amcranthine
amcranthine
𝑢 𝑛 𝑓 𝑎 𝑑 𝑖 𝑛 𝑔 .
21 posts
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amcranthine · 7 days ago
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she weathered the laughter with an impassive façade. a cool, calm and collected smile that was anything but a smile playing out across her features. as if she didn't feel as though the very axis of the world hadn't just tilted the wrong way. as if she didn't feel the cold, bitterness coiling in her gut as evelyn had the audacity to simply stand there, looking posi-fucking-tively radiant. she always did. every angle, every line of her designer outfit, every strand of hair, always perfectly curated and always tailored for devastating effect. there was a certain amount of twisted irony that a woman that always knew how exactly to draw the eye of the room had perfected the art of simply vanishing when it suited her.  "i seem to recall making you weak in the knees plenty without the need for poetry." she recalled more than that. the taste of her salt, the raw, breathy sounds in the dark, the subtle way she would tremble with softness she yielded so rarely. memories kae thought and hoped she'd parted with, suddenly returning unbidden and with avengance. cold, sharp and unyielding. the smile-that-was-not-a-smile widened, becoming thin and strained as she kept herself in the realms of civility. a labour worthy of hercules himself. harder than the gemstone she couldn't help notice bejewelling evelyn's hand like some added layer of mockery. "i would offer a compliment in return, but i don't think you've changed a day." the day evelyn had walked out on her certainly seemed to spring to mind. throwing her aside and whatever relationship they might have had with barely a second thought. whatever love they'd had, or whatever twisted feeling that had passed as such, felt like a long dead, phantom limb at this point. numb. distant. dull to the point kae wondered if it had ever truly existed at all. perhaps it hadn't. perhaps evelyn's departure had done them both a favour. and yet… the casual discard, the silent, brutal erasure of their relationship from the narrative… it felt still felt as visceral now as it had then.  "i am also at a loss as to if to i offer you congratulations," she asked, head tilting towards the ring on her hand, "or my condolences to the poor soul you've managed to ensnare this time?"
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                              there's never not something to do about this wedding. evelyn had prepared for it since she was seven, and though the list of vendors had been compiled several times over, there was still not shortage of details to go over until the very date. it's not the first time she comes to the silverpond and it won't be the last, but she's hardly here just to enjoy herself; armed with her binders and agenda, she's only dismissed the usual guide so she can handle the minuntia of what work still has to be done to make the place perfect to hold her enormous wedding herself.
she doesn't see kaede right away. emerald gaze is too concerned with ticking at boxes, and her mind is half-torn between her duties and the glass of golden wine she has allowed herself to partake on, but when you're so close to someone you've shared your life with for years, it's difficult to ignore them — even for evelyn. of course, the thought of their past is not the first that occurs to her. no, the first thing that crosses her mind is that she's glad haru is trapped in a hellish car traffic back in new york rather than being here, a passing witness to his sister and his former sister-in-law's first meeting in over two years.
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for a moment, the bewilderment is not something even evelyn can conceal. it shows on the widening of her eyes, the puckering of her mouth, the expectation she holds on her body. then it all breaks as she digest the bitter words, and she can't help the laughter she lets out. "god, kae. where was this clever poetry three years ago? you could have made me swoon." there's no swooning now; there never was, not between them, not anywhere other than between the sheets. "so do you want me to assume you don't want me to ask you how are you are, or to compliment on your hair? you've grown it out, it suits you." and if she makes a point to give her ex a look over, that's no one's business.
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amcranthine · 7 days ago
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"regular hours, high pay, fancy parties, fantastic complexions... sounds positively dreadful when you put it that way." she deadpanned with an exaggerated roll of her eyes, slouching a little into the comfortably padded confines of her chair. at least the hospital hadn't cut the budget there. not yet, anyway. "thank god we were wise to such things and chose trauma instead."  she paused and ventured another mouthful, suppressing the ensuing grimace and urge to scrub her tongue afterwards through sheer stubbornness at this point. fingers tapping an idiosyncratic tattoo on the weathered ceramic mug as she regarded billie for a few seconds before offering another shake of her head. "i don't know about you, but i can't even remember the last party i attended," her lips quirked, "well, unless you count that quote unquote ‘christmas party’ general surgery threw last year. i am not sure i can be quite that charitable personally." another sip, another not-grimace. like most things, it was easier with practice. being born into the kayano family dynasty prepared one the bitter taste of reoccurring disappointments.
