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amateurnylonheels · 2 months

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3 Flirty Activities to explore intimate adventure

Sometimes couples who love each other get in a rut in many areas of life. It could be you both just binge TV everyday or ignore each other with phone time. It could be you always go to the same restaurant or you’re always cooking the same dinners. Have the same daily routine. Always going out with the same friends. All that is fine if both of you are fully satisfied and the spark and love is still there. But what about when it comes to intimacy? Recent studies now show that over 80% of women and 70% of men are a little more adventurous than they are letting on to their partners. Did you see that? More women than men say they want to change it up in the bedroom. More women than men want more adventure in the bedroom. This shift was not the case for decades until the movie 50 shades of grey opened up a Pandora’s box for women all over the world. Studies show that movie was a major catalyst for opening women’s minds in particular. Now they are the adventurous ones! So what is the problem?

Communication. We will tell our partner we don’t like cake or are repulsed by chocolate, which seems counter to normal but that love Brussels sprouts and liver and onions which seems rather odd. No one is scared of judgement from these statements however. We will disagree on what color to paint the living room. We will confess to our partner we don’t like their best friend. We quite easily will say that one outfit they love to wear just doesn’t work anymore. We will even talk about the big 3 argument topics with the one we love …. money, politics, and religion. All with the potential of a divisive conversation or feelings of judgement. We talk about all of those easily and effortlessly with our soul mate. But studies show few couples (less than 25%) have real conversations about physical intimacy. Other studies show that these real, intimate, conversations are less likely to happen the longer the relationship goes along. Why is that? Part is that society or tradition has taught us that there is some level of shame in talking about sex. It’s taught to us that the sexual part of our mind should not be shared and best kept to ourselves. Because of all that, in a relationship, this talk is probably where we will almost certainly feel most vulnerable. And vulnerability is so difficult for most and requires so much trust of another person. Also, most people have past relationships where their trust was violated and so trusting even their soul mate is challenging. So, Because of all of this, there seems to be 3 main reasons to explain why a loving, committed, selfless couple might avoid the topic of sexual adventure together.

Hurting the one you love. You may feel by saying, hey honey, I really want to try this with you” or “I really want to change things up and (fill in the blank). Or, “honey would you consider doing this?” You are worried your partner might think, “oh I’m not good enough? Or “you’re not happy with me? Or “I’m doing something wrong?” Or worse, “we’ve been together for years. Why now? Where has this honesty been?” “How long have you felt this?” “I thought we shared everything?” You love them and don’t want them to feel like they have let you down. However, in reality, most loving committed partners do not respond that way at all. Most are very open, and almost excited that their partner wants to explore this topic with them because it demonstrates their trust in them and further deepens communication, honesty, adventure, and ultimately a deeper relationship. Most say this was a very freeing and bonding talk that deepened the relationship. Being vulnerable and accepted always makes the relationship go deeper. Always! So fear of hurting the feelings of the one you love is one reason.

Fear of rejection. If you tell your loving partner that you like liver and onions, and they wrinkle up their face at you in disgust, you don’t take it personally or feel judged. If you say, “I really really love that 1950’s retro furniture look.” And your partner says “are you crazy? That’s so ugly.” You don’t feel like your identity has been threatened or they think you are warped or have issues. But what if you get really vulnerable and transparent and tell your partner, “hey honey, some thought that has always turned me on since I can remember is….. OR something that I have always wanted to try with you is……. OR “this may be way out there and maybe a little odd to you but I always get sexually excited when I see (fill in the blank). If you felt a little cringe when you read that then you are probably in the vast majority of people who have interests, thoughts, turn ons or curiosities, but the thought of being rejected, dismissed, or worst of all, thought to be odd, weird, or somewhat twisted, by the person you love most is unbearable. For most loving couples, not being honest and not having this deep communication and not experiencing this exciting adventure with the one that they deeply love is safer than being vulnerable and spilling your inner most thoughts and desires only to be thought of as weird. So fear of rejection is another reason.

Finally, in relationships that are not new, there’s this thought that if you finally, after years, work up the courage to voice a desire or curiosity you’ll get…. “I thought we were close and shared everything? Why have you been holding this back from me? Why do you feel as though you haven’t been able to trust me?” How long have you wanted this?” That’s why the longer the relationship goes you would think that you would both be more and more revealing and intimate with your innermost thoughts but in this one area it’s the exact opposite. The longer you wait, the less likely you’ll ever talk about it. So start your adventure now!!!

