anon0618

[anon0618]

So hurt

Its been over a year since I found out about the second betrayal and almost 2 years since I found out about the initial escapades he went on. I feel bad because I feel like Im never going to fully get over it. I dont even have someone to talk to about it and I wish I did. I dont want him to know how much I still think about it. I think its because right now im in a vulnerable state. Im sick and ive been sick for days I am sleep deprived and miserable. There is a question that weighs on my mind and its if hes done anything since weve been married and its like well if i did ever ask him it could go 1 of two ways. he says no and i will never truly know if thats the truth. and the second is he says yes. and that will fucking break me. I hate myself for doubting him but i literally thought he was the guy who would never hurt me. I would never have to worry about him doing anything. and i was wrong. and after i found out about the initial betrayal 6 months later I find out there is more? I fear i dont know him at all. that there could be alot more that I dont know. and that scares the shit out of me. I love him very much and I hope hes been faithful since we got married but the honest truth is i just dont know. i hope he has been. I think im broken. I love this man and hes a really good man. But im just so mad at him. and I just shove those feelings further and further down until they boil to the surface on days im feeling insecure. I cant help it. :( Praying to God that one day he takes my pain away

[anon0618]

It's getting a little better but not too much.

I know all I need is time.

Yesterday morning he suggested I "get my lick back"

Meaning cheat back.

I had a feeling he would suggest that.

I'm not going to lie it was like a thought of mine I was going to say to him.

But not really serious.

I couldnt.

I haven't been with another person physically since January of 2012 like 8 months before we got together.

I just couldn't do it.

Besides. Like. I said. Different circumstances.

What if I did it and it hurt him?

I dont want to hurt him.

I want to move on from this and grow.

I still think about it A LOT. it weighs on my mind. I'll find myself maybe going 10-15 minutes without thinking about it then the thought will pop in again.

Hoping work will be a distraction although I wish we had more to do. .

Anyway I gotta get ready for work.

Wish me luck.

[anon0618]

I wasnt wrong.

I tried to not say anything. At least until after our thing today but he knew something was up.

First he denied. But I doubled down. I said. I KNOW ITS YOU. And he said "you're right"

He was very sorry. He answered every question I asked.

I was able to speak freely and feel my feelings. I cried a lot.

I'm not gonna lie. It hurts.

I'm still in shock.

My stomach has been very queasy.

I have a lot of emotions and I'm trying to manage them. I promised I wouldn't mention it again.

That I want us to move forward. Which is completely true.

But now a small part of me wishes I yelled. I was very calm.

I dont know why I didn't express it more.

I guess I didn't want to make the situation worse. He knows he fucked up. And I believe he is truly remorseful.

But how could he do this to me? After all I have given to him. And all I want to do is love him and show him he is worthy of love.

He told me he's grateful for me. That he loves me. That im it. I'm the one for him. The love of his life.

It hurts that he didn't respect the relationship enough not to do it. That hurts the most.

Believe me. I have had opportunity. But I have never.

While if I did would be worse than what he did. Since it wasn't exactly what it seemed.

Was all for content. If I did. It would be to get off. Like I said. I would never.

I could never put our relationship at risk. And the fact that he did makes me so angry.

It was a few years ago. Does that make it hurt a little less yes. If it was recent it would hurt even more.

I'm just I need to feel my feelings instead of suppress them because if I do I'll never get over it.

The thing is when I tell you how much I love him how much he truly means to me. I mean it.

There is no one I would rather walk through life with than him.

I finally got him to admit he proposed.

Silver lining.

Anyway I'm running on 4 hours of sleep.

I'm pretty fucked up right now.

I hope I can stop thinking about it soon.

I thought about it all night.

[anon0618]

????

I'm at a true loss.

I was all for confrontation and saying something while I was at work.

But now. I'm with him. And he's making me laugh and I'm enjoying his presence.

I don't want to ruin that.

Should I look the other way?

After I did the digging lmao.

Like I need to learn to leave shit alone.

Ignorance is bliss.

AND what if I'm wrong.

