anemcia

[anemcia]

I've been thinking it over.

This is long, but important regarding the future of my tumblr activity.

What's going on?

I have spent the last six years building this blog's narrative, which was rather personal to me, and I shared this openly with the community. While many of you have always enjoyed what I've put on the table (And I appreciate ALL of you), there have also been moments when I understand my enthusiasm isn't as well received. And really, that's to be expected! You can't always win! I'm okay with that.

In 2020, I was part of a little DB discord group where it was 'encouraged' for you to talk about your characters/story, and anytime I tried to get a word in, someone else would gush about their own thing. Others would jump in on that bandwagon, and that'd just be the end of it. Makes you feel like nothing you've made really matters to anyone.

Not that they hated me personally or didn't want to hear what I had to say. They were simply more invested and involved with what they shared together. Makes sense, I'm no better with my own friends, especially on topics with OCs and their stories. We're all built like that.

Reflecting between then and now, I'm beginning to understand my hesitation on this site.

I've been in the Tumblr RPC long enough to know that I don't have the charisma I'd like to have when role-playing with others, regardless of fandom. The constant awareness of always being a bridesmaid, never the bride. To never feel that same level of excitement from another writer the way you feel, even when you love their work objectively.

The occasional moments of mutual excitement have kept me from outright deleting the blog and leaving quietly, but it's a short-term solution to a long-term problem.

Without sounding like a self-centered dweeb, I've always thought, "When will it be MY turn for someone to equally gush over my stupid stuff with me? My characters? The stuff we build together?"

I'm mature enough to admit that I'm not immune to feeling 'left out', or 'ignored'. It's a stinky club we're ALL part of, like it or not. How you handle that feeling should be ultimately constructive, never in ways that place blame on other people, especially when you don't always apply the effort.

Find people who ACTUALLY care about your passions, the story you've woven, and the characters that inhabit it. Most importantly, find people who care about you as you are.

I've effectively wasted over a decade of my time trying to impress internet strangers who don't want what I'm serving. It sucks, and it hurts, but I'm not going to let that weigh me down anymore.

It's time I finally get to the point of all this.

Retirement...?

I think I'm done with Tumblr. The site, the RPC here, just about all aspects of it. I'm also divorcing Honeydew from the DB series itself, as I want to start focusing on original stories/settings and place all my energy into them instead. If anything, the DB stuff will just be an AU for her, and I'm happy with that. Win-Win.

I also have many new OCs that have exploded within the last few months, and I'm deeply excited to learn more about them with plenty of love and effort. I have my close friends and my loving husband to thank for helping me with the recent growth and developments. It's given me the strength I needed to make the break away from fandom-related stories (at least in the long term).

Future of this Blog (Soft Retirement)

That said, I'm not deleting this blog or even necessarily ceasing activity. My involvement will be greatly reduced to bare minimums, and I'll likely use this as a place to occasionally reblog replies that need replying to, and play with memes if any strike the mood. I'll still shoot asks, I'll reply to asks, but this isn't nearly as urgent now.

I'd be willing to do the odd thread or two over tumblr, that's not off the table completely, but just with my mutuals. Otherwise, Discord would be my primary focus for plotting and general role-play. Again, just with my mutuals.

In many ways, nothing much has changed, and I'm still on a bit of a break. I'm just not checking on the website as much anymore, nor do I really want to unless I have a reason. I greatly cherish all the stories I've been able to write with all of you, and I still hope we can continue many more in the future, regardless of platform.

Final thoughts

Thanks for reading my incredibly long ramble, but I've been trying to find the right words to say for nearly two years. It feels freeing to know I can stop holding myself back and treat myself fairly for the first time in ages.

One of my first interactions on this blog was with roleplayer I only knew for a month, and after a few posts, they vanished. Gone, no posts since our last interaction. I'd like to think that wherever they are, everything is okay. I still think about our thread, and what could have been.

And much like them, there will be a day I won't log in, leave Tumblr for good, with or without a farewell. It could be days, weeks, months, or years from now. Either I'll drop first or Tumblr will, and both options are fine with me. But I will eventually leave, one way or another.

So, until then, let's enjoy our time together while it lasts! I want our interactions to be memorable, something I can think about on and off for a long, long time.

I hope I can be that way for you too, and I'm glad you've stuck around through the best and worst of my antics. Thank you for everything! God bless!

[anemcia]

I told you not to trust me.

                                  Why did you fall in love with me?

                                                        WHY DID I FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU?

[anemcia]

//My activity do be dying ever so slightly, busy with the babies and catching up on chores. I'll be a little more fragmented activity wise.

[anemcia]

"Oh look at that, I got bingo." Don't mind Xaos' smug grin.

BINGO SHEET - [ACCEPTING]

She hates how much they have in common. Two bingos too many. And yet, they had enough differences to make him stand out that much more... Why did he have to be such a devil?

"You're just lucky that I don't reach over and give ya such a pinch..."

"...But, if yer up for it sometime... I'd love to go fishin' with you."

