annismind

[annismind]

the difficulty in falling in love with oneself.

i don't know where to begin - where to begin explaining how i see beauty in everything around me but not in myself. how i am proud of my friends, my siblings, my parents, strangers but when it comes to being proud of myself i do not even cosider doing so.

how i accept everyone for who they are but when it comes to accepting myself i just always find a reason not to.

how when i for once am truly myself i let my mind tell me i'm weird.

how when it comes to believing in someone i'm the first to do so but when it comes to believing in myself, i just do not even try.

i don't know where to start explaining how i even care for people who done me wrong but when it comes to care for myself i just do not think it's important.

how when people share their fears, their pain or happiness with me, i listen but when it comes to listening to myself it almost seems like i'm deaf.

how i get so happy for others but don't think that i deserve to be happy.

the difficulty in falling in love with oneself lies not only in loving yourself for how you look but in accepting yourself for who you are and want to be - and that's even harder, at least for me.

and wherever that love went i should have for myself, i guess it's on me only to get it back. however hard and exhausting that journey may be, it can't be as exhasting as hating myself. -a

[annismind]

and i can't help but feel alone. - a

[annismind]

moonlight touching my face and a feeling of safety and grace comes up.

when everyone is asleep and you're the only one listening to my stories -well the only one i actually and truly let to know what's on my mind.

so bright and thrilling -like i wanna climb up on a laddar to get to u.

so beyond beautiful.

so far away but to my mind nearer than most parts of the earth.

if i could i'd come hug u right away.

but i can't -so until then imma watch u rise and fall -watch u go through phases of emptyness and completeness -phases of wining and increasing.

knowing that as long as you're fine i will be too.

-moon you're everything

-a

[annismind]

autumn poem.

when the sun takes a step back and the leaves start falling like golden rain.

when people start wearing those long coats and colourful scarfs and I ask myself while the people are walking by how it can be that noone has the same piece that keeps them warm -but anyways.

when not only caramel latte is on the menu but also spicy pumkin.

when more people wear boots again or fancy long socks decorate those sneakers -trying to stay warm.

when the cafés are full of people escaping the cold for a lil while.

when the wind makes the leaves dance to his whispering.

and when for some moments the sun gets through the cloud ceiling and you can see people soaking in all the warmth of the sunrays hitting their skin.

when everywhere it smells like cinnamon rolls and everything has that dreamy orange colour.

when I wanna wear brown all over and paint my nails in dark green.

when i'm torn between running through the beautifully painted forest and watching gilmore girls all day.

when drinking tea and reading all day covered by a knitted blanket is a successfully spent day.

when the sun takes a step back and i get excited about the new season that has arrived -the season of change and october.

foggy mornings and trouble writing because your fingers are freezing.

dark brown and cozy cold.

that's when it feels like autumn.

that's when it feels like hugging the whole world.

-a

[annismind]

a feeling i can't really explane. it's missing a person you do not even know. it's missing someone you wish you knew but u don't. it's missing someone you've never met - missing someones precence you've never seen in person. it's missing someone that does not even know u exist. missing someone fictional? missing someone i wish i knew. missing a person - a person i wish i knew but i don't. how can i miss someone i do not know? how can i miss someone i haven't actually met? a feeling i can't explane but tried to. it's painful and confusing -scary. -a

[annismind]

dusty mosaic

i always want to be like everyone else but does anyone ever want to be like me? i'm a mosaic made up of people i see on the street, people i know -or don't know, pictures i see, poems i read, fictional characters in books and movies.

i'm partly my parents -my siblings -my friends.

i am what i think people would like me to be -i am what society expects me to be.

i am the illusion of a life i created in a pinterest board.

i am the pain i experienced and i am my thoughts.

i am all the beautiful and happy moments life gave me.

i am my nostalgia and blurry mind -a hurricane twirrling -lost and heavy but deep inside calm and quiet -i am atoms and universe dust.

i am the places i have visited and the experiences i've made -the moon knows my mind and the sun knows my skin.

i am everything around me -but who would i be when all of that would be gone?

who am I besides everything i think i should be -besides the mosaic stones i am made up of?

so my question is how anyone else would want to be like me when even i have no clue who i am?

or is that the beauty about not knowing who you are -you are seen differently by every human u meet -you can be whoever you want -always.

i am a mosaic of nostalgia for the past and the future -nostalgia for the girl i was and the person i will find myself to be. a puzzle of everything around me. and maybe that is who i am -a puzzle -a mosaic. -a

