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It was my birthday today. 36. By this time next year, I hope I'm... better? Afraid of setting big goals, so small ones. Read a book every month.

Praying. I need divine assistance. And maybe a sword.

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Watchmen (2009) Hot Take

I don't know if I'm going to get in trouble for this. Watchmen is a C-tier movie, at best. The dialogue, especially Rorschach's journal musings, are really cringeworthy. Like a teen writer trying to sound deep and edgy. Ozymandias calls himself the world's smartest man, but... well, when he went on his monologue about Alexander the Great, it sounded like Elon Musk trying to pretend he was the IRL Iron Man. Doctor Manhattan is an interesting concept, but something about the execution feels wrong to me. And the ending, with Oz winning...

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Like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth

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The Warden✨🗡

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They must not be separated

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Eternity (Part 3 of 3)

All together now so we can all cry over this song!

;—; I don’t even know what to say for myself. You’re welcome? I’m sorry?

It fits them so well, but wow does it hurt. I intentionally don’t write much about the end if their story because of all the feels it’ll cause.

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Eurasian Red Squirrel/ekorre. Värmland, Sweden (July 19, 2022).

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Certain right-wingers going full mask-off Nazi (Grok, Mush, Dump, that Fox News dude) is just a bit worse than England, France, Spain, Portugal, Belgium et all downplaying—or worse, defending—their colonial empire histories. Or nations that worship murderer kings.

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Sorry for cutting in, but I had to take this one!

So, I'm writing a story that wildly diverges from swtor canon, so my OCs will be at different points in their lives. Not to mention, I'm just post-KotFE in my story. But here are my OCs and their ages.

A. Main timeline.

Vajra Devarath. Born 9 BTC. My Jedi Knight and Outlander. Currently 21 ATC in my story, so he'll be 31 shortly... though that's minus 5 so he's 26. In main, he'd be 37/31.

Mercei Tanniels. Imp Agent, secretly Lana Beniko. Her file is a lie. She's younger than she stated, born 11 BTC instead of 13. She's 35 in 21 ATC, and 40 in 27.

Kairegane Rooks. Sith Warrior. Same as Lana, though she died at 29 at Hoth, fighting Arcann. She nearly killed him.

Hekaten Kallig. Sith Inquisitor. 21 ATC: 41. 27 ATC: 48

Roban Queens. Trooper. Zakuulan Spy. 21 ATC: 37.

Juun Stede. Smuggler. 21 ATC: 38.

Devel Nirol. Consular. 21 ATC: 43.

Mark Fodorn. BH. 21 ATC: 45.

Theron and Jasme Shan are same age as Lana, as is Kira Carsen.

Ashton Shan. Theron's firstborn. In my story, Theron was a teen dad. Tried his best. Sorry, I had to give some reason why he kept Jasme distant from his life. And close-to-the-vest in general. In 21 ATC, I think he's 17.

B. In addition, I'm creating a secondary story, with a different cast. This is project intel, and I don't think it'll be as detailed as the main one. Timeline will be different here too.

Semar Kayn. Sith Warrior, male. He would've been 43, but died during the Zakuul war, killed by Lana and Cipher Nine.

Saskia Frye. Sith Inquisitor. Also would've been 43, but killed by Kayn on Ilum.

Jason Faye. Jedi Knight. Killed by Kayn right after Chapter 3, right after he'd killed the Emperor

Shani Carter. Jedi Consular. Jason's wife. She's the Outlander. 42 in 27 ATC.

Cyrus Tesham. Cipher Nine. Died in the fight against Semar.

Demran Harrengal. Hunter. Dies during KOTFE, executed for helping Kaliyo bomb the spire.

Miria Dooku. Trooper. Killed in the Zakuul war.

Kex Saint-Bartrand. Smuggler. 45 in 27 ATC.

SWTOR: How old are they now?

Thanks to @vexa-legacy for the tag.

No pressure tags for @starknstarwars, @shabre-legacy, @commander-krios, aaannd @shynmighty

In this interview, one of the devs (Caitlin), says that 7.6 is set to be at the end of 27 ATC/3626 BBY. So simple tiny tag game:

How old are your OCs in the current timeline?

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(paws through notes) Ok, here's what I had at the time of 6.3 --

"26 ATC -- mid 3627 to mid 3626 -- Onslaught 2019, Tasks at hand in Early 3626.  Then the resolution to the Satele Shan situation (delayed due to covid; came in December when it should have been May 2020)."

At that point, Eva was 31 and Theron was 39 (3 year natural age gap + 5 years of carbonite).

ELASTIC TIME due to the pandemic, the Broadsword transition, the strike etc etc etc.

Short answer (with spoilers for my series): In 27 ATC, Eva is 32, Theron is 40. However, I'm probably going to stretch out the timeline a bit to reach a compromise with what I had been tracking based on realtime (3623 BBY/30 ATC, wherein Eva is 35 and Theron is 43, and they have Argo). So somewhere in that bracket.