So now what? How do you keep this part of the relationship fresh and new and exciting and even an adventure? How do you explore those things that you both may enjoy and deepen the vulnerability and trust in every area? Well just as there are 3 reasons why people don’t talk about this, let’s give 3 activities that are fun, exciting, and most importantly, start a great conversation that promises to take your communication to a whole new level. Here are 3 games to play.

The first game is game for couples who have a great time just talking. It’s for couples who have shown they can build depth in their relationship by talking through things. It’s just questions that guide a deeper yet super fun conversation on the topic so hard to just blurt out. So if there is trust and you are talkers, then this may be the one for you. The second game is an activity for couples that do stuff together easily but transparent conversation may be a bit more difficult. The third is for couples who find conversation honest conversation difficult… period! This one is more of a guided survey that each would take and see interests that match. Pick the one that best fits your situation. Or play game 1 then next time 2 and then next time 3. Who knows!!

1 CANDID CONVERSATION

This is a fun and flirty game for couples who find it easy to talk to each other yet have never talked this topic through. Unlike some question games, it does not explore your past relationships or partners. Neither partner really wants to talk or hear about that. Rather these questions explore you and your partners sexual mind right now. The questions are meant to open up the conversation in a fun and flirty way and not in a therapist type of way. Again, this is supposed to be fun, exciting, and revealing and will cause both of you to laugh and maybe blush as well as be vulnerable together. This leads to a better knowledge of each other, deeper understanding, and more trust, which leads to a deeper mental and physical relationship. Hint: wine or alcohol of your choice helps.

Rules:

Both of you have to answer and discuss question 1. That is an intro question to get a dialog going. After that, partner 1 picks a number 2-33. They have to answer that numbered question honestly. Once done answering, they can either make partner 2 answer the same question or if they don’t want to know that answer from their partner they can make partner 2 pick another number for a new question. After that, partner 2 chooses a number and so on. And continue as long as you want. The idea is to talk. Please don’t just say an answer and move on through the questions. These questions are just a jumping off point to open conversation. So grab some wine to loosen up and maybe a candle, drop your walls or insecurities together and have fun!! So both start with number 1:

3 part question: A) Do you think it’s hard for couples who love each other to talk about their sex lives? B) Do you think it’s easier or harder than for couples who are very close? C) do you personally feel free to be able to talk about sexual desires or problems without judgement?

What is the sexiest non-porn movie you’ve ever watched?

If 1 is gentle caressing and light kissing and missionary position and 10 is paddles and whips and lots of leather, what number describes your level of roughness or gentleness?

Not emotionally but physically, what is the most intense orgasm for you: oral, penetrative, or self?

Do you like quiet/non verbal or louder/verbal/maybe some dirty talking sex best?

Have you ever worn costumes or lingerie or sexual clothing items. Role play items? If so what was it how did it make you feel?

How do you feel about being spanked by someone in an intimate setting? How about light biting or nail scratching?

Using 3 words describe the 3 things you want sex to be.

Before we started a physical relationship, how often did you masturbate? Toys or hands? Typically what time of day?

This is a fun one. What is something you’ve thought about or fantasized about but that you would NEVER understand any circumstance do in real life?

Everyone has touched themselves or masturbated. How do you feel about touching yourself as part of sex with your partner? How do you feel about them touching themselves as part of your sexual together time? If it’s ok with you, is it something that you just allow or is it actually be a turn on?

Does just talking about sex with your partner turn you on?

3 either/or choices to make. 5 questions that make you choose between 2 things. Whether you like it or not you have to choose between the 2. So here are the 5 questions: A) somebody is getting tied up in bed. You or your partner? B) you are watching a movie. Is it 50 shades of grey or Eyes Wide Shut C) would you rather your partner read an erotic story to you or you read one to them. D) you and your partner have to go to either a strip club or an adult store together. Where are you going? E) you or your partner is masturbating to an orgasm while the other watches. Are you watching or playing? Would either role bother you?

What are your 4 favorite places on your body to be kissed, licked, or nibbled?