[anemcia]

THROWS FROM EMILE BC I'M NOT ON MY DBZ BLOG ATM <3

BINGO SHEET - [ACCEPTING]

She's almost speechless, but then again, this is Emile we're talking about. He's practically built for her, in a cosmic sense.

"T-That's nearly every last bingo on the damn chart. I don't know whether to be impressed or a little nervous. Maybe a lot of nervous."

[anemcia]

"Because I like to be trendy, I made a bingo sheet myself!... Fill it out anyway you like and submit yer charts... Kinda curious what I'll hear from a few of ya."

ACCEPTING THOSE SUBMISSIONS!! And, if you wanna do one yourself, here's a template down below!

[anemcia]

//....Not me imagining traversing different sections of Kodaiho just has the R/S/E Hoenn ost running through it.

>The theme your muse hears upon entering a rainy segment of Kodaiho's landscape.

[anemcia]

//Me, sitting in my thinking chair™

Maybe Kodaiho Lands should be a huge country, divided by diverse landscapes and ecosystems. Covered in a thick wilderness, large forests, and uninhabitable mountains. The only places people have settled on are lowland plains that have minimal obstructions, which isn't a whole lot, but just enough space to build a couple of sporadic towns.

It would be too dangerous to travel any further north in the region, lots of deadly animals / monsters that have been known to maim, kill, or kidnap humans that step foot in the wrong territory.

While locals already have their reasons to dislike Honeydew (Believing her an amateur city-slicker or silver-spooned brat), traveling directly to her address isn't feasible. Just getting to Misty Farms would be a pain in the ass, all those long stretches of roads and the off-chance something might run you off it, and your life is over.

Suffice it to say, she got used to being the one to take that risk to and from those towns. How else is she going to keep her business afloat, right?

[anemcia]

There is a glint of abject anger in his eyes, slightly subdued, as he watched her pull away from his grasp. An honest observation she could hardly contain to herself, one that bit harder than it needed to. He wasn't sure whether to affirm or deny her claim, the truth teetering between fact and fiction. Such a fragile balance, uncomfortably so, as they sat in silence for a gut-wrenching minute..

But the stillness shattered as she stumbled into yet another apology, her words tumbling out in a desperate attempt to explain herself—as if that could somehow mend the raw edges of the moment. Cyto couldn't help but question: if it had been anyone but Mariko, would he have shown such restraint? Would his self-control have faltered?

Verbally?

Physically?

The thought flickered briefly in his mind before he forced it down, swallowing his bitterness. Yet even in his restraint, a trace of that sensation slipped through, sharp and unmistakable in the tension of his posture.

"You're right, you don't see it that way. You've made it clear you wouldn't make the attempt." He starts, tone laced in ice before gradually thawing out. "Honestly, I don't blame you. Father is difficult to stomach, even on a good day. You're not obligated to befriend him just because of me. He's made it clear he has no intention of knowing you, either."

He takes the gauze from her hands, examining her work before concluding it was serviceable. She would heal with little complication, the chances of scarring fairly minimal in spite of his initial worries. His fingers trace lightly over her bandages, an unconscious effort to reassure himself of her injuries.

"...You know, pushing your luck isn't always a bad thing. It shows that you stand up for what's right, even when the odds are stacked against you. I can't fault you for that, Mariko. I love your tenacity as much as I love youuuu--"

"--Y-Your kind spirit."

Nice save

"Sounds to me like he's selling his sadistic manipulation for love, and you all have been gaslighted into believing him."

The answer left her lips in the span of a breath -- or a snort, to be more specific. Mariko bit her lips, cursing her quick tongue and how it tended to outrun her mind. She pulled her leg away from Cyto's hands, as if ashamed of letting him medicate her after dropping such a comment on his shoulders.

"... Sorry. He's your father. It's only fair for you to see it like that." And this time, she managed to keep herself from adding: Or to want to believe that's true.

She took another roll of clean gauze and started wrapping it around her other calf, turning the roll around it with quick, unnerved moves. She hissed as the fabric pressed against the open cuts, but she ignored it. She was used to worse, after all, even if she couldn't say it.

"I just don't think I'll ever like him," she said. "Ever. I'm sorry. I know you wished I could, but..."

But I know who he is.

I know what he's like.

And I have an unbiased knowledge of him.

Although, one may wonder how unbiased it really was, for having her interrupt with Cyto's training to the point of getting beaten up like a sack of potatoes only because she couldn't fight back. And a Patroller wasn't meant to interfere.

"... But I don't think it'll ever happen," she concluded vaguely, tying a knot to the gauze. "You were right though. I should have listened to you. I shouldn't have pushed my luck like that," she conceded with a resigned sigh.

[anemcia]

The phone rang sharply in the quiet farmhouse, the sound breaking the rhythm of the late afternoon. Cyto, standing by the kitchen counter, glanced at it curiously. Honeydew’s phone rarely buzzed—only a handful of people ever called her. Not that he's ever picked up the phone; hell, no one knows he's out here. Not a soul is aware that he, or his father, lives under the same roof.

He tentatively reads the caller ID, it being read simply as "Dad". The knowledge of even speaking with his grandfather, or any family member beyond this region, was far too tempting to pass up.