Fria the Consular (but not the Barsenthor) is 31, and she had been 19 at Yavin.

~~

Uhh... I killed everyone else:

Sith Warr: Dead at Norwan of Tython's hand on the way to the Emperor in Chapter 3

Norwan of Tython (JK)- Dead at Eternal Fleet

Baresenthor - Dead at Eternal Fleet

Gronn the Champion of the Great Hunt -- MIA/KIA at Rishi

Kallig -- Dead at Eternal Fleet at Norwan of Tython's hand (long fucked up story there)

Damasa Quo (trooper)- Dead on Alderaan in a battle against the Eternal Empire

Cipher Nine: killed by Theron Shan in a sniper duel on Ziost

Long-ass answer:

Originally, I had this running on 'normal time', so in theorycrafting land, I had reached 30 ATC (which runs mid 3623 BBY to mid 3622 BBY on my weirdo calendar based upon military campaign season).

So here was my draft of Elastic time:

27 ATC mid 3626 to mid 3625   32/40 --  Enclave in mid 3625.

28 ATC mid 3625 to mid 3624 – 33/41.  Legacy of the Sith Launch in early 3624. Malgus Captured.   

29 ATC mid 3624 to mid 3623 -34/40– Malgus interviewed.  Ruhnuk by the end of 3624.   Old Wounds, with the Malgus interview again. 

After a scare with Shae and a conversation with Theron, Eva finds herself pregnant.  She quickly delegates Fria to Voss.

30 ATC (mid 3623 to mid 3622): At the end of 3623 year, Argento arrives.  His mother is 35, and his father is 43. His mother's maternity leave is interrupted when he's about six months old. The Hidden Chain attack Port Nowhere, and then they go pick on Ord Mantell? Corso Riggs does not think so.

31 ATC -- Off to Hutta, at some point.

~~

So yeah, Argo is like 2 right now in the unadjusted timeline! What I might do is keep the sequence of events the same, just compress it. Back to the drawing board - I might just make 27 and 28 ATC in late 26/early 27 ATC and then 29 and 30 ATc into 27 cheating into 28 ATC for 7.8 and whatever the new plotline is.

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less than 4 hours to go!! wooo https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/topcow/crimson-sunstone-graphic-novel-stjepan-linda-sejic

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For a nation that claims to be proud of its millennia-long culture, often shouting that it's the oldest in the world, my nation sure is a hellhole.

For all the fanfare around king Ram—often called the ideal king—our politicians rule through intimidation, oppression, violence, and murder.

For all the talk of purity and morality, we have a society where sexual violence is rampant. Even allowed. A young woman lit herself on fire to protest the inaction against those who tried to sexually harass her.

For all the pretense at tolerance, we divide ourselves based on language, region, caste, and deity... let alone religion and politics. People fight each other for speaking different languages.

For all the sermons on spirituality, we are now famous as the nation of scammers. Everything is about money, no matter who gets hurt or destitute.

For all the chest-thumping about family values, we have honor-killings and domestic abuse. Of a father so ashamed to be outshined by his daughter that he killed her.

Worst of all, the system is too large and too greasy for any one person to change. We need a miracle. If any god is listening, we need help.

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07.13: everything goes right

@anidalaweeks day 1 prompt where Anakin and Padmé get to raise the twins and be happy.... my dream would be to draw a whole comig about this what-if. i didn't have time, so i did a piece that compiles all best memories from our favorite space romeo and juliet!! in my head, in this AU, Anakin leaves the Jedi Order after killing Palpatine and Padmé continues to fight for freedom across the galaxy. Anakin ends up working as a pilot and ativist (and a stay at home dad to). he loves his family dearly, no one tell him Leia will end up dating Han later on.

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Progress, I guess...?

At therapy today, my therapist took me over my whole journey. It gave me some perspective. Made me think of how far I've come. It's at once encouraging, and sad. Taken me this long, with how much longer left in my journey? Will I ever be a functional member of society again?

TW for Depression and anxiety journey

I guess my downfall started in... 2005?

I was 14, naive, and on top of the world. Best shape of my life, physically active and strong. I was quite smart too. Had some good friends. And I'd fallen in love for the first time. I saw my whole life ahead of me, and thought the world was my jewel box.

ISRO or artist: that's where I was headed. But the problems started once I entered 11th. I lost it all. My grades plummeted, my friends drifted away, I had to stop all extracurriculars, and the girl I asked out rejected me in... quite a bad way. Said that I'd betrayed our friendship (called a 'traitor' at that age was harder than you'd think). All these combined, plus the enormous pressure at school broke me.