Do you feel confident with your body image and performance or are you self conscious? On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being very free and confident, where are you? If self conscious, do you think that causes some limitations on what you might do or might wear when you are intimate? How can your partner help bring this number up? (This is a great talking point)

Just for fun, (because some answers are hilarious and others have some real meaning) list 3 things that’s are definitely off the table and not up for discussion in your sex life.

Play on words here in 3 parts. What is the most beautiful part of you partner? What is the most touchable part of your partner? What part of your partner sexually turns you on the most by sight?

Do you feel you have enough sex in your life?

If you had to choose just 1, would you rather have long sex sessions less frequently or quickies more frequently?

Without asking them, what 1 thing do you think your partner would change about your sex life?

Have you ever wanted to explore being blind folded or tried hand cuffs or being tied up at some level? If so, is it more appealing to you to be the one tied or cuffed or spanked to do that to your partner?

If same and predictable is a 1 and exploration and adventurous is a 10, where are you on the scale of how you want your sex life to be from now on?

Complete the sentence: 2 things Ive learned about myself sexually since being with you is………

Embarrassment and funny time. Through life as we discovered our bodies and our sexuality, what is the weirdest solo experiment you tried? (Exampkes: location you did it in, object you used for pleasure, position you tried, etc.) Be honest with this one. It’s in the past so have fun remembering.

Public questions. Would going into an adult store in person be a challenge for you? What about a strip club? Nude beach?

If you could make love in any location other than a bedroom, where would it be?

Everyone at some point has watched porn sometime in their life. Either videos or photos. What was your go to genre.

Name in order, starting with your favorite, 3 things you find sexy about your partners body.

Do you like lights on or off? Quiet or background noise? Bedroom or any other place?

Do you like your partner loud or quiet? If loud, is it moaning? Giving verbal direction or affirmation? Dirty talk?

Do you have a fetish? A fetish is something that is an object or specific part of the body that triggers a sexual feeling or response when you see it. Like shoes, or gloves, or feet, silk, leather, etc. In studies, guys seem more into the visual objects like above and women tend to mention, lingerie types, leather, paddles, 50 shades of grey stuff. So what about you?

How do you feel about incorporation food or hot wax or ice cubes into your sex life.

How do you feel about watching sexy movies together?

Genital fluids. Are you ok with them on different parts of your body? Do you like that? Are you ok with tasting your partners genital body fluids? What about your own?

Now. Either of the other 2 games, based on your conversation might be a great next step.

SHOP AND TALK

This is also a conversation but the catalyst is not questions… it’s shopping. Here’s how it works. Pick your favorite adult store. Grab a cocktail or some wine. And agree to go through all the departments viewing everything together. Clothing, toys, and accessories. Talk, laugh, dream, and ask, questions. But the rule is, before you start you agree to order at least 3 things. Have fun and see where it takes you.

YES/NO/MAYBE LIST

This is for those that, instead of conversation, which may be too awkward for your relationship you both just want to magically know what the other is interested in trying and more importantly, which things you both are in agreement on. So this is discovery before conversation. And the way this is done is by both of you individually taking a survey using a yes/no/maybe quiz. There are many of these online. Here’s how they work. There is a long list of sexual acts or desires from the super tame to the eye raising, “OMG what the hell is that? No way!!!!” One of you will go through the list by yourself without the other watching and assign a response to each one. YES to the ones you read and say, “oh yea that sounds fun! I could totally see us doing that.” MAYBE to the ones that when you read them you say, “hmmmm never thought of that but that could be interesting. If my partner said yes to that it could be fun to explore.” And finally NO to the ones that are off the table for you. You read them and just say, “I couldn’t do that. Even as much as I love my partner, that just is beyond what I could enjoy and would definitely not grow this part of our lives.” When done, the second person does the same without the other watching. Then the app compares the 2 surveys and shows you both ONLY the ones that you both matched on. It will not show just how weird your partner or you is so it’s not embarrassing. If you selected something you like and your partner did not, they will never know because it wasn’t a match. Only things you both like will appear. So no embarrassment whatsoever. There are many free online ones like Mojo Upgrade, Carnal Calibration, We Should Try It, and Sexionaire to name just a few. Again, no talking at all at the beginning. Once you see the report and what you have in common, then the conversation starts. Super low vulnerability. But it gives you great ideas that you both love.

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