alxslita

[alxslita]

What is your dream in life?

My dream in life is to be successful, both in my future work (which is to become a pharmacist or be a part of the pharmaceutical industry) and success in my personal life. I dream to have it shown that I have not regreted the sacrifices I've done to be who i am now and who I will be as I continue to develop. It is a long process to be able to achieve such a dream, and there would be a lot of commitments to establish to keep the sole passion in pursuing that dream.

As for who i am now, there's still a need to work on my continuous efforts of improvement and learn more of the path I choose to challenge myself with. Hopefully, soon I will be able to get to where I dream myself to be.

[alxslita]

Day 8

What have you learned in today's lesson?

Earlier, in our lesson we were brought up to the concept of harmony among peers and social beings. We were asked a question if harmony is easy to establish among other people or not, and for me I think it would not be easy since even though we are equal as human beings living in this planet, there are certain structures to how are we are valued and worth to be living among a community.

What I caught up during the session was about leadership, and we were showed a video about the Pilipinas Debates 2016, where Miriam Defensor Santiago and Duterte were on a debate. I perceived the scene as two potential leaders that have the same end goal but have different characteristics and strategies of conveying their dedication of service for the country and its people.

By the end of the class session, we were then asked on a scale of 1-10 as a resident of the community you reside in, what is your personal rating of yourself in terms of providing service/helping your barangay?

Majority of the class answered numbers below 5, and we were told that its something not to be ashamed of (if I remember correctly). As we are in the midst of trying times because of the pandemic, the least I could be of service for my community is to follow the pandemic safety protocols and be attentive of any community announcements. I'll try to be active if ever I'm given the chance to be of service for the community I reside in and create good harmony among the people.

[alxslita]

Day 7

Results of The 5 Love Languages (Teen Quiz)

After taking the 5 love languages teen quiz, the results came out as Acts of Service being my primary love language and I totally agree. I'm the kind of person that adores the little acts of love or even simple joys conveyed as genuine care out of love. There's something to marvel about a person who has their way of expressing themselves that is very thoughtful to me and one way or another would help me grow better now that I've seen a wondrous perspective they've open up, my it be mundane or exquisite. Having people I am close with do their way out of things for me from time to time really has a special place in my heart. And if ever I see their acts of service to be a challenge to better myself, then I won't hesitate to grow with them and push to be the best versions of ourselves.

Quality Time

The secondary love language I have in my results is quality time and it is really in harmony with act of service. The way I perceive it is that even with an introverted person like me, quality time is when it all matters most because moments will turn into special memories and I'm that type of person that would cling to memories most cherished in times of rare happenings that I've fallen out of love.

Receiving Gifts

Back in my childhood years, I always get enthused receiving gifts, because the way I understood it is that gifts are something to keepsake of a reminder that a person cannot dismiss the feeling of giving you something that reminds them of you. Now it's like lingering kisses of appreciation of having you in their life and would last as long as you care for it. Gifts shouldn't be something to measure love with but be something to remind me that I am loved in the simplest or unique efforts.

Words of Affirmation

A fun way for me to comprehend affirmative words is that they're gentle whispers of strength and support to face reality of challenges. There are always a bad side to things and the good might be painted as the bad, but words of affirmation for me secures the will to fight for what is most right for myself and the few (or many) of the people I choose to open my love with.

Physical Touch

I have always been vigilant of physical touch, I grew up to be someone being taught to fight for myself of times that I feel like I am being disrespected physically (and living in this country, I've been experienced :[ ) but to set that aside, if its in the act of love then I really don't mind as long as I'm being ask first. Consent is really important for me, all the while having the reassurance that I have accepted that level of physical touch.

[alxslita]

for twenty-year-olds who have never been loved

All of a sudden two decades have passed and you still have not kissed anyone with tongue, or kissed anyone at all for that matter, or had a 3 AM conversation with someone who would rather look into your eyes for ten minutes straight than talk. You have never worn a lover’s sweater or “forgotten” it at home in your bedroom just so you would have an excuse to see them again. You have never even stood face-to-face with someone who makes your hands shake so hard it feels like they’re both having a separate anxiety attack.

This causes you much guilt and self-blame and sadness but above all, an overwhelming curiosity. Are you really that ugly, that unwanted, that uninteresting, that boring, that no one, absolutely no one, has ever looked at you like the only thing on earth?

