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[amaiuki]

red hands & flower crowns

process video under the cut

[amaiuki]

ahhhhh i did this uh…. super corny sunflower comic….. that turned way too huge in my head so i actually had to make it into a 4,1k wordcount fanfic……… im not a writer…. too embarrassed to make an AO3 to post this or something so i’ll leave it here…… enjoy…….

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[amaiuki]

sunflower sketch page commission! 🌷🌻

[amaiuki]

tell me what's on your mind 🌻🌷

[amaiuki]

when my mother was there

[amaiuki]

Something I really love about Sunny that I don't see mentioned a lot in discussions about his character is his guilt over ruining Basil's life and how it manifests in his vivid fantasy.

Basil appearing in black space and getting killed over and over, first by the environment, then by the others, and finally by Omori has gotten many interpretations. Less believable ones like Sunny secretly having hated Basil all along and more believable ones like Omori wanting to protect Sunny from the boy who knows the truth.

But what I like is how it could also show a part of Sunny he doesn't express often, and that is the guilt he feels for dragging Basil into the accident and making him an accomplice by being the one who caused there to be a situation that made Basil act so inhumanely. When Sunny finally leaves the house, he sees the effect that had on Basil for the first time: he has lost all of his friends, one of his closest friends now leads a band that bullies him, he lost his most prized possession, and that bright, sunny, sassy boy now barely dares speak, exhibits signs of suicidal ideation like giving up his hobbies and giving away his important possessions, and has lost all that personality that made him such a charming little kid when he was twelve. And through it all, Sunny wasn't there for him. Like being trapped wandering in black space, Basil had to face it alone.

Knowing that, black space can take on another layer: look at what I've done to you, taking your life away from you and turning your friends against you. I might as well have killed you myself. It's a reel of the outcome of Sunny's actions, put on display as another point of shame and regret in his life.

And I think that's pretty neat. In the good ending, I can see him struggle with facing this part of what he's done as it makes his reconciliation with Basil tougher, albeit that much more cathartic when they do reconcile.

[amaiuki]

Israeli tanks now taking Rafah border that's mean no one can leave Gaza

[amaiuki]

I see a lot of people make claims along the lines of “Cinnabar is ungrateful to Phos/doesn’t deserve Phos”, and it bothers me to no end. Cinnabar is so far from ungrateful, to the point where I can’t understand why people think they are (although maybe I’ve just analysed them so much that I notice smaller details about them). Cinnabar, someone who was lonely for so, so many years with absolutely no purpose to the point of wanting to go to the moon where at the time, they believed they’d most likely get turned into jewellery (which could be considered a type of “death” for gems), found hope within Phos’ words. And you know what the thing is? Cinnabar did not ask Phos to go to the lengths they did to find them a job. Cinnabar didn’t even want to get involved with Phos, because they didn’t want to give themselves hope. And weren’t they right to be doubtful in the end?

Cinnabar was treated terribly by the other gems. Rutile basically admits it here, that they use the night watch as a cage to keep them in. Instead of continuing to find a purpose for Cinnabar, everyone seems to have given up at this point – Benito even admits that they feel uneasy living next to Cinnabar. I’m sure Cinnabar is aware of all of this, as they are never visited by anyone except Rutile before and after winter hibernation. Phos being so determined in their words towards Cinnabar, saying that they’d find them a job no matter what, would of course stir something within Cinnabar, however, Cinnabar being as prudent as they are, would of course be hesitant about holding onto such a promise. Cinnabar is very careful and paranoid about the future, so it’s implied that they would consider Phos not going through with their promise in the end. In that scenario, why would they want to hold onto something that isn’t even guaranteed? Why become hopeful only to be let down again? Wouldn’t it just be easier for them to stay as they are, with absolutely no possibility of being let down again?

Cinnabar barely even trusts themself. They don’t want to be stuck with the night watch, but they’re too paranoid. Paranoia is such a common theme with Cinnabar, a trait that Phos points out a lot in fact. That’s the thing, Cinnabar is not ungrateful for Phos, but rather Phos is so different from Cinnabar that it’s hard for them to just go along with their plans. Phos is extremely impulsive and does not think things through very far ahead, whereas Cinnabar almost thinks of every single possibility when they are making a decision. They always seem to be aware of what could possibly go wrong and think about the end goal/result, and it goes without saying that Phos lacks this mindset almost entirely. That’s what’s so interesting about Cinnabar and Phos, it’s that they balance each other out and yet they’re both too unprepared to cooperate their mindsets. Phos doesn’t think they are smart or considerate enough to work with Cinnabar, and Cinnabar isn’t brave or impulsive enough to work with Phos. This is why when Phos asks Cinnabar to help them find out about the connection between Sensei and the lunarians, Cinnabar rejects their offer.

