amothersvow - Tumblr blog

[amothersvow]

You don’t know that.

But I do, she wanted to argue, I do, I know, I hurt and I kill and I wreak havoc and I destroy all that I love and all that I ever will love.

I know what trouble is. But he didn’t know her troubles and curses and her bloody oath. But maybe Eliyen was exaggerating it to herself; maybe this was good. Maybe it was okay to let her guard down, for just a little. Pathetic, she heard her blade whisper, pathetic, and weak. You’ll hurt him. You will eventually. It’s in your very nature. You know it as well as those dead by your hand.

“Zandi—“ What was she even going to say? “They write songs about monsters, about tragedies like me. You could fill a book and then some with all the awful things I’ve done.” But then again, what was she saying? Would it not fall on deaf ears? He’s so willing to take that risk, if he even realizes that it’s there. When’s the last time someone’s taken a risk for you? When’s the last time you had company like this? Shouldn’t you indulge? Believe that for once, it’s going to turn out fine?

And then he made her look at him, look him in the eye and, that smile, that crooked, sweet smile that made her heart flutter; she knew she couldn’t say no, or maybe she didn’t even want to. Stay. When was the last time someone had asked her that? When was the last time it hadn’t ended badly?

“Okay,” she whispered softly, capturing his lips in another soft, gentle kiss, “then you better make this worth my while.” She knew he would. She could feel it; over the mocking laughter of her blade, she knew this would be worth it. “I hope you have as many tricks up your sleeve as I have songs to perform.”

There was something so blissful about kissing Zandi. He wasn't greedy, as many others were; he didn't seek to devour, to sate the insatiable. With Zandi, that was all it was. A kiss, soft and sweet and genuine. When was the last time someone had kissed her like that?

She listened, again, to brutal truth behind Zandi's misadventure. Her ears drooped and her eyes softened, her hand not leaving his face as she listened. "I'm sorry," she said softly, and can't think of anything more to say. What's there to say? They were both victims of burtality, in one way or another. Words, Eliyen knew all too well, didn't make up for that.

"Yeah. I think I like it here, too," she said, wrapping an arm around Zandi's neck and resting her chin on his chest. She couldn't tell him the truth, not the whole truth. But she could warn him. That, at least, she owed him.

"I like it here with you," she continued, "you're- this is very cliche, but you're not like others I've met. I.. don't remember the last time someone's treated me like a person, and not just a trophy to claim. You're not like that. You're so... sweet, and kind, and your touch is so gentle and your kiss is so genuine." How sickeningly sweet. Her Hexblade mocked her from its lonely corner, but she didn't listen.

"I like you, Zandi, I do. Hence I..." Her stomach turned and she felt almost sick. "I feel it's only fair that I warn you. About.. me. I'm not.. someone you should fall in with. I have blood on my hands, they're steeped in it. It doesn't need, shouldn't stain yours, too."

She almost wanted to cry; it made her heart ache having to leave him behind. Sure, she'd left plenty a lover behind, but this was different. She didn't feel as lonely with him here.

"I'm a danger, to others and myself. I'll leave come morning. It's in her best interest to just.. forget about me, once I'm gone."

It might become her biggest regret, but if she were to hurt him; hurt him, like she's hurt any other that tried to bed her so far- she wasn't sure if she could forgive herself.

[amothersvow]

🎼 A song that reminds me of my muse’s vibes + 🖤 A song for our muses’ ship

(Ignore the note pad I got here, don't even worry about it, it's for science, just answer—)

🤨 notepad aside…

From my performance catalogue - Song association

A song that reminds me of my muses vibe:

I LOVE this damn song, it has an anger to it that’s very deep rooted in Eliyen

A song for our muses’ ship:

“I can’t stand you in my bed, you’re too gentle, I need you to hurt me back instead” is THE Eliyen line to ever have been written 🤌🏼

[amothersvow]

✧✦⭒ SONG ASSOCIATIONS —

send a symbol and i’ll give you a corresponding song for the prompt!

