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kingofdirtandnothing‌:

@amatdestrui

“I lost you, and I didn’t even know.”

It’s deep out of left field, and Simon knows showing up at the Institute with his panties in a twist is like the worst clingy girlfriend thing he can do, but it’s kind of hard to deep breathe your way through a panic attack when your lungs don’t actually work any more. 

“Do you…do you get that? You died, and the only way I would have known was third hand when Alec or god, Clary took pity on me and came to tell me. If they even remembered to tell me.”

He’s been having nightmares about Jace beneath soft white funeral material, blue eyes closed for good. About watching the fire take him, and then being alone. Forever. 

“You died-” His voice cracks, and Simon is choking on guilt because Jace has so many more important things on his plate than Simon’s crap, but he can’t take it anymore. He just needs–

He just needs Jace. Close, for a little while. So he can listen to his heartbeat, and know that he’s safe. 

“You died, Jace. You died and you left me all by myself.”

Jace opens his mouth, reconsiders, takes it back.

What could he say? That it’s part of the job? That it could, and probably would, happen again one day?

There’s no good flippant response, no consolation he can give. Nothing that could take that wrecked, distraught expression of Simon’s face because he’s right.

Jace had left him alone, even if it had been only for a moment.

“Alec would’ve told you.” He rocks back on his heels, “He’d know to tell you.”

He can’t be part of Jace’s soul and not know of that obligation, anymore than Jace could be ignorant of his own obligation to Magnus if it had been Alec in his stead.

‘He loved you and he died loving you.’

A poor reassurance. Not what Simon’s looking for.

Fuck, Jace isn’t prepared for this.

The Shadowhunter steps aside to allow Simon past him to the neat bedroom beyond. Away from the public hallway.

“I’m sorry.” Because he is. He doesn’t get it, not in the way Simon means, because Jace isn’t sure he’ll ever understand how Simon looks at him, like he matters, like losing him would mean something.

But he knows the raging ache and terror that claws itself through his chest when he thinks about Simon being gone.

If Simon somehow, miraculously, feels even a hint of that... “I’m sorry, Simon.”

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— Maram J. Rimawi

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— Anna Kamienska | insp

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shcolor 1k follower celebration: anonymous — “awful energy + jimon”

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St Jude - Florence + The Machine

And I’m learning so I’m leaving And even though I’m grieving I’m trying to find the meaning Let loss reveal it

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Jace don’t make it obvious Herondale.

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“I really don’t know what I love you means. I think it means Don’t leave me here alone.”

— Neil Gaiman, Adventures in the Dream Trade

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Sometimes, those closest to us are the ones who hurt us most. 1.05//1.11

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Matt roasting Dom like Alec and them being actual bickery jalec parabrotai IRL is my new favourite thing in the world [x]

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jace herondale, the book club president

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Natural // Imagine Dragons