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[amiyahsoul]

Waiting on You.

INVOLVED: Samuel Evans, Mercedes Jones, & Co.  LOCATION: Cleveland Clinic in Cleveland OH TIME FRAME: - NOTES: Five days after Samuel’s operation

Mercedes blinked unfocused eyes.  How long had she been sitting here?  She rubbed her eyes and sat up, the light brown hospital blanket falling away from her chest.  She dropped her hand, head swivel from side to side. Where were Rebecca and Mrs. Evans? She thought,  reorienting herself.  Time had begun to run all together. An unbroken series of unfortunate events.  The more life party was the last true marker. Standing over the children's beds after that night watching them sleep. It had been the first time, in what seemed like forever, that she had been if not happy content with Samuel.  Mercedes finally had a definition.  She had needed to let go of her own beliefs and settle into the truth.  

Oh yes. She remembered  Samuel’s mother and sister had left about 2 hours ago. She had nodded them out, telling them she would be leaving right behind them.”  Samuel's sister did not give a damn what Mercedes did, to be honest. Mercedes' words were more for Samuel's mother.  Mrs. Evans seemed to care about her. Over the last week, She had encouraged Mercedes to eat, go see the kids, even brought her lunch.  It was her eyes that unsettled Mercedes. Always  watching her with what seemed like understanding.  Mrs. Evans had always been nice, but now she acted as if they had something in common and that worried Mercedes greatly. The woman did have a point though. There really wasn’t anything to be done, but pray and be patient.  “That isn’t enough.” Mercedes’ said finally looking over to were Samuel lay 

Mercedes stood and made her way over to Samuel’s bedside. Wires, leads and hoses surrounding the man, running this way and that.  He looked like a science experiment.  Frankenstein.  What she would have given for Samuel to raise up from his slumber.  Mercedes' eyes searched back and forth, in vain, for any sign of consciousness. Nothing.  It was wrong.  Nothing should be capable of besting Samuel.  Nothing! The man could write, talk, fight or fuck his way out of anything. Unfortunately, his heart didn’t share the same beliefs.  

Mercedes blinked away tears. Sucking in a deep, ragged breath. Samuel was too young to be going through this. His unbeard face only reenforced that though.  The possibility was always there, but hadn’t he always defied the odds?  Mercedes inspected his face. Seeing again the boy she used to know.  Then spoke to Samuel for the first time since he had been wheeled out of surgery.  “I almost forgot what you looked like without your beard.” She said as if in conversation with the man.  They told them conversations with loved ones would help.  She buried the question of did that apply to her deep for them moment. She loved Samuel, despite what he felt for her.  And for now that was enough. Mercedes had already played the recorded voices of her children, Mackenna singing and they boys blabbing. All she had left now was her own voice.  “Do  you know that your face is the reason I fell in love with you?” She raised an eyebrow, hearing the smart ass retort of the man in her mind. “It had very little to do with you being handsome.  It was how damn earnest and sweet you were.  Yes, sweet. You could have been a monster then, but I just felt safe.  Of course physically safe, but more importantly -I can be absolutely myself and he’ll love me, safe.” She smiled at the thought. That reason, from a lifetime ago, was why she was here now.   The reason her feet wanted to wait for him to wake up.  It would be any minute now.  She thought, eyes going up to the clock. 

Day five of vidigal.  Mercedes ignored the rumble in stomach. She really needed to leave.  The kids where undoubtedly asking for her.  She needed rest and something to eat.  Her mother and father must be exhausted. She thought, turning back to the chair to collect her things. Her movements were slow.  It took what seemed like a lifetime for her to make it over to the chair, that not was 10 steps away. She could hear Mackenna's voice asking “When is daddy coming home?”  This was the worst part of this whole ordinal.  “You are a bastard. A real piece of work.” She breathed,  rounding on the man, eyes falling back on his face.  We have danced in and out of each other’s lives for so long.  I swear I would hate you if I knew how.  Just wake up.” Mercedes knew she’d made her life this man. The simple truth was He possessed things she did not.  “I thought it was what you wanted. It is what you always told me.  Us together.  -Me not galivating all over the place.” She shook her head, pacing back and forth. “It may have been a lie, but our children aren’t.  Your children aren’t.”  Mercedes argued trying to reason the man’s eyes open.  “You are so selfish.  How in the world can I tell that little girl her fucking knight isn’t coming home.  That is not fair, Samuel!” Stopped cold. “There is so much you have to offer the world.  You love and give to people so freely. You try to protect -even when you don’t have to.  These are the ideals your children should learn from you.  Even when you’ve lived through such overwhelming darkness, you’re still their light.  I am not sure If I can emulate that.  I don’t want to. We need you.”  She stopped pacing, hands gripping the rail of the bed.  She looked down at him again, was that a twitch? She thought, inspecting his face.  After a while hopefulness died away.  No… she realized eyes going back to the clock.  He needed more time. 

