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consume.

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(    cherry  chapstick  coated  lips  inhaling  from  a  dab  pen  ,  oversized  flannels  hanging  off  of  bare  shoulders  ,  an  easy  laugh  over  a  constant  hum  of  music    )     *    ╱    hey  ,  was  that    andrea “andi” cahill    i  just  saw    ?    yeah  ,  i  heard  they’re  a    twenty - two    year  old  and  studying     political  science    and  that  they  live  in    hermes   . you  might  be  able  to  recognise  them  by  their   cartier  love  necklace   ,  but  people  around  campus  describe  them  as    generous    but  also    impatient    ,  which  i  guess  makes  sense  since  their  mbti  test  showed  up  as    infj   .  their  reputation  would  be  completely  ruined  if  people  found  out  that    she’s  struggled  with  drug  addiction    ,  but  let’s  keep  that  between  you  and  me  …  for  now  .   +  zendaya  ,  cisfemale  ,  she/her  ,  junior  .  

hi, hello, ur trash ari checking in with my trash baby, andi. let’s get right into the viDeO !!

i tend to ramble so i’m gonna try to keep it short...ish.. and sweet...ish. hehe 

the WINDHAM-CAHILL family

andi was born to a bit of a tumultuous household. her mother is a renowned actress from the windham family-- think a dash of kennedy and a hint of the roberts, with old money going back generations on the east coast and a few well-known hollywood elites with accolades out west. 

her mother had developed a bit of a substance abuse problem, and was inconsistently present in her daugher’s life, always choosing to travel or hand andi off to the nanny or her father instead. when she was around, she was often interested in material things and shallow aspects of her daughter’s life– her clothes, her looks, her popularity– and was hardly satisfied with andi, always reminding her of where she came from and what she needed to be. 

her father, a wealthy self-made financier, is kind and well meaning, but unequipped to handle his wife’s issues oftentimes. the pair got into shouting matches and fights over her substance abuse issues and  and frequent absences often enough. regardless, andi is very devoted to her father, fiercely defensive of him in any family argument, and close with him, seeing him as a rock amidst the instability of her mother. 

she’s the eldest of three, with two younger brothers. she’s very protective of them as well, but as the only daughter, andi usually took the brunt of her mother’s nitpicking, perfectionistic projections and arguments. although easygoing, when continually faced with conflict, andi would at times fight back with her mother. part of her despises her mother, part of her still desperately wants to be good enough to finally get that mark of approval and hear “i’m proud of you.”

on the surface of course everything looked lovely: the beautiful, shining oscar-winning elizabeth windham, the american dream success story andrew cahill, and three children with talent and poise. andrew himself attended bellecotte for undergrad, and andi is proud to follow in his footsteps, although her father was a member of the house of zeus. 

personal HISTORY

feeling the pressure from her mother and the increased attention due to her family name and fame, andi always felt like she was the kind of student that had to “do it all” in high school. so she tried. she took the AP classes, sat on student council, went to football games and every party and was even prom queen. 

she has ADHD, so using adderall was first nature to her and doesn’t affect her the way it affects others, but after long days of going, going, going and feeling stress and pressure and having to do it all on all sides, she started using xanax and smoking weed often to chill out and deal with it all, and on the weekends you could find her drinking straight liquor straight-faced in between puffs off her pipe at house parties. 

still, she managed to keep it together enough to get into bellecotte, where she’s kept up much the same-- her struggles with xanax and other benzos in particular ebbing and flowing with how stressed and anxious and burnt out she is, and whatever she’s going through. she doesn’t hide her frequent marijuana use really-- always taking hits off of her dab pen, she’s quite a functional high after so many years.

studying political science because it interests her, and because she knows she’s ultimately lucky enough to have opportunities presented to her because of her parents’ careers, and wants to learn how to create and advocate for a more equitable system for those less fortunate. her father, as he’s self made, often took her back to his hometown and showed her how he grew up, so she knows it doesn’t all just come for free. unsure what exactly she wants to do post grad, whether that’s politics, film, writing, business-- but she’s interested in a lot of things. 

PERSONALITY

the GOOD: creative, determined, altruistic, passionate, insightful, protective 

the BAD: reticent, moody/sensitive at heart, prone to burn-out, possessive

has a tendency to hold grudges when hurt, desperately wants to be enough for someone to stay, really wants to be needed and loved for who she is instead of what she does or her name or anything else. 

an introvert that’s very good at extroverting, although it can exhaust her and by the end of the party she’s always found somewhere quiet to smoke and sneak off to. 

is the kind to be casually smoking a joint and then make a point about how the misconceptions of the aztec empire upon the arrival of white settlers were overblown and eventually grew into contributing to the general ethnocentric/westernized perspective of native american peoples being savages and uncivilized, right? god. and then laugh and go back to watching whatever’s on tv

a Flirt. u know it now. has always had lots of Boy things happening and tends to get herself into lots of messy shit in that arena. hookups, exes, boyfriends, fwbs, etc– handles it and talks about it with self depricating humor. part of it goes back to that kind of low self value she has deep down since she’s afraid she’s not enough for who she is, just good for the relationships she has and what she can give other people and such. 

tends to keep her sensitivity/insecurities to herself. copes with them by forcing herself to extrovert  harder and going out more and keeping herself busy. like i mentioned, she’s struggled with substance abuse to some extent since high school– drinking, smoking, dipping into some prescription pills to help with her grades, or her anxiety, or any number of things. you might suspect it if you’re very observant, but probably not- it’s usually hidden by a shimmering smile, the glint of a cartier love necklace, and a tight outfit with a warm “CHEEERS.” 

this is one thing she’ll get defensive about and deflect from, btw. she doesn’t want to acknowledge it because acknowledging it means she has another problem to deal with and it feels like she’s been dealing with this shit forever.

sarcastic, but not mean unless she’s comfortable with someone, in which case it’s a teasing-kind of sarcasm-mean. laid back– just as comfortable wandering around target for two hours, kind of high, as she is at a night club with a crowd of friends and expensive bottle service. definitely more adventurous when she’s a little drunk or high. very typical to find her on the roof watching the sunset and smoking a joint while writing or listening to music or just being there with someone. 

can be self-sacrificing, self-deprecating, will martyr herself, burn herself out, and become possessive and demanding at times in stress. she’s an enneagram type 2 if that helps u understand hehe. 

wanted CONNECTIONS

i have a tag, but generically, i’d love and am always down for ride or die, best friends, skinny love??, longtime friends, childhood friends, housemates, sibling like relationship, exes, ex one night stand/fwb, current fwb, enemies-ish, crushes (unrequited either way or mutual), maybe a roommate??, neighbors??  all of it ok *sharpay vc* i want it all !!

and this got long ofc even though i tried JESUS i hate me ok anyways hmu here or on discord for plots?? i love u all?? i’m so sorry??

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“She is the type of girl who falls in love with sunsets.”

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“Honestly, I don’t need someone who sees the good in me. I need someone who sees the bad in me and still wants me.”

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Unknown (via thelovejournals)

Top 10 Love Quotes of 2017

(via darkwinterwinds)

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forgive and forget?? haha no resent and remember

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― Jandy Nelson, I’ll Give You the Sun

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#drunk children

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me, coping

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