andyet

[andyet]

Oh characters doomed from the start we’re really in it now

[andyet]

I am hungry

I have been hungry

I was born hungry

What do I need?

Prints available here

CW: blood

(ID:

image 1: a still life of Communion, golden chalices with red liquid, a candlestick, cloth, and a small dish.

image 2: a grassy field in pitch black, a spot light illuminating a herd of sheep with glowing, reflective eyes, and the legs of a man standing among the sheep, his eyes are also glowing.

image 3: The door way of a church with the doors open revealing a forest at night, and bloody handprints on the walls.

end ID)

[andyet]

The Midnight Club - Season Two

I'm very disappointed that Netflix has decided not to pursue a second season of THE MIDNIGHT CLUB.

My biggest disappointment is that we left so many story threads open, holding them back for the hypothetical second season, which is always a gamble.

So I'm writing this blog as our official second season, so you can know what might have been, learn the fates of your favorite characters, and know the answers to those dangling story threads from the first season.

So for those of you who want to know what we were planning to do, here's a look at what would have been season 2!

AMESH Season 2 would open with Amesh, his glioblastoma advancing quickly. He would tell the first story of the season, but would be struggling to make it through. We'd focus on his love story with Natsuki for those first few episodes as it becomes clear that Amesh's death is imminent.

Meanwhile, Ilonka is trying to reconcile how she was fooled by Julia Jayne, all while falling further in love with Kevin, and she realizes he may be fading faster than he lets on.

Ilonka begins a serialized story in an effort to encourage him to "stay alive a little longer," like he did in season one. And the story she tells is... REMEMBER ME.

This was the thing I was most excited about for this season.

REMEMBER ME is one of my all-time favorite Pike books - it tells the story of a teenage girl who is pushed off a balcony, and awakens as a ghost. She has to navigate being a spirit while trying to solve her own murder. We would have stretched this story out over 5 episodes. We were going to use it as a vehicle for Ilonka to try to come to terms with the fact that she is going to die, and to begin to trying to wrap her head around being a ghost... but this is the coolest part... the lead character of Ilonka's story wouldn't be played by Ilonka. She'd be played by...

Anya.

Because this is how we live on, isn't it? In the minds of those we leave behind. And Ilonka would use REMEMBER ME as a way to imagine her dear friend Anya, waking up as a ghost, navigating the afterlife. And this sets up one of the best mechanisms of the show - even if a character dies, as long as they're remembered by members of the club, they live on in their stories.

As the story starts to pick up steam, though, the group will have to deal with the death of Amesh, which he greets with grace and bravery.

In his final moments, he sees someone in his room - the Janitor from the first season, as played by Robert Longstreet, who says comforting things to Amesh even though he can't respond.

In his final, final moments, the SHADOW descends upon Amesh, and he is engulfed into it, which reinforces the idea that the Shadow is DEATH...

With Amesh's death comes something that upends the entire thing: a NEW PATIENT. We didn't work out too much about who this would be, but it would be a new roommate for Ilonka. Someone taking Anya's old bed. Ilonka would find herself being initially cold to her - just as Anya was when Ilonka arrived. Even feeling like this new girl shouldn't necessarily be ushered into the Club. But of course they would develop a beautiful friendship over the course of the season. The new girl joins the club, where something else exciting is happening - Cheri is telling a story. We hadn't decided which one, but I think it might have been MONSTER.

Natsuki would be the next to die, which would be heartbreaking. And again, she would talk to the janitor just before it happened... and again, the Shadow would come in the final moments.

For Spence, though, things would take a different turn.

The advancements in HIV treatment in the late 90's would come into play, and we'd see his prognosis change. The HIV cocktail came out in Dec 1995, and we really wanted to explore that.

Spence would ride the swell of antiviral advancements, and by the end of the season, he'd no longer be classified as terminal. In the finale of season 2, Spence would leave Brightcliffe just like Sandra did in Season 1, heading off to manage his disease and live the rest of his life.

But onto the BIG MYSTERIES of the season one... here are some answers: What is up with Dr. Stanton's tattoo and bald head? Well, a few things. First, Dr. Stanton is actually the daughter of the original Paragon cult leader, Aceso. Her nickname was Athena, she wrote the Paragon journal that Ilonka found in S1. She turned on her mother and helped the kids escape, but because she was part of the cult in her teenage years, she had the tattoo.

