annualdepressionblog - Tumblr blog

[annualdepressionblog]

has a breakdown about what a lonely life it is. goes for a walk with headphones in. purchases a beverage at the supermarket. you know how it goes

[annualdepressionblog]

[annualdepressionblog]

lost

[annualdepressionblog]

out of energy

[annualdepressionblog]

[annualdepressionblog]

I will never get over how weird it feels to have tragic and emotional chapters of your life where you just also still go to work, and the grocery store, and see funny videos online all while feeling such paralyzing fear and heartache

life just goes on no matter what

[annualdepressionblog]

[annualdepressionblog]

*one very very minor inconvenience occurs* oh, that sucks. i should probably go kill myself now

[annualdepressionblog]

i don’t feel like an adult and i don’t feel like a real person and i don’t feel like i have autonomy or agency in my life although i’ve made every decision of my free will

[annualdepressionblog]

Being neurodivergent and chronically ill is crazy because you already have issues with executive functions and then your body hinders you even more. AND your sensory issues are heightened by the pain you feel.

[annualdepressionblog]

being recently diagnosed is like

*overdoes it* okay so i cant do that

*overdoes it* i can’t do that either

*overdoes it* oh no i also can’t do that

over and over. will update if it ever stops.

[annualdepressionblog]

I think that it's really important for people to realize that being disabled is traumatic. genuinely. your body and brain feel like they are breaking down and wrong. you are in constant heavy stress from stuff like chronic pain. most disabled people i know have a somewhat regular emotional break down from the trauma of it all. and we are expected to just smile through it by society, to not be in the way, to not be an issue.

[annualdepressionblog]

the thing is, if your younger self was a bigot or an abuser, u can't make people forgive you. but you still gotta forgive yourself, like that's non-negotiable, dude. that happens before u can even ask the question of earning forgiveness from anyone lese

[annualdepressionblog]

Me: You know how when you were a kid and you’d wish that you’d get sick or injured in a way that would justify why you didn’t live up to your potential?

Everybody, apparently: No?

[annualdepressionblog]

Tell me when you get bored. A story about doses. [x]

I posted this on twitter and had a variety of aggressive ableism thrown my way.

This is a story about changing what I can in spite of what I cannot for the comfort of my loved ones. The thing that others find to be hurtful about me is that I like to spend time in silent solitude. People who love me often feel hurt that I tend to solve my own problems instead of leaning on them.

When we spend too much time together, people find my neutrality to be concerning, and it becomes too much for people to be unable to read me.

To show the people I love that I enjoy their company in ways they can understand, I pool my energy together to be high-energy, peppy, and social. Since this is not my natural state of being, it takes effort, which can only be expended in small doses. I amplify the things people like in me while filtering out everything they dislike about me when I am in their company.

I change my behaviors for those I love, but at the end of the day, I cannot change my neutral state of being, which is the thing that they want most out of me.

This is a story about me accommodating people in the best way I know how, not the other way around. I would truly appreciate it if people don't misconstrue this anecdote as me asking for dismissal of hurtful behavior when in reality, people find hurt in the fact that I simply exist, and I must change for them.

[annualdepressionblog]

i dont understand

[annualdepressionblog]

people will hear you talk about struggling with mental illness and say “you can do anything if you just put your mind to it”. brother what part of the body does the mental illness happen in. what do you think is the problem