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(171221) @ajol_llama: thanks to oppa’s playfulness i could smile. thanks to oppa’s advice i could dry my tears and thanks to oppa’s courage i could also have courage. when i was embarrassed oppa did not break me. he tried to understand all my clumsy spoken words and he embraced me. when people would joke that oppa and me were twins i was very proud truthfully. it’s because i wanted to be a great person like oppa.. thank you. i am so grateful that i was able to be oppa’s dongsaeng. i will be “amberr” that oppa can be proud of. our jjong oppa, you worked hard. i love you. (source: sonexstella)

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(171220) @taeyeon_ss: that’s you, and there’s no one who won’t love you because there’s a different you. i like you a ton, i love you, i want to pat you on the back and i wanted to embrace you just one more time. that’s what i was able to do but i hate myself for regretting it like this after losing the opportunity. i’m so sad. it’s so wasteful, our precious jonghyunnie. if i call and say your name i feel like you’ll say: “yeah!” in a high tone. i miss you a lot, our jonghyunnie. i’m sorry noona couldn’t hug you a lot. i’m sorry, i love you and thank you. i remember you saying that you wrote “lonely” thinking of noona and all that process. we are similar. we resemble each other. we know those feelings. kim jonghyun, who is the most unique, cool and incredible artist in my life. i really miss you a lot and i want to hold your hand. jonghyun-ah, you are the best. you really worked hard. 🖤 i'l make sure you’re not lonely. (source: sonexstella)

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You did good Jonghyun Kim. You worked hard.

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“Why? That’s what I keep asking. Was there anything I could have said or done? I had no clue you were masking a troubled soul. God only knows what went wrong and why you’d leave the stage in the middle of a song. Why? There’s no comprehending but who am I to try to judge or explain? Oh, but I do have one burning question. Who told you life wasn’t worth the fight? They were wrong. They lied. Now you’re gone and we cry. ‘Cause it’s not like you to walk away in the middle of a song – your absolutely beautiful song.”

You were the brightest star in the whole sky, Kim Jonghyun, and the world is going to be a darker place without you in it. Wherever you are, I hope it’s paradise. Please look after us, protect us, love us forever, and we promise to do the same for Jinki, Kibum, Minho and Taemin. Thank you for your heart, your spirit, your voice, your smile, and please know that the impact you left on this world, and all the joy you spread in your 27 years, will last forever.

우리는 당신을 영원히 사랑할 것입니다… goodbye, Jonghyun.

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kim jonghyun² 

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You are wonderful and important and meant to be here

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Shinee had 5 members, has now 5 members and will always have 5 members.

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#YouDidWellJonghyun💙 we will always be by your side.

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Kim Jonghyun April 8, 1990 - December 18, 2017

Thank you, Jonghyun.

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also if the members decide to disband and to stop performing as shinee let’s respect their decision no matter what, please.

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i dont care what shinee does now. they can disband, continue, retire from the public life, keep on going on as a solo. i dont give a fuck. as long as they do what is best for them, what helps them heal and what makes them happy. that is the most important thing. shinee will always be in my heart and memory a group of 5 loving and caring friends. thats how i decided i will forever remember them.

