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anonymousancunin · 2 months
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“surely this will not cause my chronic illness to flare up,” i say, actively doing something that has never failed to flare my chronic illness
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anonymousancunin · 2 months
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anonymousancunin · 3 months
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everyone say thank you to transgender women
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anonymousancunin · 3 months
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pros of putting laundry away immediately after it is dry
less wrinkles
yayyyy organization
it is done
cons
right now you have to do it. Right fucking now. nightmare world hell on earth torture realm pain and suffering and carnage
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anonymousancunin · 3 months
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guy who yells out “IM GONNA FUCKING LOSE IT” before letting out the gentlest, smallest scream you’ve ever heard in your goddamn life
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anonymousancunin · 3 months
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the world is a better place with trans women in it
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anonymousancunin · 4 months
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i dont “have ptsd” that’s all just the wizard’s curse
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anonymousancunin · 4 months
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i want you to be disgustingly obsessed with me, dont hit me up unless you want to be soul bound.
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anonymousancunin · 5 months
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Begging and pleading for this.
the kitchen part 3 anyone?
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anonymousancunin · 5 months
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Reblog to hug prev poster (they need a hug)
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anonymousancunin · 5 months
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sorry i overreacted i had no idea everything would be fine
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anonymousancunin · 5 months
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Another day of being a sweetiepie. Just clocked in
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anonymousancunin · 5 months
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sry i didn’t respond to ur message i have a mind husband and we are looking after our kids ♥️✨
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anonymousancunin · 5 months
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Write that idea, the worst is no one sees it. The best is, everyone loves it. You’ll never know until you put it out there.
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anonymousancunin · 5 months
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i love dadstarion. i love this little horrid man finally having something of his own that he can build and help and nurture. i love him being dumb with his kids. i love him being exasperated and bewildered with each new challenge because how is he meant to know how to do this? nobody does. he’s on the same path as every new parent and each time feels a little more bittersweet.
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anonymousancunin · 5 months
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No joke you guys NEED to get more comfortable blocking people. No more insulting people in public over different blorbo opinions no more making 2k long posts on how whatever ship you don't like shouldn't exist we've grown past that shit. Consistent posts about shit that make you uncomfortable? Block. Rancid blorbo opinions? Block. Is mildly annoying in your replies? Block. Pisses you off for reasons so petty you could never admit it publicly? Block. YOUR mental health will improve from not being upset 24/7, THEIR mental health will not be at risk of you lashing out because you happened to catch their posts on a bad day, and EVERYONE ELSE will benefit from not seeing the most embarrassing arguments known to man on their dash. "Oooh but they didn't deserve it-" dude you're presumably running a personal blog as a hobby not a public service. Who fucking cares.
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anonymousancunin · 5 months
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the kitchen two 18+, 2.7k
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nobody pining over the potwasher with the pretty face and snide tongue, and it feels like such a damn shame.
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this started as a joke and now you're touching astarion up out back of a pizza express/olive garden/incert generic chain restaurant you both work at.
part one here.
cw: fem!reader x astarion, 18+, astarion is a potwasher, sex, reader smokes, astarion vapes, fingering, frottage, workplace copulation, not beta read, porn without plot pretty much, oh no, gn reader i think
FATTEST THANK YOU TO @bhaalism AND @lipstickghoulie for DEALING WITH ME as always <3
-
“You need to get laid.”
You take the vape from a waiting hand and hold it in your teeth. Feel the ridges where his own have left small indents in the plastic and nestle yours in the shiny crooks. 
“Hm?” 
“You. You’re practically drooling.” He blinks slowly as you look up to the clouds.
“I’m afraid my harem of devastatingly beautiful lovers are all indisposed. On the yacht, obviously.” You pull a face, huffing a long inhale and releasing the smoke in soft stutters. He snorts. 
“Ah. That’s why you reek of hormones, then?”
You smile.
“Probably. New schedule has done little for any conquests, I’ll be honest.”
Astarion takes a moment as you pass him back his vape, flipping it absentmindedly between deft fingers and scrunching his face.
“Unfortunate.”
You playfully slap his arm and he recoils in a brief snarling laughter, ending on some churlish half-smile as he leans back on the wall.
