he’s working from home; he’s not on a break or anything.

“Just call me if you start to feel anything different.”

You nod and quickly wash up before heading to the kitchen for breakfast, chatting with Mrs. Na. It’s been a while since you’ve caught up with her, the woman who looked after you growing up.

That whole morning, Jungkook heads downstairs twice only, both times to grab coffee and ask you if you’re feeling okay. You are, and much as you want to tell him not to worry, you want him to seek you out. It seems as if that’s the only time he’s interested in speaking to you, anyway. He’s worked from home a few times and just like when he pulls all-nighters, he’d always insisted on having you close by.

Not today, though. Ironically, it seems as if he’s home to keep you at a distance. That night, he sleeps late, and so do you. You wait for him to come to bed, ready for even his slightest touch to assure you that he’s here. He does come to bed at 2AM, but the touch doesn’t come. You take a peak over your shoulder and there he is, on his side of the bed, with his back turned against you.

Jungkook insists on seeing your families that weekend - Saturday with yours and Sunday with his. Being out of the house to feel the fresh air seems quite the experience. You’ve only been cooped up in your house for a few days but you already feel like suffocating, even more with your husband’s passiveness towards you.

Just as he continued to work at home, so did his minimal conversations with you and absence of affection. He’s kissed your hand a few times and it was only because you were cupping his cheek, but he doesn’t do more, doesn’t say more. You’ve come to expect nothing from him, if you’re being honest.

You watch from the kitchen of Junghyun’s home as Jungkook speaks to Yeri, massaging his temples, and your sister-in-law, a doctor, seems to be instructing him on what to do and what to take, scribbling something on a pad and giving it to him.

You reckon that his headache hasn’t gone away, but you wouldn’t know how painful it is because there’s nothing about him now that he’s sharing. He used to pout at you to tend to a small paper cut but somehow, he just can’t bring himself to tell you how he’s feeling and where it hurts.

“You holding up okay?” Junghyun interrupts your thoughts.

“For the most part, yeah,” you respond, glancing at your husband again who’s now laid his head on the couch, his eyes closed shut.

“And the other part?” Junghyun cocks an eyebrow.

“Just worried about how stressed Jungkook is,” you sigh. “I wish he’ll give himself time to rest. He barely sleeps. I… I don’t feel him close, especially at night.”

“Well, the project is at its planning stages and he’s managing all the teams from home,” the older man explains. “And then there’s you.”

“Me, the burden,” you sigh, hating the thought.

The older man is familiar with your musings. It’s why you didn’t want people knowing about your condition; it’s why you didn’t want Jungkook to know. You always despised being someone’s baggage, and right now, Junghyun thinks it’s what you feel.

“You really scared him, you know?” He nudges your shoulder to get your attention back that’s focused on your husband. “He’s experienced a car accident, getting lost in a cave, skydiving… yet he’s never been more scared than finding out that you were in the hospital. He looked even more helpless that he wasn’t there with you. And as his brother, I was afraid of how he was gonna take it. You know how he is.”

“Exactly. He worries a lot. Too much sometimes,” you agree.

“As he should, especially since you don’t. Or at least, since you don’t show it.”

With your silence, he knows he’s right.

“You were scared, too, weren’t you?” He asks this time.

You nod, fighting back the tears. “I’d forgotten how it used to hurt. I kept thinking that it was gonna subside, you know? That it was gonna go away right away but it didn’t. And I just didn’t want him to worry too much. I didn’t want him to be scared because I was. I didn’t want him to carry that with him if there was a chance that it really was nothing. I don’t like seeing him helpless, Junghyun. I don’t like seeing him feel like he’s not enough to make it not hurt.”

“I don’t think that’s something you can control, ___. You’re his weakness. There’s nothing that scares or hurts him more than your fears and your pain. That’s kind of what love is, you know?” Junghyun continues. “That’s part of being married. And when you have children, you’ll learn that it’s part of being parents, too. You can’t be the only one carrying it all. That’s what having a partner is all about. It isn’t just you. And it isn’t just about you.”

Jungkook wakes up from the nap he didn’t realize he’s taken and finds you, wrapped in his brother’s arms who seems to be whispering something in your ear as well. He can sense it’s another one of those comforting things that Junghyun’s always given you, and while Jungkook has long accepted that special friendship you share with the man you look up to, it doesn’t take away the small bit of envy over the fact that you trust Junghyun, that you let yourself be honest with him.

It’s an accepted fact by everyone, including Seokjin who knows that his overprotective tendencies compared to Junghyun’s calm nature have led you to open up to the latter one more.

But for Jungkook to see you get comfort from someone else who isn’t him and be hurt by it makes him feel hypocritical, especially since he’s been distancing himself from you, too. He only checks up on you just so he won’t lose his mind, but he doesn’t know anything else.

Are you scared or worried? How bored are you at home? What do you wish to do? Is there a place you want to go to? Do you miss his touch as much as he misses yours? Does it hurt you to be close to him as much as it hurts him? Do you feel angry and disappointed like he is?

Jungkook wouldn’t know. He also doesn’t know how he can love someone so much yet feel so powerless, so useless, so hurt by them. Your love always made him better, but he didn’t think it would ever let him down like this.

It’s not pure jealousy he feels when you finally pull away and smile at Junghyun. It’s a mix of emotions, really. Jungkook wants to comfort you but he feels upset. He misses you but he doesn’t want to say anything that would hurt you. He wants to be the one you run to but he can’t bring himself to be close to you. He wants you to feel his love but he doesn’t know how to show it.

You meet his eyes as you turn towards the living room, but Jungkook looks away. He busies himself on his phone and keeps to himself during dinner. He holds your hand during the car ride home when you reach for him and then lets you lay his arm on your waist when you both sleep that night, with your back against his chest while he feels you still so far away.

He doesn’t get to sleep much just like every night. He worries you’d feel pain again. Somehow he wants to be alert enough to know you’re still breathing; he needs the sound of your soft snores to assure him that you’re alive, that you’re still next to him despite his unwillingness to be close.

Is this what love is like behind closed doors? He’d been surrounded by his family and yours and only seen the happy parts of it. When it came to Jungkook’s past relationships, he broke it off after the first fight because he didn’t think it was love if it hurt or made him angry like that.

But now there’s you, and even if he feels every possible negative emotion out there, all he thinks about is just how much he loves you. All he knows is that he can’t live without you. But right now, he also can’t deny that he’s upset.

Maybe love is like this, he thinks. Once the honeymoon phase has lapsed, your differences surface, and you have to learn how to navigate it all without losing yourself and the other person, without drowning in the depths of both of your shortcomings, and then coming out the other side still intact and willing to learn and grow.

Monday comes and you wake up to the sound of keyboard typing once again. Jungkook hasn’t been going to the office despite needing to physically meet the teams who’ll be working on the project, and you hate that he feels like he has to babysit you even if you’re perfectly capable of looking after yourself. Mrs. Na is home; you don’t want Jungkook to have to give up even more than he needs to.

You don’t bring it up though, not wanting to interrupt him during his incredibly busy day, as he goes from one meeting to another. It’s the next day when you wake up to the same scene that you finally suggest going back to work.

“Hun, you can go to the office, you know?” You say sleepily as you stand by the door. “I’m sure it’ll be easier to manage everything from there. I’m fine here, I promise.”

He turns towards you as he types on his phone. “And if you aren’t, would you call me?” He looks at you pointedly. “Will you let me know this time?”

They don’t seem like rhetorical questions, but they’re not something you want to answer, given the hint of bitterness in them. Jungkook says it blankly, almost devoid of emotions that it shakes you because of how unfamiliar he sounds.

You don’t answer, and he faces his laptop to continue with his work. “I’m fine here,” he repeats your words. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

You let the next 2 days pass while slowly retreating into yourself. You’re bored out of your mind but you can’t do anything remotely productive or entertaining. Much as you can sneak in time to paint, there’s no thought or inspiration that’s pushing you to create something. The TV shows suddenly seem boring without Jungkook to talk about them with, and even your books can’t keep your attention long enough past one chapter.

It doesn’t help that you can hear your husband’s frustrated groans as he gets off a phone call or as he types away. His raised voice echoes from his small office down to the living room. You want to let him rest, relieve him in some way, or comfort him like you used to do, but you don’t think any of those would be welcome. He’s told you enough with the absence of his touch that he doesn’t want any of that.

If you’re being honest with yourself, you don’t think he wants you right now either.

Jungkook surprisingly goes to bed early that evening, and he’s tucked under the covers by the time you lay next to him after a warm bath.

“You feeling alright?” He asks with his eyes still closed, as he feels the dip on the mattress.

“Yeah,” you muster enough energy to respond.

“Okay,” he hums, turning to his side away from you again and by now, you’d be surprised if he didn’t.

You turn on your side, too, content on just imagining his soft smile and the sparkle in his eyes when he speaks to you. Those have gone away somehow, and there’s a twitch in your heart that’s not caused by overworking; it’s caused by the feeling of distance you didn’t think you’d ever feel with the man you’d promised to love your whole life.

It’s afternoon the next day when you find yourself more frustrated than anything. You wanted to go to the park and get some fresh air but Jungkook insisted on going with you, commenting once more that you may not call him if something comes up. It usually takes a lot to make you irate but his snide remarks and aversion towards you have slowly been eating you up inside.

You decided against going out, not wanting to take him away from work, especially as you’d heard him raising his voice at someone on the phone, his groans echoing throughout the loft once more.

You always loved being around Jungkook. Whether he was busy at work, frustrated over something, or being needy or clingy, he makes you feel wanted. It’s the random kiss on your cheek or his loving glance or the way he’d affectionately call you ‘baby’ or when he’s finally next to you and he doesn’t want to let you go. But right now he’s being confusing - he wants to be where you are but he somehow finds it difficult to be around you, to talk to you, to look at you, to be close to you.

“You should go for a run or head to the gym or something,” you tell him from the living room when he heads down to the kitchen for a glass of water.

“Why should I?”

“So you can release your frustrations elsewhere,” you turn to him, looking him straight in the eyes but he looks away. “Your desk will break if you hit it one more time. And you’ve been snapping at your staff and that’s not how you should be treating them. Just go, take a break. Work can wait. You just need to clear your mind.”

“And if I go, would you call if something happens?”

It’s that line again, but by now it’s gotten old.

“Nothing will, and if something does, I won’t be alone,” you respond. “Yeji and Nari are coming. I asked them over, so you can go spend time on your own. I know you want to, since you can’t seem to stand me. You won’t talk to me, you won’t look at me… might as well just spend a few hours away from me.”

Maybe then you’d start missing me, you don’t say.

“Fine, I’ll go when they get here.”

He doesn’t refute, he just accepts. In your mind, that’s him agreeing. A part of you hoped he’d say you’re wrong, that you’re just imagining things, or maybe explain why he’s been acting the way he has. It isn’t like him to bite his tongue and not express himself through words. He’d never had a problem doing that, you remind yourself.

It isn’t like you to let your emotions get the better of you, too, as you let a tear fall when he heads back to your room with no other words said.

He hears your friends arrive, as not long after they do, he hurries down the stairs and walks out the door, his jacket hood over his head and his gym bag slung over his shoulder.

“Okay, talk to us,” Nari says, as she watches the exchange between you and your husband, a rare sight indeed, as all she’s known of both of you since falling in love was that unabashed joy and affection that’s infectious and heartwarming.

Folding your knees and hugging them tightly, you pout then let the tears fall. “He hasn’t held me since we got back from the hospital,” you say. “He barely talks to me, he doesn’t look at me. He’s cold and irritable and distant, l…”

You take a deep breath and lean onto Yeri’s shoulder when she pulls you for a hug. “He’s been working at home but his presence is so intimidating and tense.”

“Maybe it’s just work,” your best friend reasons as she hugs you tighter. “Isn’t there a big project that he got approved? It might just be the pressure, you know? And what happened to you is worrisome. Maybe it’s all just piling up.”

“But he’s never been like this,” you insist, sniffing and trying to find your voice. “He doesn’t just ignore me or act like I’m not around. Even with our small arguments before, he’d never spoken to me coldly or bitterly. He’s never…” you trail, feeling the ache in your heart at the newness of this, of this feeling of being unwanted or needed. “Oh god, I feel so silly. I totally sound like a spoiled, bratty, needy wife.”

“Hey,” Nari nudges you and takes you from Yeri, wiping away your tears and urging you to stop excusing your feelings. “You aren’t being silly. If he’s making you feel that way, then he should be a grown up and tell you directly why, not ignore you and make you feel bad about it. You just went through something terrifying, ___. He should be comforting and taking care of you.”

“Do you know why he’s acting that way?” Yeri asks now. “Because I feel like I do. I mean, knowing you and him, it’s not that hard to figure out.”

It’s your tear-stained face and pouty lips that give it away that you have an idea, too, and both women know that as your best friends, they need to be on your side while also knocking some sense into you.

“Why didn’t you tell him what you’ve been experiencing?” Yeri continues. “Why did you keep it all from him?”

“I thought I could just brush them off without having to make him worry,” you finally answer after a long beat of silence. “If it was nothing, then I didn’t want to burden him with unnecessary things.”

“___, we’ve talked about this,” Nari groans, frustrated because this has always been her issue when it comes to you, how you just brush things off for fear of worrying your loved ones about your condition, without realizing that you’re making the other person feel distrusted, unworthy, powerless. It’s this unnecessary courtesy that she always felt you developed as a coping mechanism because of how overprotected you were growing up, being doted on and treated like a fragile doll who couldn’t break a sweat or be inconvenienced in any way.

“It’s hard to unlearn,” you mumble, knowing what she means. The only way you felt like your illness would stop defining you was if people didn’t know it still affected you.

“So what, you’ll just let it affect your health again like this? And now your marriage, too?” She counters. “I know you don’t want it to, so unlearn it faster. And talk to him. It’s the only way.”

You nod, knowing that some days, you just need your best friends to spell out the things you already know, because somehow it makes sense when they’re the ones telling you.

You sit in between them, anxious about how you’ll face Jungkook when he returns. You were never good at this, and during the few times you and your husband had fought, he’d been the one to initiate talking and working things out, insistent to hold onto your promise to each other of not sleeping until you’ve resolved your issues, no matter how late it already is. But now, he seems to be the one who’s letting it drag on, not wanting to address it or even acknowledge it.

Nari and Yeri help you prepare dinner, as you’d let Mrs. Na go home to attend to family matters. The stew smells amazing, but to be honest, you don’t really have the appetite for it.

They leave after cleaning up, and you’re left with your own thoughts in the quiet of the loft that’s gotten colder, lonelier the past week.

Your heart leaps out of your chest at the sound of the door opening, and you watch in pain as Jungkook merely walks past you and heads towards the stairs.

“Kook, talk to me,” you beg, voice low yet desperate. “Please. I can’t do this anymore.”

This stops him in his tracks and he turns around, his jaw clenched and his eyes unreadable.

“I can’t,” he says, turning away.

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to say things I’ll regret. Because I’m angry and upset and I can’t express any of that when you can have another relapse or something.”

“I don’t care,” you exclaim. “Say whatever you want to, and say it now. Because that’s way better than you blatantly ignoring me. Your hurtful words would be better than none at all.”

“Yeah, because I’m the one who’s hurting you, right?” He says, his voice getting louder now. “I’m the one who doesn’t trust you, who’s not honest with you, who keeps secrets and shit… I’m the one who’s at fault for worrying about you being in pain and then being upset that you kept it all from me. Right? You’re the only one who’s hurting? And not me?”

“That’s not what I meant,” you huff, feeling the tears pool in your eyes again.

Jungkook decides against saying something, exhaling deeply instead and massaging his temples as he paces around the living room.

“I was in that fucking room presenting some fucking project while you were in the ER, all on your own, taking tests and just waiting to be told if your illness is back,” he says, seemingly restraining himself.

“If I could spare you the worry, I would,” you argue. “I just wanted to make sure that it wasn’t anything serious before—”

“Before calling?” He scoffs. “You’re my wife and I won’t forgive myself if anything bad happens to you! So what, you were just gonna wait there for bad news and not let me be there for you? What if it was worse and you didn’t manage to get in a cab? What if the hospital was far away and you fainted? What if something was wrong with your heart again? And then I wouldn’t have been there because you didn’t fucking call! Because I didn’t know you were experiencing all that in the first place! Because of all the things that you chose to keep from me, it was this. As if hiding it from me our entire lives wasn’t enough.”

There it is, all the what-ifs in Jungkook’s mind that he’s always been so scared of. He’s never brought himself to envision you in any sort of pain but then you were, and the intense fear of what could’ve happened swam in his mind, and there’s nothing worse than feeling powerless to protect the love of his life from all that.

“If this is about you feeling guilty that you’re not able to do anything–”

“Fuck it is! That and more!” He yells, the frustration overtaking him. “Don’t you get it? I can’t stand you in pain, and I can’t stand it when you feel like you have to bear it on your own, like you have to spare me or something. Yeah, I’m fucking terrified, but I’m still your husband. And you tell me these things,” he heaves. “I’m sorry I worry, or that I overreact or become dramatic and overly cautious, what do you expect? But you can’t hide this from me. I can’t not be your first call. That’s not fucking fair.”

“Kook, honey, I’m sorry,” you cry, trying to reach out for him but he pulls his arm away.

“Are you? You knew what you were doing, ___. You chose not to tell me the first time, and the next, and the one after that. And I had to fucking learn it from my brother again and I just…” Jungkook stops, and you look at him to see that he’s crying, the pain in his eyes so piercing that it’s probably gonna haunt you for days.

“I know you’ve always turned to him and he’s someone you can be honest with but… why can’t you trust me that way?”

“You know that’s not it,” you try to explain. You know that as much as you can reason that you only called Junghyun because Jungkook wasn’t picking up your calls, your husband would argue that you could’ve called way earlier, and he’d be right.

“Then what is it, ___?” He asks, and you realize that the most painful thing he can say is calling you by your name.

“You… you’re always the first for me,” he continues. “Whatever I’m feeling, whatever I did that day, you’re the first person I think about, the one I need to tell everything to; you’re always my first call. It’s always you because we promised each other. Through the good and the bad, it’s me and you. And keeping that promise was never hard because I want it to be you. Because I trust you. And to realize that it’s not the same with you just fucking sucks, okay?” He huffs, sounding defeated.

“What else are you not telling me? That you’re taking more art classes because being with those kids compensates for us not yet having our own because I’m fucking terrified of what that would mean for your health? I mean, how the hell can we have our own kids if you can’t even communicate with me? If you can’t even tell me what you’re feeling? If you don’t even trust that I’ll do everything to ease your pain and be there for you? How could you think that anything else is more important than you are?”

