angeloftomato

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sometimes i feel so alone it’s like i don’t even exist

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I’m allergic to finishing shows

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at the moment, I'm reading a poetry collection by Hovhannes Grigoryan (published in 2010), and, well, look what I came across:

"At 12:30, I get a message on my cell phone from the President of Israel, threatening that if I don’t revert to the old orthography, he will once again attack Lebanon and, if the weather stays favorable, a few other countries, whose names he has trouble recalling at the moment."

we learn from history that we do not learn from history.

[angeloftomato]

Kusut.

Katanya hidup ini seperti ombak di lautan, Kadang mereda, kadang datang menghantam, Di tengah gelombang yang tinggi, aku terhanyut, Terbawa arus, tenggelam dalam harapan.

Pandanganku kosong, terpaku pada satu objek, Pikiran hampa, bagai kolam yang cetek. Ingin bangkit, menatap langit yang tinggi, Namun beban terasa berat, menindih hati ini.

Tertawa tanpa ada canda, Tersenyum tanpa ada suka, Menangis menghadapi realita. Tuhan, apa benar aku sudah gila?

Bukan maksudku untuk tak bersyukur, Namun, apakah mengeluh berarti kufur?

Semoga dengan menulis penatku akan mereda, Seperti hujan yang menimpa bumi, Reda di sore hari, disambut mentari dan pelangi. Yang menghapus debu, lalu memberi harapan baru.

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...are you ok

cant a girl be visibly distressed in peace

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Kayaknya dari sekian banyak media sosial, algoritma tumblr adalah algoritma yang paling sehat. Feednya satisfying tapi ga bikin sampai doom scrolling, ga toxic, dan masih nyaman buat dipake venting sambil jujur-jujuran tipis-tipis.

[angeloftomato]

in another universe i stopped being nice

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When Dostoevsky said, "Pain changes you, but it teaches. That is its mercy." but Kafka said, "Pain changes nothing. It just repeats itself until you forget who you were before it started."

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she asked me if i believed in god and i told her that when i was four i almost drowned in a public pool and in my panic mistook a stranger for my father. i clawed my way up his leg. four years later he’d send my parents a picture of the scars alongside a tin of cookies. he said, “i hope she’s still okay. i carry her with me. it isn’t every day you save a life. it isn’t every day you feel like you were here for a reason. when it does happen, you have to cherish that memory. for once, i had a purpose. just being there was enough. she tore me open but she taught me a lot about love.”

[angeloftomato]

no i don't mind being on my own

i said that i don't mind being on my own

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beomgyu: panic.

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Harap

Seperti sukma yang kehilangan raganya. Jiwa ini bergentayangan tanpa arah mencari kembali kepada tuannya. Hening yang berkepanjangan membuat suasana semakin kelam. Rasa kesedihan perlahan mengisi setiap sisi ruangan.

Di bawah bintang yang dingin, Aku bertanya pada langit yang muram, Adakah kebahagiaan di ujung pelangi? Atau semua harapan hanya sebuah ilusi?