"and, no, no legs yet, but i'll try to keep you posted." kae replied with an equal amount of exhausted, wry amusement, allowing another half-chuckle to escape containment as she brought her mug up in silent mock toast. bandying words with billie almost made the lukewarm, brackish liquid within palatable. she almost felt bad for lying about whatever cup this truly was in turn. almost, almost, almost. truth was, she'd long ago abandoned any attempt to chronicle her caffeine consumption. when your natural state existed in the twilight between wired and weary, counting cups of coffee - or whatever masqueraded as such - was as futile of an endeavour as it was never ending. her smirk widened, head tilting to the side with a playful flick that belied the subtle protest her body made at the sudden motion. "well, perhaps not. it strikes me that i'll need someone to serve as a distraction while i make my own getaway first. i don't need to outrun the coffee, only you." 
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“oh, absolutely,” she said, voice low and threaded with a wry kind of humor, like she’d been waiting for that opening. “i’ve never once claimed i was immune. the only difference is that my bad choices come in sleek cans and questionable life decisions, not… whatever’s trying to claw its way out of that pot.” she tipped her cold brew toward kae in a half-salute before taking a slow pull, letting the cool bitterness burn a path through the fatigue. the kind of drink that didn’t taste good so much as it reminded her she was still awake. she let the can rest on her knee, leaning back in the chair until her spine touched the wall. “dermatology, though—” the word came with a soft huff, “—sure, maybe we’d be rested, moisturized, and rich. perfect hair, predictable hours, skin that glows in fluorescent lighting. but then we’d have to spend the rest of our lives explaining to people at parties why we chose skin over literally anything else. and honestly? i think we’d just find new, more expensive ways to complain.” her gaze flicked to the coffee machine when it let out another ominous cle-clunk, as if agreeing with her. the sound almost made her laugh, but it was the tired kind — the one you didn’t have to work for at three a.m. “four cups is respectable, though. i’ve seen six, maybe seven, on my worst nights. that’s when the edges start to blur and you’re half-convinced you can see through time. conversations loop, your brain makes bargains it shouldn’t, and suddenly you’re questioning if you actually scrubbed in on that last case or just dreamt it while standing upright.” billie took another sip, the cold can clicking softly against the table when she set it down. “but you’re not wrong. we’re both here, middle of the night, running on fumes and caffeine, trying to convince ourselves that endurance is the same thing as balance.” she let her head roll to the side so she could study kae without making it too obvious, her mouth twitching into the faintest smirk. “maybe the only real difference is the container.” a beat passed, her gaze lingering on the steam curling from kae’s mug. “but if that coffee grows legs, i’m gone. you can consider that my official resignation.”
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amcranthine · 12 days ago
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No, Mom. I… I really don’t want to come to Hong Kong.
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amcranthine · 14 days ago
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where:  the  bar,  secret  ruins. when:  sometime  after  eleven, sometime  before  midnight.  who:  serena  hyeon  |  @empyrceans
"secret  ruins."  she  mused  absently  as  she  toyed  with  her  drink,  swirling  the  dark,  ruby  red  liquid  around  in  her  glass,  this  way  and  that  as  if  it  held  the  secrets  of  the  universe.  perhaps  it  did.  perhaps  she  just  needed  to  keep  drinking  until  she  found  the  answers  she  was  after.  in  vino  veritas,  after  all.  "bit  on  the  nose,  don't  you  think?"  her  attention  lifted  from  her  glass,  head  tilting  to  the  side  as  she  regarded  her  companion  with  a  faint  lilt  of  a  smile.  if  her  wine  held  the  truth,  than  this  woman  was  most  assuredly  the  lie  that  came  hand  in  hand.  a  woman  that  had  brought  several  prominent  people  to  their  knees  with  the  chaos  she'd  wrought  in  the  upper  east  side  alone.  "you  know,  people  are  still  looking  for  you  back  in  the  city.  quite  the  cautionary  tale  even  now."  there  was  no  judgment  in  her  voice.  wry  amusement,  if  anything.  “and  yet,  here  you  are.  hiding  in  plain,  suburban  sight.  i  don't  know  if  to  be  impressed  or  disappointed.”