🎼 A song that reminds me of my muse’s vibes

🎶 A song that reminds me of my muse’s backstory

🎧 A song used for writing my muse

🥁 A battle song for my muse

🎭 A sad song for my muse

🎉 A happy song for my muse

📣 A song for when my muse is upset or angry

⚡ A song that my muse would listen to

🎆 A song my muse would sing or dance to

🎺 An instrumental song for my muse

✨ A theme song for my muse

🔊 A leitmotif for my muse

🌠 A song for our muses

🖤 A song for our muses’ ship

🔮 A random song from my muse’s playlist

[amothersvow]

18: Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

They write books about wisdom. But songs? Songs are written about ambition.

Eliyen can recognize wisdom of another, but ambition? That's where it's at! Knowing someone has a drive, something they work towards, that always drives them forward. That's something to admire, alright!

[amothersvow]

There was something so blissful about kissing Zandi. He wasn't greedy, as many others were; he didn't seek to devour, to sate the insatiable. With Zandi, that was all it was. A kiss, soft and sweet and genuine. When was the last time someone had kissed her like that?

She listened, again, to brutal truth behind Zandi's misadventure. Her ears drooped and her eyes softened, her hand not leaving his face as she listened. "I'm sorry," she said softly, and can't think of anything more to say. What's there to say? They were both victims of burtality, in one way or another. Words, Eliyen knew all too well, didn't make up for that.

"Yeah. I think I like it here, too," she said, wrapping an arm around Zandi's neck and resting her chin on his chest. She couldn't tell him the truth, not the whole truth. But she could warn him. That, at least, she owed him.

"I like it here with you," she continued, "you're- this is very cliche, but you're not like others I've met. I.. don't remember the last time someone's treated me like a person, and not just a trophy to claim. You're not like that. You're so... sweet, and kind, and your touch is so gentle and your kiss is so genuine." How sickeningly sweet. Her Hexblade mocked her from its lonely corner, but she didn't listen.

"I like you, Zandi, I do. Hence I..." Her stomach turned and she felt almost sick. "I feel it's only fair that I warn you. About.. me. I'm not.. someone you should fall in with. I have blood on my hands, they're steeped in it. It doesn't need, shouldn't stain yours, too."

She almost wanted to cry; it made her heart ache having to leave him behind. Sure, she'd left plenty a lover behind, but this was different. She didn't feel as lonely with him here.

"I'm a danger, to others and myself. I'll leave come morning. It's in her best interest to just.. forget about me, once I'm gone."

It might become her biggest regret, but if she were to hurt him; hurt him, like she's hurt any other that tried to bed her so far- she wasn't sure if she could forgive herself.

It was cute, the way Zandi blushed at her slightest touch. It was hard to see; with his skin so firey red, she couldn't quite tell when he was or wasn't blushing, but there were other signs that indicated it so. A particular twitch of the tail or the way his pupils dilated ever so slightly. He was warm to the touch. Comforting. The thought made her want to shy away. This is wrong. He shouldn't fall in with someone like me.

"Aw, shucks." She laid her head back into the pillow, laying on her stomach as she listened to him tell his tale. “No heroic ending after all. What a shame, my darling, but at least you’ve tried! It’s the thought that counts, hm?”

There was some hesitation in the story, and she recognized it from herself; the withholding of information, of more to the story. But she wasn’t one to pry; she knew, of all people, that there were secrets that needed, wished to be kept. She understood; the whispers of her blade understood it, too.

“Oh, I’ll make sure of it.” She reached up, gently cupping his face and pulling him downward, closer to her face, “you’ll be a celebrated hero before you know it, my lo— my darling.” She pulled Zandi into a kiss; gentler, softer than before. Kind. Somewhat hesitant? Something seemed different.

[amothersvow]

Character Development Questions: Hard Mode

Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?

What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?

What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?

Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?

On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?

Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?

Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?

Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up?

Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?

In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?

In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been?

Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

Does your character remember names or faces easier?

Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not?

Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?

What was your character’s favorite toy as a child?

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?

If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?

What does your character like in other people?

What does your character dislike in other people?

How quick is your character to trust someone else?

How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person?

How does your character behave around children?

How does your character normally deal with confrontation?

How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation?

What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true?

What does your character find repulsive or disgusting?

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable.

In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?

How does your character behave around people they like?

How does your character behave around people they dislike?

Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status?

Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat?

Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)?

How does your character treat people in service jobs?

Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first?

Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?

Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?

How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

[amothersvow]

{Margret atwood & Franz Kafka}

[amothersvow]

Panic Attack Starters:

“Calm down, I’m here now.” “Stop panicking, you’re only making it worse!” “I can’t breathe-“ “Are you having a panic attack? Wait- let me help, just breathe.” “Oh darling, no one cares about your pity act. Gasp for air all you like.” “It’s just a panic attack, I’m fine, I’m used to it just- give me a moment.” “Give me space I can’t fucking breathe!” “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god-“ “Why are you shaking so much?” “You look pale… sit down.” “Are you all right?” “D-don’t come in- I’m fine-“ “Look at me, okay? Everything is fine, just breathe, in and out. In and out.” “I think I’m going to throw up.” “Stop crying, I’m so sick of you pretending to be scared.” “Did something happen? Are you okay?” “I didn’t know you suffered panic attacks.” “I thought you stopped having these…” “Have you taken your medication?” “Okay, sit up, watch me, and breathe. We’ll do this together.” “Don’t panic like that! You’re going to give me a panic attack too!”

[amothersvow]

🎭 Masquerade Ball Starters 🎭

“Did you really think hiding your cheek bones was going to fool anyone?” “Do I…know you?” “Have we met before?” “Are you sure I don’t know you?” “Your eyes are absolutely captivating.” “I don’t think we’ve met yet.” “May I have this dance?” “You look positively enchanting this evening.” “I’d know those dazzling eyes anywhere.” “These skirts make it so hard to move.” “Some of these costumes are so extravagant. They must have cost a fortune.” “You look quite ravishing in that dress.” “You look quite handsome in that suit.” “Can I see your face?” “I don’t think you want to see my face.” “My God, you could fit an entire circus under her pannier. How’d she even fit through the door?” “Champagne?” “My feet are killing me.” “I never thought I’d see you in something so fancy.” “I feel like I’m rubbing elbows with the queen right now.” “Care to sneak away with me? I doubt we will be missed.” “Can you guess who I am under here?” “I’d compliment your beauty, but I can’t see it under there. You’ll have to accept my compliments to your mask instead, it’s quite lovely.” “I can’t hear you through that mask. Did you really have to choose one that covers your mouth?” “Do you know who I am?” “Do you know who she is?” “Do you know who he is?” “You’re very light on your feet.” “Ow! It’s like you have two left feet.” “I’m a terrible dancer.” “Who cares if you’re a good dancer? Have fun! No one will know it’s you anyway!” “No one’s asked me to dance all night…” “I feel like I’m in a dream!” “Can we please go home? This is torture.” “How did I ever let you talk me into coming here?” “I prefer watching from the sidelines to participating.” “You’ve spent the entire evening at the snack table.” “Can I cut in?” “I have to go.” “I’m not supposed to be here. If they catch me I’m in trouble!” “Please. What is your name? I want to see you again.”

[amothersvow]

Out of context things I’ve said while playing Skyrim  {Sentence Starters}

“And I drank poison.”

“That right there’s a ghost.”

“Why are you on the roof?”

“I’ll steal the clothes right off ya.”

“My husband is stuck in the wall.”

“Oh god, I angered a floating cow.”

“Why can’t I boop a dragon’s snoot?”

“I’m gonna steal stuff from the ghost.”

“That’s… that’s not how you do that??”

“You can’t hurt me, I’m a floofy doggo.”

“Didn’t know those could fly, but alright?”

“Why can’t I decorate my home with bones?”

“Oops… didn’t mean to yell at you that hard.”

“I wanted that gold, but it’s stuck to the plate.”

“Fine, stab me. But, I’m taking all the alcohol.”

“Okay, sure, TECHNICALLY that was my fault.”

“How did you…? I shot you. I freaking shot you!”

“Why are you trying to sell my trash back to me?”

“I think you need to drop the sword and sit down.”

“Oh, he just yeeted himself out that window, okay.”

“I would feel bad about that, but he was being rude.”

“I have befriended the goblins! I am the goblin god!”

“Heh, I’ll clear your skies, if you know what I mean.”

“Oh. Oh no, these are drugs. You’re selling me drugs.”