But I don't think I am.

But I'm happy.

Because he treats me better than anyone. Loves me. Lifts me up.

He's my best friend.

My favorite person on the planet. That will never change.

[anon0618]

Got my pussy licked.

Dear God almighty I love that man.

I got what I asked for. It felt so good. Came in his mouth. I love the way he teases me. The way he kisses me. The way he tells me to get on my knees. He's so fucking sexy

[anon0618]

pops

I know this is random but I just miss my dad so god damn much. 

Fuck. 

[anon0618]

Life is everything

I am literally the happiest I have ever been. Dimitri Has been cooking dinner for us some of the time and there is something so simple and nice about the gesture. once we have a baby and get married I will have everything I have ever wanted. I have good money, i have a man who truly truly loves me. its crazy. i have money squared away for an emergency. we are planning a wedding also he has a bangin cock. Its, just easy with him. he makes every day better. I was going to write this long thing bout life and stuff but now i ate dinenr and im tired.

[anon0618]

Life updates?

Other than our wedding planning, trying for a baby and going to the gym life has been pretty good. Work is the same as usual. we have had a ton of move outs and i have been doing them all pretty much. yeah wendy still aint shit. but whta can you do. Demi is going to be moving into the surf which i was avoiding telling dimitri because i thought he would feel some type of way about it but he didnt even care. Like i told him and he said “what does that have to do with me? So he either really trusts me or he doesnt remember? i am hoping to be honest that its both. he should trust me. I would never cheat but also like those messages were not my proudest moments so if he forgot them then thats even better for me. Someone died in there apartment and we have to fill that unit. I am worried how thats going to go. Renee is moving into the apartments we live at! WE are going to be neighbors! thats pretty cool. I am going dressing shopping almost a week from now! I am so excited. I hope I find the dress! What else? My mom should be moving into a new apartment with cheap rent! I so hope it happens. If I no longer have to pay her rent then i can put away more money for the wedding.It is looking like it might be around 10k So every little bit helps. Drea had a baby! I dont think I mentioned on here she was pregnant! Im so happy for her. Hes a pretty cute kid. My insecurities havent been as bad lately. I can truthfully say i litterally dont give a shit about any one or anything going on in dimitris phone. I finally feel secure enough that I know he truly truly loves me. He is such a wonderful man. Ive always trusted him but have just been curious about what goes on in that head of his. he just doesnt share with me alot. but ever since we got engaged i just feel even more secure. like i know hes here for me !00%. last week he held me, we made out and we had sex. It was such good sex. I wish we could do it more. But today again we made out and he held me. my god i love being in his arms. how can i explain it? hes just my favorite person in this whole world. Anyway im exhausted. Hopefully the next time I write I will be telling you that I am pregnant!

[anon0618]

every dream I have ever had is coming true.

And its because of this man beside me. The last two things are marriage. and a baby. we are planning our wedding and I am so excited. We have chosen a date! its going to be april 20th 2024. and we have avenue in mind all i have to do is wait until its one year before because we cant book out more than one year in advanced. its a beautiful venue. with this amazing gazebo. Then we are going on our 5th month of trying to have a baby. its getting a bit sad trying and coming up with a negative each month but im hopeful it will come. Also we have started going to the gym. We are gonna look fit for this wedding. I am so ready for this to start our life together!

[anon0618]

life is wonderful.

I'm surprised I never wrote about his mom leaving. She was able to get into her own one bedroom apartment. She's been gone I think 3 weeks tomorrow. It's been heaven. It's been so calm and peaceful I feel so relaxed all the time. We were not able to try for a baby my last fertile window but I'm in the window again this month and I was at a 9 yesterday and we had sex which btw was some damn good sex. He told me he had been horny all day and I could tell. His cock was rock hard. Tonight we went a different route and I literally inseminated myself with his sperm. I'm currently laying down to keep the nut. I hope I hope we conceive!

Send all the baby dust my way!

[anon0618]

Dreams are coming true.