It was her initials that Ilonka found carved into the tree in season 1 (her maiden name was Georgina Ballard, hence the G.B. that Ilonka finds carved in the tree).

She hated what her mother became, and the atrocities of the cult. She reclaimed the property after her mom was gone, and wanted to change it into a place that celebrated life. She was trying to undo her mother's legacy and leave something behind that was beautiful. She is wearing a wig at the end of S1 not because of a sinister reason, but because she is undergoing chemo. Dr. Stanton has cancer. Having helped so many people deal with disease, she now has to deal with it herself.

Her treatment would be successful, and she'd go into remission, but having to face that - while caring for the terminal kids at Brightcliffe - was going to be a very introspective arc for Stanton.

What about the Living Shadow? It's Death, right? Well... no.

At the end of the season, Kevin will die... followed shortly by Ilonka. And as she is dying, two things will happen. First, she'll find herself talking to the Janitor, played by Robert Longstreet... and she'll make a discovery.

HE is Death. And nothing to be afraid of. It turns out no one else ever saw this character. Stanton has a cleaning service, and the Nurse practitioners make up the rooms - the only people who ever saw this mysterious Janitor were the patients. He is Death, and offers them kind words before they die. Then what was the Shadow?

This is an idea we take directly from the book REMEMBER ME, and we'll see it play out in the final moments of Ilona's final tale. In Pike's book, Shari is pursued by a dark entity called The Shadow. When it finally catches her, though, it turns out it is not a bad thing at all.

The Shadow is THEMSELVES. It's the Unknown. As it engulfs someone, in the last moment of their life, it takes them through a place of understanding and catharsis, preparing them for the next step.

THIS is what happened to Anya in S1 when the Shadow finally reached her - that's why she fantasized a life beyond Brightcliffe, which ultimately let her find acceptance of her death. It looks different for everybody, depending on their mind-set - because it is simply an extension of themselves.

The Shadow is just the final catharsis, a return to our original form - it is a moment of true understanding, and once we experience it, we move on to the next place.

We see the Shadow in full effect when it finally comes for Kevin. KEVIN DIES with Ilonka at his side, and it leads to the biggest reveal of the season:

Who were the Mirror Man and the Cataract Woman?

They were Stanley Oscar Freelan and his wife, who built Brightcliffe (fun trivia, he is named after the real-life Freelan Oscar Stanley, who built my favorite hotel in America - the Stanley Hotel. The Stanley is also the inspiration for THE SHINING!).

But more than that... there's a reason that Ilonka only sees Stanley in the mirror, and sees the Cataract Woman whenever she looked at Kevin. This is something else we took from Pike's original book... these aren't ghosts, but glimpses of PAST LIVES.

Ilonka WAS Stanley Oscar Freelan, and Kevin WAS his wife. They've lived many lives this way, and are true SOUL MATES - they always find each other, and they always fall in love. In this life, they knew it would be a short one, so they agreed to find each other in the house they built. They've been "remembering" who they are, and glimpsing their former selves in reflections, and sometimes when they look at each other. This is also why Ilonka's very first words to Kevin in S1 were "Do I know you?" and why Kevin thought she was familiar as well. They are two souls who always find each other, again and again.

The story is this: Stanley was dying, and built this cliffside home hoping that the seaside air would help him. It did, and he far outlived his prognosis (this is also true of the real-life Freelan Stanley). However, his wife began to succumb to dementia.

She would wander the halls, looking for him ("Darling!") and would even forget to feed herself ("I'm starving...") and she eventually refused to leave the basement. Heartbroken for her, Stanley painted the walls to resemble the woodland view, and the ceiling to resemble the night sky, so that it would be a little more beautiful for her.

He also painted a labyrinth on the floor, which was a technique used to try to curb the effects of dementia. She'd walk the pattern of the maze and it was believed it could help her cognition. Eventually, she developed frightening cataracts, but Stanley loved her through it all.

They were soul mates.