“Why is there a dead dude here? Who killed this dude?”

“I have never considered punching a child until now…”

“I have thirty wheels of cheese and it’s still not enough.”

“I have six skulls in my pocket, solely for the aesthetic.”

“Yes, hello, hi, I would like to purchase one drug, please.”

“Note to self: don’t yell at the plates, people don’t like that.”

“He kicked me in the face and still didn’t know I was there.”

“Why can I pickpocket a necklace, but not a piece of bread?”

“Why are you hitting me? WHY ARE YOU HITTING ME?”

“Ooh, brutal death and dismemberment… been there, buddy.”

“I just drank forty bottles of wine in a row. I should be dead.”

“Hold up, stop hitting me for a second… I need to eat cheese.”

“I’ll punch you right in the mouth. I don’t care, I’m invincible.”

“I just picked up a flower, why am I carrying too much to run?”

“I can ride dragons. And I'mma ride one right into ____’s house.”

“The  F-I-N-E-S-T  weapons and armor… we both know that’s a fib.”

“I’m afraid of him sneaking into my house and trying to sell me stuff.”

“Let me out of the door. Let me out… let me out of this freaking door.”

“How to be a Hero of Myth and Legend… step one: take all the cheese.”

“I did nothing to deserve this… except stab that dude. And rob that house.”

“If I get a dragon stuck in my house, does that mean I can keep it as a pet?”

“I just levitated in front of you, and you’re gonna talk to me about desserts?”

“You keep sassing me like that and I’ll send YOU to the ‘Cloud District’, ya get me?”

“I didn’t push him off the top of the tower. He fell off. After I hit him with a few arrows.”

“Just hear me out: what if a buncha monsters just, y'know, happened to show up and kill him?”

“Sure, I might not be able to sneak, or stab people, or aim my bow, but I’m still a deadly assassin.”

[amothersvow]

It was cute, the way Zandi blushed at her slightest touch. It was hard to see; with his skin so firey red, she couldn't quite tell when he was or wasn't blushing, but there were other signs that indicated it so. A particular twitch of the tail or the way his pupils dilated ever so slightly. He was warm to the touch. Comforting. The thought made her want to shy away. This is wrong. He shouldn't fall in with someone like me.

"Aw, shucks." She laid her head back into the pillow, laying on her stomach as she listened to him tell his tale. “No heroic ending after all. What a shame, my darling, but at least you’ve tried! It’s the thought that counts, hm?”

There was some hesitation in the story, and she recognized it from herself; the withholding of information, of more to the story. But she wasn’t one to pry; she knew, of all people, that there were secrets that needed, wished to be kept. She understood; the whispers of her blade understood it, too.

“Oh, I’ll make sure of it.” She reached up, gently cupping his face and pulling him downward, closer to her face, “you’ll be a celebrated hero before you know it, my lo— my darling.” She pulled Zandi into a kiss; gentler, softer than before. Kind. Somewhat hesitant? Something seemed different.

Eliyen listened to his story intently, hanging onto every word he said, painting the picture in her head; the dunes, the feeling of the sand beneath her feet, the sounds of the animals, the bustling of the community. Zandi; younger, smaller and with a thirst for action and adventure.

"Ow-" Her ears laid flat against her head at the mental image, but she couldn't help but chuckle softly. "Some intrepid hero you are, darling! That must've hurt!" She gently ran her fingers over the scars, tracing a line to its end. She could imagine it now; the anticipation, the jump. The tragic fall and the blood spilled. "You are quite the story teller, you know," she said softly and focused her gaze back on him. It was so much kinder than before; even when they'd first met, when she'd saved him from the guards, there was a sort of hostile caution in her eyes. It seemed gone, for now; she was all but enraptured by his story.

"But before I immortalize you in poem and song, I must know; did you catch them? Were you able to bring back the animals that belonged to your people? Don't leave me hanging now, my darling!"

[amothersvow]

Getting him to wear something other than 90% Lego Batman colors. Happy pride!

[amothersvow]

‘Keeping Warm’ by Sydney Mortimer Laurence, c. 1921.

[amothersvow]

My muse is sick, and won’t admit it. Send “You need to rest.” for their reaction.

[amothersvow]

bullying the traumatized

we don't wear kiddy gloves here.