The answer is no. The better answer is that someone out there, somewhere in the world, is “wondering what it’s like to meet someone like you,” and they have two decades worth of love stored in their veins like a shoot-‘em-up drug, and they’re just about ready to inject it into someone else’s bloodstream. All you have to do is roll up your sleeves and wait for it to happen.

At times you felt so lonely you could stand at the edge of a cliff with nothing beneath you but air and grass and a long, long way down, and you’d still feel emptier than that canyon itself. Maybe you even danced with yourself alone in your room a few times, arms outstretched around a ghost, pretending someone else’s hands were on your waist, someone else’s eyes boring into yours.

Or maybe you fell temporarily in love with strangers on public transportation, fell in love with anybody who so much as accidentally brushed your hand on the way past. For you, falling in love with dozens of people a day was a coping mechanism for not having anyone to love you in return. But people are not eggs and falling in love with a dozen of them does not mean your shell will remain uncracked. One day you’re going to hit the point where you’re so desperate for human contact that you’re going to snap in half and all your love will bleed out like egg yolk.

But someone out there is eating a bowl of Ramen noodles right now, or putting on slippers, or settling into bed. They are doing all the normal things that you’ve done in your own life. They are just like you. They have cellulite and extra fat in all the wrong places and goals and fears and doubts and bad handwriting.

The truth is that they are just like you, and being just like you, they’re looking for a lover too. They’re what you might call a soulmate.

They think they’re all alone in feeling the way they do, but you’re really both two halves of a whole.

And one day you’ll meet them, bump into them on the street, and your two halves will be put together, and you’ll make one.

[alxslita]

it’s good to treat yourself well and do self care activities, but remember that your inner monologue and the way you speak to yourself is maybe the most important form of self care. whenever you’re crying or feeling really upset, imagine having a friend or comforting figure in your head. someone who makes you feel that’s it’s totally okay to feel this way, while also helping you with getting up again.

you can also write down everything in a journal or notes app, and then reply to yourself as if you were your own comforting person. or vent to a plush toy and imagine the comforting things they would say. let yourself feel the things you’d normally feel, but catch yourself out in a gentle but reaffirming way. it takes a lot of time to believe it and make it your normal way of thinking, but you will start caring for yourself on the deepest level it will be worth it.

[alxslita]

“i don’t like writing about my day, but i want to keep a journal”:

quotes and copywork. when reading, if you find something you enjoy, just copy it into the notebook. you can copy a whole chapter if you wish, highlighting what caught your attention the most.

definitions. look up on a dictionary and copy it. you could write your own dictionary as well, making up definitions for words.

lists. a classic, write movies to watch, books to read, the playlist of the month or just the groceries you have to buy.

maps. when going somewhere, you could draw the route you took or just a map of the place itself. just look up the place on google maps and copy it. you can draw a little map of all the places you have lived or the schools you have attended as well.

photos

take “notes” as you watch movies / documentaries. write down phrases that caught your attention or doodle.

illustrations and clippings. if you see an image or piece of art that you liked, put it in your journal. if it’s from a book or from a magazine I would recommend scanning it, tho’. it will serve as a record of what kind of art you enjoy through the years.

newspaper clippings from the day.

tickets and pamphlets. from movies, museums, transportation.

postcards

records. you could record for a month what the temperature was when you woke up and when you went to sleep. if you do that for a year, it gives you a better notion of the passing of seasons. you could record rainfall and other seasonal changes as well. you could choose something (an animal, a plant, an item or object) and write down every time you see it.

rubbings of leaves, coins, landmarks.

count. there’s a scene in the movie Coraline (2009) where Coraline’s dad tells her to go count the windows. you could do the same type of counting game if you are bored and write down.

mindmaps/sketchnotes + timelines of books, movies, music albums.

collages

pressed leafs and flowers

your collections. if you collect anything you could write down an inventory or maybe try to draw the items.

recipes. write down recipes and give it a score every time you try it. you could do the same for drinks you try out.

stickers

comic strips. you can find a bunch of it online, glue your favorites in your notebook.

[alxslita]

Day 6:

short Love Story

Saturday, January 26, 2019 

You make me nostalgic for a love that hasn’t happened yet...

