alysia-ethereal-blog

[alysia-ethereal-blog]

Silent Signs

SO, yesterday was pretty interesting. I always have taken everrything as sign, but when I found the Church and reall started to pray for guidance, then I could see that everything really is a sign and trial. Anyway, yesterday I was driving to Barnes and Nobel on my way home from school to pick up a copy of Al Carraway’s Cheers to Eternity book because im super obssessed with her writing right now. I was making my way through the parking lot with my car when I see two Elders walking down one of the rows. I got super excited because I haven’t even started talking to missionaries yet (im kind of letting my fiance figure all that out for me because hes been in the Church since he was a baby). I was thinking in my head “Oh I should go talk to them! Maybe just say hi? Ohh I should ask them a question!” but then I was like “OK, maybe you should just leave them alone because they want to eat their food, theyre walking into Costa Vida”. So I drove to Barnes and Nobel and went inside to unfortunately realize they didn’t have the book in stock. I perused some of the other titles to see if something would jump out at me, but I ended up just ordering the book on Amazon while standing in between the shelves. I walked back to my car and there was such a strong pull to go and talk to the missionaries I dont know what it was. I couldn’t even think of any good questions to ask them, I was just so excited to talk to them. I got in my car and fought with myself about going in there to say something and I LITERALLY drove in the parking lot in circles before I finally got out of my car and marched into Costa Vida. I didn’t want to seem like a freak so I just walked to the line without getting in pretending to stare at the menu like I didn’t know what I wanted to get. Ha. Mango Chicken Salad. I would never need to look at the menu that long no doubt. Then I just awkwardly turned to them and made my way to the very far back corner where they were sitting. Why did they have to sit so far? I just stood there and then they kinda looked up at me and then I just blurted out “Hey guys! Sorry to interupt your dinner, but uh, I’m reading the scriptures and I was wondering if there was anything that you knew of that would make it easier to understand?” I was staring at the guy on the left and he just stared back up at me silently, and I was so embarassed because I thought he thought I was crazy! But then the other one started talking and doing ASL at the same time and I reaized I had yelled my question at a deaf missionary. I felt so dumb and so rude. He would sign to the other and the other would give me the answer and it was pretty cool communicating like that honestly. I talked with him a bit and he told me to keep praying for guidance and to just read and reread and when you know with your heart that the Church is true then you will have fully understood the Book of Mormon and don’t stop until you get there. I loved that answer because I was getting so frustrated with myself not being able to read so much of it and make sense of it! I was praying for guidance and Heavenly Father lead me to these awesome missionaries and led me to their advice. He also taught me to consider someone’s situation before shouting questions at them!

[alysia-ethereal-blog]

[alysia-ethereal-blog]

New Beginning

Hi there, i'm terrible at conversation, so when I'm trying to speak to no one I guess i'm even worse. I'm a 20 year old senior at University and I guess this is really just my personal log to keep track of my progress towards God and learning the gospel and getting baptized. I would like to mention all of my lifetime goals like being able to visit the temple and getting sealed and all of those things, but baby steps, baby steps. I get so overwhelmed that I know I will just try to go off on these crazy tangents about my hopes and dreams and this amazing life that I want to build, but I need to first focus on the foundations of that life.

  I could say that it all started on the playground in 1st grade when I didn't know what LDS was and a boy in my class told me, or how I was so curious about the cool CTR rings that all the girls wear and how I was jealous that my mom didn't buy me one. However, that really what or when I piqued my interest in the Church.

  Growing up in the East Valley of Phoenix, AZ, it's pretty hard not to know at least 500 LDS members. There is a church on every corner, the church buildings are even attached to the high school buildings so that young adult members can attend seminary during school hours. Growing up with such a heavily populated area comes a huge negative backlash. Just like whenever anyone feels left out of a group, other people tend to hate, despise, and bash the groups. This is something I am all too familiar with coming from that very side. I was raised in a Roman Catholic family who swears by the cross and never really left much room for further speculation. On my mom's side we're Irish and on my dad's side we're Mexican. What can I say?? Those two religions are about as Catholic as it gets minus the Italians. So what i'm essentially trying to say is that I wasn't given much choice but to grow up with people saying in my ear "Ohh Mormons.." "Shes not showing skin? Is she Mormon?", "It's a cult, they're freaks. They can't even drink alcohol or TEA."

 Being pushed by all angles growing up hearing this it is hard to not let it have some sort of influence on you. However, I always felt such a discomfort towards bashing it.

  When I was in the 6th grade, I made a very close friendship with my next door neighbor, Ashley call her. I'm not super sure where our friendship really sparked, but I knew it felt so right. She was really my first glimpse into what it was like in the church. It started simply with me and her sitting by her while she played hymns on her piano, or us saying a prayer with her family before going to sleep. Their walls had pictures of the temples and Christ, and other biblical art pieces. It all felt so good when I was surrounded by it!! Then I became more interested, so I started going to mutual with her and the girls in her ward. I always felt so special and welcome when I was there with them. Unfortunately, after junior high, our parents forced us to split ways. I remember walking to her house in the 8th grade and asking her why she had stopped talking to me and she told me that her parents told her she needed to hang out with LDS kids that were a good example. This sparked a resentment in my chest and caused me to turn my back completely on God and the gospel. I was so confused and hurt, because I wanted to be better and do better, but my parents wouldnt let me join the church and tried to ingrain it into my skull that it was "brainwash". I didn't really have anywhere else to turn and so I turned to poor choices. I despised the LDS kids so much because I felt so bad about myself. I had to see my best friend go on and leave me behind and never say a word to me again because I wasn't raised the same way she was. It felt so unfair to me. I felt judged by them and it was like I took on an advocacy against it, at least for a little while. The very next time that I remember feeling something was when my math teacher invited me to go walk through the open house temple with my cousins which he was acquainted with and my former boyfriend. I was a little hesitant at first, but I remember feeling that pull of excitement and decided I wanted to go. It was one of the best experiences I ever remember having. It was so peaceful and surreal. I still remember even the finest details of the chandeliers, the staircase, and the white everywhere. All I knew is that I wanted to go back to bad. But still, I never made any efforts or attempts. I just found myself falling deeper and deeper into this false happiness, always searching for something that would fill me with some sort of overwhelming joy but I never managed to find it. I ended up becoming addicticed to prescription medications just so I could feel some sort of false happiness inside of me. I know realize that as my search for God and the acceptance of the spirit into my life. I wish so much that I could take back some of the choices I have made, but I do not regret them. They made me who I am today and I think that they make me appreciate the gospel and our Heavenly Father and all he does for us. I can look back on the the paths that I have taken and how they were lessons and choices that shaped me into who I am and what I believe in. I always knew that I was born to serve, it has always been my nature to make sure that everyone is set and happy, but what I did not know was that I am here to serve our Heavenly Father. It has taken me 20 years to find this happiness and safety that I feel each and everyday that I wake up, but this is only the beginning. I know that it will take time and patience and guidance from out Father in Heaven to set me o my path so that one day I can visit the temple and be sealed with my family, but I am willing to make all of the sacrafices necessary to make it there. I am so excited for this journey and if you ever happen to be reading this stranger, I hope you are excited to!