"Who told you it wasn't that bad?"

"Who told you that?"

"I'll fight anyone who says otherwise."

"Yeah, well, news flash: it fucked you up. I can tell."

"It's okay to have shit that fucks you up, you know."

"Ohhhh noooo, you're feeling an emotion."

"God forbid something hurts and you do something about it."

"That's trauma for you."

"Get angry about it."

"I don't know. I expected you to feel something."

"In case it escaped your notice, I care about you!"

"Do you have a death wish?"

"And you decided you were going to stoically suffer in silence and not tell anyone?"

"Got some 'main character syndrome' in you, huh?"

"We're meant to be a team!"

"Then they can go to hell! They don't tell us what we're capable of."

"I'm going to try. I don't care whether you're gonna try with me but I hope you do."

"We've seen worse odds."

"What did you expect? Me to stand there and do nothing?"

"Oh, you have trauma? I didn't notice."

"Oh, grow! Up!"

[amothersvow]

Eliyen listened to his story intently, hanging onto every word he said, painting the picture in her head; the dunes, the feeling of the sand beneath her feet, the sounds of the animals, the bustling of the community. Zandi; younger, smaller and with a thirst for action and adventure.

"Ow-" Her ears laid flat against her head at the mental image, but she couldn't help but chuckle softly. "Some intrepid hero you are, darling! That must've hurt!" She gently ran her fingers over the scars, tracing a line to its end. She could imagine it now; the anticipation, the jump. The tragic fall and the blood spilled. "You are quite the story teller, you know," she said softly and focused her gaze back on him. It was so much kinder than before; even when they'd first met, when she'd saved him from the guards, there was a sort of hostile caution in her eyes. It seemed gone, for now; she was all but enraptured by his story.

"But before I immortalize you in poem and song, I must know; did you catch them? Were you able to bring back the animals that belonged to your people? Don't leave me hanging now, my darling!"

If Eliyen was a woman with less self-control, she might've just spilled then and there. How it was his fault. Silvyr's fault that she was like this, that she was this monster. That she was beautiful, once, that she had everything, everything she could've wished for and he took it all away and now she was this. A monster. Luckily, she knew how to keep her secrets close to her chest, so she just said: "Trust, that I've done, and it's unpleasant." A bit of a joke, to lighten the mood.

She had to admit to herself that Zandi was sweet. That he wasn't entirely like others she'd met. There was something about him that made him stand out; maybe it was the little bits of care he'd shown. The interest in her person, not just in her body. He was sweet, that she was sure off, and he didn't deserve the fate her sword tried to convince her off. Drive me through his heart, his blood will be so pretty, it whispered. No, Eliyen thought, such a sweet boy doesn't deserve a death like that.

Zandi moved to sit up, lean against the headboard of the bed, but Eliyen stayed in the position she was in, laying sideways next to him with her head resting on her propped up hand. Her eyes - thank the Gods for darkvision - almost immediately caught sight of the wound Zandi was showing her. Now that, that made her sit up properly, still holding the blanket over her bare body with one hand as the other tentatively reached out, stopping just before she touched the scars.

"These look... painful," she said softly, and looked at Zandi's face, his eyes, as if looking for something. "A.. funny version? ..alright, humor me."

[amothersvow]

A few of the kids made their way towards the bard, surrounding Eliyen and asking her question after question about the fight. "And then when you-" One of them motioned a sword slash and another a bandit that was falling to the ground. "That was amazing! You have to teach me, Miss Eliyen, please please!" She laughed and shook her head, ruffling the young girl's hair. "I don't think your mother would be all too pleased. Go find her, make sure she's okay. Let that be your first heroic act!" And thusly the children quickly scampered off.

"Quite," she said, "bandits, after all. When confronted with proper fighters and casters, they are quick to turn and run. Unless they're exceptionally stupid, or daring." She turned to properly face Michael, using a rag and some water that had been offered to her to clean her face. "Eliyen, by the way. I don't believe I've caught your name, darling?"

"Oh, and you weren't half bad. You've got your way with your spells. I'm quite impressed, darling."

"Darling, you're not gonna risk your life for me. I'm not gonna let you."

[prompt from here]