Those fingers. Slender, pale; always moving to some comment or chore with a slight flourish. You note how surprisingly unblemished they seem for his line of work, and the fact you’ve never seen him with hand balm. Even in the low light spilled scarce from the doorway they have a certain sparkle to them. Poise. 
He knows you’re looking, and you’re a little surprised it seems to matter. Coy as he inhales something deep. 
Obviously, it’s a possibility. It happens.
The nature of your work leads to frequent hookups amongst you, as it always has - some incestuous tangle of ex-lovers and yearning hopefuls all weaving the same sticky tables and navigating the age-old sore break-room banter when it inevitably cools between the sheets. Word travels fast, and not one of your workmates has escaped the hated minimum-wage service tradition of copulating with your colleagues in some drunken fumble after a particularly awful shift - but him, though. You can’t say that you’ve put out feelers per se, but his name has never been mentioned - either positively or negatively - on the grapevine, not that you can recall. Nobody pining over the potwasher with the pretty face and snide tongue, and it feels like such a damn shame.
In all fairness, he doesn’t lend himself to open fawning. He doesn’t mingle like the rest do. Never attends the seasonal socials thrown by upper management nor stays after hours drinking with the rest of the kitchen, as if he’d opted out of the greasy workplace ham-slamming ecosystem entirely. 
Above it all. Godlike. You can’t have that. 
You could invite him in, you think, as his head tilts ever-so-slightly toward you in the cool smoke. His nails tap mindless against gaudy green plastic and you picture little but those now-familiar obscene vignettes of him, those very same fingers taking the warm fat of your flesh by the fistful, bending you - pliable in the desperate chase of wanton heat - over the stainless steel of the chef’s station, with a forceful hand to the waist; smushing your face sideways on the counter as he humps you to visceral burning delight over and over, the relentless piston of hungry hips as he pounds into your drooling hole, and;- 
“At least they have each other, I suppose. Aboard that gorgeous yacht.”
Your eyes meet his, a mutual hum. Silence as the rain smatters on gravel.
It’d be easy. Sidle past him through the walk-in door left slightly ajar - vaping, of course; why else would the pot washer be in the cooler? - and feel the looming hope of flesh so close. A crooked smile in silent greeting. Take your time in bending for the lemons, apron ties bowed over your rear as some awful present. He’d never slap your ass so crudely. The lingering want for a tap of flesh, for him to feel the soft jiggle of solid fat on a quick palm; never to move to touch you until you’d made your intentions abundantly clear.
Your intentions.
You could accidentally back up against him whilst still bent and oh-so lost in search for whatever perfect fucking lemon takes this long to find, ass smacking onto his crotch, mouth shaped as an ‘o’ where sudden realisation takes hold, through layers of standard-issue service garb - a barely-there cant of your hips at the surprise friction of his cock. 
He’s been watching. Ogling. Angling himself toward you, as if having pictured how best to bury himself inside you should the opportunity arise. 
Would he grab you by the hips? Take rough handfuls of heated skin and flesh, pull you in to rub over his growing erection with an obscene snarl and heavy lids in a sharp frenzy? Snaking a deft hand down the front of your apron and under the waistband of your trousers, unhurried but firm; searching for the evidence he can practically smell; proof that you’ve been melting, the pool of slick in your panties growing gummy between stolen moments of fantasization on the floor and the molten rumble of low-laughter as he bends you over the mesh shelving, his lower abdomen being thoroughly stickied with a liberal helping of your arousal.
“What are you doing tonight?”
You turn to him with a nonchalant smile and he groans, upper lip curling toward his nose.
“I’ll be here. Same as you, I presume?”
“Not for too much longer, though - how about after?”
Astarion runs a hand through his hair coolly, vape returning to his pocket as he stands off the wall. 
“Not there yet. Who knows?”
The slight of a fox-wink as he twirls back through the door, jacket flaring out behind him before disappearing into the back-of-house once more.
-
Time passes as if stuck stiff under a violent gutter-sun.
The softest visions of him lit by the dented metal of the big old dishwasher, shifting to adjust himself under linens; and after much thought you decide he’d be so very pretty, touching himself something mad. Even more so than usual. Leaky and hot and gasping in mindless carnality under the blacklight of the back bathroom with penis in hand, wincing at the fevered paw moving dumb to offer any relief in his plight. A delicious sigh whilst rolling the hot skin back, bit-by-bit from the tip, working the gathering glisten ever-so-softly over his aching slit in delicate strokes. 
