anitakudzai-blog

[anitakudzai-blog]

Dear Marriage,

Hey there, hope this letter finds you well. So, I know a little bit about you through watching my parents all those years i lived with them. I know a little bit from what my friends have told me, I also know about you from what I have read. Quite interesting stuff about you out there if I may say so myself. I see you a lot on social media,  Instagram especially. You are very popular there, people love you and admire you like you are some form of celebrity or something. What’s that about? What makes people so crazy about you? Did you find a cure for AIDS or Cancer? Did you serve the poor like Mother Theresa? Tell me, why are people so obsessed with you?

Like I said, I know about you but you and I have yet to really get to know each other. I hear you are a lot of work and you are not a walk in the park, so why do African mothers pressure young girls to have you? Do you promise a better and more fulfilled life because as an almost 30 year old, I am honestly sick and tired of hearing about you. I know God created you for a purpose, and I believe everything God does is intentional and very strategic, but dang, you are all I ever hear about nowadays. Back in my early twenties, noone cared that I didn't have you, as a matter of fact they wanted me to have absolutely nothing to do with you but now, you are the most popular topic at any gathering I am at. You were made by God so I know there is definitely something special about you, but God made a lot of things, are you more special than them? 

Am I running out of time? Is that why they keep bringing you up in every conversation? Because I don’t have you in my life, people (African mothers specifically) look at me with eyes of pity, or worse, scorn. I am convinced that I am enough without you, that I am complete because of Christ, but the society doesn’t seem to think so. I am viewed as less than, as strange, and frankly as a menace because since I don’t have you at my age, I am definitely a threat to those women who already have you. Ridiculous right? An alien from Mars could land on earth and be seen walking down the street, a herd of pigs could be spotted flying along side the birds, a baby could come out of its mother’s private area talking like Cardi B instead of crying, okurr, and all that would still be more normal than a 30 something year old who is missing you in her life. How crazy! So if I decide today to commit to you, will you promise me a life of bliss? Will all my issues magically disappear? Will all my wishes come true? I am pretty sure the answer is NO! So then what is it about you that has captivated the hearts and minds of people all over the world? Listen, I like the idea of you don’t get me wrong, but I am not going to rush to get you in my life for I have seen what you can do to people who have failed at understanding you. You make people miserable, you make people change who they were before, you make people cry, other times you have made people even go as far as killing other people, just for you. 

Here’s the thing, I pray everyday that one day, you and I get acquainted and be in each other’s lives forever. It just has to be the at the right time. There is no need to hurry. God’s timing is the best. Too many girls have fallen prey to your idea and had absolutely no clue what they were getting themselves into. I refuse to be pushed to you at the wrong time, just to make others “happy.” What about my happiness? 1 in every 2 people who have committed to you will fail. There is already a 50% chance that I am going to fail your tests and that is why I have to be absolutely sure that I am mentally, spiritually and emotionally ready to embark on this journey with you. In the mean time please tell African mothers that God is in control and it’s ok to pursue personal goals and create a legacy that will change the narrative for generations to follow. Girls are taking over. Before, all we were good for was being born to meet you and bear children. Fortunately for us and not so much for the society, the paradigm has shifted. We are bold enough to chase after our dreams, to be engineers and scientists, to be senior pastors,  to open firms, to start businesses, to direct movies, to get PHDs, to be multimillionaires, to make our voices heard and to make a difference in the very societies that have silenced us and extinguished our fire for generations. Please pass that along to African mothers, that that is the direction in which they need to be pushing girls. I strongly believe that you too have a lot to offer, but you are certainly not the end goal. You are very special but you are not what they are making you out to be. 

Hope when the time is right, I will get to see for myself what the big deal is about. I will write you another letter then, telling you what I think of you. 

Bye for now,

Anita.