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i’m like touch starved but for a river

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someone: this beauty standard was constructed with specific political purpose, and effectively dismantling the power structure that justifies itself through it requires us to give up using aspects of the body as a metaphor for morality or social worth

the notes:

it’s just a personal preference, it’s not that deep, go outside, touch grass, get married, work a hard job, have kids, stop thinking

so you’re saying I have to fuck people with [trait]? you’re going to show up at my apartment and force me to fuck strangers? your analysis of beauty standards is literally rape. OP wants to fuck me specifically, a random hostile stranger in their notes. they’re turned on because their body disgusts me! (no I have never seen them but I vividly imagine their body as disgusting because why else would they make a post like this)

did you know that another society/culture/time period had a different set of beauty standards? I bet OP didn’t even realize this

actually beauty standards are evolutionary instinct and you’re anti-science. you want us to ignore biology?

I actually WANT to fuck people with [currently devalued trait]

we should remind people that [currently devalued trait] was valued in a different society with another brutal hierarchy based on bodily ideals as proof that [currently devalued trait] is good actually. this definitely does not replicate the exact politics OP is challenging

once I met someone with a stigmatized bodily trait and they were a bad person. I’m sharing this anecdote absent any context so others can draw their own conclusions. if you go to my blog every single post is me sharing totally real stories of people with this trait doing mean things. I’m not saying certain bodily traits create inferior morals, I’m just compulsively curating an entire blog to imply it over and over and over

I used to think [stigmatized trait] was disgusting but I’m trying to unlearn it right now. I assume anyone with that trait would feel me saying this publicly is an act of kindness I’m bestowing upon them rather than a casual cruelty just like all the other comments about how disgusting the trait is

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Once you start thinking about humans as a species in a biome, it affects your entire way of looking at normal things.

The other day I referred to female morning joggers as an 'indicator species' in that if you see women jogging in the dark it means that the environment provides migration pathways (sidewalks, clear signs) and doesn't have any known predators of female morning joggers (guy with knife, bear, BigTruck, male morning joggers).

Though, I think that people consider framing humans as animals reacting to their environment as rude.

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Currently thinking about all the times my ex threatened to kill themselves bc we had agreed to be exclusive but keep our relationship on the down low (bc their “friends are judgmental assholes” in their words) only for me to find out they had a second girlfriend (insert one of like 4 girls they told me not to worry about) they were in a public, romantic relationship with and posting about on secret Instagram accounts that had me blocked so I wouldn’t see - and when I’d get upset they’d tell everyone in our circle that I’m a crazy bitch who’s obsessed with them and tell ME that if I exposed their lies to anyone they’d kill themself. Like, I should have hit this mf with my car. I could write a book about all the stupid shit they put me through bc I was naive, empathetic, young, and had no self respect/esteem. Tried to fuck like every one of my friends I introduced them to and made a few very uncomfortable with unwanted advances? Lied about having less than 6 months to live with terminal lung cancer? Told me they moved across the country for ME and made allllll the promises, and then proceeded to fuck every woman within walking distance of their house and later casually admit to it and have the AUDACITY to act confused that I was upset by this discovery months later??? I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self it’s OK to be the crazy bitch. Yell at him! Kick him out of your car! Curse him out! Post the screenshots publicly! Let his other hoes visit him in the hospital on Christmas Eve when he tries to kill himself! Let them buy him food and drive his friends (who hate you) around! He’s going to tell people you’re crazy anyway, stop falling for the idea that you’ll be good enough for him if you just behave and do what he says and keep his secrets for him! Your biggest fear should not be being abandoned by this loser, it should be getting stuck begging for his approval every day. He NEVER even liked you that much girly he was just using you because you were easy convenient prey! He’d sell your soul for a corn chip! Wake up!! In therapy, I’ve done a lot of unpacking on the damaging effects this very abusive and toxic relationship had on my life, and more than any advice I wish I could tell my younger self that I love her, and I’m sorry she didn’t trust that she was enough on her own. Allowing myself to be angry at someone I practically worshiped and let walk all over me for years has been emotionally freeing. Anger isn’t ugly, it isn’t immature, or stupid. You’re allowed to be angry! Even in little moments, when you’re allowing yourself to process shit YEARS after it happened. Better late than never.