A stolen glance through the service window, through the bumbling hordes in their whites; a shock of silver hair, short sleeves cuffed, brows furrowed as he scrubs at some porcelain bowl with a strange blase determination. 
It’s effortless. He’s not posing, wholly unaware that you’re watching. Scalding from the heat lamps as your fingertips press into the ledge, waiting for plates for one of your tables and teetering back and forth into the gap. He picks another bowl from the crate with a practised hand, tossing it gently into the other and dunking it in the water with finesse. Scrubs. Holds the curving gloss to the light for a moment and narrows his eyes before repeating the process, then loading it onto the dishwasher crate. 
Mindless. 
God. All mindless. You could offer to help him after a busy evening, perhaps; take charge of the pre-wash as he loads the machine, well oiled in your steps as they grow ever closer to one another - surprisingly so, with your lack of practice. Let the hose spray free down your front in a fumble with the pressure lever on the side, and the moment of shock as you gasp; the warm water turning ice cool on your chest, no disguising the quick pebbling of your nipples underneath your sodden underclothes. 
Maybe it’s panic that compels him to dab at your chest with a dry towel as opposed to throwing it to you in a tight-scrunched ball and continuing to load the washer - but maybe it isn’t. 
Maybe it’s something else altogether. Those red eyes darken to a plush carnal smoulder and he tilts his head, begging you to close the gap, to give him permission; to stretch a palm just a little further over to the swell of your breast and cup the soft, heavy flesh through the thin layer of wet cloth.
He’s right, of course. Desperately so.
You do need to get laid.
-
Black sky overhead, speckled with pinpoint stars and laced with the twinge of cold that makes your nose feel funny - and you suspect he’s one of the last to leave this evening, so you wait a minute or two for management to finish their final walkthrough.
He appears with a flourish. Your lean-back on the wall remains as composed as it can as he barrels through the doors, bag high on his shoulder; and begins to fish in his back pocket for his vape.
“Astarion!”
He spins and meets your gaze with a fantastic grin, incisors sharp as his vape meets his lips. You can do this. A quick fuck. Everyone here does it, christ. 
“Yes, love?”
“Have you got a minute?”
“For you? Always.”
Purring. He’s purring.
You wave management farewell as they lock the doors - a small smile, yet you can’t let him slide from you. You can’t let the moment falter. The wet patch in your pants becomes horrifically apparent as you shift from side to side in the cool air, and you surmise that this needs resolving before your humility suppresses the want to have him between your legs - so you extend a hand. You reach for the vape between his lips and you bring it to your own, ever so slowly; holding it between your teeth in a coy stand-off.
“Bold.”
“I’m feeling bold.”
“Oh?”
“Walk with me.”
He offers you an arm in an exuberant display of mock-chivalry, bowing almost; and you take it to pull him closer to your side. 
“You’re in a good mood.” You muse, steering him down the dark alley and toward the main street whilst he sighs a laugh.
“I presume you’re about to buy me a drink, which is always most welcome.”
“I’ve never bought you a drink?”
“The pleasure is more in the receiving of the drink, not whoever’s buying it.’
He turns to look at you while you walk, tugging you closer. 
‘Unless you’d like me to find pleasure in you, my generous benefactor?’
You stop in your tracks, and he grins in place.
‘Because that’s what this is about; isn’t it, little lamb?’
Time stops, signalled by the slow stutter of your heart as his voice drops silken, taking both of your wrists in hand.
‘I can practically smell it, you know.”
“What makes you so sure?”
He pulls a face. Looks at you softly.
“Don’t ask stupid questions.”
“Sorry.”
“I won’t pretend it’s not been on my mind, though.”
“Hm?”
Astarion sidles closer, toes touching; breath cool on your cheeks. Mint. 
“Burying myself inside you. All kinds of-’
His hands gesture lightly around his head, controlled as they close in on your face.
‘Wicked images. The things we could do.”
Your eyes flutter closed as he cups your face, lips grazing the edge of his palm.
“I watch you too, you know - oh, it makes me hard just thinking about it. Humping the sink counter like some wanton… bitch;- whenever can I get a moment, just to get some friction, clothes ruined time and time again over obscene visions of myself buried deep inside-’
Takes your chin between pointer finger and thumb.