The sob that escapes you is immediate. The scene feels familiar, as the last time you’d cried this hard in front of Jungkook was years ago, in this exact spot, but this time, you know this is on you.

His words should be comforting - he loves you, and he loves hard, he loves openly, bravely, unapologetically. But all you can see is the hurt in his eyes. And all those times that you promised yourself that you wouldn’t let your illness define you feels stupid and hypocritical now, because here you are, hurting the man you love because you wanted to carry the burden on your own. But as you’re learning, being someone’s partner means sharing all that with them, and trusting that you’ll pull through together.

Jungkook watches you cry and this feels familiar, too. He never really fully got to remove this very scene from years ago out of his mind no matter how hard he tried. Nothing hurts him more than seeing you like this, but much as he wants to hold you in his arms, he’s afraid to find out that it wouldn’t be enough.

“I’m not really hungry,” he finally says, changing the subject because he honestly can’t bear talking some more. “I’ll sleep in the guest room tonight.”

He turns around and heads towards the hallway and closes the door, leaving you rooted on the ground to watch him walk away.

There’s a different kind of pain that’s filling your entire body. The one caused by your illness is purely physical, as if you could feel it only the very structure of your organ - it’s straightforward and familiar, something that medication and a few breaths could relieve.

But the one you’re feeling now is different - you feel it all over. There’s a ringing in your head of all the things that Jungkook had said. Your mind is going through all the times he’d called you first, or put you first, or followed through his promise of sharing his world and his heart and his soul with you. There’s that feeling of something missing - his fingers in between the spaces of yours, his arms around your waist, his soft lips against your own. There’s that absence of the affectionate tone of his voice and his boyish laughter, and it’s like without those, you can’t hear anything at all.

The past week has felt like a month of being without him, or at least, being without his comfort and security. It’s like being stripped off of your basic necessities - everything is hard without him, everything is worthless and unhappy and incomplete without him.

Is this what it feels like when you carry everything on your own? When you restrain yourself from sharing your fears and your burdens and your pain with someone else? Because sharing the joy - the good things - doubles it; and now you know that sharing the bad things increases it, too.

You sigh and wipe your tears, thinking of how much more you need to learn about love and marriage and being someone’s lifelong partner. Your grandmother once said you’re so full of love, and you wonder how you could’ve possibly failed at giving it to the person you love the most.

Knees bent against your chest, you hug yourself for that warmth you need, but you aren’t enough for it, as you should know by now. On the other side of the door in the hallway is the person you need, the person you want, the person you love, and there’s no way that you’re going to let him sleep all alone tonight.

Mustering up the courage, you get on your feet and stand outside the room. You want to keep a promise this time, about not sleeping until you’ve both resolved the issue, or at least made up somehow. You don’t want him to go through even just one night thinking that you don’t care enough to face him, to be uncomfortable, to be accountable, because you are. And you want him to know that.

The door creaks open and you find Jungkook in bed, lying on his back with one arm over his eyes. It’s already been half an hour and you’d be surprised if he’s still crying. But you don’t miss his clenched jaw and fist, the frustration clearly still evident.

You walk towards the other side of the bed and slowly position yourself - close enough for the distance not to feel too much, but far enough for him to still pull away.

You reach out for his hand and he flinches a little, but when you uncurl his fingers so you can caress them, he lets you. The sight of your name tattooed on his finger makes you cry again.

He doesn’t like playing soccer or hitting the gym with his ring on, but he doesn’t want - “even for a second,” he’d said - for there to be no trace of your marriage on him. “Seeing it makes me smile,” he’d told you. “I got to marry the prettiest woman on earth and I know when what I do is over, she’ll be there waiting for me.”

Jungkook has always put you first, in every sense possible. Junghyun told you once that his brother has always sought a high from being reckless, from doing what he wanted, when he wanted, but he’s never wanted to do anything right as much as when it comes to loving you.

“I don’t have an excuse for how I handled things, and I handled them pretty terribly,” you start, your voice shaking. “I never got to outgrow that selfishness, that need to always prove to everyone that I can handle things on my own. And it’s because of that that I hurt you, Kook. It’s because of that that you’re feeling like I don’t trust you, that you’re not my first call. And I’m so, so sorry.”

His lips quiver, and he nibbles them to keep himself from sobbing again.

“I’ve needed help and assistance for more than half of my life and that feeling of weakness frustrates me; it makes me uncomfortable because I don’t like burdening others. And you’re right, I’ve been unfair to you; I’ve been unfair to us. It’s this fear of disappointing you, of seeing you scared that makes me think that you don’t need to know trivial things like that and I was wrong. I’m so wrong, Kook,” you continue.

“Because all I’ve wanted this past week was to be with you and tell you I’m scared, that I miss you, that I wish you could comfort me, that I’m so bored and that I want to go out but I want to go out with you. I wanna tell you that my students sent a video, hoping that I’m feeling better and that they’ll be waiting for me. I wanna tell you that I learned how to make egg noodles, and that I’m craving pork soup. I wanna tell you that the medication and rest are working because the chest pains are gone but the palpitations are few and far in between now.”

Wiping your tears, you see that Jungkook is pressing his arm harder on his eyes, and the way he heaves tells you that he’s crying just as much as you are.

“You’ve always tried to understand me and give me my space,” you say. “You’re patient when I don’t open up right away. You make sure to make things easy for me, that I always feel protected and loved and I don’t ever want to take that for granted, Kook. I want to be better; I’ll do better. I’ll love you much better. I just—”

Dark, glassy eyes that are looking at you cut you off, and you see the sadness in them, the care and affection and apology and forgiveness. And somehow, this makes you cry even more.

Jungkook gently nudges your hand that’s still holding his, and it’s your cue to throw yourself next to his side, your arms immediately wrapping around his torso. He’s warm and safe like you remember, even more when he tightens his hold after you cry harder, with your head laid on his chest.

You can hear his breathing and his occasional sniffles. You try to inhale his scent with your stuffy nose, but even if you barely can, you know he smells like comfort, and like always, he smells like home.

“I don’t like it when you cry,” he says softly after a while. “Doesn’t crying make you palpitate or something?”

“A little,” you respond, peeking up at him. His eyes are drier now, but they’re focused on the ceiling. “It was faster earlier but it’s slowed down now.”

“I’m sorry,” he turns to you. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to say those things the way I did.”

“Don’t be,” you respond, wiping your tears. “I had to hear them, and I don’t blame you for how they came out, either.”

“I… I don’t think I’m angry anymore but I’m still upset,” he says softly, apologetically. “I wish I wasn’t but I just…” he trails.

“It’s okay,” you look at him and smile. “I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry. Take your time. I’ll just be in our room.”

“Okay,” he mumbles.

He kisses your forehead, and the feel of it is all you really need to assure you.

It’s not ideal. You wish you could sleep next to him, maybe talk about how the past week has been or apologize some more. You don’t want to focus on the fact that this would be the first time that you’d sleep separately. It happens, you tell yourself. You’d rather that he’s honest with you like this, something you couldn’t be to him and you owe him his own space and time.

You kiss his cheek and get off the bed. “I’ll leave the stew in the oven in case you get hungry. Good night, Kook,” you say, and head out the door.

You settle for fruits for dinner, barely having an appetite as well. You take a long, hot bath and think of all you’ve done, where you went wrong, and what you can do after all this. You meant what you said that you’re going to be better. You always knew you were lacking in many things; you’ve been told that communication isn’t your strongest suit. But you can’t let the doubts creep in because you know Jungkook, and you know you. The last thing you’ll ever doubt is how much you love each other.

Maybe love is like this, you think to yourself. It hurts because it matters, and people fight because there’s something to fight for but it’s the kind of fight where nobody loses. You and Jungkook are different people and maybe that’s why it works the way it does, but it also doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t constantly work hard to meet each other in the middle. He does, and you will, even harder than before. Being loved by Jungkook is a gift, and being able to love him is a privilege.

You think about this even more as you lay in bed. It’s colder without him next to you; it feels empty. But you can sleep well knowing he’s taking his own time just downstairs, hopefully missing you, too.

He asked you to trust him. You always thought that was easy and that it just meant being faithful, that he wouldn’t hurt you. You realize now it’s more than that; that despite the fights and the fears and the tears, it’s trusting that you’re both going to be okay.

You fill your mind with Jungkook’s smile, knowing that maybe in a few days, you’ll be blessed with that sight again. You don’t know how many scenes and memories you’ve gone through when you feel a dip on the mattress next to you and Jungkook’s arm wrapping around your waist, pulling you close to him. He nuzzles your neck like he always would, and though he doesn’t say or do anything else, you know that this is his way of telling you that he trusts you, too. That he trusts both of you.

Maybe love is like this - it's when you hold each other the tightest after a fight; it’s when you pull the other close even if neither of you wants to say anything; it’s when you’re upset but not enough to spend a night apart. Maybe it’s when you can be honest about being mad but not doubting the other person’s devotion.

Jungkook’s warm breath against your skin eases your mind and your heart, and you know that whatever happens tomorrow, you’ll wake up with him next to you. It’s been a tough week and a hard night but you think that maybe, this is when you learn to love each other even more.

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alwaysjjk97 · 2 years

Note

Missing our plm couple extra today. Wonder what they’re doing 🫶🏼

I’ve had this on my drafts for a while and decided to finish it with the image of long-haired and glasses JK in mind. It sort of sets up the stage for the The Fight as well. I hope you enjoy 🥰

Title: Please Love Me Bonus 06 - I tell you everything.

WC: 4,421

Tags/Warnings: suggestive

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Five minutes. Jungkook’s phone pings.

No 10.

Or maybe 15 sorry hun I’m still packing up but also it’s the last day of class so everyone’s chatting it up oh you can come in if you want! Another ping.

Jungkook laughs at your run-on sentences and knows you’ll be cringing at them later. But he’s also imagining you looking a little stressed, trying to multitask between fixing your tools and saying your goodbyes to your classmates.

He turns off the engine and exits the car. It’s when he gets another message - Kook, can you come? I need help with my things 🥺 - that he jogs the block to the art studio and makes a left to the hallway where your class is.

He looks around, in awe of how the decor at the west wing quickly changes. In the half year that you’ve been enrolled in your drawing class, he’s visited you a few times and each time, the art pieces hanging on the wall have been different. He’d spied a few of yours, too, and he’d spent too much time just admiring your work and imagining what inspired you or what you were thinking, something he always asked you about later on.

But one other thing he likes to do when he picks you up is peek through the half-wall window and not-so-creepily watch you work on your piece - focused eyes surrounded by your soft features, with only a look of determination mixed with pure passion for the craft. You did say you’ve come to love drawing after all.

It’s through his visits that your classmates have come to know him, too - that first time, one asked if he was the nude art model and another yelled they wished he was. Jungkook didn’t miss your slightly embarrassed and flushed face when you finally claimed him as your husband. The room melted into a puddle, with oohs and ahhs reverberating through the walls when he greeted you with a forehead kiss and picked up your things as he often does.

Jungkook does all those again today. He sees one of your pieces and imagines what you were thinking of as you painted the sky green, then he turns to the room where the sound of applause catches his attention. But then his smile - the one he’s been sporting since this afternoon when he got to free up his evening so he could attend your event with you tonight - fades, his eyebrows furrowing and a pout forming on his face.

He’s familiarized himself with all your classmates and colleagues, and that half-naked man with firm pectorals and large biceps and chiseled jaw and sharp nose is definitely not one of them.

Back inside, you’re busy putting away all your pencils giggling at the light banter between your classmates. You’d asked Jungkook to help you with some of your things and you know he’s probably waiting outside.

Before your gaze wanders outside, you look around the room and meet deep-set, hazelnut eyes - intense and paralyzing as they bore into you. You’re quite surprised, and as you zip up your bag, you accidentally hit your easel. You shut your eyes as reflex, ready for it to make that sound as it hits the floor.

But it doesn’t.

“You nervous or something?”

The man’s voice is deep. It’s familiar, and as you look up, you know why it is.

He’s putting in place the easel that you almost knocked over. He’s got a smirk on, and you wonder if your flushed form has anything to do with it. You didn’t really expect that the man whose backside you were drawing just minutes ago would be speaking to you. The models for your nude drawing class don’t exactly interact with the artists - it’s kind of weird to do that when strangers have basically seen every part of you.

But he’s here in front of you with a twinkle in his eyes that have now softened, and you’re only able to shake your head. Sure, he's handsome, but he’s also still half-naked - you’re not exactly sure how to process that outside of your drawing bubble.

“You’re rushing, then?” He asks.

“Uh, sort of?” You chuckle, relaxing a little as you try to focus on just his face.

“That’s a shame. I heard that Mrs. Yang’s treating your class to dinner and she invited me. I was really hoping I’d see you there,” he replies.

“Oh? I’ve got an event tonight. Is there something you wanted to tell me?”

“Sort of,” he chuckles now. “I’ve modeled for some of her other classes and no one draws me quite like you do. They seem so real and so intimate. Mrs. Yang said I could personally ask you if I could bring home your drawings of me. I like how you’re able to capture the—”

He’s cut off by the sound of a throat clearing and Jungkook turning you towards him with a deep kiss on your lips, his hand gripping your waist tightly as he lingers on your skin.

“Hey, babe,” he says.

“Kook,” you blink up at him, surprised again by the desperation in his actions. “Hi,” you recover, smiling at his presence despite the scowl on his face.

“You ready to go?” He sounds in a hurry, uninterested.

“Yeah, I was just talking to Samuel. He was asking for my drawings of him.”

“Is he now?” Jungkook arches an eyebrow and crosses his arms. He looks up and down the man in question who still has a smirk on his face.

“I am,” Samuel replies, assessing your husband from head to toe just the same. “___ draws me so beautifully. Her pieces make the hours-long process of posing nude all worth it. She’s got an amazing eye, among other things.”

If you didn’t really care much for him earlier, now, you don’t care much for him at all. You want to tell him off for how shameless he’s being, but the selfish and silly part of you wants to know how your husband would react and well, follow up that sudden kiss he gave you to get your attention.

“She does,” Jungkook replies. “She’s obviously talented but she’s also had some practice. I mean, I’m her muse when it comes to this… nude drawing thing and yeah, I know all about posing for so long being worth it.”

Jungkook gives you a naughty smile and you know exactly what he’s thinking about. “It’s quite the gift when you’re married to an artist, you know?”

“Ah, you’re married, I see,” Samuel hums, glancing at your left hand that’s now sporting the ring that you remove every time you draw or paint. “That’s good. For both of you. Not for me but yeah, I shouldn’t be surprised,” he turns to you, chuckling now, realizing at how stupid he seemed. “But can I still keep the artwork, if that’s okay and not weird for your husband?”

“Her work, her choice,” Jungkook responds.

“Sure, if it’s as nice as you say it,” you shrug, not minding much. It’s always a compliment when your model reacts that way to your final output. “You can just ask Mrs. Yang for them.”

“It is, I truly mean it,” Samuel smiles more genuinely this time. “And yes, I’ll choose the best one, although that might be difficult. They’re all great.”

“Thank you, Samuel,” you grin, not interested to keep this on. “I’ll get going now. It was a pleasure.”

“It was. I hope to see you around,” he smirks again, and you don’t miss the scowl that graces your husband’s face once more.

You wave goodbye to your classmates and tell them you’ll catch up with them another time. It’s when you exit the building that you turn to Jungkook, his frowned expression turning into a pout.

“What was that, Mr. Jeon?” You giggle.

“What?” He’s defensive, even as he takes your hand and leads you down the street.

“Don’t think I didn’t know what you were doing with that kiss and head-to-toe look and hidden meanings in your words, hmm? Are you threatened?”

You’re teasing, a rarity for you because Jungkook does get quite jealous and you’ve never wanted to push him, but something about him in his work attire, rolled up sleeves with tattoos exposed and all that makes you want to just try. He looks tough like this, especially with his hair that he’s growing out, but the glasses he’s been wearing more frequently just makes him adorable. It’s a kind of sexy that you’ve been enjoying lately.

“Just never seen him before,” he shrugs. “And he was obviously flirting with you. Like, ‘you’ve got a great eye among other things’? What the fuck does that mean?!”

“Yeah, I thought he was just being friendly until that,” you laugh. “He’s modeled just 3 times including today. He’s apparently an artist, too, so he knows a lot about forms and stuff. So that’s kind of nice, being complimented like that.”

“Hmm, probably. You also couldn’t stop looking at him.”

“Hey!” You nudge Jungkook. “It’s only because his body is so overwhelming, you know?”

“And what about mine?” He frowns.

“Perfect - just the way I like it,” you turn towards him, stopping him in his tracks so he could look at you and see the love in your eyes. “You, my dear husband, are the most handsome and sexiest being in this world, with or without clothes, and I absolutely adore every inch of you, every ridge and every dip and every beauty mark and every scar.”

You cup his cheeks and feel them rise to his eyes as he can’t help but smile at your words.

“No need to worry, okay?” You assure. “Classes are over and I’m satisfied with my nude drawing abilities already, especially with the muse I’ve got.” You wink, liking how he blushes. He takes your hand and lovingly kisses it before kissing your forehead.

“Hmm, might want to draw me again soon so that this is the only nude body you’ll remember,” he winks.

“Oh trust me, this is the only nude body I remember,” you respond, resting your palms on his chest.

He takes the opportunity to pull you closer, his warm breath tingling your skin. “Good. I’ll keep reminding you though, maybe tonight? Or right when we get home?” He hums in satisfaction and kisses your lips.

You giggle in his hold. “Kook, we’re in public,” you remind him, as an old woman chuckles as she passes by you both.

“I don’t care,” he huffs.

“I do,” you answer, though your words don’t have a bite in them.

“You didn’t answer my question,” he arches a brow.

“Do I need to?” You tease, tracing his defined pecs underneath his silk polo as you bite your lip.

“Fuck, let’s go.”

You arrive at the grand estate of Mr. Lee that’s right at the edge of the city. It took a while to get here, as you and Jungkook took too much time feeling each other up before you actually got dressed, but it was something you didn’t mind. He gets riled up when he gets jealous, and you’d shyly told him it was quite a turn on. You would’ve passed up on this event if it wasn’t so important to you, and he understood. He promised to continue what you’d both started after, though, and that really got you smiling.