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amcranthine · 14 days ago
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where:  the  usual  hotel,  outskirts  of  town. when:  late  evening.  who:  juliette  du  gast  |  @serentide
between  the  soft  music  and  the  rain  tracing  silent  patterns  across  the  window,  it  was  hard  not  to  feel  a  little  melancholic  as  she  stood  there,  watching  the  faint  lights  of  maple  brook  glimmer  in  the  distance.  a  rare  momentary  lull  in  a  day  that  had  otherwise  been  bereft  of  such  things.  juliette  was  late.  a  rare  occurrence  in  an  arrangement  that  was  almost  clockwork  by  now.  same  room,  same  hotel,  same  time  each  week,  every  week.  precise.  clinical.  detached.  romantic?  perhaps  not,  but  then  this  arrangement  had  never  been  one  borne  out  of  a  need  of  romance.  love  was  a  complication  neither  of  them  needed.  it  was  them  filling  the  void  that  such  a  realisation  had  left  behind.  salving  that  deep  seated,  hollow  ache  that  words  couldn't  even  begin  to  articulate  so  they  simply  avoided  the  subject  entirely.  some  conversations  were  better  had  without  words.  or  clothes,  for  that  matter. a  soft  grunt  escaped  her  as  she  traced  a  hand  over  her  weary  shoulder  blades,  trying  to  massage  a  knot  out  of  them  while  she  waited  for  that  soft,  familiar  rap  of  knuckles  on  the  door.  she  wondered  if  she  should  open  a  bottle  of  wine.  wondered  if  that  would  send  the  wrong  message.  wondered  why  she  cared.  this  was  just  sex,  right?  cheaper  than  therapy.  easier  to  contain.  a  lot  more  satisfying,  too.  the  bottle  gave  a  gentle  whompf  as  she  uncorked  it,  pouring  herself  a  glass  and  then,  after  a  flicker  of  hesitation,  another  just  as  the  door  gave  an  electronic  squark.  a  subtle  warmth  bloomed  in  her  chest,  a  smile  creasing  her  features  as  she  glanced  up  just  in  time  to  see  the  door  open.   “we're  running on french time, i see.  i  almost started without you." 
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amcranthine · 16 days ago
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"if  it  results  in  a  suspension,  report  away.  i  could  do  with  the  time  off. i will even lend you a pen."  kae  countered  with  a  deceptive  lightness  she  didn't  quite  feel.  this  deep  into  a  shift,  she  was  beyond  tired;  she  was  weary.  her  eyelids  felt  like  heavy  lead.  her  bones  ached,  her  muscles  lodged  formal  protests  with  every  minute  movement.  she  simply  wanted  to  be  still  in  a  world  that  required  her  to  be  anything  but.  surgery  was  a  career  path  filled  with  irony.  you  saved  lives  at  the  cost  of  your  own.  and  yet  she  wouldn't  change  her  job  for  the  world.  the  actual  thought  of  having  time  off  gave  her  genuine  chills.  an  unbidden,  surprisingly  melodic  laugh  escaped  her.  her  dark,  long  hair  a  disarrayed mess  as  she  shook  her  head. simply too tired to maintain the illusion of perfection she constructed outside of this room.  "please.  if  we  had  survival  instincts,  we'd  be  dermatologists."    her  gaze  flickered  towards  the  coffee  machine  as  it  cle-clunked  ominously.  it  was  hard  to  tell  if  it  was  protesting  billie's  comment  or  if  whatever  sludge-like  mass  within  the  pot  had  finally  gained  some  measure  of  sentience.  either  way,  perhaps  billie  had  a  point.  between  the  tepid  cold war coffee  machine,  the  half-functioning  microwave  and  the  fridge  that  seemed  to  be  more  adept  at  turning  food  into  penicillin  cultures  than  keeping  it  cool,  it  was  a  small  wonder  any  of  them  survived  long  enough  to  operate.  perhaps  they  should  start  applying  that  hippocratic  oath  about  doing  no  harm  to  themselves  first.  "if  we're  just  talking  bad  coffee,  then  four."  that  sounded  like  a  reasonable  number.  inaccurate,  but  reasonable.  four  was  simply  the  point  where  each  bad  cup  of  tepid  coffee  seemed  to  blur  into  the  next.  her  fingers  drummed  thoughtfully  against  the  meagre  warmth  of  her  mug.  "if  we're  talking  life  in  general... night's  still  young.  ask  me  again  in  a  few  hours." a  tired,  wry  smile  curved  at  her  lips  as  she  brought  the  very same mug  up  once  more.  the  resulting  sip  seeing  it  waver  and  flag  as  the  bitterness  clung  to  her  palate.  the  disappointment  was  almost  ritualistically  and  masochistically  familiar  at  this  point. it was strange what seemed comforting this late into a shift. “but  before  you  go  casting  judgment,  i  would  point  out  that  we've  both  ended  up  in  the  exact  same  place  at  the  exact  same  time. seems  to  me  your  bad  choices  aren't  that  far  removed  from  my  own.  outside  of  the  coffee, that  is."