And against better judgment... Curiosity won. He simply had to know what he sounded like. It was the closest connection with a human he could have beyond his own mother.

Slowly, steadily, he answered the call.

“...Hello?” he said, his tone polite but uncertain.

The voice on the other end was gruff, sharp, and immediately suspicious. “Eh? Who is this? Where’s Honeydew?”

“This is… Her son,” Cyto replied cautiously, the words tasting strange even as he said them. There was silence. An eerie, suffocating silence that stretched far too long, before the voice came roaring back like a thunderclap.

“HER WHAT?! Honeydew doesn’t have a son! Put her on the phone! NOW!”

Cyto winced, holding the phone slightly away from his ear. “She’s not here right now,” he said, voice steady but tense. “I can tell her to call you back—”

“Hold on,” Flint cut in, his voice trembling with equal parts fury and disbelief. “I wanna believe this is some big joke, but I get the feelin' this is serious... H-How… How old are you, kid? You sound a lot older than I expected.”

“...Fifteen,” Cyto admitted, hesitating. That earned him another earful.

“Fifteen?! FIFTEEN?! What the hell has she been hiding from me?!” Flint roared. His words were fast, sharp, cutting through the thin static of the phone line. “Who even are you? Do you go to school? What do you do? Has she ever said a word about me to you? ANYTHING?”

Cyto paused, his throat tightening. He tried to keep his voice calm. “I… I don’t go to school, but... I'm homeschooled. I also help out on the farm. And she’s mentioned you… But only in recounted memories. Other than that, she doesn't say anything.”

That seemed to hit a nerve. Flint’s next words caught in his throat, replaced by a heavy, frustrated exhale. “...Of course, she hasn’t said anything else,” he muttered, voice low and bitter. “She’d rather bury everything than own up to it. I should've known she'd hide news about a baby bein' born... The nerve of that girl.”

Cyto didn’t reply. The phone felt heavier in his hand, the conversation weighing on him. But then he asked the question Cyto had been dreading.

“What about your father, kid? He's still in the picture, right? Who is he?...”

For a moment, the hybrid froze. The weight of the truth—of what that question could unravel—sat heavily in his chest. There was no possible way the truth could would go down well, not even a little bit. How on Earth would anyone in his position be able to explain that can of worms?

Without a word, without even thinking, he reflexively ended the call, hanging up with a sharp beep. Cyto stared at the screen for a long moment, his reflection barely visible in its dark surface. He swallowed hard, a knot of guilt twisting in his stomach. He hadn’t meant for things to go that far. And now… He wasn’t sure how much worse he’d just made everything.

He's so fucking dead for doing that.

[anemcia]

Send 💝📖 (or “love story” if you can't see the emojis) and I'll tell you a scenario where I can see my muse falling for yours.

For muses who already have an established ship dynamic, receiver will make up an AU situation!

[anemcia]

Why do you CARE so much?

                                                  …it’s making me care.

[anemcia]

Take care with my FAITH in you,

                 for my trust has been shattered many times.

[anemcia]

//Everyone... I'm proud to present......

THE INTEREST TRACKER

Please fill this form out when you have the time. I want to know what you think!

[anemcia]

//Deeeeeefinitely something I didn't create on impulse or anything........ I also did the same thing with this fella.....

But hopefully I'll find the time to create a proper promo for both blogs. I get into a creative design fit of rage and agony and then leave after all those hours of wasted work are done :V

Because I really wanna move both around eventually. I'm in a mood.

[anemcia]

"I have the biggest boobies in all the land." Thought Honeydew.....that was until she met the Boobie ghost.

"NO, NOT THE BOOBY GHOST!! NOW I HAVE... THE BOOBY ENVY!! EVERY WOMANS BIGGEST FEAR!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGFHGHHFDJHGBFSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And she heel-turns to flee sexily from the mammary-endowed spirit, sobbing violently with her hands buried in her face. Because of this, she couldn't see where she was looking and slammed headfirst into a concrete wall.

[anemcia]

A charged silence settled between them, stretching like a taut thread as if her mind had momentarily faltered under the weight of his words. The relentless ringing in her ears threatened to drown out Xaos’s voice, yet each syllable still carved itself deep into her awareness. Her body trembled beneath his grip, restless and uncertain, though her face remained a mask of stillness—unyielding, unreadable.

His breath lingered over her, unsettlingly close, the space between them growing heavier with each passing second. Her legs tingled, the creeping numbness a quiet testament to how long he had stood so near. A gentle sigh, she knew there was no shame in letting go.

"...O...Okay."

An acceptable arrangement. It was just for the night, after all. She didn't have to hold herself to a standard, just this once. She can let go of that monstrous fear and be vulnerable.

"Then don't be strong. Fall apart. And let me hold you together..." And just as quick as distance was created between them, it was closed again. Bodies pressed together, lips inches apart as he stared into her eyes.

"You don't have to be lonely anymore... What, you think I throw myself around because I'm content? I'm just like you... Give me just one night where two lonely people. Dip in, see if you can handle it. ...Just for tonight."