So while they seemed scary in season 1, that was just how Ilonka and Kevin's mind were trying to remember their pasts. We even had their faces distorting in ways consistent with how memories degrade over time. When the Shadow comes for Ilonka, and gives her this understanding - this "remembering" - she realizes she has nothing to fear. She and Kevin will shed these personas and be reborn, and have the joy of finding each other another way. The Shadow comes for her, Death takes her gently, and Ilonka goes off with Kevin back into the cosmos, ready for their next incarnation. The series would end with Cheri telling this story to a whole new table of patients, including our new series leads. Most of our original cast now would exist as stories, a story told to the next "class" of storytellers at the table, all of whom we will have met by the end of the season. A story called "The Midnight Club."

Well, that's it... that was what we had in mind. It's a shame we won't get to make it, but it would be a bigger shame if you guys simply had to live with the unanswered questions and the cliffhanger ending. I loved making this show, and I am so proud of the cast and crew. Particularly our cast, who attacked this story with incredible spirit and bravery each and every day.

But for now, we'll put the fire out, and leave the library dark and quiet. To those before, and to those after. To us now, and to those beyond.

Seen or unseen, here but not here.

I'll always be grateful that I got to be part of this Club.

[andyet]

“Would fall in love with me again if you knew all I’ve done?”

[andyet]

Ok but wouldnt it be really funny

[andyet]

Odysseus moment

[andyet]

as far as the conclave girlies who want those cardinals (and monsignors) to have any kind of sex, i think yall are really underselling the unique freakery that men who are fully committed to their vows of celibacy are capable of. maybe ill reevaluate when i read the book, but apart from tedesco, who seems liable to have a relationship with a woman half his age, and adeyemi, who did have a relationship with a woman almost half his age, none of those old men seem particularly interested in sex. bellini, maybe, but tbh we don’t get enough of him for me to evaluate. lawrence, ive met a million of. that man is not fucking, but he most definitely does have a few relationships with men (and women) who he signs letters to as “yours in christ.” he offers mass to bellini, agnes, and of course benitez frequently. his confessions are whispered, he gives the eucharist on the tongue, he organizes silent retreats. everything he does he does in love. benitez very clearly is not fucking. he references getting through seminary without anyone noticing he was in anyway different from an endosex man. seminary is the point when those young men are most likely to get freaky with it because they’re all young, often away from their families for the first time, and like a weird amount of seminarians are queer, that’s just the nature of religious life in the church. benitez doesn’t have to fuck though because he clearly disliked being in the vatican and didn’t want to stay, but he decided, in a split second, to accept the pontificate because a good man, a good priest, believed in his ability to lead the church. it’s wayyyyy easier to fuck than to submit yourself to god’s will (and lawrence’s implicit trust). the nuns are fucking though. trust.

[andyet]

as far as the conclave girlies who want those cardinals (and monsignors) to have any kind of sex, i think yall are really underselling the unique freakery that men who are fully committed to their vows of celibacy are capable of. maybe ill reevaluate when i read the book, but apart from tedesco, who seems liable to have a relationship with a woman half his age, and adeyemi, who did have a relationship with a woman almost half his age, none of those old men seem particularly interested in sex. bellini, maybe, but tbh we don’t get enough of him for me to evaluate. lawrence, ive met a million of. that man is not fucking, but he most definitely does have a few relationships with men (and women) who he signs letters to as “yours in christ.” he offers mass to bellini, agnes, and of course benitez frequently. his confessions are whispered, he gives the eucharist on the tongue, he organizes silent retreats. everything he does he does in love. benitez very clearly is not fucking. he references getting through seminary without anyone noticing he was in anyway different from an endosex man. seminary is the point when those young men are most likely to get freaky with it because they’re all young, often away from their families for the first time, and like a weird amount of seminarians are queer, that’s just the nature of religious life in the church. benitez doesn’t have to fuck though because he clearly disliked being in the vatican and didn’t want to stay, but he decided, in a split second, to accept the pontificate because a good man, a good priest, believed in his ability to lead the church. it’s wayyyyy easier to fuck than to submit yourself to god’s will (and lawrence’s implicit trust). the nuns are fucking though. trust.

[andyet]

Present Tense: The Long Shadow of an Eating Disorder 

After a devastating college break up, Maggie Slepian spiralled into a full-blown eating disorder after years of intermittent restriction. For Longreads, she recounts how controlling food was her way to reclaim power over her life, what drove her to seek treatment, and why those with eating disorders may never be truly cured.