The mansion is buzzing. Clanking sounds of champagne flutes, soft munching of canapés, and laughter and conversations fill the grand room and the hallways nearby. There are many familiar people - and not because you know them from the art world, you know them because of your family and Jungkook’s. Those present in the viewing of Mr. Lee’s private art collection are big names in the business and entertainment industry, after all. But they’re here by personal invitation and their appreciation of art, including you.

It’s a twice a year event, and you’re lucky that one of Mr. Lee’s granddaughters is currently your student in the weekly art class for children that you’ve been teaching for the past few months. Her mother befriended you and was kind enough to invite you tonight, and you couldn’t be happier, especially when Jungkook messaged you earlier that he was able to free up his evening to accompany you here. You’ve been busy with various projects on top of the classes you take and conduct, and you wanted to spend time with your husband, even if half the time you’d be gushing about the pieces anyway, something he said he wouldn’t mind at all.

You find your way to look at a contemporary piece, telling Jungkook about the artist, when someone calls your name. You turn to the side and see a familiar face.

“Chi-won,” you smile. “It’s good to see you here.”

You return the hug that the man gives you and introduce your husband.

“You, too, although I figured you’d be here,” he grins. “You’re why I got invited in the first place. I heard you recommended the tattoo shop to Mr. Lee’s daughter. She came a few weeks ago and found out I collect art, too, and she invited me tonight. So thank you.”

“Ah, that’s wonderful,” you chirp. “She said her friends aren’t into the arts so she gives the invitations to even acquaintances whom she thinks would appreciate it. I’m glad you get to witness this, too. It’s amazing, isn’t it?”

Jungkook zones out a little once you and your friend start talking about the artists whose works are displayed in the estate. Somehow, art talk is only interesting to him when it’s you who’s talking, so he lets his mind wander a bit until he hears the words that sort of knock him out.

“Loving the tattoo, by the way. It looks really great now that it’s healed,” the man says.

Saying it’s great means he’s looking at it, and looking at it means he’s got his eyes on the dark ink painted on the valley between your breasts. Much as Jungkook adores the low-cut neckline of your wine-colored satin dress, that obviously also means that other people get a peek at it, too. The tattoo is beautiful - it’s his birth flower, after all, and he feels blessed everyday that you got it because of him, and that he gets to marvel at it every single day. He just doesn’t like the thought of others having that opportunity, too.

“Thank you,” you gush. “You’ve got amazing people at the shop, and that’s because of you. I really love it, and so does my husband. Right, Kook?”

You turn to him and Jungkook manages a curt nod and an almost-whisper of “of course.” Is… is he the man who put this on you?

You and Chi-won say your goodbyes as he heads to the other wing, and you turn to Jungkook with his curious look mixed with a tinge of nervousness.

“He’s a tattoo artist at the shop where I got the flower done,” you say, realizing what your statement could imply once Jungkook’s eyes widen.

“Oh! He didn’t tattoo me, Kook. He just owns the shop,” you explain, not wanting your husband to worry that another man got to see your bare chest. Jungkook’s face relaxes and you hear his sigh of relief. “I told you I’d get a woman to do it even if you didn’t ask for it. I don’t exactly want to expose my body to another man, you know?”

“Just me, huh?” Jungkook shyly smiles now.

“Of course, honey. No one else.” You kiss his nose and like how his eyes close and how his features soften at the act.

You both continue the tour around the mansion. There’s an entire area dedicated to all the pieces - paintings, sculptures, mixed media art - and you gush at each one. Somehow Jungkook feels like it’s just you and him in your own little bubble. Even with the people you greet every once in a while, you choose to experience the collection with just him, even if you know he doesn’t understand half of the things you’re explaining - he’s said he likes just hearing the tone of your voice and the way your eyes crinkle when you talk about the things that make you happy.

Unfortunately, he has to burst that, as he takes an important work call and excuses himself. It takes 15 minutes but when he returns, there you are with yet another man gushing over you, it seems like, as the tall man with incredibly strong features and perfect hair shows you photos from his phone and laughs along with you.

Jungkook stands there, not wanting to burst the bubble you have with another person who gets you, in that sense - someone who gets your art, your world, your passion, and who gets to respond to you with more than just “ah, that’s cool,” the way he does. So he lets you have your moment, your space. He’ll step in in a while, he tells himself.

“Why is it that every time I see you in one of these things, you’ve always got that look on your face as you watch your wife socialize with another man from afar?”

Jungkook knows the voice before he even turns to the side and finds Kim Namjoon, your brother’s close friend and a staple in these events as an art collector himself. He’s become familiar to Jungkook, too, finding him during the times when he’s stuck on his spot as he chooses to observe you from afar. Because the man’s right - this happens more frequently than Jungkook likes to admit.

“It comes with marrying a talented and beautiful woman, I guess,” Jungkook chuckles. “I’m used to it.”

“Well, it’s her world and she stands out,” Namjoon responds.

“She stands out anywhere, actually, with anyone,” Jungkook responds, letting the thought settle in before he continues. “The man’s this big shot executive and a single dad. His 5-year old is in her art class and the kid adores her so I don’t blame the guy for admiring my wife. She’s great with kids.”

“Is it really admiration, though? Looks like he’s just showing off his son to her,” Namjoon observes, as the man holds up his phone to show you various photos to both of your delight. You’re laughing along with the man, smiling as he shows more.

“Yeah? I mean, look at the way he looks at her,” Jungkook responds.

He should be used to it by now. You have a comforting charm about you, and if he wasn’t a stuck up teenager, he would’ve realized that very early on. But no; he’d shut you out and only got to see just how good it is to be around you once he’d married you.

Your students in art class are a testament to that - it’s no wonder you were asked to add another schedule because the kids enjoy your sessions that much. Their parents are a testament to that as well. Even strangers are. But it hits differently, as he sees how the man softly watches you laugh and coo at his own son. There’s a certain glow on your face when it comes to children - Jungkook won’t blame anyone for finding that beautiful.

“Hmm, it’s nothing compared to the way she looks at you, though,” Namjoon says. “You’d be laughing or something, or socializing when you’re in your world, and she’d be looking at you with the brightest stars in her eyes.”

Jungkook looks at the older man with questioning eyes.

“I’ve been to some of your family’s galas, Jungkook. She hangs with me sometimes when you’re off to do your duties, and it always made me smile how adoringly she looked at you, whether up close or from afar.”

“That’s, uh… that’s nice to know,” Jungkook hums, feeling his heartbeat quicken.

“And it shouldn’t be news to you anymore. She may be catching a lot of people’s attention but at the end of day, all she wants is you.”

And right on cue, you look around and find him, your soft eyes asking if he’s okay. Jungkook nods - to you and to Namjoon’s suggestion of going over to you.

“Hey, hun,” you take his hand as he gets closer. “This is Woobin, Sunoo’s dad. He was just showing me photos of them painting the new playroom.” You turn to the other man. “This is Jungkook, my husband.”

“Hi,” Jungkook shakes Woobin’s hand. “So you’re the father of the famous Sunoo. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Ah, so she’s talked about him,” Woobin chuckles. “And yes, I am. My son adores your wife, as many of the kids and their parents surely do.”

“___ talks about the kids at her class all the time,” Jungkook smiles, realizing it now. “They just make her so happy.”

Despite your busy schedule full of your own classes and the ones you run, on top of your actual job at the art firm and being an artist yourself, you’re devoid of any stress once you start talking about your students. You know what they like to paint or draw, know how to help them improve, and have so many ideas to make them appreciate art even more. It’s no wonder they love you as much as they do.

“Ah, that’s no surprise. I’m just glad my son got to enroll in her class. I heard it’s tough to get into it now since she’s in demand,” Woobin states. “But it was nice to meet you, Jungkook, and nice to see you again, ___. Sunoo will be happy to know I saw you tonight.”

You and Jungkook bid him goodbye and you turn to your husband, smiling sweetly at him.

“I’ve seen everything tonight,” you inform him. “Another round of desserts and then we can go?”

“Sure, but I’m suddenly craving for churros and ice cream,” he responds.

“Hmm, let’s go to McDonald’s, then.”

“Alright, but uh, are you cold? Do you want to put this on?”

Jungkook removes his coat and offers it to you, and though you know the breeze outside is manageable, you take it, somehow wanting him much closer tonight. You also know that perhaps it’s your low neckline that he’s a bit wary of.

“Sure, Kook. Thank you.”

You lean on Jungkook’s shoulder and hum in satisfaction over the strawberry-flavored sundae. “Hmm, this is almost just as good as the desserts at the event.”

“Babe, McDonald’s is always just as good or better than anything,” Jungkook says with a half-full mouth. “It’s truly amazing.”

“It is. Somehow it cleanses our palette of rich-people stuff, doesn’t it?” You laugh and he joins you. It’s something that sparked your bond in the beginning, after all, and that hasn’t changed.

“Yeah, but it’s also just my happy food, you know? Grease, sweets, unhealthy stuff… delicious.”

“Happy food, huh? Did something upset you tonight? Or maybe someone?” You ask, wanting to know if him stepping away while you spoke with Woobin has something to do with it.

“Not really. Woobin didn’t cross a line,” Jungkook says, an admission that he knows what you’re talking about. “I mean, he was looking at you like a man with a crush, though, and I can’t blame him but he knew his boundaries. Good for him.”

“Of course he does, Kook. He knows I have a husband.”

“Yes, after you told him you couldn’t have coffee with him when he asked you out, which means that he was interested and he probably still is, like that nude model who was definitely into you.”

You turn to look at him who’s busy with his sundae but clearly bothered, but not enough to be angry. You’ve always been honest with him, the way he’d always been honest about the women at the Clubhouse who’d thrown themselves at him after one of his soccer games. You’ve always trusted each other, and you’re just glad that that’s always been enough to not have any miscommunication or arguments because of it.

“Ah, Samuel. Yeah, that was new.”

“Oh? He’s never hinted on a crush? Dude was looking at you like you were all he could see,” Jungkook shakes his head.

“Yeah, then you came in with a kiss and swept me off my feet,” you teasingly roll your eyes. “How romantic.”

“Sorry, it was just reflex,” he explains.

“I know, but you have nothing to worry about, okay? I tell you everything. Maybe not the mundane interactions or insignificant things that I easily forget but the important ones.”

“I know,” he says, smiling at you. “And you know I tell you everything, too.”

“You do,” you smile back. “But thank you for making it tonight. You’ve been so busy and I’m just glad I got to be with you.”

“Anything for you, babe. You’ve been so busy, too, and honestly, I didn’t mind moving the meeting with my father since I wasn’t really ready. Plus, all I had to say was that I was accompanying you to an art event and he let me go. You’re a spoiled daughter-in-law, you know that?”

You laugh at his teasing and the fact that your husband had the gall to ask his own father and boss to move a meeting for you.

“I am, actually. And now it benefits you, too!”

“It benefits both of us,” he corrects. “But tonight was good. I mean, I kinda had to ward off certain men but I didn’t mind. It was still a fun one.”

“It was,” you hum, basking in his boyish smile and the twinkle in his eyes. Something comes alive inside you when he looks at you this way, and amidst the midnight buzzing of a McDonald’s in the city, you move closer and kiss his lips, gentle but wanting, and you feel him smile even wider against you.

“Babe, we’re in public,” he teases, and much as he likes to do that, he also enjoys it when you get a little flustered even when you mouth that you ‘don’t care.’

You peck his cheek and pull him, and as you walk to the car with his coat over your shoulder, as you talk about the art collection all the way home, and as you share a bath and then lie bare underneath the covers with your tangled limbs, Jungkook only knows this - this is your world, and in the one you both share, you’re the only two people who matter.

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alwaysjjk97 · 2 years

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four seven eight (3)

pairing: jungkook x reader

wordcount: 11k

glimpse: now that your month-long break’s over, you’re supposed to come home to jungkook at eight in the morning, right before he wakes up — it’s been two hours now, why are you still not home?

alternatively, jungkook will fight with you even if it’s the last thing he’ll do.

[ part one + intermission + part two + intermission 02 + finale ]

[ fluff, full-fledged redemption arc I Swear, some angst, jealous jk, so much longing, references to anxiety, suggestive themes n flirting, everything gets sorted out, based on the moral dilemma of whether or not it’s okay to be friends with ur ex ]

notes: it’s the finale now can u believe :O thank u for staying tuned for the past two weeks — i sincerely cherish each one of u who’s ever interacted with 478 and took the time to be with me throughout the whole thing!! i’ll be taking a lil break this summer btw see u on the next fic <3

as always, lmk what you think <3 send in feedback n love to my askbox anytime!! even replying to this post sends me over the moon :) | series masterlist

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alwaysjjk97 · 2 years

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Paper Cranes | kth | (m)

Summary: They say if you fold a thousand paper cranes, the gods grant you one wish. The day you gave Kim Taehyung his first paper crane was the day you bound your fates together.

♦ Pairing: Taehyung x female reader

♦ Rating: NSFW & 18+ Minors are strictly prohibited from engaging with this content. Any minors discovered interacting with adult content will be blocked immediately.

♦ Type: One shot

♦ Word Count: 20,712

♦ Genre: established relationship, angst, idol!au

♦ Warnings: Angst; anxiety, self-depreciating thoughts, relationship struggles, mild description of anxiety attack (in the form of crying), mild jealousy, growing pains in a relationship, explicit sexual content, oral (f. and m. receiving, and in 69 LOL) nipple play, dirty talk, unprotected sex (pls don't do this guys), spitting, face sitting, sub-space like headspace post orgasm, crying, did I mention angst, ANGST, poor communication (they're young at parts ok), mentions of a toxic relationship between reeder and Taehyung's work (we stan hybe in real life ok), biting. I think I got it all but PLEASE tell me if I miss something.

♦ Main Masterlist: here

A/N: This is an absolute labor of love. I wanted to post this when I got back from PTD LV, but the trip was very long and exhausting and I work a full-time job in sports so I'm kind of tapped out of energy. I edited this to the best of my ability, but I'm still adjusting to writing a y/n format instead of an original character. I am posting this way later than I meant to, but here she is, inspired by the Olivia Rodrigo Dilemma TM (not really, still love her ok) and fueled by brain rot from seeing this man live in Vegas on D3.

The first time you folded Kim Taehyung a paper crane was at ten years old. Standing in the classroom during free time, you watched the quiet boy sit in the corner of the reading nook, wide eyes watery as he nibbled his lip, a second away from crying. You knew it was because Jihoon made fun of Taehyung’s dialect again. It was distinctly different from everyone else’s- farm boy they called him.

So you wandered to your desk, carefully taking out coveted construction paper, setting to the task of folding him a paper crane. You remembered your mother handing you one when you were stick, telling you that if you folded one-thousand paper cranes, you would have a single wish.

In that moment, watching the new boy in your class flounder at making friends, you wished you could make him feel better.

Little fingers pressed the folds carefully. It had taken a long time to memorize the folds, how to press your fingers along each seam to perfect the bird. Within a few moments, you examined your work, a sideways grin flashing on your face as you delicately picked up the red bird, cradling it to your chest as you approached Taehyung.

His dark brown hair was unruly, hanging in his eyes as he regarded your approach warily, brown eyes flicking from head to toe in alarm. You gave him a disarming smile, stopping a few feet away. Suddenly nervous, you looked at your scuffed shoes as you held your hand out, “To make you feel better.”

Taehyung eyed the paper creation. “How will a swan make me feel better?”

“It’s not a swan, it’s a crane. My mom gives them to me when I’m sick.”

“I’m not sick.”

“Well, feeling sad is a lot like feeling sick.” You offered the crane again, holding it higher. Tentatively, the boy took the paper crane from your hands, handling it with care. He held it up at eye level, the side of his mouth kicking up slightly. You felt warmth in your cheeks as you murmured, “I’m y/n.”

“My name is Taehyung. You can call me Tae.”

“Do you want to be friends, Tae?”

He beams, a boxy grin flashing pearly teeth. “I would like that.”

The second and third cranes came when Taehyung got a cold around Christmas. A fast friendship formed between the two of you, keeping Taehyung at your side and threatening to punch Jihoon if he continues to make fun of Taehyung’s accent. Jihoon knew you were good on your word- everyone remembered how you socked Choi Jisung the year prior for pulling your hair at recess.

Taehyung, though much taller than you, had delicate feelings. He wasn’t overly sensitive, but you learned early on that he felt everything full force. He was as quick to anger as he was to grow sad, and the things that he loved, he loved entirely. Wholeheartedly. You loved the way he experienced the world through his emotion.

Though you had tried to teach Taehyung how to fold the cranes, he was helpless. He was better at other things: painting and taking photos. But above all else, even as a boy, Taehyung had a beautiful, dulcet voice.

Through the early years, it was always easy to be by his side. You shared classes together and you lived relatively close. There was nothing hidden between the two of you.

Sometimes you fought- Taehyung and you were polar opposites. Despite making a move that first day as a ten-year-old, Taehyung was more expressive and outgoing than you were. He exploded in middle school, personality lighting up the room while you hung back, nervously watching from the sides as he made more friends.

But the fighting was never bad. It was nothing a folded paper crane couldn’t solve.

Sitting on your couch with a book tucked into your lap, you heard the front door open and close. Glancing up, you watched as Taehyung crashed into the living room, nearly tripping over the beaten-up converse. His flannel was too large for him, his hair long enough to cover the tops of his ears.

It didn’t matter how Taehyung dressed, though. Even at fifteen, he was devastatingly cute. You tried to tuck away the fleeting thought as you sat up on the couch, half-startled as he began rambling faster than you could follow.

“Slow down!” You demanded, snapping the book shut. “Start over again, you maniac.”

“You know how I went to the audition with Minho today?” You nodded, aware that Taehyung’s friend- emphasis on Taehyung’s- Minho was auditioning for one of the multiple trainee programs in the music industry. You weren’t sold on Minho as a star, but you kept your thoughts to yourself. “They asked me to audition.”

“Seriously?” This captured your attention. Taehyung had been musically inclined for as long as you had known him. You were responsible for most of the jazz records in his collection, years’ worth of birthday and Christmas gifts. “How did that go?”

“They really liked me, I think. They said I would get a call back in a week to let me know if I made it to the next stage.”

You beamed. He was vibrating with energy. “How do you feel about it- like are you excited?”

“I think so?” Taehyung sat down on the couch next to you, folding limbs that were awkwardly long for a teenager’s body. His knee rested against yours as he leaned back on the couch, throwing an arm over the top, just above your shoulders. “I never really put much thought into these trainee programs. They’ll expect me to be able to dance, sing, be aesthetically pleasing and all kinds of other stuff.”