‘Your. Desperate. Cunt.’
He breathes a giggle.
‘Just as I assume yours are now, hm? Ruined? Oh, the sheer debauchery.”
Tuts. The breeze fades and he comes impossibly closer, hands ghosting the broad of your shoulders then cutting across to the dip of your waist and you inhale and that smell of him. The scent of by-your-side and beleaguered evenings, laced with something heady. Salt. You whimper when you eke the words out.
“You smell so good.” Practically whining, metaphorical drool linking the two of you as if invisible string. A deep beat of laughter.
“Sweet one. So do you.”
His nose buried in your hair, fingers grasping at the warmth of your hips through layers of sweaty workwear. Your core blazes white hot, legs failing you - he’s here. He wants you. God, you’d never thought it’d feel this good, even in your wildest fantasies; and yet you’re standing out in the bitter cold locked tight in by his hands and it exceeds every conceivable outcome for this conversation, ever, despite his cock not yet prodding you once. 
He takes the vape from where your fingers hang frozen and puts it into his pocket, guiding your fingers to the front of his trousers in your obscured embrace and pressing your palm to the front.
Hard. He’s ridiculously hard. Warm and pulsing with strong hips writhing as your hand gives him something to push against. 
“Fuck.”
“Nicely, now.”
His hand moves under your coat and to the front of your own trousers as you feel him through his, scrunching your fingers around his length; whilst he slides deft under the fixings just as you’d imagined he would. Ice to a fire. Moves quickly in the search for your slick like a moth mindless toward a flame, when he finds your slit and takes a single finger to press between your folds. 
“Ah. There she is.’
Your breath catches on his words,  
‘My darling girl, you’re soaking. How long have you been like this?”
“Just today, or on the whole? I can’t remember a time where I’ve not wanted you, not since that first day outside.”
He groans quietly, eyes rolling back into his skull as he coaxes more of your spill forth onto the flat of his palm with a skilled finger toying at the hood of your clit. It feels incredible. Like a warm bath or fresh pizza times a thousand. 
“Did you like the idea of my spit in your mouth, love? Forgetting your smokes on purpose, buying me treats just so you could share? So you could… take me, in your mouth, and wallow in having me there in secret? Bad girl.” A sordid whisper. Heady. Love. Bad girl. You’re struggling for air, newly weakened flesh bowled completely over by his brutal advances, and it’s heaven. You could die here in this alley and you’d be wholly satisfied with life knowing he touched you. He was hard for you, his cock desperately seeking solace in the warmth of your core, to christen your cunt with lashings of himself inside you. Yours. You. 
You thought your resolve was stronger than this. That you could match him in whatever game he potentially wanted to play and do it with flair - but as he stands in front of you, hand crudely down your trousers round the back of your shared workplace; you have no desire to play coy any longer. He’s giving himself to you. 
“Kiss me?”
And he does. A heady drawl as his lips stoop to meet yours, a string of yes-yes-yeses whispered flush into your open mouth as he moves with you, fingering with reverent strokes whilst your hand fiddles hungrily with his underclothes and he laughs with a satisfied ease as if a Roman Emperor, hosting a banquet on the eve of some grand resounding victory. 
Right here, by the bins under the watchful eyes of the CCTV cameras dotted along the brick - it doesn’t work. It can’t happen here. Your brain fizzes all shades of yellow and orange as you take his arm, breaking the open-mouthed kiss with urgency and tugging his head down until his ear hangs dazed a hair’s breadth from your lips. 
“Yours or mine?”
“Where’s closer?”
Gravel. Cheeks flushed, hands frisking your waistband once more as you swat him off.
“Yours, probably.”
“You checked the staff files, didn’t you? Naughty thing.”
You huff into a slight hunchback, bemused by his deduction.
“Maybe. Are you mad about it?”
Your hand grabs at his cock through his trousers once more and offers a hard squeeze, a stuttered moan from his mouth.
“Meh. So long as you make it up to me, yes?”
He pauses to press a chaste kiss to your mouth as you both rebutton and fumbles to take your hand in his. 
“God. Yes. I promise.”
“Come along then, temptress. Mine -’
Another to the back of your hand, soft and deep.
‘- it is.”
-
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