I began to unravel and slide, a few inches at a time until it became an avalanche. Bad grades, binge eating, video games, withdrawal from the world. And then came college. I got into a good one, but my grades only got worse, and my lack of friends became bullying and mockery. I nearly failed in at least three subjects every semester, I put on a ton of weight, and each time I attempted to move on and find another partner, I was turned down harsher than the last.

Like, "The worst they can say is not, in fact, 'no.'"

I grew bitterly afraid of failure and rejection. At the end of college, I was already severely depressed, and actively hurting myself a few times. Talked myself off several ledges. I might have gone crazy, seeking friendship anywhere. Begging for someone to tell me that they were there for me. They weren't. No one wants to associate with a loser.

Years later, I had a degree. I could not go on. So, I tried becoming an artist again. I succeeded, to an extent. Got a certificate, and started working in a small startup. But... remember what I said about fear of failure and rejection? Yeah, I still had that. And each rejected drawing was a stab to my heart. By 2016 (or was it 17?) my mind had had enough.

Breakdown. Severe panic attack. First of many.

Over the next month, I became too frightened of everything. Thunder. Trees. Leaves. And I couldn't step inside a vehicle. Couldn't go anywhere with more than four people. I almost got stuck in bed full-time. It was an effort to do the most basic of daily quests. Wash up. Eat my meals. Maintain my hygiene. Leave my room. Heck, more than once, I considered just soiling my own pants rather than bothering to go to the bathroom. I'm glad I never hit that low.

And of course, I lost my skills, one at a time. Couldn't draw, couldn't read, couldn't work out. Then it got even worse. For a few weeks, my meds did something to me. My speech got slowed and slurred. My reflexes dulled away to a 3- or 5-second lag.

I think that was my rock-bottom.

The only way I survived was by playing SWTOR. Writing fanfic. Drawing fanart whenever I could. It saved my life. But I couldn't be there forever, especially since one day, I found that even my love of SWTOR was burned out. I was still suicidal, so shortly after Covid lockdown was lifted, I was placed in a psych ward. I spent... I think 2 months in there? I got better, for a while. Confident enough to face the world again. Got a job as an online English teacher. After a year there, I tried upskilling and finding a fulltime job. The guy who promised me a job at the end, led me on for over a year. And that state of constantly waiting... it undid my progress. I started to feel anxious again. Tired. But finally, I had the job...! Until I didn't. Because my mental health was so shot, I had to be let go.

But this is where I am now. I can do the basics without a problem. I can write a story that's over 1.5 million words long. I can take public transportation again, be it cabs, buses, or trains. Can't drive yet, but who knows? If I give myself a day or two notice, I can step outside my comfort zone to do things. When someone asks me for a favor, I can say, "Of course, I'll do it!" I can even navigate a new city on my own. I can talk to strangers. Not just ask-for-directions, actually talk. My brain doesn't fart as often as it used to. I don't feel I'm as far gone as I used to be.

This is me, now. And I have miles yet to go. I'd be glad if I stop plotting my own demise. I really want to have a decent job again, someplace where I can leave the house to work for nine or ten hours a day (including lunch and commute). I want to stop eating crap and lose weight. And maybe, I want to write a book or two of my own. Not fanfic, something I can sell. I don't even have grand desires anymore. Traveling, romance, friendships, ground-breaking accomplishments... not on my radar. I just hope I can make my breakthrough in the next year. Please. I'm really not asking for much here.

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Too bad the prophet Cassandra never met Odysseus

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Stuff I haven't watched and need to. Add recs please.

1. Mission Impossible series

2. Kill Bill

3. John Wick and... what's the spinoff, Ballerina?

4. MCU. I've only seen a couple of movies. Want to watch all + series

5. Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul

6. Brokeback Mountain

7. 9-1-1

8. All Dogs go to Heaven

9. A Dog's Purpose

10. Stranger Things

11. Friends

12. Paddington Bear

13. Aquaman

14. Puss in Boots

15. Kung-fu Panda 3 and 4

16. How to train your dragon 3

17. Skeleton Crew

18. Road to El Dorado

19. Dress-up Darling

20. Alya sometimes hides her feelings in Russian

21. Boss Level

22. Free Guy

23. Avatar the last Airbender

24. Legend of Korra

25. Sandman 2

...

Oh dear, this is a lot.

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sometimes i see these posts purportedly criticizing ASoIaF and it just…feels like they have never actually engaged with the source material. i GUESS if i had only learned about the series thru social media posts, maybe i WOULD think that its just a ton of violent caricatures! but then i would not feel the need to make a post about it saying “in Real History people cried when their daughters died” like… yes. losing/loving family, and what family even MEANS are major themes in the series.

(also pisses me off seeing things that are like asoiaf doesn’t deal with Gender or Disability etc like. one. i will accept if you have CRITICISMS of the way the book deals with these things but it very much grapples with both EXPLICITLY thru MULTIPLE characters)