A common misconception about eating disorders is that the person doesn’t want to eat. That isn’t always true, and certainly not for me. I thought about food all the time. I stared at girls eating—not in disgust but in envy. Sharing pastries outside coffee shops, tearing open energy bar wrappers in the gym lobby. I walked through the dining hall with my tray of food substitutes—fat-free Cool Whip, iceberg lettuce doused in ketchup—trying not to gape as I passed a dining hall employee shaking salt over a tray of french fries and sliding a pan of cheeseburgers under the heat lamp. But eating meant failure, and the earth-shaking loss of my relationship was already enough failure.

My brain, which had always felt sharp, became confused and groggy. I felt trapped between sleep and wakefulness, unable to focus in class. I heard my sentences trail off through an echoing tunnel. I scanned my body obsessively every chance I got. I peered into the mirror to make sure I could still see the correct collarbone depth and angular bones jutting from behind my shoulders.

Read the full essay. 

[andyet]

MAKISIG: "Alright, you have the go signal, but only hunt if she's around to observe you."

SOME HUMAN: "T-Thank you, stranger! How did you convince her?" MAKISIG: "I can be very persuasive. " (( X'DD ))

Note:

-Makisig is a Tamawo

-Maria Makiling is the well-known Diwata of Mt. Makiling

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INSTAGRAM: @etchsee

MAIN BLOG: ask-emilz-de-philz.tumblr.com

If you like our work, please support us by ko-fi.com/haimacheir

[andyet]

This isn't how life is supposed to feel

irsshawty on Pinterest / I Saw The TV Glow / internetfavorite on Pinterest / kiyogakukai on Pinterest / Spotify on Pinterest / ladycranes on Pinterest / micheallasboard on Pinterest / Ryan O'Connell / norhanelhadry474 on Pinterest / @inanotherunivrse on Tumblr / ??? / Charles Wright, Scar Tissue in "Scar Tissue" / Barbara Kingsolver, The Lacuna / Priyer on Pinterest / vangore on X / perfumebathing on Instagram / marvinandrea89 on Pinterest / @hannahlockillustration on Tumblr / stickybaby on We Heart It / lesedimorapeli25 on Pinterest / Jnkskxm on Pinterest / Jeff Vandermeer, Annihilation / Fernando Pessoa, "English Song", A Little Larger Than the Entire Universe: Selected Poems / Jean-Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness / MrsandMrStyles on Pinterest / Chuck Palahniuk / justgiveittime on Pinterest / Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 6: 1955-1966 / Mary Macdonald, romanticizeaquietlife on Pinterest / Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl /

I accidentally deleted my credits while creating this & struggled to find the original creators again as I had already downloaded all of this content. Some of the credits are towards the original creators, but some are just references to where I was able to find the content after deleting my original credits. Please feel free to correct any of my credits if you see one that is incorrect 🫶🏼

[andyet]

That one scene

[andyet]

another gravity falls animation! :3 hope yall enjoy!

[andyet]

behind the scenes of hirokazu kore-eda's monster (2023)

[andyet]

"If only some people can have it, that's not happiness. That's just nonsense. Happiness is something anyone can have."

Monster (2024) dir. Hirokazu Koreeda

[andyet]

Mars Review/Analysis

Mars was a series I had vaguely known about for a while. I've seen the iconic statue kissing scene, the male lead ranked as one of ppl's faves problematic love interests, and even had a mutual who talked about reading the series once a year. However it wasn't until a discussion on the portrayal of sex and other mature topics in shoujo that I figured it might be useful for me to read such a foundational work

Cue me reading the first chapter and breathlessly telling people it alone would count as the one of the best of shoujo. I binged the rest of the 15 volume series in a week, and through so many familiar ups and downs, it still felt like something special.

CW: Suicide, Sexual Abuse, Homophobia, Transphobia

Summary time:

Kira, a shy high school student, lives only for her art. Rei, An arrogant, rebellious and violent playboy, wears his delinquency like a badge of honor. They are exact opposites in every way, but when Kira sees Rei kissing a statue of Mars, she overcomes her fears and asks him to model for her. And, to everyone's surprise, Rei agrees.

