andypasta

[andypasta]

jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

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If you ever meet someone on the internet claiming they're from the USA, watch out because they're most likely an AI bot. nobody in the US can afford an internet connection (because they're so poor) and even if they could their schools are so underfunded they couldn't even know how to use the internet

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You’re not depressed. You just need $250,000 in your bank account.

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they fucking blew him up

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Freddy "Faggot" Fazbear has passed the hell away

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They're having a 2 for 1 Who gives a Fuck special at the Shove It up your Ass store

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You’re not depressed. You just need $250,000 in your bank account.

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Favourite thing about Little Shop of Horrors (the movie) is when Bill Murray shows up for like 5 minutes just to dial the homoeroticism up by 10. Shows up to Freak Dentist's place just so he can outfreak him. Moans in delight when he gets that rusty-ass blade in his mouth. Never shows up for the rest of the musical. What did they mean by this

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Musicals are time loops. Every night, the same thing happens except for a few minor differences. It always ends the same. If you want the characters to do something different or to make better choices, too bad. The actors are bound by the script and the score. The only way for the time loop to end is for the show to close. But you (the audience) don't want the show to close, nor do the actors who would like to be employed. It's a lose/lose situation. For the actors, audience, technicians, and for the characters, who are forever stuck in the same stretch of time.

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You’re not depressed. You just need $250,000 in your bank account.

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its impregnate that man monday ladies and gentlemen.

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HELP HE HACKS MY ACCOUNT

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i think maybe we could spend less time thinking about things that make us angry and more time thinking about other stuff

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EVERY TIME I IMAGINE THE ORIGINAL IMAGE I ALWAYS IMAGJNE IT WITH GROXERY BAGS THANLS TO THIS IMAGE SO MUCH SO THAT ONR TIME I COKLDNT FIND THE IMAHE SO I DREW A SHITTY VERSION

carrying all the groceries up so my wife doesnt have to

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carrying all the groceries up so my wife doesnt have to

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