androgynarcissus - Tumblr blog

[androgynarcissus]

Kill me once, shame on you. Kill me twice, how did you did that.

[androgynarcissus]

KNIVES ♡ IT/ITS ♡ CEO OF HELLHOUND

WARNING FOR GRAPHIC CONTENT

#LOVELETTERS - TXT

#VISCER4 - IMAGES

#NIGHTMARES - RBS

#TIL DEATH QUEUENITES AD INFINITUM - QUEUE

CAINEGIRLS INTERACT AT YOUR OWN RISK

[androgynarcissus]

erik seeing the cousin he betrayed pointing a fucking crossbow at him

[androgynarcissus]

updated intro because i really SHOULD show off this gorgeous piece

"Here at the Circus of Nightmares, we're here for you!"

hi ^_^ my name's ana + this is my circus of dreams sideblog

art tag is #reflections and general tag is #the pond, #narcissus is for vincent and things that remind me of him 🥀

will feature mainly art and analysis or character posts <3!

(artwork by @binalakai)

[androgynarcissus]

The Swan - Camille Saint-Saëns // I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor

hi circus (wailing emoji) some vincents for thought... he deserves to be pretty and perform in silly outfits methinks 🥺

[androgynarcissus]

Apollo: God of many things, including music, poetry, art, oracles, archery, plague, medicine, sun, light, and knowledge.

[androgynarcissus]

Turns my words into fire. (x)

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[androgynarcissus]

i'm going insane again does anyone want anything

[androgynarcissus]

gary

[androgynarcissus]

Bottom of the ocean .

New Circus of Dreams art just dropped !

[androgynarcissus]

[androgynarcissus]

Let Me Remember My Song In The Night  -   Pete Wheeler , 2021

New Zealand , b . 1978  -

Oil & pigment on canvas,  200 x 170 cm.    78 ¾ x 66 15/16 in.

[androgynarcissus]

swans by hilma klint

[androgynarcissus]

one of my favorite shirts (you'll never guess why)

[androgynarcissus]

you know i think what i find the most truly haunting about the second vincent's whole story arc is the fact that he is so separated from his obviously more beloved counterpart and it shows so clearly even if he was never that aware of it.

nearly everyone around him had met clyde and treated him accordingly: assuming things that he wasn't a part of, becoming puzzled as to why he was acting differently, etc. i feel like there was a distinct sense of alienation that showed each time an interaction like this happened, and his confusion and often frustration felt palpable as people kept alluding to this person who wasn't him, and it only grew increasingly uncomfortable to be judged based on people's perceptions of not-him. this is especially so considering how much he clearly believed in presenting himself so intricately and how that slowly started to unravel as it was rendered useless by anyone who claims to have met him before.

and don't get me started on the underlying notion that of his usefulness; there was always a sense that he was going to die, even if he never had a full enough view of the situation to put the pieces together. as soon as he stepped onto the page, it was instantly clear that he wasn't sticking around for very long, both due to his self-concerned tendencies and attitude and his place in the story. the reader would have already been aware of the extremely specific problem clyde was facing, and it would only be a matter of time until this perfect vessel could be put to use. his entrance following the whole deal that clyde needed a body was a slap in the face; who could be better to inhabit than a perfect copy of your previous self? he was introduced as a character you were meant to recognize as tragic, which made his journey all the more effective knowing his fate and dreading what would eventually, inevitably come to pass. he was introduced specifically to die, and you have to just hold your breath for every second waiting for it to happen.

and all of this makes me look back upon how it ended, which makes me utterly sick to my stomach every time i think about it. he was so ignorant of everything that was going on around him, making him such a vulnerable target among pre-established characters who had a sense of what goes on in the circus. he fell into every trap he could, going in blind and arrogant and untouched by dangers he was completely separated from in the real world. maybe he was lucky, managing to find company with nene/aphro and mell, who could at least steer him on the right path, but he was truly blind to whatever could have happened until it was too late to be taken back.

and what really gets me is the fact that he ended up so truly alone. by the time he'd stumbled out of the maze and into the jaws of the beast once more, he was both physically and socially completely alienated from everything around him. the people searching for him didn't even particularly like him, and one of them specifically knew the connotations of his presence in reference to clyde- who knows what would've happened if they were present during the last bit! he'd lost his primary means of communication and a distinct part of his identity, something that must have been so dehumanizing on his end along with the fact that he couldn't even express his grief in a properly cathartic way. the fact that he was physically by himself in the theater hall just hammers in how alone he was. his breakdown was suffocating, having to manage how overwhelming it all was and be effectively unrecognized through it all, so insignificant to the passive observer because of his lack of sound and to anyone aware of his situation because they already had the sense that he was doomed. nothing worked in his favor, and nothing could have because of the sheer separation from humanity he was faced with as soon as he stepped foot through the gates. and his grief was so palpable because of that, only exponentially worse because he didn't know what was going on. he might've realized a little too late what was so dangerous about the circus, but he never got to know how condemned he was in the first place.

and in the end, i think clyde knew that. i think he understood- if only through catching a glimpse of the end result, sharing his sorrow and passion and hopelessness -how isolated he must have felt, even if he was always meant to kill him in the end.