Twenty minutes passed.  Mercedes stood by the bed lost in thought.  She looked to the door as Samuel’s doctor entered.  HIs all knowing eyes took in the haggard woman.  The dark circles around her eyes told the story.   “Hello Ms. Jones.” He greeted, a hint of disappproval bleeding in to his fatherly voice.  He shook his head moving  over the sink and washed his hands. He dried his fingers quickly, then added sanitizer before getting a pair of gloves and pulling the on with a snap.

The doctor was older. closer to Mercedes' father's age.  He had a gravel tone with hits of southern accent.  Mercedes found it in contrast with his station as one of the country’s top cardiac surgeons.   She shifted, stepping back from the bed waiting expectantly as the man moved over to Sameul. She flinched as he listened to Samuel's heart.  He hadn’t even bothered to warm the cold metal of the stethoscope. She noted raising an eyebrow at the man. He Nodded to himself,  then used his fingers to lift Samuel’s covering, checking his stitches. Mercedes held her breath.  If she moved the doctor could miss something important. After a few minutes, the doctor  took off his gloves and opened Samuel chart making a few notations.   Mercedes couldn't stand it any longer.  “How is he?” She asked, the question stupid to her ears.  “You said  he was s.” 

“He is stable.” the doctor cut in, choosing his words carefully.  “You should really go home and get some rest.  Samuel is in good hands.” The man said gently.  “If anything changes.  We will let you know.”  He looked at Mercedes over his glasses. “I have seen families burn themselves out by not getting enough rest.  You can do nothing for him if you let yourself clasps of exhaustion.” 

Stable.  Mercedes thought, pursing her lips.  That was most likely the best answer she was going to get.  While Samuels sister had allowed her visitation, she had not given her leave to know everything about Samul's condition.  A rock settled in the pit of Mercedes' stomach.  She distaste feeling powerless and at present that was exactly how she felt. “I’m fine. I’ll going to leave in a bit.” She said, looking back down at Sam.  “Samuel doesn’t really like being alone.  He tries to pretend he does, but there's always somebody around.” She looked back up at the doctor.  “I just need to know he’s going to be alright.” She rubbed her eyes, “I know I need to leave.  I’m just afraid if something happens I won’t get the call.  That's all.” She said, voice quivering.  “We have three small children.  What would we do without him?  He already tried to have the operation in secret.” She blurted “If I go… how will I know what’s going on?  I have to be here.”    

The doctor considered her for a long minute. “He is a strong man, but I can’t say for sure if he’s going to be okay. He is stable.” He stressed. “We need to make sure he doesn’t have another stroke.  That would make things fair worse.“  He walked over to the young woman and placed a hand on her shoulder. He held those scared eyes with his own. She’d stay until the man opened his eyes.  He’d seen her type before.  He had a daughter about her age. If he didn’t do something she would be in a bed in this hospital before too long. “Listen, give me your telephone number again.  I’ll call you personally if anything changes.  Just go home and see those babies, even if only for an hour.  It will remind you why you're here and give you the strength to carry on.”      

[amiyahsoul]

More Life

INVOLVED: Samuel Evans, Mercedes Jones, & Co.  LOCATION: 4Play Gentlemens Club; Los Angeles, California.  TIME FRAME: Saturday, July, 2nd NOTES: A party is thrown for Samuel.

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[amiyahsoul]

More Life 

INVOLVED: Samuel Evans, Mercedes Jones, & Co. LOCATION: 4Play Gentlemens Club; Los Angeles, California. TIME FRAME: Saturday, July, 2nd NOTES: A party is thrown for Samuel.

