anonymousladyliving

[anonymousladyliving]

Today’s Theme: Frustration

I’m going to run through things pretty quickly because if I don’t, this post will never make it online.

Everything is a dumpster fire right now.

We are still in a pandemic. Everyone is acting as though said pandemic has yet to surface. Hospitals are full, and that’s not even the only problem. On top of the hospitals being full, they are also very very expensive. Which leads to our next problem — almost everyone is uninsured. Uninsured, in a pandemic. Yes let those few sentences sink in. Then buckle the fuck up because those aren’t even the biggest problem we have.

I recently filed my taxes. I checked my refund status and was notified that I was receiving a refund that was $1400 less than the refund the IRS accepted from me. I start reading the explanation and find out that not only did I miraculously make $75000 (actually $160000 with my spouse) last year, but unfortunately several of my dependents had the wrong social security numbers. I know what you’re thinking, “Lady, that’s a great salary! It is a bit careless to get your kids’ socials wrong. That sucks.” And that’s a logical reaction. But you forgot we live in an “anything but a logical” land. Long story short, my social security number is on an extra tax filing somewhere and now I need to prove I’m me to ensure I don’t get any ticks against me. Well that and fraud and yadda yadda. To be completely transparent, I don’t have a clue how taxes work. But I do feel like this mistake should’ve been caught earlier than now, and not by me. The extra fun part about this is that this problem will be fixed in *drumroll please* a few years. LITERAL YEARS. Which means that my taxes, credit, and entire financial situation will be in jeopardy for YEARS. Ready for the next problem??

Those two novels didn’t even make up the tip of the iceberg. I didn’t mention living below the poverty line due to unlivable wages, healthcare hell, transportation issues, skyrocketing prices, fucking capitalism as a whole, a literal race war, everyone’s basic human rights being stripped, class war, actual war, climate change disasters, police brutality, death every time you blink. Yes I know that was a run on sentence, but sadly I can go on and on and on.

I chose frustration as the theme today because just typing this is frustrating. None of those problems can be solved by me alone. Those are all world issues that everyone is dealing with. And yes, I feel a little selfish typing this long rant when others have it worse than I do. I’m also reminded that even though others have it worst, everyone has something. Soooo back to my rant. I’m tired of being forced to deal with a million and one problems I didn’t cause, while still having to show up everyday. I am still expected to be a great employee, roommate, tenant, sister, daughter, niece, cousin, granddaughter, aunt, godmother, acquaintance, friend, best friend. And when I say “I’M EXHAUSTED AND CANT DO THIS ANYMORE.” People love to remind me that this is just life and I’ve got to live it.

So I am frustrated. I am frustrated as fuck. But I am still going to wake up tomorrow and try to juggle it all like a pro, again. And again. Because right now I don’t have much else. And I think if I stop moving right now, I will never start to move again.

These are frustrating times my dear. But I owe it to myself to make it through.

[anonymousladyliving]

*Cue Carrie Bradshaw (Anna Sophia Robb version) type music*

Welcome to Sex in the Small Town ;-)

Not really, well kind of. I’m a single gal. Basically the “It Girl” of being single, three years running. I’ve always been an over achiever, but I’ve really excelled at this. I mean I spent these past few years really getting to know myself, healing, and trying to prepare myself for that next best thing. And now, I think it’s here.

Okay, maybe it’s not the next best thing. But it is the next thing. It’s a hook up.

Now I know what you’re thinking. “What happened to the growth?? Where is that healing you mentioned earlier? How can some random hookup possibly be the pot of gold at the end of your single hood rainbow???” And all I’ve got to say to that is, bit of a dramatic yeah?

But also you’re a little right. Which makes this so hard. (No ickiness reader) But I am a little torn. Because it seems fun now but there’s a lot of factors at play. Because if everyone would scroll up a bit and reference the title, this is Sex in the Small Town, in the south, DUN DUN. Which means there are some pretty big factor’s at play. I mean not only is the Supreme Court trying to take my rights away, but my state already has. It is illegal for me to get an abortion after 6 weeks. Which means this is actual risky business... No one call Brad’s team though, because this production is imploding fast.

This is what I mean by curveballs though. Here I am in my mid-twenties and ready to have a little fun for once. And what do you know, my decision isn’t even my decision. It belongs to some random old guys (who actually, for lack of a better term, fucking suck), how fucking sick. Even more sick than that? How do I tell the person I’ve been enjoying talking to and looking forward to see, that I’m not sure we should see each other because I’m not ready to be a mom. Why the fuck is that even a thought I have to verbalize? I grew up consuming media where characters got to exist in perfect world scenarios, which means people know it’s possible. Just not in reality.

Obviously I’m left undecided. But fret not, I will update every step of the way. So stay tuned for the next installment of Sex in the Small Town.

Stay frisky ;-)

[anonymousladyliving]

I don’t really know what this will be yet. It may be another discarded diary that I can add to the pile, or it may be the one thing that keeps me sane in my mid-twenties.

Let’s face it, life is hard right now. Every time I think I catch a break, I get pegged by a curve ball. And not even my own special curveball. 90% of them are everyone’s curveball… a pandemic, systemic racism, capitalism, human rights being stripped, a failing economy, I mean honestly the list goes on and on and on and on. Safe to say, I need to document a bit just so I believe it actually happened.

So for my first documentation, I spoke to some surprising people this weekend. People I thought had long forgot about me. It felt… nice? I’m one of those ooey gooey people so it felt great but also very weird in this new space. I reached back out to one person and I’m hopeful about it. Life’s about connection right? It’s nice to have a little.

Well like I said, welcome and yadda yadda. Fingers crossed this goes well