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billie slipped in with the kind of quiet that came from years of knowing that silence was a rare commodity in a hospital. the on-call room wasn’t much to look at — scuffed linoleum, walls that hadn’t seen fresh paint since before either of them started med school, and that old coffee machine humming in the corner like it was trying to remember how to die. she let the door ease shut behind her, the latch clicking soft, but even that felt loud at this hour. her hair was half-loose, the bun at the nape of her neck giving up somewhere around hour twelve. she smoothed an errant strand back behind her ear, eyes drifting to kae and the steam curling from that sad excuse of a coffee. “please,” she said, voice low but edged with amusement, “if you gave me that coffee, i’d have to report you for malpractice. or at least cruel and unusual punishment.” she crossed to the counter without waiting for an answer, bypassing the machine entirely. her bag hit the table with a soft thud, followed by the quiet hiss of a zipper. “i’ve learned,” she went on, fishing out a sleek can of cold brew like it was a contraband treasure, “never trust anything in this room that plugs into the wall. survival instincts.” she cracked it open, the sharp sound punctuating the stillness. dropping into the chair across from kae, billie let herself sink into it in a way she never would outside these four walls — shoulders loose, posture lazy, as if gravity finally had permission to win. “and yeah,” she added, taking a slow sip, “long night. though, i guess at three a.m., the word long starts to lose meaning. it’s just… one unbroken stretch until morning.” her gaze lingered on kae’s mug for a beat, the corner of her mouth twitching. “how many bad decisions have you made tonight, including that one?” there was no judgment in her tone, just the shared understanding of two people too far into the night shift to pretend they were doing anything other than enduring it together. the hum of the old machine filled the brief pause, a reminder that even in the lulls, the hospital never really slept.
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amcranthine · 16 days ago
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amcranthine · 18 days ago
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where:   surgical  on-call  room,  maple  brook  general. when:   three  am,  night  shift.  who:   bllie  cao   |   @suturedxsoul
the  coffee  was  as  terrible  as  always.  the  machine  in  the  on-call  room  was  practically  a  cold  war  relic  at  this  point.  somehow  managing  to  overheat  the  beans  while  underheating  the  water.  yet  she  cradled  it  between  her  fingers  like  it  was  a  lifeline.  a  bulwark  against  the  bone-deep  weariness  that  seemed  to  define  her  existence  at  this  point.  she  took  a  sip,  regretted  it,  and  then  took  another.  terrible  or  not,  caffeine  was  caffeine.  her  eyes  closed  for  a  moment.  just  a  moment.  the  brief,  fragile  peace  of  the  on-call  room  momentarily  lulling  her  into  the  illusion  that  she  could  rest.  that  she  could  just  let  herself  fade  into...  the  sound  of  the  door  opening  startled  her  back  into  awareness.  her  eyes  darting  towards  the  familiar  visage  of  her  invader.  the  good  doctor  billie  cao.  another  lost  soul  in  the  trauma  surgical  department's  trenches.  "long  night?"  she  asked,  as  if  there  was  any  other  kind  when  you  worked  in  a  hospital.  the  coffee  in  her  cup  swirled  ominously  as  she  toasted  with  her  mug.  it  felt  colder  than  it  had  a  few  moments  ago.  she  wondered  if  she'd  actually  drifted  off  for  a  few  moments.  wouldn't  that  be  bliss.  “i  would  offer  you  a  cup,  but  i  am  pretty  sure  i  swore  an  oath  to  do  no  harm.”