[amiyahsoul]

Love Goes

Mercedes: shook her head, "Samuel..." she said. her jaw clenched, she could kill him. "Why wouldn't..." She met his eyes, understanding his distance now for the fear and sadness it truly was. She wrapped her arms around his neck, crushing herself to his chest. Inhaling deeply, she breathed him in, "It's all going to be fine." She whispered, desperate to be right.

Samuel: she crashed into him and he looked down at her. Smirking slightly at her words he hugged her back tightly, "ok" he said as he pecked her through her head of hair.

[amiyahsoul]

Love Goes

Samuel: licked his lips gently "two weeks" he said quietly. "I was just hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.." he said. "I'm sorry" he said looking up at her again.

Mercedes: shook her head, "Samuel..." she said. her jaw clenched, she could kill him. "Why wouldn't..." She met his eyes, understanding his distance now for the fear and sadness it truly was. She wrapped her arms around his neck, crushing herself to his chest. Inhaling deeply, she breathed him in, "It's all going to be fine." She whispered, desperate to be right.

[amiyahsoul]

Love Goes

Samuel: he looked away from her, forming a protest on his lips but she didn't allow him to speak. She was swinging like a mad man, each hit connecting to his face and chest. He squinted his eyes closed to protect them, as he held his hands up to block hers. "Cedes" he said quietly as he grabbed her wrist "hey" he said looking at her, he pulled her closer to him. His chest to hers now. "I'm was just covering all bases" he said "I don't know what's gonna happen, that's why I told you. Just in case. And because you did need to know, in case" he said as he lowered her arms down at her sides gently.

Mercedes': chest heaved, "Stop lying." She told him, "all this go where ever you want. -find your love. All because of you think these are your last hours, days? When Samuel..."

[amiyahsoul]

Love Goes

Samuel: looked at her as she approached him, brows furrowing at her words. Wait a minute. She thought they were trying to figure their relationship out? He squinted the math swirling around in his head. He looked at her again after a moment "yeah, of course" he breathed running his hands through his hair. "Actually" he added "I will be flying to Ohio soon..." he told her. "I have a scheduled operation in Cleveland. My sister wants me to go to the highest ranked cardiology hospital in the US" he said looking down, picking his nails gently. "So, yeah" he said nodding his head. Did he plan on telling her that? No. Did he think it would be a good idea to now, yes. He had a 50/50 chance, there was no easy way of telling someone that. "I didn't plan on telling you, I was gonna just go-" he paused "but I now see how important it is to keep you in the loop of everything... although I didn't want you to worry or get upset."

Mercedes: found the glittering particles in the countertop and following them, concentration on her cool and calm. Something in the his tone pulled her eyes to his face. As he spoke, she fought the urge to meet his words, with the petty 'so', that sat locked and loaded on her tongue. When the rest of explanation came tumbling into the world. She glared at him, all the color draining from her face. Everything from the nights conversation clicking into place. "You are a piece of work. All this time and you have just been planning your death." She turned on Samuel slapping any part of him she could get her hands on, "How could you... Just leave... What if something happened?" She yelled, still swing at the man's head.

[amiyahsoul]

Love Goes

Samuel: fingers tapped against the counter once more as she spoke. He stopped and leaned back. "Stop sacrificing yourself for everybody" he told her seriously. "Don't make adjustments for me, raise our children up in a way that reflects the love we have for one another, what created them" he told her. "I think I've put you through enough I'm not mixing your life with theirs again" he said as he looked at her. "That money is take care of three you long after I die" he shrugged "it was no more an apology as it was me keeping a promise I will never break and that is to take care of you. Now do what's best to take care of yourself" he reasoned. "Rather it's a new man or moving across the USA, I set you free Mercedes. No longer clipping your wings and forcing you to need or want something you don't..." he said. "Because for the first time I have far more respect for you than you actually think or feel... I want to see you just as happy and you desire to be. Even if it isn't with me" he said sadly. "Because I really owe you that much-"

Mercedes: stared at Samuel for a long time. Studying the lines of his face. She pushed off from the counter and moved over to where he sat and touched the soft curls of his beard. Even seated she needed to move to her tip toes to kiss his cheek. "This is what you've been trying to tell me this whole time? I wasn't listening." She admitted, "I thought we were trying to figure us out, but you've said this before. In many ways. I just didn't want to here you." She backed away, moving to her place at the counter. She pulled her robe tighter around her form. She'd never actually been not with Sam and wasn't even sure what the hell that would look like "I respect your decision." she said, not looking at him. "I'll work out a schedule for visitation tomorrow."