The moment unfolds on a rainy and foggy weekend, our school held an early event of enrollment for upcoming K-12 students, I was in  my 10th grade that time (but I already got a fixed decision of enrolling at Liceo de Cagayan University to continue my shs years). Since it was like a program there was a sequence to follow through, I was part of the school’s dance trope, so for the majority of the morning schedule our dance trope and I were showcasing our dances and performing our moves. I did not saw him (my crush) in the crowd that time, so I reckoned he might arrive by the time in the afternoon (where the booths would be open for registrations). The afternoon came and it was still foggy and drizzling with rain, I chose to loiter by our classroom, partly because I was bored and probably I was waiting for him to appear. I’ll give you my short description of him... 

Think of him as the moon mysterious but at the same time appealing, he’s someone I could see myself to lean across one day and say, ‘don’t you hate it when everything’s really beautiful and hurts at the same time’, to which he could say, ‘yes, I hate it’. He makes smile for no reason, if reassurance could be a person it’d be him, well at least for me.

But going back to the story, so I was admiring the drizzle of the rain, and then I saw him entered the gate with his friend, they didn’t carry an umbrella, which sparked me an idea to lend him mine. I rushed in the classroom and pulled out my umbrella, I was contemplating whether or not I’d actually hand it to him (bcs I was shy) but by the time I was about to go out, He and his friend already passed by. I was still determined to have him an umbrella, so I followed behind, keeping a distance, and I just waited for an opportunity (lol).

Then the moment came, he passed by me and walk off into the daze of fog & drizzling rain, I rushed to his side and had him under my umbrella, everything went in slow motion. It's as if the drizzling rain were flying around like snow, his back was all I focused on and when I was by his side he noticed me. The expression he had was surprised but glad (like having a breath of relief), he even pulled off a cute smile. Then he asked to be the one holding the umbrella for the two of us, which made my cold hand brush against his. Along the path we walked, he would purposely tilt the umbrella on my side, to which I noticed his shoulder got drenched. So I reach out to balance the umbrella then unintentionally I got a hold of his hand. From my peripheral vision on that moment of contact I saw he had an endearing smile. Everything felt like a dream, like it was unreal for me, but I kept myself grounded because I don’t actually want that moment to end so quickly. Sadly, after a few paces down the path, the moment ended, we happen to exchange a few smiles and the whole time my heart won’t stop pounding. 

So, we reached the end of the memory, He is and would probably be that nostalgic love that hasn’t happened yet...

[alxslita]

Day 5:

How are you?

Other than the academic pressure that I am pouring most of my energy in sorting out. Everything else just seems to feel not fine at all. I guess I’m in this state where I need constant reminders to actually pick myself up, I can be aware for most parts but then I would lose the will to even try and it is very unhealthy. Actually the other day, my close friend noticed that I got thinner, at first I took it as a compliment but then when I really looked at myself, I noticed that I got thinner in an unhealthy way, and she said that maybe its because of stress for spending too much time on academics, and that I totally agree on. I usually provide time to exercise, learn dances, keep myself fit, and doing other leisure, but nowadays I feel weak, sometimes I forget to eat because I lost track of time doing school works first, I even get emotional at random times not knowing why. If I have to sum it up I just feel so tired, and sleep is not just enough to make it feel better, its the kind of tired that even when I wake up, the first thing that I would feel is worry.

Worry that I might feel unmotivated to even do my morning rituals and feel anxious, worry that I might just spend another great day to just being in front of my laptop screen/phone screen. I get mad of myself for whatever reason and that stresses me out. I hate the way I think when it feels all to much, because if I have to phrase the feeling the words will get stuck in my throat and the next thing happens I’m breaking down when I should be break dancing the feeling out. However, I would do my very best to squeeze in my coping mechanisms in dealing with these things, I am well practiced in pulling myself back together again and sway off any lingering negativity both in mind and soul. I would pray or listen to my comfort playlist to soothe out any crumpled up feelings, I’d do anything to bring back my mind to the present, pay attention to myself and love myself more. 

[alxslita]

𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝟒:

𝔻𝕖𝕒𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕖𝕟𝕘𝕖𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝔸𝕕𝕠𝕝𝕖𝕤𝕔𝕖𝕟𝕔𝕖 𝕊𝕥𝕒𝕘𝕖

| A lesson take away...

As far as I could recall, the most frequent asked question towards me for the most part nowadays (and probably for most students) was “How is online class doing for you lately?” and it’s the type of question that really makes the mind run through the moments of experiences. I’ll get stuck in such a dilemma to either vent out the frustration of how virtual classes are completely draining the life out of me or to just be listless and reply casually, because then I’ll think venting will be just a waste of energy. However, what I learned in today’s lesson was that if you really want to develop healthy decisions, then it is well enough that there should be effective communication. 