Perfect. They would expect Taehyung to be perfect. You could see the doubt hedging in his gaze as he chewed on his lip, eyes fixed to his lap. You reached out and grabbed his hands. They were warm, dwarfing yours as you folded your fingers around his, ignoring the giddy feeling shooting through your stomach.

“You’d be really good at it.”

A shy smile kicked up the corner of his mouth. Pink tinged the tops of his cheeks and he didn’t look at you as he muttered, “You have to say that. You’re my best friend.”

“I don’t have to say anything,” you disagreed. “In fact, I consider myself quite honest. It was me who told you that your purple, over-sized blazer for the dance was ugly.”

“Our fashion tastes are different!”

“It was still an honest opinion.” You squeezed his hand and he looked up at you. Taehyung’s eyes were your favorite thing about him- his gaze was intense and dark, always burning. Being under the gaze of Kim Taehyung made you squirm, no matter how close you were as friends. “Everything happens for a reason. I think you should feel positive about it, and if it doesn’t work out? So what- you didn’t plan on that career path anyway.”

“That’s true.” Taehyung blew out a puff of air, slumping into your shoulder where he buried his face. It was harder to ignore the fluttering in your stomach, the nervousness slithering it’s way to your hands where they were still connected with Taehyung’s. “Whatever would I do without you, Swan?”

You hummed, blush creeping up your neck and cheeks at the childhood nickname. You had never let him forget he thought the first crane you ever gave him was a swan. Somehow after the endless teasing, the nickname found its way to you and stuck. “The feeling is mutual, Tae.”

Though each paper crane you folded for Taehyung was not entirely the same as the last, repeating paper was something inevitable. For special occasions or for big apologies, you always chose special paper. The fight with Taehyung after calling him shallow for liking the same, pretty girl everyone liked in grade seven had been made of shining, rose gold foil. To Taehyung, it was just a new paper, an out of the box design from the hundreds of cranes you had already given him.

For you, it was more. It was an apology for being jealous. A hope that he might thing the rose gold was romantic. It was a cry for him to notice how much you had started to see him as more than a friend. As more than the boy that you befriended at ten years old.

Every crane you ever folded for him meant different things. You liked to use them for apologies and for good luck. Sometimes just as little surprises with gifts for holidays. But each one meant something, even if Taehyung didn’t realize it. You weren’t sure when they started meaning more, but every fold of the paper felt like a secret. Every crease you bent into place felt like you were whispering your innermost thoughts.

You were pretty sure that to Taehyung, they were just a fun little joke between you. But to you, they were hundreds of pieces of paper holding everything you ever wanted to say to him. It was hard to tell which one of the cranes was the first one to say I’m in love with you, but most of them carried the same sentiment.

The newly folded crane sitting on your desk felt particularly special. It was made of the same red, craft paper that you used for the first crane you ever made him. It had been a lengthy process trying to pick out the same shade of red and the same rough texture, but it was similar enough, if not an exact replica.

There were hundreds of things that you wanted this crane in particular to say. I love you. I’m proud of you. I miss you already. Staring at the dainty bird, you felt your throat tighten. Taking a deep breath, you will the subtle burn in your eyes to fade, for the tightness constricting your throat to let go.

Taehyung was moving to Seoul full-time. He had been accepted as a trainee and for several months, he had been actively going back and forth from his home to Seoul, chasing a new dream with wild abandon. You were so happy for him, though you saw him less and had to opt for talking on the phone more. You could accept that- would accept that.

Anything for Taehyung.

Fairy lights twinkled in your bedroom. The bedroom theme was still Sailor Moon, posters of Sailor Scouts peeling from the walls, a one-eyed Luna stuffed pillow on the edge of your bed. It was your favorite pillow, despite the family dog having gotten ahold of one of its eyes. It still smelled like Taehyung, as it was his favorite to cuddle while watching scary movies.

Evidence of Taehyung was everywhere. Your eyes drifted around your room. Polaroids from the camera he got you for your fourteenth birthday were pinned to the cork board with colored tacs. Picture frames with ‘best friends’ ‘bffl’ and other just as vomit-inducing phrases crowded the corners of your dresser and desk.

The thick feeling in your throat returned. Taehyung moving three hours away meant that all the pieces on your walls and in frames was all you would have. A nasty feeling akin to resentment curled in your stomach for a moment. Resentment that he was going to make new friends. That he was leaving you behind.

The resentment was really just fear.

Footsteps thundered up the stairs to your room. You jumped from your bed, adjusting your shirt nervously, folding your hands behind your back as Taehyung opened the door, panting lightly from his run up the stairs. He was dressed in basketball shorts and a shirt that was entirely too large for him, hair shaggy and swept to the side as was the popular style.

“Why are you standing like that?” He asked, single brow raised as he dropped into your computer chair. You realized you were standing rigid in front of your bed and took a deep breath, trying to let yourself relax. Taehyung watched you curiously. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Yes.”

“Liar. What’s wrong?”

You chewed the side of your lip, already red and chapped from the endless pull of your teeth. “I don’t want you to leave,” you whispered. The tears lined your eyes, shining and threatening to spill over. Taehyung was up out of the seat and in front of you in seconds as they spilled over. “Sorry, I’m being stupid.”

Taehyung bent so that he was eye-level with you, hands brushing up your arms to cradle your face, thumbs wiping the freshly spilled tears. “Hey,” he murmured. You stared at the ground, refusing to meet his gaze. His grip on you increased, forcing you to look up at him. His face was open and vulnerable, eyes rounded with worry. “You’re not being stupid. You’re allowed to be upset- I don’t want to leave you either.”

“Really?”

“Are you kidding? You’re… you’re my best friend in the entire world, Swan. I’m not even sure if this entire thing is going to work out. I am absolutely fucking terrified, honestly. I’ll get over that and I’ll make new friends but… they won’t be you. They never will be.”

More tears spilled out at his words. He hummed, standing up and pulling you in close, wrapping his arms around you tightly. The dam broke as you wrapped your arms around his middle, burying your face in his chest to cry openly. Taehyung smelled like sandalwood soap, a scent that had become your favorite.

Closing your eyes, you let him hold you. He didn’t let go, intent on holding you for as long as you needed. Composing yourself, you pulled away from him gently, wiping the tears with the back of your hand. “Sorry,” you laughed sheepishly. “I’m so excited for you to go but I’m also terrified for you to leave.”

“Well you’ll get to visit. And we’ll talk every night.”

“I know,” you murmured. “I just miss you already.”

Taehyung grinned and wandered over to your desk. You watched as he lifted his hand, a nimble finger tracing the neck of the red paper crane. His smile widened as he looked at it fondly. “It’s red like the first one you ever gave me.”

“You remember?”

“Of course I do.” He gave you an affronted glance. “I remember every crane you’ve ever made me.”

“Oh. I mean, I’ve made a lot.”

Taehyung lifted the crane, holding it delicately in his palm. His intense gaze drifted beyond the scarlet bird, resting on you. His gaze was dark, something heated in it that you were unfamiliar with. Your heart kicked into high gear, staring at him wordlessly as he continued to hold your gaze, the bird in his hand.

I love you the bird seemed to scream at him. I love you I love you I love you.

If the bird could speak, it would confess right then. It would open its mouth and tell him that your palms were growing sweaty under his gaze because you wanted him to put the bird down and kiss you. It would squawk at him that you had loved him for years. It would beg him to remember you. Implore him to love you back.

But the bird did not speak, and the moment passed as he lowered his hand, giving you a smile that was less intense than the broken moment.

“You’ll have to bring me more when you visit,” Taehyung finally said, heaving a sigh. “I don’t remember how to make them.”

“Did you get the email I sent to you?” Taehyung asked through the phone. You could barely here him as you wedge the device between your face and shoulder, balancing the books and your bag in your hand as you attempted to let yourself into your house. “Did you drop your phone in the toilet again?”

“Ugh, no! My hands are full, thank you!”

Inside the front door, you dumped your belongings into the catchall tray, huffing. You felt sweaty and sticky from the oncoming heat of summer, hair clinging to your face as you shoved it from your sweaty forehead. “No, I haven’t checked my email. Who sends emails anymore?”

“Open the email, idiot.”

“How did you even get my email?”

“You’ve had the same email since we were in middle school, Swan. Come on, check it before I have to go back to practice, please.”

“Fine,” you growled. It had been a tough day at school. You had a week left before summer, but all of the final tests had run you dry of energy and the oncoming heat was not helping.

You could hear background noise as you put Taehyung on speaker, sifting through your email. It was mostly junk and spam from online shopping, but an email with Taehyung’s new label in the subject caught your attention as you tapped it, eyes scanning the screen.

A flight confirmation with details, a record locator and a bar code stared back at you. Your fingers gripped the phone tighter as you stared at it. The flight was in a week- well after you were finished with your eleventh year and at the beginning of your summer break.

Licking your lips, you began to smile.

“Helllllooooo?” Taehyung asked loudly. “How long does it take to find an email, woman? You’re almost eighteen, you should know how to-“

“What is this for?”

“Oh! She does know how to read email. What do you think it’s for, dumbass?”

The return flight was two weeks after you arrived in Seoul. Your heart rate scattered, ramping up in speed as you turned off the speaker and pressed the phone close to your ear. “Taehyung, don’t mess around with me- seriously? What are these flights for?”

“You’re visiting me,” he stated, tone giddy. “I already talked to your parents. My mom and dad will be here for a few days at the same time, by the way.”

“I- ohmygosh I’m coming to see you!”

You couldn’t help but shriek. Though you talked to Taehyung on the phone almost every night, you had only seen him a few times in the last two years. His absence was a festering wound in your side, unable to mend it for long before it reopened again.

It was difficult to stay up late on the phone, trying to trade stories in the rushed amount of time that you shared. Your bed had become a safe haven, falling asleep cradling your phone, hot against your face, as you listened to Taehyung tell you about the new friends he was making, the upcoming reality he was facing of possibly not making it to debut.

You knew he would. You hoped he would. You refused to believe that spending this much time away from him was for nothing.

Taehyung was laughing on the other side of the phone as you screamed, jumping around in circles. You had only been to Seoul twice before, just for quick family vacations. You sort of remembered the sights and sounds, but now you’d be reminded. And Taehyung would be there. he wouldn’t be a phone call away anymore. You had him for two weeks.

It felt like a fever dream.

“Okay, I have to go,” Taehyung laughed. “But I’ll call you tonight so we can plan your trip, okay?”

“Yes! Thank you, Taehyung. Thank you thank you thank you thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah. You better bring me a paper crane.” You agreed- of course you were bringing one. “One last thing,” he said before you hung up. “There’s an attachment to the email as well. It’s a new company thing. With us so close to debuting and me potentially being a part of the group, the company really wants you to sign an NDA.”

You frowned. “What for?”

“To protect me.”

“What am I, a vampire?”

“With the way you hide away in your room? You might be.” He laughed as you scoffed, excitement dialing down as reality settled in. if they were making you sign an NDA, it had to mean they were serious about Taehyung. You had no idea what signing one event meant. “So do I need a lawyer?”

“What? Of course you don’t. But you do have to sign it to visit.”

“Okay.” You nodded before you remembered he couldn’t see you. “I’ll sign it. Do you think they’d accept it in the form of a crane?”

Not in a million years would you have thought you’d be nervous to see Kim Taehyung. The same Kim Taehyung who threw up on your favorite blanket during a movie because he ate something bad. The same Kim Taehyung who cried on his thirteenth birthday because you bought him a vinyl record player with money you saved from chores. The same Kim Taehyung who definitely had his first wet dream while sleeping over at your house and refused to come out of the bathroom for almost an hour because he was embarrassed.

You’d seen Taehyung at his worst. Definitely had seen him through his awkward pre-teens where his voice kept wavering between a squeak and something lower, scratchier.

So why were your hands shaking as you rode down the escalator, clutching a carry-on bag? The reality of seeing him after so long apart was gnawing at the edges of your excitement and turning it into anxiety. You had only seen him in snatches since he had left for Seoul, and with their debut date up and coming, he had been unavailable more than ever.

LED screens advertising store fronts and food flashed everywhere. You shifted from foot to foot, chewing your bottom lip as your eyes read the directions to the baggage claim area. Taehyung had promised he would meet you there, and the thumbs up emoji had flashed on your screen immediately after you told him you landed.

Your heart and gut twisted as you reached the bottom of the escalator, launching into a skip, following the signs to your destination. You were careful to keep track of where you were going, eyes flickering from the boarding pass to digital screens directing you to your destination.

Glancing upwards as you neared the correct space, your heart nearly stopped. Taehyung wasn’t facing you, hands tucked in the pockets of his skinny jeans, hat twisted backwards as he stared up at the incoming flight numbers above the baggage claim. He looked beautiful, his tan skin glowing and eyes bright, despite not looking at you. A few girls glanced and giggle in his direction, but Taehyung was oblivious.

As if sensing you had stopped to stare at him, Taehyung turned, dark gaze searching until they found his prize, eyes zeroing in on you. His face lit up, smile radiant as the sun. He didn’t hesitate. He bolted in your direction, drawing you to run at him with equal energy, your shoes hitting the tile as you launched your arms around his neck, crashing into him hard enough that it was painful.

You squeezed your eyes shut. Taehyung was taller than you remembered, towering over you as he squeezed hard, the breath leaving your body. He smelled like sandal wood and lavender, your head swimming as he refused to let you go, swaying you from side-to-side gently.

“Hi, Swan,” Taehyung murmured, the words vibrating into your neck where he tucked his face. A shiver rattled your frame. You hoped he couldn’t feel it as you gave an extra squeeze before peeling yourself away from him. Taehyung made a sound of protest and yanked you back into his chest, squeezing again until you were breathless with laughter. “Just a little longer,” he promised. Your heart began to swell. “Just let me hold you.”

The white-hot knife of insecurity sliced careful at the soft edges of your heart. The things he said, the way he held you- it meant the world to you. A steady ache worked its way from your chest to your throat, and the sudden urge to cry gripped you tight. Fighting it, you laughed as you tried to peel yourself away from him again, suddenly needing distance.

Taehyung’s words and affection was everything you wanted from him, but you knew it had a different meaning when it came from him. The touch of his hand as he lead you to get your bags, the refusal to let you carry your bags to the car, the way he opened the door and introduced you to one of the managers working with his group- it was because Taehyung loved you.

But the way you looked up at him with glittering eyes, the way you listened with your lips partly opened in awe of him, and the way you pressed to his side in the car was because you were in love with Taehyung.

You shoved the thoughts away. Your feelings for him were difficult and confusing, and the next two weeks were about catching up during his well-earned break. After his two weeks, he could or could not be in a k-pop group. So you swallowed the insecurity of your feelings, you stopped entertaining fantasies of being with Taehyung when he put his hand on your knee, and you dedicated yourself to just enjoying the moment with him.

Pretending you’re not in love with him would be easier if everything Taehyung did didn’t send you further into murky waters. He introduced you to his potential bandmates, kissing the top of your head as he proudly announced, This is her. He looked at you then. They’ve all been dying to meet my girl properly. You should probably apologize to Jimin, though. I’ve kept him up late at night with our phone calls.

Being with Taehyung in the city is everything you wanted it to be and more. As the first few days bleed into one another, full of sight-seeing and cramped accommodations at the apartment where all seven of them live, the threat of your feeling lessons. Cramped on the couch between Jimin and Jungkook, you shove the youngest of the group and threaten him with the Wii control within an inch of his life before refocusing on the TV, earning a chuckle from Taehyung as he walks in the room, freshly showered.

“I told you she was a menace with Mario Kart,” he muttered. Jungkook’s round-eyes glanced nervously at you, but you were already focused on the screen again, trying to recover from the banana he had used to sabotage you. It had taken four days, but Jungkook finally could sit in the same room as you without fidgeting or nervously trying to avoid conversation. “You guys thought I was bad, it has nothing on her.”

“MOVE!” Jimin whined, swatting at Taehyung as his lanky figured blocked the vision from the TV. Taehyung swatted back as he momentarily sat on the ground, back facing the couch as he inched his way backwards to settle between your legs. You tried to ignore the way your heart seized, carefully squeezing his shoulders with your knees. “You did that on purpose, now she’s ahead of me!”

“Get over it,” Taehyung snickered. He settled further into the warmth of your thighs, making you hyperaware of him. Your hands were slightly sweaty and you fumbled, giving up your position to Jimin again. Taehyung patted your calf. “Come on, Swan. Kick his ass.”

Jungkook ultimately ended up winning, thrusting his fist in the air as he jumped up. You threw the controller, letting out a noise of frustration as you crossed your arms, leaning back into the couch with a huff as Jungkook declared himself the undisputed, undefeated Mario Kart Champion.

Jimin pat your leg comfortingly. “No one beats Jungkookie, don’t get too mad.”

Taehyung swatted at Jimin’s hands, making a noise that sounded like a very annoyed, very angry squawk. “Hands off, Jimin. Don’t flirt with my Swan.”

Your heart flipped. You gripped it tight and shoved it down deep inside of you, leaning to get the controller instead of contemplating Taehyung’s words. “Rematch, Jeon.”

Pomegranate skies made up the Seoul skyline as the sun faded behind the buildings. Taehyung bumped your shoulder with his, laughing as you looked at the rapidly melting bowl of ice cream. Mouth sticky, you grinned at Taehyung as the laughter faded to the background. Your week with him was almost up, but things were good. His parents had left earlier that day, and though having to leave him was looming in the back of your mind, you were happy.

Taehyung was happy.

He was going to debut. He made it. And that was everything to you- everything to him.

The world around the Han River buzzed with energy. Couples strolled along the side walk, fingers laced and pink skies lighting their golden skin. A group of teenager’s rode by on bikes, laughing and hollering as they peddled furiously. People walked their dogs and in general, enjoyed life.

Warmth radiated through your body. The happiness was a mixture of things. It felt nice to be enjoying ice cream sitting on the bench with Taehyung, especially after spending a few days with his parents where they insisted treating you like their own. Their love for him made you miss home a little, but you were with Taehyung, and that was a home like nothing else.

Stirring the slightly melted vanilla with your spoon, you stared down at your feet. The beat up converse you wore matched Taehyung’s, years of dirt and scuff marking them. He knocked his knee to yours, drawing your attention to him. You had to squint slightly, the dying embers of the day still bright behind him.

Your breath caught in your throat. Taehyung looked wreathed in fire, the orange and pink lighting up the edges of his hair. His eyes were bright, burning like embers in the heat of the summer. A few loose strands of hair stuck to the sweat on his forehead. Absently, you reached out and brushed the sticky strands behind his ear, faltering slightly when he leaned into your hand.

