amavasya27-blog

[amavasya27-blog]

Boys do not cry!

Stop crying like girls, she reprimanded her five year old son who had bruised his knee while playing outside. I winced, aghast at the paradox. What on earth do boys cry like, I wondered. Oh sorry! boys are not supposed to cry at all. Dull their emotions, expressions and sensitivity. Boys ought to be tough.

Why do we cry at all? When we are hurt physically and emotionally we express our pain by crying. Crying is a natural response to a range of emotions which also has health benefits. Interestingly, humans are the only animals to cry tears. It is a proof of our higher emotional intelligence!

It is human to cry, and both sexes cry. Crying has a therapeutic effect . It helps to relieve pain. Crying is a release of the stress being carried in the body. If not released, this stress can lead to physical and emotional disorders including heart, liver and kidney disease, depression, and even behavioral disorders namely alcoholism and aggression.

Mard ko dard nahin hota: such sayings reinforce the male chauvinism that men don't feel pain. Men are taught from early childhood not to cry. But suppression of emotions is no solution. Real men do feel pain and cry.

People see tears as a sign of weakness. Crying is only for the girls, perhaps; they are weak, physically as well as emotionally. No doubt, women are good at the waterworks department but that is solely due to biological factors. We have more of those hormones and they assist us in releasing the toxins from our bodies. But crying doesn't make us any weaker.

When babies are born, they cry. Has any one been able to decipher the sex of the baby from their crying? Impossible. Then why impose thoughtless analogies on the simple act of crying.

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Sorry I can't

What's the fuss about, my mother would say. It's a ritual. It's been going on for ages. Which age, I dare not argue with her. That's the biggest problem with our older generation. They only want servitude, no questioning. Obviously, they can only argue when there's any logic. So the best recourse is to shut the other person up.

But how can you shut your inner voice! You are taught to question in school. At home too we are trained to raise voice against wrong practices. But that excludes own family perhaps.

Why can't I too follow those dictats? What prevents me from doing it like everyone else? Am I the only thinking individual in the society? Ah! it's a disgusting feeling when one has to do something against one's wishes.

I hate the branding of women in our society. If you are married you have to carry certain symbols (sindoor, mangalsutra, bangles, toe rings, anklets et al) to announce loud and clear about your marital status, just like you carry RC of the car you own. You basically put on display your ownership rights which after marriage have been transferred to your husband. How could someone plan it so meticulously! Was it a he or she, I wonder.

Jewellery, the most important part of a married woman, is believed to have scientific basis. Different items of gold and silver adorn different parts of the body. They are essential to have a healthy body and mind, even science advocates their beneficial role. Then why bar the widowed and the divorced ladies from adorning them?

Is their good health of no consequence? Are they as good as dead? So ultimately it boils down to taming the herd. Widowed are shunned and divorcees are unwanted. The unmarried have to discern and learn to follow. And meanwhile the married ones have to flaunt their status. 

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Hi all

I wish to share my views and read others posts on the social media forum.

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Nanny, no more

"Your son is in class eleven, what all does he do at home?" Radhika was baffled with Mira's absurdity in equating sons with daughters. "He is a boy. Why the hell should he bother about cleaning, cooking, washing and all? What am I here for?" Radhika quipped. "And what if you fall sick or you are not available for your services?" Mira chipped in. "If I'm not well he can always order something. And once he's married his wife will do all that" added Radhika nonchalantly .

"This is where we falter. We don't give any sanskar to our boys except touching the feet of elders. We literally baby sit them till their marriage and then hand them over to new nannies aka their wives. When girls and boys study the same course together and earn equally, why do we expect different sanskars from the girls? Why do we assume that she knows everything! And God forbid if their marriage fails, we put the onus on the girls. Why? "Mira was fuming.

" Why do girls only have to compromise when it comes to career and family? Do we not give same education to our children in school irrespective of their gender? Do we not have same hours in a day for both boys and girls? Then why do we expect girls to be superwomen but still relegate them to secondary status! "Mira was going on and on. 

Radhika was perplexed. Never before had she  visualised life from this angle. She was also professionally qualified as a vet but had to give up job once she  married . Her inlaws had categorically stated that she stay at home and look after the household, which was the noblest job for a woman. The idea of working outside never ever crossed her mind once she resigned herself to her fate.

But today it was different. Something pinched her heart. She can't and she shouldn't repeat the injustice she suffered with another girl. My son will be independent in the true sense, she decided. He better learn the household jobs for basic survival.

He's gonna have it now, mused Mira. "I better get going".