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I heard the front door unlock and open so I go downstairs to say hi to who I’m assuming is my husband, and his friend is also there. I hang around while they grab the tools they need to get back to working on my husband’s car at his friend’s house. This feels polite, friendly, and I’m a little lonely all week in the house alone. I offer food. I watch the ring doorbell footage after they leave, and his friend is making fun of me for coming downstairs and hanging around as they walk out the door.

I think I’m going to apply to graduate schools out of state. I think I might want to live on my own. I hate this guy, fuck him. He’s projecting onto my relationship how he sees his own wife: annoying, clingy, insufferable. We shouldn’t even be friends with them in the first place, they’re both awful people. He uses the N-word regularly as a white 30-something year old man. She boasts about how much she loves chick fil a and “doesn’t do politics” fuck them fr

This is an over reaction, definitely. Light heartedly implying that I’m annoying shouldn’t surface every grievance I have with this guy. It shouldn’t make me question my husbands character for having friends that would ever poke fun at me.

I think these feelings are left over from my abusive relationship in the past. In which, my boyfriend would lie to his friends and tell them we weren’t together so he could cheat on me, and when I’d get upset about the cheating he’d tell them how “crazy” and “obsessed with him” I was.

Finding out he was having a “sleepover” with another girl and calling him 20 times, blowing up his phone in every way I could would have been crazy indeed IF we weren’t dating, if he hadn’t told me I was his soulmate and he loved me more than anything or anyone and moved back to Florida for me. That we were forever and the exact girl was “just a work friend” and “a minor anyway”

I think because I had multiple experiences like that with him, I need my partner to be extremely vocal about their affection and love for me, I need them to stand up for me every time and reassure me any time there’s even the slightest question as to if I’m wanted somewhere. Particularly, in front of other people and in public, I can’t be with someone who’s going to embarrass me or imply that they don’t want me around, or that I’m annoying or “obsessed” or “crazy” in any way. In fact I think I’m guilty of actively putting down my partner to other people when he’s not around in order to ENSURE I don’t come across as “too invested” or unrequited in case things ever go south. So I don’t embarrass myself.

And that’s wrong of me because I’ve found a life partner who DOES make it known that he adores me. Who doesn’t laugh at boomer humor “I hate my wife” jokes, who doesn’t make me drive if I don’t want to, who doesn’t treat me like a burden even when I am one. I’m in a discord with all his friends and we all talk and play games together almost every day - something in my past relationship I was strictly forbidden from doing. I’m in constant contact with his family and we do almost everything together because HE wants to do things with me. I don’t need to guard myself because he won’t humiliate me, cheat on me, or throw me under the bus.

So what one of his friends doesn’t wanna be my bestie - who cares? My husband would choose me over anyone, any day. That will never change and therefore I am safe and so is my relationship. I don’t need to feel the way I used to feel.

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“you should be at the club” Brother I should literally be sent to the seaside for my health

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"ohh what if my kid starts identifying as a CAT because of the trans agenda we have to prote—" well they've always done that. do you remember the psychological effects of h2o on young girls. of warrior cats on autistic children. i believed i was a demigod because of percy jackson. twilight came out and kids were telling their friends they were secretly vampires. this is just a thing kids do. worry less

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“do you know I could break beneath the weight of the goodness love I still carry for you that I’d walk so far just to take the injury of finally knowing you” is quite possibly the most devastating like ever written

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Yo I cannot fucking BELIEVE my ex hates ME for what happened with us. Like… you threatened to kill your self if I told the MINOR you were fucking that you were cheating on both of us - and threatened to kys if I stopped talking to you later making me break up with the guy I was seeing, THEN had the audacity to lie to me about having TERMINAL LUNG CANCER with a less than 1% chance of survival. You claimed to have DID which at this point I’m guessing was just another lie to excuse predatory abusive behavior, but go off about how awful I was for being young and naive enough to believe all the shit you told me and for loving you and doing everything you asked of me lmao.

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A flower crown for Olwyn

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*through gritted teeth* you are not a child taking a test with the purpose of getting the highest score, you are an adult trying new things and finding ways to enjoy your life, make mistakes, be a beginner, be mediocre, be where you need to be, be unlikeable, just. be.

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THE LAST OF US - BILL & FRANK

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please be nice to me, i'm in my twenties. do you know what that does to a person