So now that we engaged we been talking about when we want to have the wedding. Well he wants to wait until he is smaller to get married. Okay but I'm not getting any younger and I want a baby. He said. "I think we are ready for a kid" holy shit. Literally my dreams are coming true. Everything I have ever wanted. He said. " We can afford it. We can even start trying" so best believe I looked up my fertile window and it's coming up. And my plan is to get fucked as much as possible. FILL ME UP SIR. I want to have his baby so bad. I already dreamt we were pregnant. The actual giving birth part I am worried about. But a baby will be so worth it. I was shocked when he said that he felt we were ready. I have felt that way since he got his promotion but didn't know he felt that way now. And now that he has said it I am taking it and I am running with it.

[anon0618]

I'm a fiancee

I'm still in shock dude. And I listen to that song over and over. And you know why and this is silly but it's like. I didn't know he had these feelings for me. Like he says "I'm so glad you exist" and like idk it's stupid. I know he loves be obviously but sharing the exact depth of his love for me you know, in words he just doesn't always do and it can be so nice to hear sometimes. He says "I swear I'll make her a mom this gon be her favorite song" I damn near have it memorized I have heard it so many times. The. "beauty had my heart racing" really babe? I didn't know you felt that about me. It sounds dumb when I say it because like obviously he feels that way if we been together 10 years. I just holy shit. I finally get to marry the man of my dreams.

[anon0618]

I'm engaged!!!!!! We came to Santa Cruz and went to the beach. We came back to the hotel and he acted like he was gonna shower and he put a song on the tv. THIS MAN WROTE ME A SONG/RAP. and rapped it himself. Oh my god it was the best song I have ever heard. Maybe I am little bit bias. 🤷‍♀️ I still can't believe it. So the song is playing first I didn't even realize. Then im like wait a second. Is that hin singing?? And it broke into a rap. He plays so tough but he is a big old softie. I literally am so fucking lucky to have him. I told him oh my got we are getting married and it just sounds so unreal. Like before we talked about it but you know in the abstract. Now it's actually gonna fucking happen. Holy shit. I have listened to the song so many times. I. Gonna cry now lol. Guys and the ring he was like " I hope you like it. It was on your Amazon wishlist so you better" lol I do! I love it it's perfect. 😭😭🥰🥰🥰💍💍Fuck. I'm gonna be a wife dude.

[anon0618]

We are finally in our new place. It's beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. We been here s few weeks. First we had it to our selves which was literally heaven. But then his mom got upset and came with us. I knew it was coming but. I still hate it. I feel constantly on edge. And it's only been a few days. She isn't even doing anything but I just. It's not our place anymore. We still live with one of our mommies. I was so happy. And now? It's just a matter of time before she gets upset about something. It's what she does. Sigh.

[anon0618]

Cumming from head

right now I just have to talk about our sex. It's been since our Christmas vacation that we had sex. We definitely have had to it fair share of opportunities but anyway! He promised today he would give me a nut. I wasn't even expecting sex. Just kind of thought he would finger me like usual. But he asked me if I wanted dick. Yes! So I got some kisses first. Then he told me to get ready. So I was in bed laying ass up. And he started playing with my butt and smacking my ass. Then he started to eat my ass. Kissing my cheeks. Biting me. Then his tongue slipped and went to My pussy. I think he heard the way I reacted because then he moved on to that. Now. I lately like passed few years had honestly been eh. On getting my pussy eaten. But today. It felt SO GOOD. i was moaning. Then I could feel I was about to cum. I told him I was gonna cum in his mouth. Which okay. I have never done before. I have never cum from getting eaten out. Then after that. I sucked his dick. It was so enjoyable. I licked his balls. His dick tastes so good. Then we fucked which felt fucking so good. I came again. And I got to just watch him. Then he fell asleep. And I layed with him. It was beautiful

[anon0618]

But that posted just fine. Ugh kiss my ass.

[anon0618]

Ok. WTF. Why do I go to post something and it doesn't post, is there a limit length? Because I just write out a huge pst about something and it said error and wouldn't post?, Fuck you Tumblr.