[annismind]

touch deprived. lost in nostalgia for romance I read about in books and see in movies. longing for love, desire and tension. safety and adventure. tight hugs and long walks -talking. true love -but what does that even mean? a fiction of touching romance among hidden loneliness. -a

[annismind]

if i'd have to paint her she would be blue flowers painted on a cloudy sky. she spreads ocean energy -purity like the colour of the horizon just after the sun went down -deep as the ocean's soul and strong as the waves created by the moon -wild and free dancing like the algaes with the currents of the ocean water. she seems so confident with who she is -blue flowers painted on a cloudy sky -or at least that's how i see her. -a

[annismind]

and when the bubble ur mind created for urelf bursts and your whole world -or the one u thought was yours -gaves in. when you're lost between reality and the reality ur mind created for you. the bubble is good -safe -but not real i guess -real is to cry, to break down, to be sad and dunno why, to get overwhelmed and be anxious, real is to get insecured and compare myself, to mess up ur mind and with it everything around u, to overthink and believe those thoughts are true but also to be happy in some moments beside the feeling nothing phases -at least to me this is real. the reality besides the one in my mind -the bubble. and i hate when that bubble bursts and everything feels so heavy on my heart. -a

[annismind]

love letter to the human being i call my soulmate

and when the beat droped and her body moved faster and her arms rose into the air -trying to catch the red and white light beams -she was free. or at least it looked like she was. maybe happy or maybe sad but whatever emotion she feels -she looks beautiful in it. the flashes of the red rays of light touching her body -showing parts of her soul -a feeling of nostalgia to be young forever. and she danced and got lost among the moves of the other people -among the beat. she's lightning on a summer evening. her hair reminds me of the sunset and her eyes of mother earth. the eyeliner around those dark brown eyes made her look like the rockstar that lives in her memories. she tells me i'm pure but she is everything -beauty and pieces in their most artistic way. she's art. and i am and will be fascinated by her forever endless. she's my piece of universe in this world. the human being i call my souldmate. -a

[annismind]

and when everything is too much or too less and i find nothing to hold on to -and it seems like part of my soul is covered by some sort of darkness -and i can't get rid of it -can't heal - i wish i could just leave this eart. -a

[annismind]

and i'm lost in nostalgia of romance -of a person who's in love with me and i'm in love with them. -a

[annismind]

it destroys me in silence. the pain of missing something u once knew, you once had, you once felt. but i let go of u, of us, because after all, all i want is you to be happy. letting go is a painkiller but a slow one. -a

[annismind]

and i lay on that bench. listened to music with headphones. i saw those trees moving with the wind and i wished; i wished to be a tree dancing with the wind. to be free. i closed my eyes. and i immediately was truly and purely lost in the universe of my thoughts. and i was gone. physically here but mentally gone. the people walking by faded away. the sound of the water went quiet. i was there. twirling around in my mind. not sure if i ever wanted to find my way back to reality. or was this my reality? my mind. my thoughts. my true reality? and i wasn't sad. i wasn't happy. i was just. just there. numb. it was peaceful for once. but suddenly i felt. felt a raindrop on my cheek. a lil drop of water pushing me out of my inner self. and i kept my eyes closed. i wished to open my eyes and see a world. a world. a world- i dunno. but i opened my eyes and there they were. the trees. still moving to the beat of the wind. and it wasn't my reality. it wasn't another reality than before. wasn't a place that felt like belonging but the trees were beautiful. and i'd miss to watch trees dancing with the wind. so i stay. stay and try to make this reality, my reality. a place where i feel like belonging. a home. - when the love between the wind and the trees safes u. -a

[annismind]

and she is as inspiring as one of those songs that give u so much energy that u think u could reach the moon and catch every dream u ever had.

and her energy is butterflies and oceans.

she dreams in colours and spreads flowers.

beautiful flowers.

when she dances she's flying but grounded.

she's a moment of peace.

and a chaos of emotions?

she's one of those moments where u smile and you don't even know why.

she's butterflies in an ocean.

beautiful flowers in a huge garden.

a good song.

it seems you could catch dreams u thought you've lost a long time ago.

energetic.

i want to be like her.

-a

[annismind]

is it better to miss from a distance? -a

[annismind]

that pure blue colour, that moment or infinity, however u take it, however long u stare at it, however long u observe it's change and the various kinds of blues.that pure blue colour. however messy the day was. however many colours the sunset had. that blue colour is so clear and pure that it's magic and makes me smile every time. and how it colours everyhing with that tone. so calming. -a