Having to open-up or express yourself as much as possible will harness your ability to face any obstacle that will come along your way. Being able to share the value in what you feel about anything and the selected few (or many!) you choose to share it with will reveal new perspectives in facing unknown challenges as you venture on in life. That what I choose to decide now, or in every moment possible, will change the future. That having to jot down anything or everything that just made it feel all to much, will soon serve as records of things that I have already overcome. That everything will appear as beautiful as ever imagined because those who support me are eager to cheer me on!

[alxslita]

Day 3:

Peer Social Comparison

A lesson take away...

Today, I have learned and listened about identity vs. identity confusion and imaginary audience and personal fable. These two are of which I have experience growing up, there are certain people that really puts you down insensitivly using your insecurities, may it be intentional or not, then how this affects you really depends on how you interpret this to your understanding. I could see it as a challenge to better myself in order to prove to those who don’t witness the art of my uniqueness, or I will let the negativity get to me and become someone who will live apart from the heart. further away from being myself.  

But when you practice your mind to not easily navigate towards the negative and to keep in mind that even the strongest person to ever live would also have the weakest day of their life, you will be courageous enough to continue discovering more of your own uniqueness. It is so much true that not everything will come along easy, in order to be strong you need to fight bravely enough in difficult situations. So, I won’t allow them to nit pick the parts of me that they chose to dislike and point out insensitively. I will keep all of me and never be afraid of everything that I am. This assurance for myself is still and will be a working progress, I let it depend on me and the choice I feel to make it worthwhile.

[alxslita]

Day 2:

𝐏𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭...

Have you ever met a person who seems to be complex that is difficult to fully understand him or her? What makes this person a complex character?

As I finished listening to the song “Forgiveness” by Matthew West, some mindful realizations were conveyed. To live in a complex world, we must forgive people, not in a way that we owe them anything in particular, just keep in mind that everyone is a lesson. A story. Bearing unique values and wondrous perspectives on the chaos that is human existence. Forgiving is seen as a righteous thing to do, even when there are certain people who were put here in the world to break you, there are endless possibilities you could learn on how to pull yourself back together again. 

Being mindful of oneself will help you go through the process of understanding other people and their complexity. If you don’t understand yourself, how will you be able to understand others. It will be an endless cycle of progress and improvement as we all live our lives. Once you’ve recognized and hold to your understanding, it will be as if that everyone and everything lives on inside you, and that doesn’t make any of it any less real.

[alxslita]

Day 1: Getting to Know One’s Self

PAUSE FOR A THOUGHT...

Do you know yourself?

- I can say that I know the parts that I really stay true of and believe that this is as far as I’ve known of myself, but it’s hard to believe in oneself when it looks like the world’s going to end and there’s still a long way to go. So, I think I am still on the ongoing journey of managing the time of becoming who I could be, having in mind to never let someone else define me. I am my own creation and only I decide how I feel, who I am, and what I want. Although this can be challenging, the struggle of in and out of self-doubt, there could be a lot of hesitation and societal pressure can come with straying off the path expected of me. However, it is and it will be liberating to truly and utterly embrace my own identity.

How did you learn these things about yourself?

- I had to keep wondering. how many people do you need to be, before you can become yourself? there is no denying that I have this innocent but selfish part of myself that just wants to love and be loved, because then I would be worthy of being loved. The experience of wanting to see what kind of person I could be, through someone else’s eyes was a lesson in and of itself. Therefore, I’ve learned from experience, some of it can be vague but could be understood humanely. Once I’ve learned,I embraced the flaws of who I used to be and work through the process of my physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual growth.

Where did the information come from?

- I think the information came from where there is communication, it could be done in any medium or in any way possible. The more people I talk to, the more I understand, then there would be sparks of realizations. But if the opportunity to listen is presented I’d take that chance, and it will be endearing, just like listening to your favorite music feeling it vibrate healing to your soul. When there are realizations, you could see yourself be a part of the grand scheme of things.

Do you like what you know?

-  Upon the basis of the good and the bad parts that I know about myself, I’d say I embrace the likeness of what I know. Because if I chose to dislike it, how will I grow more to be the person I could be for myself? Being aware of yourself and working hard to strive through the challenges in life could be fulfilling, finding your own voice and place in the bigger picture is a never ending process, and sometimes, “not knowing” is okay. (a note to self and everyone else!)