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[anaveragedayinthelifeof-blog]

I had the weirdest dream

Okay so like, I had this dream where my friends and I were characters from Steven Universe, I was peridot. So there was This really shiny thing that I had no idea what it was, and my three friends who were garnet, amethyst, and pearl were all like “this mission is too dangerous for you, stay with Lapis” and all that but I followed them from a distance. They got to the really shiny thing and then out of no where Donald Trump popped out and kidnaped them, then took the shiny thing, and left through this weird portal, so I chased him through it. Suddenly I was in New York outside Trump tower and I try to get in, but security kept tossing me out since they had this policy of no illegal aliens, like literally no illegal aliens. So I begin running down the street screaming for help and, like in all the movies about New York, the busiest city in the U.S is completely empty for the sake of making the story interesting. Eventually I just start running in circles in front of a seven eleven, and just guess who was inside that seven eleven. None other than Andrew Hussie of course, who else would it be? So He’s having some sort of meeting at this small table inside with Toby Fox and Ryan North (who is on face time, not actually there) about what they should do for some future parts of Hiveswap, you know, stuff like should they get the same guy who wrote act one to write the rest of them, director stuff like that. Now, Michel Bowman is also there, in person. He came for Hussies promise of a free lunch but probably wouldn’t have come if he knew the free lunch was just a cheap, semi-soggy sandwich from seven eleven, so he isn’t really paying that much attention to the conversation the others are having and just has this look of utter disappointment on his face, then he looks out the window and sees me. He then turns to the others while they are talking about what colour the trees in one spot should be and nervously says “hey, there’s this weird little green lady screaming hysterically outside, do you think we should go help her?” And everyone just kind of, begrudgingly agrees out of running out on things to debate on they were about to start an argument on wether the floor tiles of this one building should be black and white or really dark grey and white. Hussie says his farewell to Ryan North and closes his phone, double checks to make sure he has his drawing tablet, somehow shoves both into his pocket, along with his computer, and shouts “TO THE HUSS-MOBILE!” All triumphantly. Our three heroes walk out of the convenience store to this really cool looking but kinda small car then Toby and Andrew walk in. Bowman is left out because the third seat is far too tiny for most human beings and really is only there for lil cal, who is staring awkwardly into space. Bowman decides to go there on his bike and the screen(I guess that’s what I mayaswell call my dream view) cuts to this really awesome looking motor cycle, Bowman walks behind it to ride his sparkly pink bike with Barbie on it that probably belongs to his niece or something like that and begins his journey. Meanwhile I’m in the Huss-mobile crammed in the back with lil cal explaining to them what Happened to me (luckily I’m just small enough to fit in the lil seat) and we soon make it to Trump tower. I somehow know Trump is standing in his secret garden like the classic villain because plot convenience, so we know we need a distraction to get past the entrance, and we immediately decide the distraction should be Toby Fox, as Bowman is only halfway there since he is ridding a tiny bike. So Toby walks in and, reluctantly, begins to dance to the elevator music-like song that it being played in the lobby. I Think he was dancing something like a mix between the macarena and the Cupid shuffle. He gives us a low-key death glare but his dancing works and Hussie and I walk through into the elevator unnoticed. We get to the floor the garden is on and realize that we should probably be stealthy about this. I’m small enough to squeeze into the vents and Andrew is simply stuck having to walk through the corridors with a broom he stole from the janitors closet as defence. I get to the garden first and, just like in the movies, Donald Trump was expecting me all along, goes well well well, and begins a five minute monologue on how there is no chance I will succeed In my quest, and tells me his entire plan. I am standing next to the door, half listening to Trump ramble when Hussie flings the door open (hitting me in the face during the prosses) and heroically says “stop right there you tiny handed kaniv- hey, where did that little green girl go?” Trump points at the flung open door with a now bruised me standing beside it and Hussies only reaction is" oh… Hey, turns out there’s no security guards around here… Um…“ And is cut off by Bowman (who finally arrived) flinging the door