[amiyahsoul]

Love Goes

Samuel: looked at her, his eyes moving up and down her frame slowly. He looked away again. He didn't touch the beer she offered him. Drinking wouldn't help anything. "I am not out doing me. I am not with anyone. I am not sleeping around. I just wanted more kids" he shrugged lightly. "It doesn't take away how I feel about you" he said shaking his head. "I messed up and I don't know what it would take to get you back, and to make it work" he breathed "but I guess in my mind, in the mean time there is so much I want to do. To accomplish-" he paused staring at nothing. "It's bigger than you Mercedes" he told her. "Somethings just are" he said looking at her. "And I apologize if I hurt you again by not telling you first, I didn't think anything of it. In my mind I didn't have kids on you this time, I guess I was being a fool. I guess that's really how I made you feel in the end" he told her.

Mercedes: sat the beer down, melting as both hands gripping the sides of the cold, quartz slab. She snorted, blood boiling. "The money is your trust fund for the kids." She said, voice hollow. She let go of the ledge, arms heavy. "-Don't." She said hand out to forestall the unnecessary apology. "I didn't understand. "I wish things weren't so complicated and you felt like you could talk to me, but what I said earlier still stands. I always had a pretty good idea of what you were doing. Cause I was doing the same thing. Murders never come out of it all with clean hands." Now she understood the weight the age from the other day, it was the shit she'd never be able to fix for him and tried honestly not to think about. She ran her thumb across her knuckles I wish- move in... Not for me. So, you can spend all the time you can with the kids. There are extra bedrooms for all your children. I understand, the Spanish all of it. If you don't want to be here, you can take the kids home with you. I am serious, it really important to you. And I can do the commuting for awhile." She thought she might actually be able to get out of the Reality Show, with shorter gigs...

[amiyahsoul]

Love Goes

Samuel: "Don't congratulate me if you don't mean it please, lets by pass childish antics" he replied. "No you don't need to stop playing the victim you need to grow up. And be a woman about your shit. You can't keep acting and playing that little ass girl role and I can't act like a boy. We have three kids to raise" he emphasized. "I apologize that you ran off here, riding yourself of the last moments of your childhood and youth before becoming this global superstar - before you even knew who you were. But you are a woman now, grown woman, who has done so very grown woman shit not giving a fuck how anybody felt about it" he told her. "I wasn't perfect, I would've never been. I hurt you I get that now. I asked for your forgiveness. But if you think I wake up every morning trying to find a new way to hurt you again you are crazy" he added. "We aren't together" he breathed "and it dawned on me, we may never be again. And all I have is my kids" he stressed. "I wanted more kids" he brushed off "I didn't put a target on your back Mercedes, I living my life the best fucking way I know how, while doing the things that I want to accomplish" he snapped. "How do you make this about you?" he asked. "You can't even sit here and explain to me how and why you feel the way you do and somehow in your mind I've wronged you and I should know how?"

Mercedes: head dropped. Her cheeks grew cold, freezing away tears that tried to leave her face turning them into frost against her skin. She heard his words, letting their chilled tone hold her in place adding a new layer to the winter's cold, krissed, crossed her flesh. There was no real part of her left exposed now. She'd save all of her love for her kids. "I am behaving like a little girl." She agreed. Her father, Gerald and even with Samuel. She held on so tight to a dream from their childhood love affair, she become a monster in the name of love. And look at the mess she'd made of herself. She licked cool lips, "I never condered how you must be feeling, I thought-" She cut off, there was no need for her to admit the other. "You haven't. I am tired of blaming you or anyone else for this mess. I put myself here and it's time I take myself out of it. It is my blood debit." Rubbing her hands together, "I wish you had told me. I could tell you, because we have kids together I had the right to know. But, I'd be lying. I was hurt. It meant you were out doing exactly what you just said, 'you'. With no thought or regard for me. I'm a woman what can I say we're selfish." She rose and moved back to the refrigerator, taking out two Heinekens. She popped the top of one handing it to Samuel, then did the other for herself. "to you on Father's Day. As I said, cause fatherhood is a task you were made for…" She turned the beer up taking a swig, then grimaced at the taste. "Maybe I shouldn't chase wine with beer.