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amcranthine · 18 days ago
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where:  the  member's  lounge,  silverpond  country  club.  when:   somewhere  post  brunch.  who:   evelyn  fairmont  | @porphyros
after  an  hour  and  a  half  of  forced  pleasantries  and  stilted  small  talk,  the  clamour  of  the  country  club's  bar  was  a  surprisingly  welcome  reprieve.  an  escape  from  all  the  corporate  tedium  that  define  maple  brook  general's  governing  board.  it  had  been  fifteen  minutes  since  kae  had  slipped  away.  she  wondered  if  they  even  noticed.  after  another  sip  of  her  wine,  she  wondered  if  she  even  cared  if  they  had.  and  then  she  spotted  her.  a  vision  of  blonde,  beautiful  and  hellish  countenance.  her  facade  of  indifference  waivered.  the  wine  glass  stalling  at  her  lips  mid-sip.  the  air  itself  seemed  to  congeal  around  her,  thick  and  heavy  with  unwanted  recognition  and  unspoken  history.  evelyn  fairmont.  a  name  that  tasted  of  forbidden  fruit  and  ash  on  her  tongue.  a  cold,  leaden  ache  settling  into  old  wounds.  echoes  of  tangled  sheets  and  sharp  words.  already  approaching,  stalking  her  like  a  wounded  gazelle,  ever  the  predator,  never  the  prey.  it  was  only  stubborn  refusal  to  yield  that  kept  her  grounded.  a  small,  polite  yet  strained  smile  playing  out  across  her  features  as  she  greeted  her  ex  (if  that  word  even  applied)  in  the  manner  in  which  she  deserved.  “evelyn, i would say it was a  delight  to see you, but..." a bemused smile that was decidedly not a smile; faux civility had ever been the hallmark of the kayano line.  "if  you're  here,  one has to wonder who's  guarding  the  gates  of  hell?”
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amcranthine · 20 days ago
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amcranthine · 20 days ago
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amcranthine · 20 days ago
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( cis woman, sonoya mizuno, she/her ) look who goes there! It’s kae kayano. wait, you don’t know who she is? the 38 year old attending trauma surgeon at maple brook general has been in town for, like, eighteen months. i believe they live around springdale, but i usually see them around parker's bluff. they can be a bit cynical, but i think being perceptive kinda balances them out, you know?
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𝒌𝒂𝒆 𝒌𝒂𝒚𝒂𝒏𝒐,
𝑏𝑎𝑠𝑖𝑐𝑠 
full name: kaede kayano.  nicknames: kae, k.  occupation: attending trauma surgeon.  birthday & age: april 15th & 38.  gender & pronouns: cis woman & she/her.  orientation: lesbian. languages spoken: english, japanese, french, italian, latin.  education: medical doctorate.  religion: athiest.
𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑒
faceclaim: sonoya mizuno.  eye color: dark brown.  hair color & style: black, halfway down her back.  height: 5'7.  build: ectomorph. tattoos: none.  piercings: both lobes.  scars: thin scar around the base of her left finger.  distinguishing characteristics: resting exhausted face.  smells like: baccarat rouge 540.
𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦
positive traits: astute, disciplined, practical, resourceful, strong-willed. negative traits: cynical, blunt, judgmental, stubborn, vindictive. likes: astronomy, competition, dining at the granville, espresso, her cat, trashy romance novels, jogging, smoking, wine. dislikes: crowded rooms, emotional displays, her cat (it is complicated), herself (less complicated), iced coffee, mushrooms, travelling. hopes: to find a semblance of a work-balance, to actually sleep more than a few hours. fears: burning out, becoming her parents, never leaving their shadow. tropes:  aloof dark-haired girl, broken bird, deadpan snarker, defrosting ice queen, dysfunctional family, high-powered career woman,  married to the job, must have caffeine.
𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘𝑔𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑
silver spoon: kaede - kae - was born into an immensely wealthy and politically connected family, the daughter of the former us ambassador to japan and an affluent heiress to a hotel chain. from an early age, her life was meticulously and generously curated; private tutors, lavish events, designer labels and expensive holidays in locales as as exotic as they were exclusive. provided she met their lofty expectations, she would want for nothing. nothing save for their approval. the one commodity that seemed in short supply.
gilded cage: when she was old enough to talk back, she was old enough to be carted off to a remote swiss boarding school. an expensive education was just part and parcel of the pre-planned trajectory they had scripted for her, and where better than that classic bastion of the old money elite? the chosen exile for their future little power brokers. heirs to media moguls, political dynasties and financial empires. she learned to navigate them and their treacherous waters with an impeccable facade, retreating into herself, rarely allowing the nascent stirrings of her discontent to surface.
making the cut: an ivy university was the next preordained step. harvard, naturally. her parents were former alumni, the kind with sections of the campus dedicated to their egos, so it wouldn't do to have her attend anywhere but. dean's list, valedictorian, a degree in neuroscience. it was a hop, skip and jump right into their medical school. she followed their plans to the letter, more out of habit than by her own volition, trying to ignore how much it chafed her until...
deviation: accepting a surgical residency at john hopkin's was the first real deviation. a subtle rebellion against their hopes of sending her to the mayo clinic. suffice to say, there was no christmas card signed by the housekeeper that year. the trappings of wealth and power they had raised her within were also the strings they used to punish her when she didn't play her assigned role. the latter choice to pursue a trauma fellowship over neurosurgery, well, that lost her access to the family ski lodge. and now she's throwing it all away to take a position at a podunk facility in connecticut... ?
𝘩𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠
has a rather large, temperamental cat named willyce. it tolerates her. one could argue it is also the longest, healthiest relationship she has had.
has been married twice, divorced twice. both times to the same woman. apparently even with that expensive education, some people simply don't learn.
is an insomniac of the highest order. cut this woman and she will bleed caffeine. if she looks perpetually exhausted, it is because she simply is.
is also a chronic overthinker. not that many would know it from the outside. outwardly she's perfected the illusion of being, well, perfect. always on the ball, always at the top of her game. cool, calm and collected. never sweats under pressure. the kind of person that always knows exactly what to do, when to do it, and how best to achieve it. it is only after the fact, when she is alone, when she has time to slow down, that she is overcome by doubts. when she starts to replay every single moment, frame by frame, over and over again. examining, re-examining, second guessing ad nauseam. no wonder she doesn't sleep.
speaks several languages thanks to her fancy, no expense spared education. none of them really come in handy in connecticut.
loves the stars. stargazing is her quiet way to unwind. she often parks her car up near parker's bluff and spends most of the night just staring up at them, as if she doesn't already know each and every constellation by heart. it grounds her.
𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑛𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠
the two time ex wife the estranged brother the younger sister (coming soon)
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amcranthine · 21 days ago
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amcranthine · 21 days ago
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“Maybe I love too much and maybe I show it too little.”
— r.m.drake (via weltenwellen)
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amcranthine · 21 days ago
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amcranthine · 1 year ago
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i  cannot  remember  the  last  moment  i  enjoyed  without  the  looming  thought  of  when  it  will  end .
𝑨𝑴𝑪𝑹𝑨𝑵𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑵𝑬  ,  a  private  and  dependent  rp  blog  written  for  𝚖𝚊𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚘𝚔𝚑𝚚 .  written  by  𝑎𝑏𝑏𝑦  [  twenty9  /  she  &  they  ]  .  please  dni  if  not  a  member  of  the  group.
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𝒌𝒂𝒆  𝒌𝒂𝒚𝒂𝒏𝒐,  𝒎.𝒅.  ⸻  intro,  interactions,  tag.
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