which I had just shut open, once again hitting me in the face, yelling "HAH! You are out numbered ” and then throwing a bunch of pistachios at Donald Trump. Now Trumps face starts turning magenta and he is about to yell at us, but then, remembering that he should probably get his act together before someone hears us, and Chanels his anger into trying to open a pistachio instead. Hussie uses this time to draw his sword (I mean, he literally uses his tablet to draw a sword on the ground via magic wireless drawing tool) presses a button on his tablets pen that he thought was the realify button, but accidentally hits copy and gets a somewhat sword shaped chunk of cement (though honestly had he hit the realify button, since the drawing was extremely rushed, he would probably ended up with a dildo) And enters an epic orange guy vs orange guy face off, and by that I mean not epic nor face off since Trump is still trying to open a pistachio and all Hussie has to do to win is whack him in the head with the sword-esque cement to knock him out. We grab the keys off his jacket and run to the elevator. Now the lobby has basically turned into a club, a couple people had speakers going, and at least twenty people were dancing, and thirty just awkwardly standing, and ten making it rain money. We go to where the people have circled around and sure enough, in the middle of it all, was Toby Fox now bustin’ some pretty epic moves and starting to enjoy being the diversion. We tell him we have to go and he reluctantly leaves, a few people upset the random party was over. Since Trump decided to be all cliche and foolishly told me his entire plan, I knew that we had to go the the Rhode Island Comicon since he had gotten someone to sell that weird shiny thing for a few million dollars there, and we could steal it back. I spot the limousine where my friends are being held hostage, and try to open the truck, only then realizing that the keys we had gotten were for a mini bar. The limousine takes off and we all pile into the Huss-mobile, shoving Bowman in the trunk, then get a flat tire on a few fallen pistachios (man were our tires bald). We realize our only option is to get everyone onto Bowmans nieces bike if we wanted to get there in time. Using a fishing rod from Andrews trunk I managed to hook onto the limousines bumper while in the bicycle basket just as everyone had managed to somehow cling onto this tiny bike. Luckily it had training wheels so we didn’t just fall over. We go from zero to thirty in a few seconds, three grown men, an angry little green lady with a fishing rod, and a creepy ventriloquist puppet on a sparkly pink Barbie bike majestically being dragged behind a limousine with “TRUMP” written in gold on it. It’s awesome. We make it to the con to find that there had been a change in plans, as you can’t sell something for over a million dollars at that Comicon, so instead it was sold to the guy running the show for that sum and was going to be a prize for the best cosplay. After fifteen minutes of trying to pick the lock we finally open the trunk, setting the crystal gems free, they start freaking out over what happened but we have to rush into the Comicon before the end of the night to get back the important shiny thing. There’s this moment with a cosplayer that I thought was actually lapis but just turns out to be a fan girl who ships lapidot way too hard so that was awkward, and finally it is the time they announce the winner of the best cosplay competition and we are upset since we didn’t even get a chance to enroll ourselves, but at the last minute it turns out that the winner is Ryan North, who went as a character from a video game I don’t know much about but my friend always raves about how good it is. We manage to explain what happened to us, he gives us the shiny thing, we head back the the Steven Universe universe, and we all live happily ever after. And the saddest part about this dream is that I’ve had it at least five times by now, please help I think I have a problem

[anaveragedayinthelifeof-blog]

Too much internet...

The other day I went to a sleepover for my friends birthday. Apparently I sleep walked into the next room, grabbed his cat, all the while mumbling something about how Robbie Rotten stole John Egbert’s glasses for a disguise to kidnap sanic. They had to wake me up with an ice cube and all I remember of this is that I woke myself up by screaming in the most horrified manner “I HAVE BEEN LICKED BY THE LITCH KING!”

This is why I should get off the internet for a while

[anaveragedayinthelifeof-blog]

Have you ever had that moment when#1

Have you ever had that moment when someone asks you for directions to go somewhere important, you brag a little about how you know the town like the back of your hand, feel proud that you helped someone be a successful human being, then only realize you gave them the wrong directions the next week when you get lost and have to ask someone for directions?