[amiyahsoul]

Love Goes

Samuel: folding his hands on the counter top, he sighed. "Insult me Mercedes, if it makes you feel better. But do not tell me how I feel about you. I have never pretended with you and I never will, you should know that" he said as he looked up glaring at her now. "And I don't pity you" he corrected "it's nothing to pity" he said honestly. "We chose paths, we made decisions, everyone in this inner fucking circle. And we are all living with them" he told her bitterly. "Pity don't live here" he growled "neither does my inability to love you correctly, thank you" he told her. "So I will ask you again, why are upset?" he questioned. "Let your feelings reflect today not the past" he said shaking his head, one eye squinting at her.

Mercedes: laugh was so clear it bounced off the wall of her white kitchen. She nodded, "You are right. I really, need to stopping being the victim. Congratulations." she said, one tear escaping her eyes. "That was one hell of way to find out. Now I know. Thanks!"

[amiyahsoul]

Love Goes

Samuel: stared at her for a moment, his eyes reading hers. At her words he blinked. Pushing off the wall he pulled a barstool out and sat down on it. "What it is that I need is not important right now. Sit down" he commanded, there was no room for protest. He tapped his fingers against the counter. "Say what you feel..." he told her, because after all how often was she given the opportunity. And when had he ever listened in the past?

Mercedes: huffed, shaking her head. Her body moved towards the stool. She grabbed the counter, lip curling to keep herself upright. Nope, she was tired of being a trained dog. She stood at the other end of the counter, amber colored eyes seeing every bit of him with out rose colored glasses. "Fuck you... Fuck you pity. You don't give a shit about me. you don't have to pretend anymore."

[amiyahsoul]

Love Goes

Samuel: at her words her folded his arms over his chest. "An appointment?" he asked her looking up confused "for who?" he asked her looking across the room at her again.

Mercedes: eyes darkened, she twisted her head to the side. He'd told her a million ways he didn't want her. He'd told her to leave twice, had several affairs and now... shit they weren't even together. She exhaled, hand dragging off the cold counter, she tucked her robe around herself tighter. She tucked her lip into her mouth. "Nothing. What is it, Samuel?"

[amiyahsoul]

Love Goes

Samuel: looked down at his watch for a moment before he looked back up at her "oh you know what" he said with reason. He leaned against the wall and licked his lips "I'm just curious as to why you hadn't answered my text or calls...."

Mercedes: tilted her head, then lowered her glass. "I'm sorry. I had to disable the notification on my phone. Is everything alright? Did I miss an appointment or something?"

[amiyahsoul]

Love Goes

Samuel: at her remark he raised a brow, the corners of his mouth turning down. He shifted on his feet looking her up and down as he walked around the space. "But the look of things you may not be up for it..." he said slyly. "Something going on?" he asked her.

Mercedes: poured the rest of the wine into her glass, "Up for what?" She asked, voice fraying a bit on the edges. "I don't know you tell me." lifting her glass she took a slip of wine.

[amiyahsoul]

Love Goes

Samuel: ending the call, he stuck his phone back in his pocket. Pondering his next move as he turned to leave the house until the door open. He turned back around tilting his head at her. He stood there as she walked away, he looked behind him again before he walked into the house and locked the door behind them. Following her, several steps behind he was quiet, because she was. "What's up?" he asked her, entering the kitchen.

Mercedes: continued to move, feeling Samuel's approach, "The price of gas." She said flatly. Moving to the refrigerator she pulled the door open, taking out the closet bottle of wine. "What can I help you with?" She said, staring blankly at Samuel for the first time.

[amiyahsoul]

Love Goes

Samuel: looked back at his phone and he furrowed his brows, pressing on her name he called her phone letting it ring with no answer. He sucked his teeth gently, before he dialed her number again "man pick up the phone" he said agitatedly.

Mercedes: feet slapped against the cold floor as she drug her hand through her tussled hair. It was a testament to how out of it she was, as she moved down the front steps. Making it to the landing, she tilted her head, grimacing at the silhouette back lite in the door. She didn't even skip a beat as she moved to the door pulling it open as she continue on towards the kitchen.