Immediately, you dropped your hand. It meant nothing. Taehyung was a naturally an affectionate person, chasing his new band mates and you for physical affection and attention. It was difficult to remind yourself not to read into little things like that- lingering touches, soft smiles when he thought you weren’t looking. You knew it was just Taehyung. It was something you loved about him. One of the reasons you were in love with him.

The thought turned the ice cream sour on your tongue and you dropped your gaze again. “What’s up?”

You picked absently at invisible dust on your shorts. “What?”

“You’ve been doing that since you got here.”

“Doing what?”

“You suddenly get this sad look on your face and look at your shoes.”

You frowned. Were you that transparent? Nervousness fluttered in your stomach as you shook your head and willed yourself to look in his eyes, smiling. “Just don’t want to leave is all.”

Taehyung’s gaze was dark on your face, searching. You held his stare this time, fighting the urge to look away. Sometimes when he looked at you, you swore he knew. It was like he could see down to your soul, peeling away all of the careful little lies you placed delicately to hide the truth from him.

There was no one who knew you better. Several times during the trip already, you swore Taehyung turned to face you and saw the look on your face and that he just knew. Looking at him in the eyes was difficult sometimes, terrified that the windows to your soul would sell you out.

Now, you willed him not to notice, not to see why you had trouble looking at him sometimes.

“I don’t want you to leave either,” Taehyung said eventually. He looked down, length fingers fiddling with the Styrofoam cup in his hand, stains of his chocolate ice cream still there. “It’s been really nice to have you here, Swan.”

“Have to get it in while it lasts, right?”

“What do you mean?”

You leaned back on the bench, hands propping you up as you looked at the rapidly darkening skyline. Neon lights were flickering on in diner windows. Streetlamps buzzed, attracting moths around them. Joggers with blinking safety lights rounded the bend of the Han. The world was so busy beyond the little bubble on the bench with Taehyung.

“Well you’re going to get busy,” you murmured. “I have a good feeling about this thing for you, Tae. You’re totally going to blow up.”

“What does that have to do with anything? There is still a high chance for failure, but even if we somehow managed to become the next thing as my mom keeps calling it, what does it have to do with ‘making things last’?”

“Well- you’ll be busy.”

Taehyung leaned forward, elbows on his knees as he turned and looked at you. His brows were pulled together and his lips were tilted downwards, a prominent pout. “Are you saying I won’t have time for you?”

“I guess, yeah.”

“I’m pretty busy and I make time for you now.”

“I know- I’m thankful for that.”

“But…” Taehyung prompted slowly.

“But,” you agreed. “I had to sign an NDA to come see you. I mean, you haven’t even officially debuted and already there are limits on our friendship. It’s just nice to enjoy this moment while we can still make them. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

You got up to throw out the melted cup of ice cream but Taehyung’s grip on your wrist was iron, weighing you down. “Yes you did. You know I will always make time for you, right?”

“Tae, I didn’t-"

“I need you to acknowledge what I’m telling you.” His fingers squeezed your wrist slightly. “Regardless of where this takes me, you have to know you’re the most important thing to me, right?” Your breath stuttered. You wished he wouldn’t say things like that. “Do you not know that? Have I not made that clear?”

“Jeez,” you hedged, opting for the joke as you pulled your hand from him. “I didn’t realize I was going to upset you. I was just saying there will be less time to see each other. I know we’re best friends, Taehyung.”

For a moment, Taehyung le you walk away. You tossed the cup into the trash, wiping your sticky fingers on your shorts. You were doing anything you could not to look at him, fishing your phone out of your pocket as an excuse to check the time. “It’s getting late, we should-“

“You’re doing it again.”

This time when you looked at him, you were annoyed. “Doing what, Taehyung?”

Taehyung untangled himself from the bench, tossing his empty cup into the trash. He was wearing basketball shorts and a black t-shirt, effortlessly handsome despite the heat and sweat lining his temple. He trailed to you, eyes round and vulnerable.

“You won’t look at me,” he murmured. “What am I doing that makes you do that?”

Taehyung reached towards you and you skittered slightly, wavering between fear of where the conversation was going, knowing that if Taehyung kept asking you would cave. You never lied to him about anything. There had never been a need to. But now he was crowding your space, and the look on his face was open and afraid.

“Swan.” You glanced up at him. You realized you were shifting on your feet, nervousness driving you to keep moving, to expel the energy. “What’s going on? Did I do something?”

“No! I told you, I’m just sad to-"

“Don’t lie to me.” You were stunned to silence at the vehemence in his voice. He wasn’t yelling- Taehyung never yelled. “Is it because you really think I’ll just forget about you? That would-“ he licked his lips slightly, swallowing. “-That would hurt my feelings if you thought that of me. I wouldn’t just push you to the side. I love you.”

“Please don’t say that,” you whispered.

Sweat slicked your palms. You rubbed your hands against your shorts, trying to dry them as your lips twitched slightly. Taehyung had told you he loved you over a hundred times. But he didn’t get it. He didn’t understand what it did every time he said he loved you. You’d been saying it for so long with such a different meaning that hearing it- especially in such a soft voice- was gutting you.

“What? Why would you say that?”

“Let’s go back to the dorm, it’s getting late.”

“Stop!” You flinched, eyes flying wide as he yelled at you. You opened and closed your mouth, unsure what to say. “Tell me.”

“I…”

Taehyung was in front of you. His hands were wringing, and his eyes wouldn’t stop searching your expression, brows pinched. He was upset. His teeth worried his bottom lip, a sure sign that he was getting emotional.

You didn’t know what to do. You didn’t want to make Taehyung cry by pushing him away again. But if you told him, you’d be pushing him away anyway. “What did I do to you?” Taehyung asked, his voice thick.

You broke. The crack in his voice, the honest belief that he had done something wrong to you.

“I’m in love with you,” You whispered, voice barely audible above the dull roar in your ears. “And I don’t know what to do about it, because I don’t think you feel that way about me. Being with you the last week or so has only solidified that. And I’m sorry if-"

“Fuck, Swan.”

“I know,” you rushed out, trying to beat him to it. You stared at your feet, fingers tangled in the hem of your shirt. You felt like you were shrinking, shoulders turn inwards as you tried to make yourself smaller in the light of the massive confession. “I’m sorry if this ruins things, I didn’t want to tell you and I understand you don’t-“

By refusing to meet Taehyung’s eyes, you missed the way he smiled at you. You missed how he stopped fidgeting, and the way he surged forward to grip your face clumsily and smash his lips against yours. You gasped, eyes snapping up as Taehyung pressed his lips firmly against yours. He pulled away briefly, eyes half-lidded as he looked down at you. “Was that all?”

“Yes? What-“

“Stop talking, fuck,” Taehyung muttered, brushing his lips against yours again.

This time, you let your eyes flutter closed, arms still hanging at your side as his mouth moved tentatively against yours, a little unpracticed and a little messy. Your face heated, warmth spreading through your neck to your chest. You pushed into him, smiling into the kiss as he gave a soft, unsure prod at the seam of your lips with his tongue.

You’d kissed boys, but nothing felt like this. This tasted like the chocolate still sweet on Taehyung’s tongue as he deepened the kiss into a messy exchange, inexperienced and a little too wet. It didn’t matter. You were buzzing, humming with delight as his fingers pressed your face softly, angling you so that your foreheads pressed firmly against one another.

With a sudden thought, you pulled away from him, gasping for air. “Wait,” you panted. “Do you even like me?”

His sweet, warm breath ghosted across your face as he laughed, hands dropping from your face to your waist, pulling you in. “I love you the moment you gave me that paper swan.”

“Paper crane.”

His smile was radiant. You swore the sun pulled back up from the horizon, shinning once more as Apollo pulled his chariot across the sky in honor of Taehyung’s smile. “Your right,” Taehyung amended. “You’re my only swan.”

“Am I supposed to have a lawyer look over this?” You whispered to Taehyung, flipping the pages of a newly drafted NDA.

Taehyung flopped on the couch next to you, casting an arm around you as he pressed against your side, pressing a chaste kiss to your bare shoulder. You shivered and your stomach flipped, face going red as you smirked at the various clauses, legal terms and language that went over your head. He stayed nestled to your side, dark eyes flicking over the printed pages

“What for?”

“What if your company sues me?”

That made him laugh. You shot him a look and he pressed his lips together in an effort to cease his laughter. You tried not to grin as your eyes slid back to the pages. “Why would they sue you? You’re my girlfriend.”

You couldn’t fight the grin that time, biting your lip as the term washed over you. Girlfriend. It was a new title, only two days old, but it didn’t fail to make you giddy all over again. “What?” Taehyung teased, leaning further into you to brush his lips across your jaw. You giggled and tried to push him away. “You like it when I call you that, Swan?”

“No.”

“Ugh, my girlfriend is a liar.”

“Shut up.”

He wrapped his arms around your waist, warmth spreading from his body to yours. Despite your words, you leaned into him, content. “I’m just saying,” you sighed. “I don’t know what any of this means.”

“It’ll be fine,” he promised. “My company would never hurt you. Plus, it’s just temporary. The no girlfriend thing is only for the first three years.”

“Three years, huh? You’re pretty serious about this relationship.”

“I’m serious about you.”

You turned to face him, pressing a quick, shy kiss to his cheek. His smile broadened. “I’m serious about us. About this,” Taehyung murmured, grip constricting. “Them hurting you would be hurting me. I would never let them do that.”

“Promise?”

He nodded, tucking his chin at the junction between your shoulder and neck. “Promise.”

An ache settled in your neck as you adjusted the purse strap on your shoulder, bag weighing you down. Several text books and a laptop were shoved inside, nearly toppling you over as the subway shifted. You clung to the pole for balance, looking at the handprints of others and making a face, reminding yourself to sanitize your hands as soon as you stepped off.

The buzz of your phone drew your free hand to your pocket, fishing the device out before smiling softly, seeing Taehyung’s name light up on the screen- at least, the name you kept in your phone for him. You weren’t allowed to put his full name on your phone or anything that suggested his identity.

Section A. Clause IV

Member may not have their name, aliases, images, likeness or any content whether digital or physical and/ or material as described in Exhibit E. used in any way to indicate that the Signer is associated with the Member professionally, personally or in any other capacity.

You swiped the message open, heart thrumming.

T: Out of class yet?

You: Yeah, I’m on my way back to my apartment.

T: Text me when you get there safely.

You: Always. Love you.

T: Love you, Swan.

A soft, melancholy note sang through your heart as you wedged the phone back in the pocket of your jeans. You missed Taehyung. You lived in the same city, but you lived vastly different lives. Though he was only fifteen minutes away from you- a massive upgrade from the original distance- you were finishing up school with a degree in marketing and media, struggling to get through your final semester while balancing an internship at a multi-media company and school.

And seeing Taehyung in very small bursts.

Things were good, though. The end of the dating ban was rapidly approaching a giant red circle on your calendar and your heart. You had done well for three years- really well, considering that Taehyung could barely move around the city without being recognized.

You had always known something big was going to happen to him. But big seemed an inferior word for the way that Taehyung’s life was changing and by default, yours.

Blisters hounded you all the way down the sidewalk and into the lobby of your apartment building. It wasn’t like the new apartment the boys had, with updated room accommodations and a higher level of security in the lobby, but it was clean, relatively new, and most importantly, it was affordable.

You bowed your head at the security guard working in his small office as you entered the stairway for residents, rushing up to the third floor. The bag weighed you down further, making you gasp for air as you fished out your keys, nearly tumbling through the door and into the messy hallway filled with shoes, a hook filled with hanging backs, and a broken umbrella.

You smiled slightly as you looked at the umbrella while kicking off your shoes. Taehyung had unceremoniously broken it when he fell on it drunkenly after celebrating your anniversary over a year ago.

Dropping your bags onto the floor with a loud thud, you made your way into the small apartment, vaguely realizing that it smelled like one of your candles was on. Entering the living room, you’re convinced you were going to discover you left a candle burning but instead, you found Taehyung sitting on the couch, the candles on your side table burning while he grinned at you, eyes like crescent moons.

There were to-go containers on the coffee table, which often doubled as your dinner table. He was in sweat pants and a t-shirt that was too large for him, but you didn’t care. You rushed him, jumping onto the couch to straddle him as you threw your arms around his neck, crushing him to you in a tight hug. His laugh was deep and soft as he hugged you back, leaning into the back of the couch with you.

“I know you’ve been tired,” he murmured pressing a firm kiss to the side of your head. “So I got your favorite.”

“I thought you had practice tonight?” You pulled away slightly, sitting in his lap happily. You threaded your fingers in his soft hair at the base of his neck, twisting the strands as you looked down at him. Overwhelmed by the petal-pink lips and soft gaze, you leaned forward and pressed your lips against his once. Twice.

He became soft around the edges as he smiled at you, dulled by your warm love. “I did some begging.”

“For me?”

“Always for you, Swan.” He tapped your butt lightly. “Come on, it’s going to get cold.”

With another quick kiss, you rolled off of his lap, adjusting yourself on the couch as the two of you worked open the tops of the containers. The movements were methodical, passing chop sticks and emptying cartons of food onto paper plates. Taehyung grabbed a sauce packet, ripping it open with his teeth to squeeze it over his chicken while you gave him the larger portions of dumplings.

It was a routine that felt normal. Like it happened every night. You knew Taehyung inside and out. You knew the way he liked to lay in his bed and listen to jazz music, playing an invisible trumpet at his favorite parts. You knew that right before he cried, he pouted his bottom lip, eyes rounding before the tears formed. You knew that he had a large collection of stuffed animals that you studiously ignored the first time you had sex in his cramped dorm room- an awkward but sweet memory.

So it was easy to sit on the couch and move around one another, two moons orbiting the same planet. He told you about work. It didn’t matter how many times he complained about dance practice or how excited he got about a new music video. You absorbed every one of his experiences, a sponge with no capacity to get full.

Hearing the rise and fall of his voice as he recounted his day made you happy. Watching his hands as he explained animatedly was important to you. And you smiled when he complained about his bandmates before relenting and admitting he wasn’t really annoyed because they mean the world to him. They’re his best friends. His brothers.

All of his stories and experiences were everything to you. Because when it’s hard and there was space between you, you reminded yourself that Taehyung was living a rare, delicate dream. That at any moment, people could decide that the BTS fad was over.

Taehyung’s success was worth it. His happiness was worth it.

Shoving the empty takeout containers in the trash, you straightened to see Taehyung eyeing you. Even after almost three years- with a rapidly approaching anniversary- you got nervous when he looked at you like that. Dark eyes drifting up and down your frame, perfect mouth curved gently upwards.

No one had a gaze like Taehyung, and the full weight of it on you made you straighten, staring back at him with flushed cheeks and a thrumming heart. “What?” you demanded, feigning irritation to hide the nervousness. “Do I have something on my face?”

“No,” he murmured. He leaned against the counter, aloof as ever. You remembered thinking he was so cool in middle school, leaning on doorways and on desks. He always looked like he was on the verge of smirking, like he knew something you didn’t. “I’m just admiring my girlfriend.”

“She must look elegant in work clothes, day-long makeup and greasy hair.”

“She looks beautiful at every moment of the day.” His answer was immediate, rolling out before you could finish your sentence. His eyes shone in the dim kitchen lighting. “She doesn’t realize how absolutely stunning she is at every hour and every minute, and that I am hopelessly falling in love with her over and over again.”

You swallowed. Taehyung was like that. Boyish and goofy one moment, serious and breathtaking the next. Sometimes you wondered if he looked up how to compliment you online. It came so effortlessly to him like many other things. But you knew it wasn’t some attempt at flattery- it was honesty.

Taehyung was the most honest, loving person you knew. He didn’t hesitate to tell you he loved you after that first moment when you were seventeen and struggling to tell him your feelings. After realizing that you had been harboring feelings for him for years, Taehyung had made it a mission to ensure you that you knew were you stood. That you never doubted him.

For you, Taehyung wore his heart on his sleeve.

“Come here,” he ordered softly, not moving from the counter.

Automatically your feet carried you to him. Your hands acted out of instinct, reaching for Taehyung before you reached him. He laced his fingers with yours, artful fingers gripping your smaller hands tight as he tanked you to him faster. You stumbled into his chest, joined hands gripped tight at your sides as he dipped his head down to press his forehead against yours.

“I love you.”

“I know,” you whispered, looking up at him. He was so achingly beautiful.

“Is that a Star Wars reference?”

You smiled as you stood up on your tiptoes, kissing him softly. It was just a brush of lips, Taehyung giving chase the moment you pulled away to kiss you fully, lips lingering before you murmured against his mouth, “Perhaps.”

“Come to bed with me, Princess Leia.”

“Technically it’s Han who says-"

Taehyung made a sound of irritation that isn’t genuine. It was more a sound of humor as he let go of your hands to grab your hips, pulling you flush against his waist. He kissed you fully, lips parting yours gently, his tongue warm and seeking.

Fire licked through you as you kissed him fiercely back, exploring the taste of him. He still faintly tasted like the honey sauce from his chicken, but mostly he tasted like Taehyung. Like the love of your life.

With careful hands, Taehyung led you backwards toward your tiny bedroom. You were fortunate that your room was separate from the rest of your apartment at all. Your hands clung to his flexing biceps as he led you in a dance through the dark, kiss turning from firm to feral, licking and biting at your mouth in a way that ignited every nerve, sending sparking signals to your brain.

You fell more than laid on your bed, letting out a loud oof as Taehyung fell on top of you. His laugh was deep as it rumbled through his chest, vibrating through you. He placed sloppy kisses on your cheek, trailing to your jaw as he shifted his weight, lifting himself up with his forearms.

“Sorry,” he breathed, words warm against your ears. You shivered, arms snaking around his neck to bring him closer, knees squeezing his hips as he pressed down against you. He was already growing hard from a bit of kissing, always eager to have you, always hungry for you at any moment. “Didn’t mean to crush you.”

“Don’t care,” you gasped as his teeth nipped your earlobe. You felt like you were catching fire, glowing like the edges of a heated knife. “Crush me all you want.”

“That’s a new one.”

It was hard to listen to his banter while he shifted, coming to his knees between your legs. He broke away from you, hands roaming under the hem of your shirt, rough pads of his fingers drifting across the planes of your stomach and fleshy hips. You wiggled, whining under his reverent touch.

Taehyung smirked. He knew how just soft touches on your skin lit you up. You could already feel your panties dampening, growing slick with the desire pulled out of you with just his hands.

