alwaysthinner - Tumblr blog

[alwaysthinner]

I can't go as strict as I want because of my studies. Fuck ittt

[alwaysthinner]

Ok, the first day went relatively well. I didn't necessarily eat VERY healthy food but it was good for a first day, also considering I don't have strict rules or an intake limit this week. I will stay up tonight and study, so might eat a few snacks, and healthy ones this time since I bought some stuff in the afternoon knowing this was gonna happen. Might or might not burn it off by walking around an hour to go to work, all depends on how far I go with my assignment though.

[alwaysthinner]

I fucked up so bad that I ended up gaining 2.1 kg OVER my start weight. But considering the new years just happened and Monday is in the corner, I felt it was the time to start again.

I updated the tracker for a fresh start, added a new goal weight (which was very painful to do bc of the fact that I had to do it bc I binged weekly and gained). This time there will not be any repetition if I lose more than one kg in that week whatsoever, since I have exactly 5 weeks left to go back home.

How ironic that most people here try to hide they are restricting from their parents and here I am panicking they will say how fat I've gotten. I need to weigh at least 65 kg when I return, because I lied to them and said I only gained 5 kg (I had already gained 2 kg and was not 58 anymore when I came for uni). If I do reach 65 kg or lower when I go back home, I can aim for 60, 58 kg, or a new lw for the spring semester. Then I'll be off the pill and able to just starve myself.

I'll start counting calories tomorrow, January 3. Remember it, because it's the first day of me absolutely rocking this challenge.

I will NOT slip up this time. I promise myself.

2022 is MY year.

[alwaysthinner]

Aaand binged again. BUT, in my defense, it's the finals week and I'm about to get my period, so fasting might've not been the wisest plan

[alwaysthinner]

Barely about to get in the 18th hour and my stomach is already growling? The hell, girl? I've truly lost my touch apparently and fell out of shape, literally

[alwaysthinner]

Holy fucking god. How the fuck did I gain not only all the weight I have lost back BUT ALSO +0.8 kg? I literally binged 3 days (too much, ik, but still) and gained 2.2 kg?

Holy.

Shit.

Ok, I don't have the luxury to complain. I fucked up, and I'm gonna clean this mess up. This week. No alibis. I'll lie to my grandparents to not go visit them for New Year's and keep fasting if necessary.

Fasting day 1, here we go.

[alwaysthinner]

Decided to fast next week for at least three days bc I binged. I'm so fucking afraid to step on the scale tomorrow morning you literally have no idea

[alwaysthinner]

Binged my way into the end of the week. Fuck it

[alwaysthinner]

There is absolutely no way I'm losing 1 kg this week. No way. Why can't I just starve myself to death? Why won't my metabolism let me do something other than high-restriction? I'm freaking the fuck out

[alwaysthinner]

Wow not only was I absolutely unaffected by the spoiled food but also I had to eat chocolate offered by my coworkers. Dunno if I'm impressed or terrified by the former, unbelievable

Most likely surpassed the 1800 limit yesterday though but no giving up, I'll be more careful today. And I KNOW 1800 sounds ridiculous for an ed blog but believe me, I know my body, I know how I lost 40 kg/88 lbs in a year. This slow descending, spiral-down thing is the only thing that will work now that I gained around 12 kg/26 lbs in a few months. Low-restricting is a dangerous game that you should be careful playing, and I wanna preserve my low calorie dues for lower weights; after I return to 58 (my lowest weight) for example.

I completely did away with intermittent fasting btw, it did help me lose tons of weight in the past year but now that I'm studying (and double majoring while taking the maximum amount of courses that can be taken at my uni) and working part-time, it simply doesn't work for me.

I'll eat whenever I need to. The only rule is to stay under my calorie limit AND to not eat after 6 pm, though I'll try to make it 4. I most likely will stop having dinner after late February, when the pill thing is over

[alwaysthinner]

Bitches be eatin spoiled food to lose weight faster by throwing up and having diarrhea smh

Always knew I was the baddest bitch around

[alwaysthinner]

Ok, now that I'm leaving my grandma's and going back to dorm, here's the plan. I might have an ED/disordered eating habits, but half of my family are still doctors, so bear with me while I try to make sense of this shit.

This week at my grandma's is gonna be a transition phase. I did eat 2000+ cal daily but I ate completely healthy, home-made stuff, and considering I was binging on junk food with perhaps 4000+ cals on average before, it is still not that bad. I mean, I even lost weight (currently 1.4 kg down in seven days).

Starting from tomorrow, I'm gonna be eating at my maintenance. The next week will be at my BMR, and after that I will drop my calorie limit first to lose 0.5 kg and then 1 kg a week. Each will take at least one week.

Why AT LEAST one week? If I lose more than 1 kg in a week, I will keep my limit the same for another one. Except this transition phase of course, so my highest calories ever will be my maintenance. After hitting the 1 kg a week milestone, I will keep going with it by adjusting it to my weight. Heaven knows I'd kill to just starve myself but I need my brain for uni.

Also, I have to eat stuff to take my birth control pill no I'm not getting laid with this ugly ass bod, it's bc of PCOS, so I can only fast or not eat dinner (I have to take it in the evening) when I'm not on it. Meaning, I can and will fast for at least 72 hours on placebo weeks until I stop using the pill, which will happen on February 21, hopefully.

The moment the pill thing is over, I will switch to the moon diet, the one on the famous lifestyle diets post. I will reblog it when the time comes.

We'll see if the plan works.

[alwaysthinner]

Can't wait to leave my grandma's, it's a miracle that I've lost 1.3 kg in 6 days eating 2000+ cal (and my grandma is still guilt tripping me into eating lmao)

[alwaysthinner]

Do you know what always hits the hardest?

Fashion and relationship thinspo.

It's so much more intense than just the photo of a perfect body. It shows you the reason you want that body. It shows you the reason you never looked that confident and comfortable with yourself, the reason you were never loved that way in the first place.

It shows not only the body you want but also the life you want.

[alwaysthinner]

High-restricting is so. fucking. much. harder than low-restricting or fasting and you CAN'T change my mind

[alwaysthinner]

Hi hii, the first post of the new blog!!

It was NOT a good idea to start restricting again at my grandma's lmao, but at least it'll be some kind of a transition phase? Still, slow weight loss drives me nuts. Can't wait to go back to dorm

[alwaysthinner]

TW: Eating Disorder

Or disordered eating? Idk, something is definitely wrong here.

STATS

Highest Weight: 97 kg / 214 lbs

Lowest Weight: 58 kg / 128 lbs

Start Weight: 73.3 kg / 162 lbs (January 2)

Current Weight: 73.3 kg / 162 lbs (updated weekly - January 2)

Goal Weight 1: 70 kg / 150 lbs

Goal Weight 2: 65 kg / 140 lbs

Goal Weight 3: 60 kg / 130 lbs

Goal Weight 4: 55 kg / 120 lbs

Ultimate Goal Weight: 50 kg / 110 lbs

P.S. Pounds are round up for convenience, except the highest, lowest, start and current weight.

SPIRAL-DOWN TRACKER

1. TRANSITION

Status: Ongoing

Duration: One week (January 3 - January 9)

Limit: None, but mindful intake required

2. MAINTENANCE

Status: Forthcoming

3. BASAL METABOLIC RATE

Status: Forthcoming

4. LOWEST RECOMMENDED INTAKE

Status: Forthcoming

5. ONE WEEK ONE KG

Status: Forthcoming

REWARDS @

70 (GW1)

67.5

65 (GW2)

62.5

60 (GW3)

57.5

55 (GW4)

52.5

50 (UGW)