On the surface it seems just like a typical good girl/bad boy story, and it is hard to say it isn't, but so much of what makes the story work is the details. Their meet cute is subdued, nothing but an excuse to get them talking again, but as they talk more and more, their chemistry just shines through. I don't know if it just fits my specific tastes, but it really is the stuff of girlhood dreams. Rei has this easy-going charm that is hard to look away from, and you can see Kira start to fall fast and hard despite herself, and by the end of volume 1, they've shared their first kiss and are more or less an item for the rest of the series

It is a pretty fast courtship for most romance stories, but the fact we skip the pining to get straight to an established relationship means we get this sort of easy physical affection that is so refreshing. Frankly I would enjoyed just watching them be absolutely adorable, but as we uncover both their dark pasts, they take on this young, restless "us vs. the world" love I can't resist

I mention before how a lot of Rei's appeal lies in his laid-back nature, rather than brood in a corner, he's outgoing and popular but the same carefree nature means he doesn't put much stock in social convention or consider the consequences his poor impulse control can get him in. It's a much more thought-out portrayal of a "bad boy" even as the dramatic details of his backstory build up. Considering his mother's early death, his estrangement from his father, and the fact he saw his twin brother commit suicide in front of him, it is clear his ease with everything is more bc of a general apathy, even towards his own wellbeing

Kira we learned started the series still recovering from the sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of her stepfather, as her relationship develops with Rei, she has to process a lot of trauma she still has surrounding her sexuality. It is clear her introverted, passive nature is not just a means of making her more relatable/easier to project onto, and that the real Kira has only started to come back out of her shell

I'd be lying if I acted like these issues were explored in nuanced, subtle ways, but even through the melodrama there was something real to it all that captured me. Like I usually struggle to latch onto most contemporary romances where the biggest obstacles couples face are their willingness to go ahead an make the first move. But these are real problems that real ppl face, even if it is heavily dramatized, and so their determination to stick together and make a place where they can be happy and safe just tugs at my heartstrings, even the breakneck pacing from one arc to the next, felt true to the whirlwind that is young adulthood. Did Fuyumi Souryo forget a plot thread when Rei's dream of becoming a pro racer fell away from the plot for like ten volumes? Maybe, but in life you're usually not really following a laid out plan and are more trying to survive from one crisis to the next while discovering patches of stability along the way

The melodrama really started to test my limits with the introduction of the antagonist, Masao. In contrast to Rei and Kira's detailed history of violence, Masao's just plain evil and attracted to the both of them for extra "creepiness" It's not just tasteless, it's boring, his entire arc nearly killed my interest in the series

Thankfully he only shows up for one arc in the middle and then briefly at the end to stir up more trouble. He's more bearable in those chapters thanks to the fact he's reflecting how much our main leads has grown, but his existence is painfully utilitarian, which applies to most of the rest of the cast, clearly only existing to highlight our main duo better. This also leads to some transphobia and insensitive portrayals of suicide.

Rei's mother and twin also suffer similar "secretly evil all along" reveals as Masao, which I do think cheapen Rei's struggle. Frankly we don't get enough time to unpack either character's history to really understand them, but even if the narrative doesn't suggest it outright, it is hard to ignore the feeling their deaths aren't so tragic bc of their flaws. Even so, they bothered me less than Masao for some reason. For all her violent tendencies, Rei's mother is still given sympathy that Masao never gets. And even though Sei's suicide note expresses a lot of misanthropy and sadism, to me there were enough lines almost suggesting he feared those tendencies within him and was also struggling in his own way. Perhaps their underdeveloped nature all helps keep either plot point form having to overstay their welcome

And that's the thing, despite all the dark and shocking plot twists I casually mentioned, what really stands out as I look back on the series, is the strong love Rei and Kira share. Going back to the plot summary, what you see is what you get. If you aren't on board with the series after volume 1, then it probably isn't for you. But few pieces of media have ever sold me on two character's love for each other as hard as this did. I mentioned before that I tend to need my media to acknowledge tragedy before I can accept their hope, but even when Mars isn't pulling out its soap opera cliffhangers, I always wanted to see how Rei and Kira would come together to support each other through their next stages of life.

[andyet]

I'm working on some ref sheets for my ocs so now everybody has to see them >:)