angels-chalice

[angels-chalice]

Boyfriend told me he wants to do what his dad did and join the military. Probably sometime next year. I told him that's okay, i support it but i wanna be married before he leaves. He fucking said yes 🥳🥰💕

[angels-chalice]

I'm scared to fall in love again. If i end up by myself i want to keep it that way. I don't want to love someone again. I could have anyone, very pretty men like me, i just don't want to be loved again. I don't want to watch that love fade. I don't want to miss them, or beg for the little things. I don't want to love again, but I'm not even sure I'm loving now

[angels-chalice]

It wasn't to make me feel better, it was too make you feel better. If it was to make me feel better i wouldn't have had to come to you, and you wouldn't have lost patience. It's never for me. It's to make sure youre okay. Fuck My Feelings

[angels-chalice]

Not him not respecting me and my boundaries and making everything about him :// how fucking selfish

[angels-chalice]

Okay so i have felt very unwelcome and it's been a whole thing. Don't like going home cause my uncle a dick, im not allowed at the apt cause of my former back stabbing friends gf, not allowed at his sister's place, don't like staying at his place rn. Just don't really have anywhere to go

[angels-chalice]

Quick to dismiss and quick to make me feel like shit. That's my boyfriend. Asked him to cuddle me when we woke up and he complained that he cuddled me last night and it was hot and I said we didn't cuddle because it was hot so to come cuddle and he laid down so i could hug him but then said it's because he didn't want to be uncomfortable so i stopped and said sorry for making him uncomfortable then and he told me to not make a big deal out of it. His sister really nice tho. Even though all of them kinda shove me out of everything. They don't mean to they just have certain stuff and i get it. My bf hates me tho

[angels-chalice]

:// hopefully one day this account will be full of happy things to say

[angels-chalice]

He be like "if it makes you feel better I'm not allowed over" and then proceeds to spend the night

[angels-chalice]

My boyfriend text me this today

And i asked why he was curious about if i could see it and he hasn't responded to me since. 📍🚩🚩🚩🚩

[angels-chalice]

Also a bonus story about what my boyfriends friends said today that they told him and said not to tell me ♡

I went to drop him off at his friends place, a place I've been to multiple times as a welcomed guest, and he told me that his friends had said that i could no longer come inside. The story is his friends Brianna and Armando aka Yogi live there as well as Briannas brother Brandon and his gf. I knew Brandon first before anyone, and I knew him before his gf. He introduced me to my current bf, and my bf introduced me to Brianna and Yogi. Anyway Brandon would bring me over when i was getting over my ex, and before my bf and i started dating he told my boyfriend and the others that i was a whore, and that i used to give him hand and blow jobs. I never touched him, he was just a friend to me, and it was so nice to have a friend who didn't want to fuck me. But i guess not. Anyway after he said that he started dating some girl and she didn't like me from the get go. Wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't acknowledge me. I think she convinced Brandon to stop being my friend and i think he told her the lies he told everyone else so she didn't like me. Well when ive seen her these past couple days I've mad dogged her. I don't like her, and this made her upset and she told Brianna and Yogi and they told my bf i shouldn't be over anymore. Apparently they told her she needs to move out because they dont want my bf there either until this is resolved. But it really hurt that they at first just said to keep me away. They've been nice to me and I've done my best to return the favor, I've bought Yogi food on multiple occasions, fed them when i didn't really know them but they were on shrooms and were hungry. I even took Brianna and Yogi two cities away so she could pick up her car after it got towed because she had no one else to call. The fact that they just kinda shut me out hurt.

[angels-chalice]

Mean things my bf has said to me this week!

*When I asked him to help me out the car*

"Oh my God you're so needy let's go already."

*When I called him crying and upset because the guy who raped me DMed me*

"I just thought I was going to have a chill day today"

*later in that same conversation after he failed to find his keys so he could try to see me and then expected me to drive*

In the most monotone voice: "just come over. I can make this all better. Just drive over here. Come on"

[my ex said smfh similar when I was having a bad day at work so I called him on my break and he told me "I don't want to hear this rn. I don't want to deal with it I just want to play video games"]

*When I wanted to spend the day before he left to a festival with him because I was going to miss him*

"Today isn't an 'us' day. I have 'us' days with you all the time. Today wasn't for us it was for me to get ready with my friends" (by get ready he meant smoke weed and drink with them all day)

[ex also said smth similar. I would cry because he was mean and he would tell me "not everything is about you"]

So my feelings are very hurt tonight!! I'm thinking about everything. It's crazy he says this and then acts like he didn't hurt me

[angels-chalice]

[angels-chalice]

sometimes i forget Bee Hummingbirds really are that tiny

tiniest birb on the forking planet, my beloved

[angels-chalice]

Got my bf into candy crush and now we play together and send each other lives 💕🍬

[angels-chalice]

Sobbed my eyes out and covered my pants in tears and he didn't notice because I'm very good at sounding okay.

[angels-chalice]

It's 3:48 am. I wake up and tell my bf i had a nightmare. I snuggle into his side tell him I'm scared. He invalidates my feelings. Says, "you're literally an adult". I'm crushed, and hurt. "oh. Yeah, you're right.." i take myself off of him so I can lay on my side. He grabs my leg before I can move it and holds it on him. "What was the dream about?" He asks, like he cared in the first place. I'm already hurt. The damage is done. "It's not important". This isn't the first time he's made me feel like shit. It's not the first time he's invalidated my feelings. "Oh wow fuck it then" he says. He turns away from me and i do the same. I start crying but i do it as quiet as possible so the fan covers it up. He tries to talk to me after 8 minutes. Tries to get my attention, pokes me, shakes me. Asks if I want to go home. Idk. I start crying again. He asks if it was the dream or him. I cry harder. He sighs, "Oh my God." There he goes, making me feel worthless again. He asks what the dream was about one more time. I don't want to talk about it. He says ok. He tells me he's sorry. No he isn't. I tell him not to apologize if he didn't know what he's apologizing for. He gets up, says "whatever, im sorry for being sorry then", and leaves. Im full of relief.

[angels-chalice]

When is it my turn to be happy?