Think about it. Cinnabar already has a miserable life – a lonely life where no one can find any purpose for them whatsoever. Cinnabar has already told Phos that they know Sensei is connected to the lunarians somehow, so they clearly would have run through many scenarios in their head already. That’s the kind of person Cinnabar is, someone who needs to see every step ahead of them. When Phos proposes discovering the mystery as a job for them to do, why would they have a good reason to accept? I’m genuinely curious. Cinnabar has witnessed how impulsive Phos is first-hand, from them making such a specific and hard-to-achieve goal, to losing multiple parts of their body. And you could say that maybe Cinnabar is too picky, or has their expectations so high, but Phos did say that the job would be fun. And why would Cinnabar want to get involved in a job that could be even MORE stressful than the night watch? Cinnabar wants happiness just as much as Phos does, and they didn’t even ask Phos to go so far for their sake in the first place. As for Cinnabar rejecting Phos’ offer to go to the moon…

Now, before Phos went to the moon and talked to Cinnabar, they did ask Cinnabar to come with, but took back the offer because they wanted to check things out first. This was a huge mistake on Phos’ end, although they weren’t aware of why it would be in the first place. When Phos asked Cinnabar that time, you can see Cinnabar’s arm raise up, as if they are going to accept the offer, only for Phos to let them down. And to be honest? Maybe Cinnabar would have gone with them this time, however Phos made yet another mistake. The mistake of mentioning that other gems were leaving for the moon as well. In the image above, you can see Cinnabar’s eyes widen when Phos first makes the offer, however when they mention other gems, their eyes widen even more. To me, this panel has a MASSIVE difference from the previous one, where they thought it would just be them and Phos. I can think of reasons why this line, “come with me and the others”, would shock Cinnabar in a negative way. The first one, being that Cinnabar would have wanted to go with Phos alone. This could be a stretch because I am biased and love the idea of both of them just going to the moon alone, but it’s quite possible, isn’t it? Cinnabar just wanted to team up with Phos. They wanted teaming up with Phos to be the fun job only they could do. Do they really have a purpose on the moon if Phos can just bring the other gems? Wouldn’t it just be like living on Earth, because the other gems are more capable than them? That’s the feeling I get, anyway. The other option, which kind of ties in with the last one, is that Cinnabar really does relate to Sensei a lot, implied in the way they say that they don’t want him to be lonely. Sensei is treated as a flawed being, an outcast once Phos starts deep diving into the mystery between him and the lunarians. Because there is something “wrong” with Sensei, he is seen as different by Phos, even to the point where they consider him an enemy. Phos is not only viewing Sensei, who loves them very much, as an enemy because of his flaws, but is trying to turn the other gems against him as well. Sound familiar? Well, maybe not identical, but isn’t this kind of what Cinnabar has experienced their entire life? They are different from the other gems, they have a “defect”, and instead of others adapting to them to give them a better experience, they are expected to adapt to the world around them all by themself. Isn’t it unfair? Cinnabar didn’t ask to be born that way, to be born with something that only hurts others and keeps them away. The same can be said for Sensei, and I think this is why Cinnabar resonates with him.

It’s kind of sad how much Phos, someone who understands Cinnabar’s situation more than anyone (and vice versa), fails to realise why Cinnabar wouldn’t go with them to the moon after everything they’ve said. “In fact, we’re in danger just being close to Sensei!” Once again, the same could be said for Cinnabar. The expression on their face says a lot, because even though Cinnabar usually frowns, they look frustrated more than anything here. The person who gave them hope, who gave them a reason to keep on living and wishing for the best, is now just like everyone else. The person who once understood Cinnabar more than anyone else in the world, suddenly doesn’t seem to understand them at all. And while the fact that Phos has forgotten the details of their promise as well as other specifics is not Phos’ fault, it would of course affect Cinnabar a LOT.

This is really the nail in the coffin. The offer isn’t about pairing up with Cinnabar at all really, and Phos can’t even figure out why that’s wrong because of their memory loss.

Phos has absolutely no idea. How could they know, when their memories are so scattered? They even move on from it so quickly, because their goal is no longer about finding a job for Cinnabar, it’s about making Adamant pray. I mean, can you even blame Cinnabar for being suspicious about that alone? Cinnabar recognises traits of Lapis in Phos when their head is replaced, and now Phos is also working with the lunarians, the beings that attacked them for who knows how long. Not to mention the fact that Phos once desperately called out to Cinnabar to stop them from going to the moon, and yet Cinnabar couldn’t do the same thing in return. It’s really tragic, but that’s what I love about these two. They just really needed to talk, Cinnabar needed to make that push to communicate their feelings and desires to Phos, and Phos needed to be able to go further and ask Cinnabar how they feel about things, and not just talk to them when they needed advice.

Anyway, I need people to stop solely blaming Cinnabar, and saying they are ungrateful, or that they don’t deserve Phos, or that they are the reason Phos is unhappy, because it’s not true. Both of them have made mistakes, and neither of them have made the extra effort to communicate properly. They’ve been treated as outcasts for so long that it makes sense that they’d have a lack of knowledge in the areas of communication and working together with someone. I just can’t imagine either of them truly hating each other, because they had such a strong impact on each other’s lives. They are two sides of the same coin, even after all this time.

[amaiuki]

they’re so dear to me…………

[amaiuki]

i cant believe hnk is over 💔

[amaiuki]

Petscop :)

[amaiuki]

Jason keeps him humble

[amaiuki]

From river to the sea 🍉

[amaiuki]

i feel like an ancient relic of a dead civilisation ive watched both the rise and fall of danplan

[amaiuki]

HELP. EXPOSED FOR THE WORLD TO SEE. im doing quite alright ty for asking ^_^ and you?

ive been well recently too ^_^ been making unwise financial choices curse u dc comics

[amaiuki]

found an archived danplan blog with some posts about the academy on it and you were one of the few blogs that didn't deactivate or disappear. i feel like danplan is the kind of thing you can ask someone about and they'll either ask you what that is or respond "i'd rather not talk about it" with a look of horror in their eyes.

the last remaining trace... honestly yeah the fallout of danplan was kind of insane HSDJS it was like experiencing a war in real time but also i have everything just like. saved in my memory as a result

[amaiuki]

@latiosauce YOU.