“What, baby?”

“Touch me,” you asked.

“I am touching you.”

“Don’t be a little shit.”

His laughter was full as he pulled at the hem of your shirt. You leaned forward, letting him take the silk blouse off. Your bra was boring and nondescript, but Taehyung didn’t care. He dove forward, sucking blooming purple and red splotches into your neck, drawing out a loud moan from you. His teeth plucked at every sensitive spot on the delicate skin of your throat, hot tongue laving over to sooth the bites.

With your eyes closed, you let yourself drift in the feeling of his hot mouth making its way to your collarbones. He was careful not to damage the skin on your throat- hickies were a strict no among the two of you. He didn’t want you to feel insecure at work and you… weren’t allowed to mark Taehyung in any way that suggested he was partaking in sexual activity.

Section B, Clause III.

Member shall not receive any marks such as but not limited to: hickies, scratches, bruises, bite marks, lipstick stains, and any other additional marking or scarring as descripted in Exhibit D that suggests sexual activity or any additional personal or physical relationships.

You shoved away the legal language that ran around your mind like a phantom, but you were careful to bring your nails back up to Taehyung’s hair, lightly scratching his scalp instead of his neck.

“Still have such trouble telling me what you want me to do with you,” Taehyung groaned, rolling his hips into yours. Even through dress pants, you could feel his hard dick. It made you breath out a soft moan, fixating on the way he licked the skin on the top of your breasts, nipping lightly above the cup of your bra. “Swan?”

“Taehyung, if you don’t take my bra off and worship my fucking tits, I swear-“

“Mmmm,” he hummed, delighted as he pulled the cup of your bra down, quick to wrap his smoldering mouth around a nipple. You keened, arching up into him as his long licked the pert bud. He continued to hum, satisfied as his tongue circled lazily, ending his ministration with a soft bite, making you squeal. “Was that so hard to ask for?”

“Apparently. My bra is still on.”

With a growl, Taehyung appeased you. His fingers expertly undid the bra, tossing it somewhere in the room as he pressed your boobs together, hungry mouth lavishing them. You moaned loudly, losing yourself in the way he licked and bit at your skin, as though he could devour you whole.

You’d let him. Taehyung could consume your soul and you’d thank him from your knees.

Your greedy hands pulled at his shirt, yanking it over his head. Careful not to use teeth or suck faint marks into his skin, you kissed the hard planes of his chest, more open mouth than anything. He shivered under your touch, casting his head back as you teased his nipple with your tongue, giggling as you dipped your hand below the waistband of his sweat pants, a south of surprise leaving you when your fingers danced delicately up his shaft.

“No panties?” You teased as he buried his face in your neck, peppering you with kisses once more.

“I don’t wear panties,” he panted. You wrapped your fingers around his throbbing cock, giving him a few soft, slow strokes. His hips twitched, smacking into yours as he shuddered. “Unless you’re into that.”

“Could be hot.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmmm. They make lingerie for men, you know? Red, lacy ones.”

“Fuck,” Taehyung whispered as you picked up your pace a bit, squeezing his cock as you reached the head. Taehyung moved like lighting, sitting up, your hand falling from his pants. “Take these off of me and stroke me proper, baby.”

You worked quickly to get him out of his pants. Taehyung kicked them off somewhere, pausing only to rid you of your pants, nearly ripping your underwear off of your legs as he tore at them.

He was on his knees next to you, cock bobbing against his stomach. You moaned deep in your throat at the sight. Much like the rest of him, it was beautiful. Taehyung’s cock was long and thick, angry tip swollen from your teasing and begging for attention as your hand returned to stroking him lightly, gathering the precum leaking from the tip to spread it down the rest of him.

Taehyung sounded beautiful when he moaned. It was deep and throaty, like he couldn’t control the sound as he escaped him. You leaned upwards, dipping the tip of his cock down toward your mouth as you gave a kitten lick to the tip, making his hips buck again.

“Fucking tease,” he grunted. He leaned down, fingers running up your thigh before taking a chaste dip between your legs, earning a surprised sound from you as his fingers brushed up your slit, another groan leaving his mouth. “So fucking wet. Does teasing my cock make you drip, baby?”

“Yeah,” you breathed, head falling back on the bed as he applied the barest pressure to your clit. A teasing motion. Not enough friction to do much, but enough to make you squirm. “Taaaaae.”

Your moan was quiet, careful not to make too much noise. You had neighbors, and that mattered under Section A. Clause IV.

Taehyung took your hand from working his cock and he laid on the bed, patting his chest as he looked at you with blown out eyes. “Come here, wanna eat you out while you suck me off.”

“What are we, seventeen?”

He grinned. You moved toward him despite your protest. “We’re more skilled than we were when we were seventeen,” he promised, hands kneading the meat of your ass as you carefully placed your dripping heat near his face. You lowered yourself even more carefully, licking at his cockhead again. “Plus, I really want to make a mess of this pretty pussy but your mouth feels so fucking good.”

You had no more protests. It wasn’t a particularly comfortable position, but any doubt died in your throat as Taehyung ran the tip of his tongue teased your pussy, barely running up your slit and flicking over your clit. Your head collapsed on his leg for a minute, hand stilling on the base of his cock as you got distracted, his tongue giving you a firm, fat swipe up the center.

“Fuuuuck,” you whispered, clenching around nothing.

He smacked your ass lightly, startling you. “I’m not doing more until you return the favor, Swan.”

“Sorry.”

Taehyung startled you with another broad, but quick lick. “Mmm never sorry.”

With a deep moan, you carefully took the tip of Taehyung’s cock in your mouth, running your tongue around the swollen head. He hummed into your pussy, following on his promise as he licked slowly up and down, tongue dipping slightly into your entrance before flicking back up to circle your clit.

Taehyung’s tongue was lethal, making you dizzy as you spit on his cock, leisurely pumping him until he was slick enough to take into your mouth. He groaned into your pussy, vibrations making your hips twitch. You focused on sucking him at a steady pace, hollowing your cheeks and flattening your tongue so that it scraped underneath his cock with each delicious drag of your mouth.

The sound of Taehyung grunting spurred you further. He attached his sinful lips to your clit, sucking harshly. You gasped, dropping his cock from your mouth as you threw your head back, eyes fluttering. You felt him grin against your slick core, mouth devouring you with renewed heat.

“Fuck,” Taehyung mumbled between licks. “I love this fucking pussy.”

“Please don’t stop.”

“Hmm I don’t know. I seem to be distracting you.”

“I’ll show you distracted,” you muttered.

Without warning, you took Taehyung in your mouth, swallowing him down your throat. The cursing between your legs and the feeling of his fingers digging painfully into your thighs made you grin around a mouthful of his cock. You bobbed your head at a set pace, breathing carefully through your nose. Drool slipped from your mouth, making his dick shine in the dim light with spit and cum.

Though his hips were bucking up slightly into your mouth, cock kissing the back of your throat every time you slid down his length, Taehyung was only distracted for a moment before he went back to licking and sucking your pussy until you were whimpering and squirming above him.

A soft burn coiled in your stomach, mounting as he used his hands to roll your hips back and forth across his tongue. He gave you a particularly harsh suck, making you groan, dropping his cock from your mouth again, hand pumping up and down, twisting at the top.

Taehyung pat your ass, “Enough for me, ride my face.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m going to cum straight down your fucking throat if you don’t stop,” he mumbled. His tongue prodded your entrance again, making you shiver as you released your hold on his throbbing cock. You kneeled over him properly, thighs shaking on either side of his head. “That’s my girl. Want you to cum all over my tongue before you cum on my cock, Swan.”

You could barely breath, eyes squeezed shut as your hips bucked back and forth, Taehyung’s strong hands guiding you as his tongue continued to languidly lap at your folds. If there was one thing you knew about Taehyung for sure in the bedroom, it was that he got off on getting you off. His hips twitched as you began to pant, doubling over and burying your face in his thigh as the tightly wound feeling in your stomach shot like and arrow upward.

Glass shattered. You came with a scream, doing the best you could not to sink your teeth into the meat of his thigh as you ripped at the sheets with the force of your orgasm. Taehyung licked you gently through it, careful not to overstimulate you as his tongue danced along your pussy.

Gently, he separated his mouth from you, giving you a brief kiss on your clit. You laughed breathlessly, trying to regain a sense of self as you blinked the stars from your eyes. Taehyung was careful with you, untangling your limbs and settling you on the sheets until he was hovering over you, your legs wrapped tightly around his waist and his lips guiding you in a slow, messy kiss.

Taehyung rolled his hips into yours, wetting his cock with your cum as he did.

“Please,” you murmured. “Please.”

“Yeah? Need to be fucked full, baby?”

“Yes.”

Taehyung hummed, pressing his nose against yours. One hand vanished from beside your head as he gripped his cock at it’s based, guiding himself to your core. Your moan was breathy as he pushed in, barely breaching your entrance, making you whine. You could feel more than see his grin as he laughed, hot breath fanning your face.

“So greedy.”

“Why are you making me beg? I asked so nicely.”

Taehyung licked your mouth. “Mmm. I guess you did.”

With a single movement, Taehyung pushed his cock all the way in, bottoming out and staying there. You both moaned in unison, breath mingling as he kissed you, all tongue and teeth. You squeezed his hips gently, careful not to use your nails per Section B. Claus III. He got the hint, slowly rolling his hips as easily as the waves on the beach during the summer.

You got lost in him immediately. His skin was hot, pressed against yours and burning burning burning. Everything felt heated, your muscles going lax as you rolled your hips upward, meeting him stroke for stroke. Taehyung murmured your name as his cock slid into the deepest parts of you, in no hurry to rush you to your next peak.

Taehyung’s lips were loving. They made a map of his heart on your face, your neck, your shoulders. Anywhere he could kiss, he attached his mouth, willing his love into you with his tongue and teeth, and the steady but firm thrust of his hips.

Fingers tangled in his hair, you scratched his scalp lightly. Breathless, moaning his name and begging him. For what, you weren’t sure. It felt like too much and not enough all at once, your nerves a livewire.

Everything was Taehyung. The feeling of his cock brushing against your g-spot and making you jerk forward, clenching viciously around him. Your name vibrated from his mouth, passing from him to you. Whispered. Moaned. Prayed. Every time your name dropped from his lips, you swear you feel divinity.

“Fuck,” Taehyung gasped, picking up speed. “I love you so fucking much. You have no idea what you do to me.”

“Please,” You whispered. That word again. Begging him for what, you’re not entirely sure. “I love you. I love you I love you I love you.”

Taehyung lifts himself off you slightly, adjusting so that he can fuck into you faster. His stroke shifts from passionate to hungry, chasing after your orgasm, hand running down your side to stop at the top of your pussy, thumb brushing against your clit. You mewled under him, thrashing at the stimulation, earning dark laughter.

“Yeah, Swan? Gonna fuck you until you cream, baby.”

Dirty talk was a recent addition to the bedroom. Taehyung had tentatively tried it when you were still learning the language of one another’s bodies. You had to admit you liked it. Hearing the way he growled filthy words at you, living up to his promise to fuck into you until you were mounting toward your high again, screaming as he fucked you off the cliff and into a moment of white light.

You felt everything go tight. You squeezed your eyes shut, heels digging into the bed, hands gripping the bed. For a moment, it was like you couldn’t breath, soaring in bliss.

A gasp of air rushed into your lungs, bringing you back down as you sagged. Taehyung had slowed his pace, shaking above you, your orgasm threatening to kickstart his. You could feel the way he was trembling, teeth gnawing at his bottom lip as he struggled to ensure your orgasm lived a full life before giving into his.

“Cum for me,” you rasped, wincing as you moved your sore thighs. You thrusted into him, body tired and humming after your orgasm, but determined to reward. “Give it to me, Taehyung.”

A feral string of curses left his lips as he fastened his hands to your hips, picking his pace back up until he was slamming into you, fucking you into the mattress with wild abandoned. You squeezed him, pulled him closer, begged him to cum until he let out a loud moan, face collapsing into your neck as his hips stuttered. You brushed your fingers along his back as he came, pressed kisses against his ear as you whispered his name.

After a few moments of thundering hearts, stilted breaths and the smell of sweat, Taehyung pulled out of you, falling to the side. You brushed the hair sticking to his brow, revealing his flushed face. He looked at you and your heart stopped dead before beating wildly like the beat of a war drum.

Taehyung looked beautiful, even after sex when he was sweaty and red and flushed tip to nose. He smiled at you, pulling you close and pressing his face against your shoulder where he kissed you once.

“Love you, Swan.”

Taehyung was late. While it wasn’t unusual for him to fall behind on schedule because of practices and shoots that ran over the allotted time, it was unusual for him not to text you.

Picking up your phone from the coffee table, you flashed your phone toward you again. Nothing. It was already late evening and you were beginning to think the takeout you ordered was going to go cold. It was currently in the microwave for safe keeping, but it wouldn’t stay that way forever.

The fight between wanting to text him and ask him where he was and wanting to give him space while he worked was one you were familiar with. Straddling the line between being the annoying girlfriend who was constantly waiting for him to finish work and being the concerned girlfriend when he was overworked was difficult.

There was no one to help you. Taehyung was the only member with a girlfriend, from what you understood- though Section F. Claus X specifically prohibited you from speaking to anyone related to Taehyung about your relationship.

Section F. Claus X

Party shall not speak to, interact with or fraternize with Members friends, relatives, associates, coworkers, or staff members associated with Members corporation. Party acknowledges that any communication with other individuals associated with Member or other Members as outlined in Appendix J is a breach of the nondisclosure agreement.

It was difficult not having a resource for this kind of pressure. Taehyung wouldn’t understand what it was like to constantly doubt if it was okay to ask him how long he would be. He didn’t know how much you wanted to express that you cared about him overworking himself without sounding like you were chastising him.

Taehyung hated being chastised. You limited your reprimands to relationship-specific topics. Never about his relationships with his bandmates. Never about work. Never about the schedule. Or cancelling movie nights, or not seeing you for two weeks at time. Those were topics best left to heal with time and silence.

So you waited. Waited until it was definitely boarding on too late to comfortably eat takeout. Unfolding yourself from the couch, you walked toward the kitchen. The urge to cry was stuck in your throat. It wasn’t an anniversary dinner- that had been two days ago. It had been wonderful, and full of love, and Taehyung had been careful about selecting the gift he got you. Just as carefully as the necklace you got him: a gold chain with a single paper crane.

You didn’t make Taehyung cry often. But he did cry when you gifted him the crane.

The necklace was safe. Discreet. No one could look at it and think, I bet a woman gifted him that. I bet you anything he has a girlfriend that he just celebrated a three-year anniversary with.

Section. G. Claus I

Member shall not wear anything or visibly display materials or items associated with the Party at any time under any circumstance. Items such as gifts, belongings, or shared possessions must be unidentifiable and gender-neutral items. Materials and items that suggest a personal or sexual relationship are strictly prohibited.

The crane was a good, safe gift. And it had come accompanied with the rare, red cranes that were special for you two. Only five of them existed: the first one you gave Taehyung at school, the second when he left to become a trainee in Seoul, and the next three for each annual anniversary together.

Red paper cranes for your red paper heart, tearing at the seams as you put the food in the fridge. There was a red crane sitting on the counter, waiting for Taehyung to get him. It was number six-hundred and seventy-four. You knew every crane you folded him. You counted.

By the time Taehyung came to your apartment- you couldn’t say come home because this wasn’t home for him- it was three hours past your agreed time. You had shoved the boxes in the fridge and showered, giving up on the over-thought and over-done outfit you had worn for him.

It wasn’t an anniversary, but it was a sort of anniversary.

It was three years since you signed that infernal NDA. Three years of living by Sections and Clauses and Appendixes and Definitions. Three years of Member and Party relationships and legal definitions. His dating ban was over.

The sound of Taehyung shuffling into your apartment startled you. Lifting your head from the couch, you blinked up at him, the light of the tv casting a blue fade to the world around you. He kicked his shoes off and trudged over, pausing to put a leather folder on the table. You faintly recognized it as the fancy folders used at the label.

“Hi,” Taehyung murmured. He tossed his backpack by the island counter top. So he was staying the night. That made you smile, momentarily forgetting that he missed your little NDA-is-over party. “Sorry I’m so late.”

“S’okay. Did practice go late?”

Taehyung crawled onto the couch, careful not to knee you. You opened your arms and he slumped into your chest, arms flat by his side as he laid his cheek against the base of your throat. He hummed, non-comital. You could feel his lashes flutter shut.

Carefully, you carded your fingers through his hair. The silky strands were recently bleached, the newly blonde hair a stark contrast to his dark eyes. It looked good on him. Taehyung had one of those faces that made anything stand out. His hair had been a variety of colors so far, each one as beautiful as the last.

“What’s wrong?” You asked. You venture on the path of least resistance. If you asked him about what’s bothering him first, you can hedge the issue of being late and missing your plans. He misses plans a lot- and usually that’s okay. But today was supposed to be your last night in. The final time you had to hide. “Tae?”

He hummed. “Who said anything is wrong?”

You snorted, stopping the movement of your fingers through his hair. “I’ve known you since we were kids and I’ve loved you for nearly as long. I know when something is wrong.” He shrugs again. It pinches a nerve slightly and you tug on the strands, adding, “And you missed a really important date. We were supposed to be celebrating.”

A heavy sigh followed by silence. You waited, expecting an apology or something else. Anything else. Silence was worse, and anxiety started to eat away at you. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Why didn’t he care that he missed this anniversary? You guys had been talking about it non-stop, talking about all of the things that you wanted to do when you could be in public. When he could take you to all the places he had been. When he could hold your hand.

“Taehyung.”

“I know today was important,” he murmurs. “I’m sorry.”

“Is something going on at work? Are you fighting with Jimin again?”

“No.”

“Okay… are you homesick? We can maybe visit-“

“That’s not it,” Taehyung snapped, shifting slightly. You blinked in surprised. It was rare for him to sound terse. Taehyung was an emotional man, but he was rarely angry. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to raise my voice.”

“Can you just tell me what’s wrong? I just… I want to help.”

For a few moments, Taehyung remained silent. Just when you thought that he wasn’t going to answer, that he was going to leave you hanging, he murmured, “You have to sign a new nondisclosure. It’s on the counter.”

It was like watching a car accident in slow motion. For a moment, the world was still and normal. You were moving through life, doing something simple, an every day action. Then the horror started to seep in, the panic that you were veering off track. Blind-sided, fumbling to keep up as reality shattered from what it was into a bunch of pieces of potentials. Of unknowns.