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you did well

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to early emphasis: dear cloud’s nine has confirmed that she was asked by jonghyun to post his final note before passing to fans. she has also confirmed that she was given the blessing from his family to share it with the world. you can find confirmation of this here. below will be proper triggers for this post as it is not easy to read. i will also leave nine’s comment that she left on her post as it is important in regards to why she was asked to post it. if you feel that i have missed any please do not hesitation message me on my personal blog (jaekyung) and i will add them as quickly as i am able to. also thank you to sonexstella for translating. —- trigger warning(s): death tw, depression tw, suicide ideation tw, suicide tw nine: i said my final goodbye with jonghyunnie. even after seeing his smiling portrait of the deceased, it still feels like jonghyunnie will come to me and smile as if all of this was a dream. starting from awhile back, jonghyunnie told me his dark and deep internal stories. i think each day was very difficult for him. i kept having uneasy thoughts so i made it known to his family and tried my hardest to capture his heart but it only ended up postponing time and i could not block his last (action). i still cannot believe he is not in this world and it’s so painful. i’m still afraid, not knowing if it’s the right thing to upload these words but jonghyun himself asked me to please upload these words if he disappeared from this world. i wished this day would never come … after discussing with his family i am uploading his final note, according to his last wishes. i think that there must be a reason why he left this up to me. i worry that there will be controversy. however, i think that he predicted this and asked me, so i decided that i will do the one last thing i can do for jonghyunnie. i hope everyone knows now that jonghyun was not alone and that he worked hard … that he did really well … please thank him for withstanding well … beautiful jonghyun, i really love you a lot. going forward, i will love you a lot. in that place, please don’t be in pain and i hope you will be peaceful … —- i am broken from the inside. depression that slowly ate away at me ended up swallowing me. i couldn’t beat it. i hated myself. i held onto memories that have died out and, even though i shouted to snap out of it, there was no response. if suffocating breaths will not open up it’s better instead to stop. i asked who can take responsibility for myself. it’s you. i was completely alone. it’s easy to say you’ll end it. it’s hard to end it. i lived up to now admist that difficulty. you said i wanted to run away. that’s right. i wanted to run away. from myself. from you. i asked who was there. i said it was me. again, it was me. and once again, it was me. i asked why i kept losing memories. it’s my personality. i see. in the end, it’s all my fault. i hoped someone would notice, but no one knew. never met me, so of course, no one knew i was there. i asked why i was living. just. just. everyone just lives. if i asked why someone would die, you would say you’re exhausted. i suffered from concern. i never learned how to change tiresome pains into joy. pain is just pain. i urged myself not to be like that. why? why can’t i end it according to my own will? i tried to find out why i was in pain. i knew too well. i am in pain because of myself. it’s all because it’s my fault and because i’m foolish. teacher, did you want to hear these words? no. i did nothing wrong. when he blamed my personality with a quiet voice i thought it was so easy to be a doctor. it’s fascinating to see why i’m in this much pain. people who have more hardships than i do live well. people who are weaker than me live well. maybe that’s not it. of people who are alive, there is no one who has more hardships than i do, and who is weaker than i am. despite this, i was told to live. i asked why this is the case a hundred times, and it’s never for me. it’s for you. i wanted it to be for me. please don’t say things you don’t know. find out why it’s difficult. i told you many times why it’s difficult for me. with that, is it not possible for it to be this difficult? does there need to be more concrete drama? are you wanting more of a story? i already told you. did you not pay attention? what i can overcome doesn’t leave a scar. colliding with the world must not have been my fate. being known to the world must not have been my life. that’s why everything was difficult. colliding, and being known was difficult. why did i chose that. it’s a funny incident. it’s commendable that i was able to withstand up to this point. what more can i say? just tell me i worked hard. that i did a good job. that i went through a lot. even if you can’t smile, please don’t send me off in blame. you worked hard. you went through a lot. goodbye.

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i think the most important thing from jonghyun’s death is to not let all the positive progression he strived for be undermined. he started so many conversations about mental health awareness and gave a voice to those who didn’t have one. jonghyun was rooting for everyone, he wanted everyone to know it is possible to make it through and be strong. just because he lost the fight, it does not mean what he said wasnt true. don’t let everything he fought so hard for be for nothing

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He fought for the rights of lgbt, for mental health awareness, against the mistreatment of minorities in korea, he spoke out against gender conformity, he was open about his struggle with depression, he worked so hard….and I’m so proud of him. I’m proud to say he was my idol…we have to continue what he started we have to keep fighting for rights and to raise awareness of mental health we have to do better for him…. You did well Kim Jonghyun we are all so proud of you.

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we all have different ways of grieving. if you need to reblog music and quotes and photos to grieve, do that. if you need to send messages asking for help or giving encouragement to others, do that. if you need to make an edit or write a text post expressing your grief, do that. if you need to close this app, put your phone on silent, and go back to bed, do that.

but please, please don’t feel hopeless. please don’t feel like this is the end. don’t let all of jonghyun’s words of encouragement and love be overshadowed by this darkness. i’m here for you, we are all here for you. please don’t leave too.