and--you-are-weightless

[and--you-are-weightless]

new tip thats been helping me not binge today: everytime i think about food i think "are you like...legit hungry?" and it resets my mind like oh im literally not

[and--you-are-weightless]

✿waistspo✿

[and--you-are-weightless]

THINSPO ^💜

[and--you-are-weightless]

[and--you-are-weightless]

It's February, the weather is warming up, and you're emerging from a winter relapse with a new bod

[and--you-are-weightless]

purged today for the first time in a while. i guess thats a good sign...i care enough abt fucking up to do something about it. ive been esting way too much late ..idk how to stop. i need to eat between work and class or else i get extremely prepccupied with food and hunger and cant stop myself from binging at night after. ive been trying to stick to salads but i slip up sometimes. ive been slipping up a lot lately.

i also havent weighed myself in a long time. probably months. at least before the flood in September anyway. so. idk. i have a scale but i havent even got it out of the box. i keep telling myself ill start today today today tomorrow but i never do.

i got tickets to a really cool festival in September. right after my birthday. I'm excited but ...i know ill see so many other girls there who will be so skinny. i want to be like them. i want the ugly fat girls to see me dancing around without breaking a sweat in super short shorts and a tank top and think "wow. i should starve myself to look like her"

...

i mean, i dont actually want that. just hyperbolic. just how my fucked up brain thinks but not how i actually feel. you get it.

anyway.

i dont know. ill do my best tomorrow and see how it goes. i wish i could just be manic for a while and not even think about eating.

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so i started a new medication and a side effect is it kills your appetite. i was worried that i wouldnt get this cuz i typically have so side effects, but holy shit i DID!!! i am like uncomfortably full all the time! rn i eat maybe one meal a day, and like a little applesauce packet before bed and thats basically it. the uncomfortableness DOES suck but if it stops me from binging all the time im so cool with it.

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getting put on a new antidepressant and my psych is like we just need to watch ur ed cuz this can decrease your appetite and im like (: ok i will be careful! but actually im fucking CELEBRATING cuz im at my highest weight in my life and i hate myself so much every single day if this means im not constantly thinking abt food im gonna be thrilled

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ok. im actually starting now. no more random complaining. i know from experience a jump straight into full fasting does not work for me so instead im gonna do like a liquid only diet for a few days. i can drink things w calories, no limit, i just cant eat. the point isnt to limit calories these first few days its just to break me from binge eating. i got some meal replacement shakes for lunch break at work to hopefully prevent me from getting fast food. i have a bunch of energy drinks and canned energy drink coffee things, theyre all less than 200 cal each. hopefully if i can keep myself constantly drinking different things i wont binge. the only solid food im allowing myself is one piece of dark chocolate in the mornings cuz thats how i make myself take my medication. but like genuinely i need to change something. i cant stand it anymore.

[and--you-are-weightless]

need an ana buddy so bad rn

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btw i weighted in a good 20 lbs over my highest weight today and i wanted to cry but i didnt but im starving after this weekend no joke this time

[and--you-are-weightless]

i just wanna go home. i feel like shit. im so depressed i keep binging and i cant stop. i wanna be in my own house with my own stuff in my own bed im sick of this. idk if i posted here, and i dont have followers anyway but jic i lost my house to a flood so i live with family rn and it sucks. i just buy so much junkfood and fast food. school is kicking my ass and all i want us 1000 cal frappaccinos and cheese burgers. im scared abt so much in the world rn. i wanna kms but i wont because ppl who love me would be sad. but it doesnt stop me from wanting to.

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Moje największe thinspo: arisuken (zdjęcia z ig)

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im gonna kms i have gained so much weight i need to buy new fucking underwear. in my defense i lost my fucking house tochurricane helene and im coping by binge eating all the fucking time and my new location doesnt make purging possible. i need to flip to restricting so fucking bad.

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failed literally day one if my fast. tomorrow im going shopping tho and planning to get stuff like yogurt, green tea, and maybe some smoothie mixes. straight fasts are difficult to just jump into i need to work up to it over time...

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of course id get massively triggered and suddenly reinvested in losing weight like the Day Before going on vacation ): the friend i went with wanted to try so many things and eat so often and i felt like i needed to also...i havent felt this full in a long time multiple days in a row and i couldnt purge once. i feel like im gonna explode. im definitely going to fast when i get home...who knows how long cuz im very out of practice with fasting ...even 2 days at this point would be a start. i just need to stop feeling this way...i hate the way i look, i hate the way i feel, i have to change something...i have to change basically EVERYTHING to make a real difference.

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Some alternative thinspiration for today <3 stay safe