Your fingers were tight in his hair as your lip trembles. You didn’t know what to say. What was there to say. First there was desperation. Then a hot flash of anger, heart pounding so loud that you almost pushed him off of you to storm into your room. The anger was cooled in a flash, doused by acceptance. Irritated understanding.

“How long?”

“Two years.”

Hesitation. You licked your lips and your eyes drifted to the leather folder on the counter. It made sense, now. He had brought the papers with him. They didn’t expect you to need a lawyer- you were devoted to Taehyung. They knew it. You knew it. You’d sign the papers, just like you did the first time.

Further your eyes drifted, resting on the red paper crane. “Okay,” you whispered, a tear running hot town your cheek as you stared at the crane, its image becoming watery with want. “I’ll sign it.”

“Are you okay, Swan?” Jungkook’s voice sounds like it’s coming through a tin can on the phone as you smashed your cell between your shoulder and face. “We haven’t seen you in almost a month and hyung said he hasn’t gotten to see you in almost three weeks.”

“Section F. Claus X, Kookie.” You glanced around the train station, ensuring that no one heard you. No one seemed to care about the girl struggling with a huge box filled with video games that you were taking to donate on your job’s behalf. “No fraternizing-“

“Fuck your nondisclosure. I’m calling to see if my friend is okay because I miss her and her boyfriend has bags under his eyes.”

Your mouth tightened. Were you okay? You had your health and your family was doing well. You worked in the marketing department for a gaming company that you adored- and that your boyfriend and his friends adored your access to.

But BTS had done something new. They exploded on American charts. They were growing at a rate that was making you dizzy- unlike anything you could ever imagine. And Taehyung was preparing for a tour overseas that would take him further away from you. Even living almost down the street, he felt fucking further than ever.

“Yeah,” you croaked into the phone, mentally cursing at the way your voice cracked. You cried more these days, but never in front of Taehyung. Never where he could see that the implemented distance, the love only held behind doors and the crumbs he was forced to give you were tearing you apart. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

“You’re a shitty liar.”

“Look, sweetie,” you sighed, opting to not use his nickname in a public space again. “I’m fine. I’m stressed at work, and you guys are busy. It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“Okay.” Jungkook sounded unsure. “I’ll see you soon, hopefully?”

“Yeah, yeah. You will.”

Hanging up the phone, you felt guilty. Lying to Jungkook wasn’t something you did often. For the sake of Section F. Claus X, you did.

“You’d be okay with five kids, right?” Taehyung’s question drew your attention away from the television. He was half buried in the obnoxious amount of blankets on the bed. His hair was back to dark, the hair longer in the back. Your fingers paused their exploration of his almost mullet, twisting the strands. “I still want five.”

You angled your brows. “What about watching Attack on Titan in bed while you rot your teeth with candy sparked this conversation? Was it the giant monkey titan slaughtering the scouts?”

“Beast titan,” he corrected with a soft smile. He wasn’t looking at you, but his eyes were intense as the shadows of the tv danced across his face, ripping into another piece of candy. “I don’t know, laying here with you doing things that we like made me think about it. I know you agreed before, but I wondered if you changed your mind.”

“Not really. I don’t have siblings- I think I would like my kids to have some.”

He nodded, nuzzling your wrist. You rolled your eyes, stroking the hair at the base of his neck again, almost making him purr. “Good. I would compromise for you, but it’s good to know we still agree on our future.”

The words were on the tip of your tongue but you refused to let them loose. The future for you and Taehyung wasn’t very clear. You were nearing the end of the two-year nondisclosure, the memory still hot in your mind of the night you had to sign it.

A simmering anxiety settled over you as the termination date grew closer. You weren’t supposed to sign another one, but with how big the group had become, something deep inside your gut was warning you. Don’t get your hopes up. Don’t let them full you.

The thoughts turned your mood sour. You pulled your hand from Taehyung, murmuring that you were tired. Rolling over on your side, you settled further into the blankets. You were safe there. No rules, no clauses, no sections. At least, not while you weren’t having sex. There were still technically plenty of ways you could breach contract next to Taehyung.

Moving the bowl of popcorn from in between you, Taehyung laid on his side, pulling your back to his chest. You didn’t have to ask- you can tell he knew something is wrong. Instead of pressing you on the matter, he kissed the back of your head, tightening his arms around you.

You sniffle. “You shouldn’t eat candy before bed.”

His laugh shakes through you. “I love you, Swan.”

“I love you too.”

Taehyung had been crying. You could tell the second you walk into your apartment. You had been dreading getting home all day. Taehyung’s silence throughout the day was an omen to the folder sitting on your counter when you walked in the door.

Quick to his feet, Taehyung began to walk to you, an apology on his lips and silver tears in his eyes. You brushed it off, pulling open the drawer in the kitchen to find a pen without a cap. You flipped to the last page- the packet was thicker than before, but it doesn’t matter. With a neat scribble, you signed your name on the line and dated it.

“I’m going to shower,” you murmured.

You began to walk toward your room before back tracking and fishing around your purse. Taehyung watched, wordless and haunted. You produced a crumpled, but intact paper crane. You didn’t bother with the red paper. This crane is your seven-hundred and twelfth. Wordlessly, you walked to Taehyung, pulling his hand to you and placing the bird in his large palm before walking into your room, shutting the bathroom door behind you.

Your mouth was hot against Taehyung’s as you pinned him to the couch, hips grinding down on his. He groaned, hands exploring underneath your dress, gripping the flesh of your ass. The kiss was all spit and teeth and tastes subtly of wine, the room spinning. You couldn’t get enough of him, pulling him closer and biting his lip playfully, earning a sharp smack on your ass.

“I love you,” he growled, fingers tracing on over your thigh between your legs. He pressed against your damp underwear, making you whine. “And this wet fucking pussy.”

“Yeah?” You kissed down his neck, mindful of your teeth. Always mindful, even drunk. “I’m gonna fuck you with this wet fucking pussy until you’re fucked stupid, birthday boy.”

“Fuck, take your clothes of, Swan.”

You obeyed him, leaning up and tossing your dress, careful not to disturb the eight-hundred and eighty-eighth crane on the coffee table.

The time difference between Seoul and Las Vegas was fucking brutal. You were trying not to fall asleep, smiling into the phone as Taehyung showed off his outfit, showing himself off in the mirror. You bit your lip, wishing you were there. He looked delicious, heart and a variety of other parts of you craving him.

Having him far was painful. Not being able to go with him was just an added sting.

I asked if you could go.

They said no.

Yeah. I’m sorry, Swan. They said no.

“You look fucking perfect,” you murmured, yawning. “Go win that Grammy, yeah? You deserve it. I’ll be watching, okay?”

“Go to bed, Swan.” He laughed, flipping the camera back to himself. He really did look beautiful, the violet suit making his tawny skin glow. You don’t mind that the contacts lightened his eyes, but you always preferred the dark, mysterious gaze of the man you loved.

“Not a chance,” you yawned. “I’m going to watch the love of my life win a Grammy.”

They didn’t win the Grammy. You struggled through the teary phone call. Hearing Taehyung disappointed and fractured was difficult. Hearing him upset when you were swallowing down a rage so hot it nearly burned you was harder.

The entire time you listened to his soft voice on the other line, you stared at the screen. The Korean media were going apeshit for Taehyung’s flirty performance with Olivia Rodrigo.

You didn’t care about that. You didn’t give a single fuck what the media thought. Taehyung had been dating you for eight years. He wasn’t going to randomly date someone else- someone far younger, at that.

It wasn’t jealousy you felt. It wasn’t the green-eyed monster poisoning every thought, digging up repressed anxiety, repressed feelings. It was the fucking audacity of the company. The fucking balls they must have had to decide that it was okay for dating rumors if it was Olivia Rodrigo.

The internet was a mess. Every fan account, every space was exploding with theories, with people wondering if Taehyung was dating the singer. Rumors. Assumptions. Theories. He was allowed to be sexual on camera. He was allowed to flirt in the public eye. He was allowed to be suggestive.

As long as it wasn’t with you.

Because Taehyung being rumored to date a Grammy-nominated- now Grammy-winning performer was more desirable than Taehyung being rumored to date his childhood friend. It was better than Taehyung possibly dating a no one. From nowhere.

From nothing.

Going to Taehyung’s apartment was a rare luxury for you. You knew it was because he heard it in your voice when he landed. He invited you over immediately. You had to follow specific instructions- had to obey certain laws mandated by your millionth NDA- or at least what felt like it.

Pouring rain made it easier to enter the apartment building through its private, back entrance. Though Taehyung lived alone now- a deep wound that you were still nursing after being denied the right to live with him for over two years- you were surprised to find him by himself in the apartment. Even after trips, Jungkook and Jimin liked to cling to Taehyung as though the trip wouldn’t end.

Candles were burning in the home. They smelled like smoked vanilla, a favorite. Kicking your shoes off at the front door, you wandered through the vaguely familiar home. It wasn’t your home. There was nothing inside it to suggest you existed. No pictures. Nothing tied to your name or likeness.

But there were at least the paper cranes. On the kitchen counter, in his room on his nightstand, in shoe boxes shoved in his closet. You knew they were there, but it was a small comfort. Hardly enough to douse the building inferno the last few weeks.

Taehyung got up from the couch, smiling brightly at you. He paused when you didn’t rush to him, his arms dropping along with his facial expression. The same, haunted look he had been wearing the past few weeks traveling back and forth from North America returned.

A small part of you hated yourself for this. You hated making him feel tired. You wanted to be better. You wished you were a better person. You hated that you nagged him, you hated everything about what you contributed: grief.

So why were you standing there angry and silent? Why did you come all the way to his apartment in the rain just to crank the Jack-in-the-box again.

“You’re upset.” He didn’t phrase it like a question. Fuck he sounded so tired. “What did I do?”

“You never do anything.”

“So… you’re upset because I didn’t do something? You’re going to have to explain that to me.”

“I have before, Tae.” You ran a hand through your damp hair. “I’m upset and- fuck it isn’t your fault, exactly. You- you didn’t do something but I’m still fucking angry.”

“You’re not making it any clearer.”

“Why do you get to have rumors about you dating some American popstar but you can’t date me?” Taehyung tilted his head, confusion written on his face. Of course he hadn’t thought about it that way. “Why- why do you get to flirt with her for a performance, but not me?”

“Are you seriously jealous? Baby, we’ve been dating for eight years, I have no interst in her.”

“No,” you waved your hand, blowing away the accusation easily. Because it wasn’t jealous of that nature. It wasn’t jealousy that you thought Taehyung had affection elsewhere. It’s jealousy that he’s not allowed to do that with you. “I know you’re not into her.”

“Then what is this about?”

“You’re not allowed to date me, so why are you allowed to fake date her?”

Taehyung took a few steps in your direction but you make a sound, taking a few steps back. If you let him tough you, you knew the argument would be over. But you needed to speak your peace. You had to get out the ugly, oozing thing that had settled in your chest like an infection.

“I’m not fake dating anyone.”

You shook your head. “I didn’t mean it like that.” Taehyung still looked confused. Your hands worked together, fidgeting as you began to pace. “I mean- the entire point of the nondisclosure is that so people don’t think we’re dating. No one can know, no one can even guess. So why is it okay for people to think you’re dating her? Why can you be sexual with her? Why can you openly pretend with her and it’s okay, but you can’t be real with me?”

Taehyung opened and closed his mouth. You watched as several emotions flit across his face. You hated seeing the confusion and the slowly changing features as he grasped the root of your problem.

You felt like the nondisclosure wasn’t about Taehyung. It was about you.

Licking your lips, you continued, voice rising slightly. “The agreements I sign? They don’t limit you. You can be sexual online, you can be suggestive, you can go out with girls as long as they’re of social standing, or they’re pretty. You can- you can be rumored to date anyone and everyone, but I can’t do anything.”

“Swan…”

“No!” You said firmly. “Let me finish! I have been signing those fucking contracts for eight years. But it’s never been about what you’re represented by what you do. It’s about me- because anything I do can’t reflect on you. You can’t be seen with me. You can’t love me. You’ve had plenty of dating rumors- they helped you dispute them but they laughed them off. They weren’t worried about it.”

“I get it, Swan-"

“No! You don’t! Because I’m not allowed to love you, and they’re never going to let me. So what the fuck am I supposed to do?”

The rain outside was fit for the mood. You stood in the living room, the sound of the world muted beyond the trickle on the window. White light from the tv danced across Taehyung’s face, shifting his features from shadows to swaths of silver. His eyes were watery as the streets below the apartment, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he stared at you.

Your heart was a staccato as he murmured, “So what is the solution, then?”

“I don’t know, Taehyung.”

“Well you seem so adamant on insisting there is a problem, you must have thought about ways to solve it.”

His tone was accusatory. His voice wavered and his blush-pink lips trembled. You rarely ever made Taehyung cry, but he was on the verge. A knife twisted your windpipe and you curled your fingers in the hem of your shirt- his shirt.

“You seem to think about this night and fucking day,” he snapped. “So what would make you feel better? Or are you only good at thinking about everything wrong instead of everything we have that’s right?”

“Don’t speak to me like that.”

“Then tell me how to fix it!” The volume of his voice startled you. In the years you had been together, you couldn’t recall Taehyung ever raising his voice at you. Not while fighting. Not while you were upset. “I don’t know how to fix it if you don’t tell me.”

“I don’t want to be a secret anymore.”

“Baby…”

“You asked me how to fix it. I’m telling you what I want. No more hiding. No more pretending I don’t exist. I have been doing this for almost eight years.”

“You know I don’t control that.”

You stared at Taehyung, the last eight years stretching between the two of you.

Not being allowed to take pictures. Not being allowed to visit him at work. Not being allowed to travel with him. Not being allowed to invite him to your family holidays.

Never being able to take pictures. Never being able to go on dates. Never being able to tell people you were in a committed relationship.

No freedom as a couple. No shared apartment. No end to the NDA in sight.

Never never never. The answer was always no.

Your eyes rested on the red paper crane on the coffee table. It was faded with time, the first paper crane you ever made him. The irony was not lost on you that the first time you gave him that crane, he was looking at you with tears in his eyes, the same way he was now.

You’d folded Taehyung hundreds of paper cranes full of hundreds of wishes. Hundreds of ways to say you loved him. Hundreds of ways to say sorry.

But the myth was that you only received a wish when you folded a thousand cranes. But you hadn’t folded a thousand paper cranes yet.

Maybe that’s why it wasn’t working out. Maybe that’s why your voice cracked when you said, “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

“Don’t you dare fucking say that to me.”

With a wild gaze, Taehyung stormed across the apartment toward you. You didn’t flinch- you knew he isn’t going to hurt you. He would never. But you were startled by the anger his face. Taehyung was emotional, but the heated gaze and the untethered rage there was new.

“Look me in the eye and tell me you came all this way in the rain, hours after I got home to break up with me.”

You wiped at the tears pouring from your eyes furiously. You didn’t know what you came here for. All you did was upset him. Again. You made him want to cry. Again. There was no paper crane to fix this fight, nothing to mend what you knew was out of control.

So why were you so fucking mad?

“I don’t know what I came here for.”

“That’s fucking bullshit.”

“It’s not! I don’t know! All I know is that this is unfair to me. Did you know there’s a section about unplanned pregnancy in the last NDA I signed?” The anger bleached from his face. It was the first sign you should have lowered your voice, but you didn’t. “Yeah, I didn’t think so. Because you never read them- don’t have to read them. If I had an unplanned pregnancy, your company could fucking bury me.”

Taehyung shook his head. “Look, it’s for protection, but it isn’t like that-"

“It is like that. If we break up, I legally can’t go to an entire list of places that you frequent. If you ended things with me, I’m required to turn in any possession of yours that I have, anything that could tie us to you. There is an entire secondary document for a breakup.”

You licked your lips, tasting salt. You didn’t realize you were crying so freely. The rage had left Taehyung as swiftly as it came, and he was staring at you with something worse: heartbreak. Because even though you were a victim, he was too. It wasn’t his fault. But he was being punished by you for something out of your control. Out of his control.

“I love you, Taehyung,” you promised with a whisper. “Desperately. Hungrily. Achingly. I am greedy for your time and your affection at every moment. But this,” you gestured to the general area around you. “This isn’t… this is half of a love life. I’m not telling you that it isn’t enough- but it isn’t fair. And I just… I don’t know how to do this.”

Only a few feet stretched between you. The gap yawned forever. There was no way to close it, no way to reach him. You covered your hands with your face and you cried. Unapologetically, with abandon. You could taste the tears and tried to stop, but it was hard to breath.

You worked yourself into a frenzy, gasping with the sobs. Taehyung was there, despite the heated exchange, despite not knowing how to fix it. He held you as you sobbed, body tired and wracking. It felt like there was no end. Like you couldn’t catch a breath.

Taehyung sat you on the floor, trying to talk you through it, trying to help you breathe. But there was no comfort- not really. Not when you were this lost on what to do. Not when you were allowed to love him.

It felt as though your eyes had been on fire for a week. Things with you and Taehyung were strained at best. You weren’t broken up, but you were… distant. You asked for time and space to figure out what you wanted to do. Taehyung, unsure of how to answer you, had agreed.

That was the thing about Taehyung. He bent where he could. He bowed when he needed to. But the situation between the two of you was a legal issue. A professional issue. Taehyung couldn’t say no to one of the biggest parts of his life. And you didn’t want to ask him to.

So it left you at an impasse. It left you drifting, unsure what to do with yourself.

Routine kept you going. Work. Exercise. Read a little. Watch some TV. Game with Jungkook based on the rule that he wouldn’t tell Taehyung and you wouldn’t talk about what was going on. As soon as he broached the topic, you ended the discord call.

It wasn’t up for discussion.

A week went by like that, drifting through life. You spoke to Taehyung at least once a day. On the best days, it was a short exchange making sure you were home and you were okay. On the worst days, it was a simple I love you. I love you too.

It was starting to weigh on you that you didn’t have an answer. You felt like you were on the road to more tears shed as you walked into the apartment. You knew you needed to do something to distract yourself. Anything.

Pulling a drawer open in the kitchen you grabbed stacks of paper. Colored paper, patterned paper, foil paper. It didn’t matter. Your vision grew blurry as you pulled the sheet off the top of the stack, fingers moving out of habit. You knew every crease. You knew every line. You folded the first paper crane with near blind obedience.

Your fingers worked a second one. Fold the wing. Crease the neck. Your second paper crane was done with tears streaming down your face, unable to see the result of the tear-stained paper. It didn’t matter. You knew the folds the way you knew you loved Taehyung.

Fold after fold. Crane after crane. You folded and moved on. Folded and cried. Folded and screamed.

By the time it got dark in the apartment, you stood at the kitchen counter, blinking, staring at the work of years and years of practiced hands. Years of love, years of wanting.

You counted the cranes. Frowned. Counted again. And then laughed. Laughed until your palms were pressed against the cool counter, laughed until your stomach hurt and you were crying again.

It had taken a little over eight years, but you had folded one thousand paper cranes. A thousand paper fucking cranes for the most wonderful person you knew. For someone you wanted a single wish for.

It’s not a swan, it’s a crane. My mom gives them to me when I’m sick.

I’m not sick.

Well, feeling sad is a lot like feeling sick.

Feeling sad was a lot like feeling sick. And giving Taehyung that tiny, red bird had fixed something in him that day.

Without thinking, you grabbed an empty grocery bag, sweeping the cranes into them and shoving shoes on your feet.

Slamming your fist against the door was the first reckless thing you had done in eight years. It felt so fucking good, panting outside Taehyung’s apartment as you repeatedly hammered your fist against the door. You didn’t care if someone came out and saw you. The time for caring was over.

The grocery bag full of cranes swung wildly on your arm as you knocked. Taehyung ripped the door open, expression wild as you stormed in, pushing past him. He fumbled after you, questions bubbling to his lips as you marched into his living room. The little red crane was still on his coffee table.

You spun to face him as he caught up with you, brows pinched. He was in pajamas, obviously having been asleep. You vaguely realized it was after midnight.

“What are you-"

“I folded a thousand paper cranes for you,” you breathed, thrusting the bag in his direction. He tentatively took it, eyes flickering from the animals shoved in the grocery bag back to you. “A thousand of them over eight years. They say if you fold a thousand paper cranes in a lifetime, you get a wish or good fortune- I don’t fucking know. But I folded a thousand for you because I loved you- because I love you. And I’m sorry. If I can fold a thousand paper cranes, I can do this.”

Taehyung’s brows raised further as a mile began playing at the corner of his lips. You pushed on, words rushing out of you like a broken dam. “If I can fold those fucking birds while I’m crying my eyes out blind, I can do this for you. I- it isn’t easy for me. It hurts a lot, but… it isn’t about me. It’s about us, and it was unfair, and-“

“Swan,” Taehyung said gently, setting the bag on his kitchen counter.

You didn’t notice, staring at your feet as you continue rambling, “I don’t want them to hide me forever. But I get it, and I need to be strong for you. For us. So I folded these, because I’m sorry, and I was wrong-"

“Swan,” Taehyung announced loudly, drawing your attention to him, your mouth hanging open.

What you saw on his face surprised you. Warmth. Pure, unfiltered softness as he looked at you, radiant as ever. He crossed the space between the two of you and you reached out instinctually. “Are you done with your speech?”

“Um, I guess?”

“Good. I was going to call you tomorrow at normal hours, but I guess it’s a good of a time as any.”

Your brows pinched at the tilt to his mouth, the way he cradled your face. His eyes were bright, and he was humming with the heat and energy of a thousand suns. “Is everything okay? Wait, did they reverse the Grammy Award, because while unheard of, that would make sense and-"

“No more NDA.”

Silence. And then, “Huh?”

He folded his mouth slightly to hide his laughter. He pulls you in by your face, pressing your chest against his. His breath is warm and sweet, hinting that he was eating candy again before bed. “I had a very long talk with the company. They are dissolving your nondisclosure. I should have your new papers agreeing that it’s null and void tomorrow.”

“Null and void?”

“Yep.”

“Dissolved?”

His laughter is a spring morning. “Yes, baby.”

“The nondisclosure.”

“I love hearing you ramble but fuck please kiss me. I’ve missed you.”

You kissed him feverishly. Every reservation you had went out the window. The fabric of his shirt twisted in your hands as you moved your mouth slowly against his. His lips were perfectly shaped for yours, his fingers crushing your skin as he pulled you to him. Taehyung licked your bottom lip, opening the seam of your mouth, groaning into you as his tongue explored the new space.

The world was spinning. Taehyung’s mouth was warm and his tongue moved languidly. You didn’t know which way was up or down. There was just Taehyung and his tongue brushing the roof of your mouth, his heart pounding wildly against your chest.

You broke apart, chests heaving. Taehyung’s lips chased yours as you looked up at him with half-lidded eyes. He placed a chaste kiss on your lips before peppering your jaw with delicate kisses, burning a path to your throat. You tilted your head back, baring the flesh of your throat to him as he nipped at the tender flesh, tongue soothing the sharp pain quickly. You let out a moan, making Taehyung groan.

Taehyung hoisted you into the air. You wrapped your legs around his waist. You felt like you were floating as he carried you to the bedroom. You hit the mattress and he was on top of you, leaning on his forearms which were placed on either side of your head, supporting his weight. Taehyung buried his face in your neck, teething and licking at any skin he could find.

Your hands explored Taehyung’s body. You pulled at his shirt, the material unmoving as you yanked at the hem, a wanton noise escaping you when you said, “Off. Take it off.”

Taehyung’s mouth left you next for a moment, shrugging out of the shirt. He was a work of art. He was beautiful under the delicate touch of your fingers, his skin hot to the touch and shivering where your fingers ghosted over his flesh. He shivered again and again as you touched him and let out a throaty moan into your mouth.

“Fuck,” he groaned. “You’ve got hands made to touch me.”

“You’re beautiful,” You whispered, hands roaming his skin. He caught one of your hands in his, sitting on his knees and leaning back from you as he kissed the pads of your fingers, your palm, your wrist. Your fingers danced up the long stretch of his torso, marveling at him.

It was like Taehyung was cut from marble, artfully crafted by the hands of an artist. His abs flexed under your touch, muscles jumping.

“Beautiful,” You murmured again before he stole your lips in a bruising kiss.

Taehyung gripped the hem of your leggings and pulled, sliding them down your legs. He kissed the newly exposed flesh, drawing moans from your lips as you arched into the touch. His lips were dangerously hot on your thighs, your calves.

Kissing his way back up, he grabbed the shirt and pulled it off your, Taehyung gazed at your naked form writhing under him for a moment, teeth caught between his lips. He descended on you, taking a nipple into his mouth and lavishing it while his hand slipped to your underwear, fingers dancing along the waist of the thin material before hooking his fingers in them and pulling. You pulled your legs up, helping him discard the material.

You could not stop the moans leaving your mouth now. Taehyung’s teeth pulled at your skin and you arched your chest into his mouth, begging for more. Your thighs rubbed together for friction, entire body shaking with what his touch was doing to you. You were overwhelmed, the entire world on fire, lit by his hands, his teeth, his lips.

A blazing trail of fire followed Taehyung’s lips as he kissed and licked his way down your stomach. Your hands rubbed up and down his arms which held your hips in place. He settled himself between your legs, kissing and biting your inner thighs. You could feel your core dripping with heat. Your breath hitched as Taehyung placed kisses closer and closer to the apex of your thighs.

Taehyung looked up at you, hands smoothing down to push your legs down, exposing you to him entirely. His hands slowly made their way down your body before dropping to where you wanted him most. He licked his lips and groaned appreciatively.

“Soaked for me, baby?” His voice had dropped an octave. You shivered again, head swimming. Taehyung had you spinning in another world entirely. “What a sweet fucking pussy.” You moaned. He blew air lightly onto your clit and you yelped, hips bucking against his firm grip on you. “I wanna hear your voice, Swan.”

“Yes,” you groaned. “Fuck I want you so bad Taehyung. Put your tongue on me.”

“Fuck,” he whispered. “Say less.”

Your moan came out hoarse, stuck in your throat as Taehyung flattened his tongue and licked your pussy from top to bottom. You could not stop shaking, body reacting to Taehyung on an anatomical level. You were nearly crying as his tongue worked up and down, licking your folds and clit with a hot, eager tongue. Your hands found purchase in the sheets, twisting into them.

It was like his tongue had a mind of its own, circling around your aching clit in a tantalizing motion that left you desperate to keep his face close. His name was falling from your lips in a prayer as he took you entirely into his mouth, sucking hard. The noises he made were messy and lewd but it spurred you on, hips trying to grind up into his mouth.

“Fuck- oh my god-” you stuttered. “Please don’t stop.”

His chuckle vibrated through your bundle of nerves, sending you into a fit of moans and whines. “I couldn’t stop if I tried.”

Taehyung licked a fat stripe up the center of your pussy. “You taste like the nectar of the gods baby,” he hummed. His tongue worked your core and you bucked into his mouth again. “Fuck this pussy is perfect.”

You felt your orgasm curl in the deepest part of your stomach. You shook under Taehyung’s ministrations. You yelped when he spit on your clit, the sensation startling but making you moan louder as he dove back in. Taehyung ate you out like a man starved, messy and skillfully, drinking you in. You were near tears as the white hot lightning of your orgasm struck. Your muscles clenched and you seized into the mattress, thighs screaming in agony as you tried to close them. Taehyung didn’t stop. He licked you through your orgasm, alternating between licking, sucking and biting your pussy.

“Holy fuck,” You cursed. You were seeing stars behind your eyes, squeezed shut so hard that you could nearly see the entire cosmos laid out before her. You couldn’t stop trembling as your hands tore at Taehyung’s hair, trying to get him to ease up on the overstimulation threatening you. “Fuck me,” you begged. “I want you to fuck me.”

Taehyung’s mouth came off your clit with a lewd pop. He looked up at you, his eyes nearly black. His pupils were dilated, a predator zeroed in on its meal. “Yeah?” he asked. His tongue darted out for a single kitten lick against your clit, making you buck. “I can eat this pussy all fucking night but if you want me to fuck you, I’m going to fuck you.”

“Yes,” you whispered. “I want to feel you inside of me.”

Taehyung obeyed without protest. He stood, never taking his eyes off of you as your fingers traced patterns on his skin. He removed his pajama bottoms, dick springing free. You made a sound at the sight of it, thick and long, head weeping with precum. Your mouth watered as your hand slipped between them, fingers dancing along his velvety shaft and gripped, pumping him a few times.

“God- fuck, Y/n.”

Your name sounded holy in his mouth. You squeezed lightly, your thumb running over the head of his cock and spreading his precum. “Say it again.”

“What, baby?”

“My name.”

“Y/n,” he moaned. Hips bucking lightly into your hand. His hands rested on your knees as you worked him with your small hand, face tilted to the sky. His hair fell back from his forehead. You watched him, open mouth and fascinated by the way your name fell from his lips. “Fuck-hmmm- I told you these hands were made for me. Fuck, Swan-”

Without warning he broke your contact with him. Taehyung lunged at you, catching your lips with his. You could taste yourself on his tongue and you didn’t care, fingers tangling in his hair. One hand held his weight above you, the other skimming down to guide him to your dripping entrance. You moaned into his mouth and he stole it from you, swallowing the sound as he rubbed the head of his cock in your messy folds, making you whine.

Taehyung’s mouth left yours and he kissed down your chin, your jaw, your neck. He settled in your neck, fingers twinning in the hair at the back of the nap of your neck. He pulled slightly, an appreciative tone leaving your mouth as he breathed against your bruised neck.

“I’m going to fuck you until you can’t take it anymore,” Taehyung growled.

You gasped as Taehyung thrusted into you without warning. You were thankful for the orgasm he’d given you with his mouth- he slid in easily. You felt your walls clenched around his thick girth, stretching you as he slid to the hilt, bottoming out. The sound that came out of your mouth was foreign and loud. You couldn’t breathe as Taehyung pulled back out and slammed in again, shifting you up the bed slightly. He held your body to his as he set a slow, hard-thrusted pace.

Every time Taehyung thrusted into you, he stole your breath away. You were gasping for air. His cock rubbed against every part of you, sparking pleasure so intense you weren’t sure you were even in the present anymore. You were somewhere else and it was just you and Taehyung and the feeling of him moving inside you. It was addicting. Your nails clawed at him as you screamed, legs wrapping around his hips as he pistoned into you, setting a faster pace.

Taehyung was shaking above you. His breath was hot in the shell of your ear, his shaky breath littered with curses, your name and other slurred words you couldn’t understand. He fucked you down into the mattress so hard your body was bouncing up to cut his thrusts short, making you scream in pleasure.

Lifting his face from your neck, Taehyung kissed you again. He didn’t give you a second to breathe properly, mouth ravishing yous with kisses so deep it felt like he was trying to swallow you whole. He let go of your lips and leaned back, so that he was kneeling, your hips lifted from the bed as he fucked into you at a new angle. You heard a scream of pleasure, belatedly realizing it was yourself.

“Fuck- dammit Taehyung, don’t stop,” You begged.

His hands held your hips as you thrusted up to meet his pace, thighs burning with the effort. “Fuck baby,” he growled, eyes darting down to watch as his cock disappeared into your pussy. “I could fuck you all night. Your hands, this pussy- fuck- made for me. Fuck.”

Taehyung’s hair was wet now, a couple of strands dripping with sweat, droplets trailing down his temple, some down his jaw and jaw. His neck, you wanted to bite it, it looked so thick and delicious, his Adam's apple bobbing when he swallowed thickly. His torso looked even more defined, every single muscle straining and pulling to fuck into you with all his might. His hands, big as ever, gripped your thighs so tight his knuckles turned white. He gripped them even tighter for leverage and pulled you closer the same time he pushed hard-

“Fuck! Fuckfuckfuck-” Your hands scrambled to grab onto something, only finding purchase in the soft sheets that did nothing to anchor you against his ruthless movements. “Taehyung! Fuck baby!”

You struggled as another orgasm crested, a wave roaring in the distance. You touched him anywhere you could; thighs, stomach, arms, chest. You couldn’t help but fall silent as you pushed yourself into the bed beneath him, not able to breath, the tension in your stomach building and building and building, so intense that words were beyond your ability.

Taehyung groaned. “Gonna cum again, Swan?” There were tears in your eyes as you nodded, breath stuck in your throat. “Squeeze my cock then. You’re so good for me, cum on my cock- fuck like that.”

The world beyond your orgasm vanished. You were sure you were in Heaven as Taehyung fucked you through your orgasm. Nothing came out of your mouth made sense as your body stuttered underneath him. Faintly beyond the roar of your orgasm, you could hear Taehyung cursing as he ruthlessly slammed into you. You felt spent and like your limbs were no longer able to move as the orgasm fell, a wash of trembling and tingling settling over you.

“Fucking hell,” Taehyung moaned, looking down at you. “I’m so in love with you. Nothing will ever make you doubt how meant you are for me again.”

You couldn’t answer him. He flipped your over and you felt like you were knocked into another plane of existence. His cock left you for a moment as you caught your breath, tears running into the mattress as you tried and failed to prop your ass in the air. Your thighs couldn’t bear your weight, orgasm turning your bones to jelly.

Taehyung kissed up your spine, stopping to nip the shell of your ear. “Don’t,” he whispered, kissing your shoulder. “I got you.”

Both of Taehyung’s arms snaked around your waist, hoisting you to your knees. Your chest was heaving. He wrapped an arm around your shoulder and splayed a large hand on your collarbone, pushing your sweaty back firmly into his chest. His heart was beating so hard you vaguely wondered if he would go into cardiac arrest. The thought was fleeting, Taehyung sliding back into you from a new angle.

“Oh,” you breathed.

Taehyung was true to his word. He held you up firmly against him, holding your weight so that you wouldn’t fall back into the mattress in a puddle. You leaned your head back against his shoulder, one hand gripping his hand at your collarbone for purchase and the other at his forearm around your waist. His hips fucked you harder than before, slamming to the hilt each time. His breath fanned against your exposed neck.

“Feels so fucking good,” You moaned, eyes closed as you melted into him. “You feel so fucking good Taehyung.”

“Yeah?” he asked, licking her shoulder. “Fuck I can’t get enough of you. I love you.”

“I love you,” You gasped him, nails digging into his skin, leaving little crescent moves.

“I love you- you’re such a good girl, taking my cock like this.” Taehyung’s hands left you and you fell forward, unable to support yourself. His hands went to the dimples in your back, pushing you further into the mattress. You were pliant underneath his hands, though you thought he would break you in half. “Fuuuuuuuck.”

Slurs and incomprehensible language fell from your lips. You couldn’t move under the full weight of him. You thought he had fucked you roughly before but this was harder. His hips bruised your ass, slamming so hard that you were crying out in pain and pleasure. He was ruthless, the pressure of his hands on your spine pressing and demanding.

Filthy words left his mouth. You continued to spiral out of control. In a few moments another orgasm lingered on the horizon, pacing back and forth as it built. You were nearly crying, wiggling underneath him as you fought off the sensation building in you. You felt like you couldn’t orgasm again or you would cease to exist, the pleasure so threatening and hard you weren’t sure if you were speaking at all.

“Come on, baby,” Taehyung urged. “One more, can you do that for me?” You nodded, though you weren’t sure. “Fuck, this pretty pussy is mine.”

The next orgasm sent you somewhere faraway. You scream was in the distance. You knew you were shaking and you were clenching so hard you saw white behind your eyelids. Every muscle in your body spasmed and you stopped breathing.

Taehyung trembled above you. His fingers dug harder into your skin. It would leave bruises in the morning. His pace became sloppy and he grunted, curses twisted with your name as he came, his hips losing their rhythm as his body trembled. He slowed and stopped, collapsing on top of you, gasping for air. You didn’t mind his crushing weight, the way his sweaty skin stuck to yours. You were were still numb, trembling lightly. Darkness hovered on the edge of your vision, swelling and threatening to sweep you to sleep.

Rolling, Taehyung pulled you to him. His lips whispered against the crown of your head. I love you. You’re perfect for me. I’m sorry you were hurt. I’m sorry I waited so long to talk to them. I will spend forever making it up to you. Please never forget that I love you.

As you drifted in Taehyung’s arms, you smiled spotting a red paper crane on his nightstand.

“By the way,” you whispered, half asleep. “Stop eating candy before bed, Taehyung.”

He laughed and kissed your cheek.

Your wish had finally come true.

Famous K-Pop star from BTS was recently spotted and confirmed to be dating a childhood friend. Vocalist Kim Taehyung, known better by his stage name V, has broken hearts of millions across the globe. For more photos on the happy couple enjoying their date at a five-star restaurant…. -

Taglist: @amores-mis ; @lllucere ; @disquietedvibes

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