anonyposse

[anonyposse]

just funny how things went south - i cried, i felt negative emotuions but then i was able to stand up again, think of new ideas of new goals and new life.

now i am rebranding lmao. that's for another blog! this is only for negative rant vibes lol

[anonyposse]

fck that why did god even let me meet him and kinda bond with him now i want a boyfriend

[anonyposse]

mixed signal guy is not good for my health

I just literally cried in my room a while ago cause i am going crazy over this mixed signal guy. i kept wondering what if i got into a relationship and things just went blah, i would go craziest

[anonyposse]

i wanna date him so bad

can't understand this fcking man lmao. he's giving me mixed signals but i know he's attracted to me but i am definitely attracted to him to the point of limerence and i've been fantasizing ever since Mauritius flight but just sad i wasn't able to be with him and bonded - i'll probably fall hard.

i'm just feeling annoyed and kinda negative right now. but i am trying my best to distract myself - luckily, i have my hobbies to help me cope.

[anonyposse]

i want a boyfriend

i just wanna feel feminine, spoiled by someone (though i spoil myself already), but i just wanna feel girly lately...

[anonyposse]

i feel blah and idk with my bday yesterday

I don't know why i care this year but my bday yesterday was so uneventful. i usually don't care cause i celebrate my bday anytime of the year not on the exact day itself and i'm going golf for my bday week in Manchester the next day (tomorrow i am in Manchester but i just arrived so i'll most likely do some book shopping and groceries)

maybe cause last year i was thinking that this year i will have a grand celebration and i will have to call my friends and tell them the good news already

[anonyposse]

hate minor inconveniences

like i am so at peace and so damn happy already, why do i have this stupid minor inconveniences in my life. it's so unnecessary and so damn annoying.

the stupid parcel which is the renewal of my debit card didn't come (they just called me twice while i was on flight then just noted there that the customer couldn't be contacted and they just left it in transit for like a month already), like they are so damn inefficient. and it was my fault too cause why i just thought of having it delivered to me with my number when my job is always on travel. like i knew they were this dumb anyway. people are so dumb here mygod

and now i have to go to the bank again and wait for like an hour. i hate waiting

[anonyposse]

generally i'm happy but..

thinking about how the money is never coming in this month nor for the next few months, i feel miserable that our September plans won't push through and thinking about how it's been 3 years we've been waiting for i don't know.. i feel like people mock me, people are making fun of me or is it just my paranoia i don't know. i just have to keep distracting myself and not talking too much so as not to reveal to people that i am still waiting lol

[anonyposse]

feeling lonely

i want a kdrama boyfriend.. if it's not gonna be like that then forget it. i'll just live in another universe

[anonyposse]

feeling a bit annoyed

just a bit, nothing major, but i was just kinda disappointed that i thought my parents would bring me good news about the money we've been waiting for 3 fucking years and i wanna blame them for delaying my plans, for making delusional plans that i am not excited about anymore.

i am struggling yet i don't have the right to be. i still have a good job that pays decent for me to invest in an apartment in my hometown, able to fund my luxury items and activities, i have unlimited internet (lol some parts of the world don't have okay and i will d!e without unli wifi), i get to do some hobbies even expensive ones like horse riding, i get a week off every month, i get an off or two every flight nowadays, i am all alone right now, i could be creative for all i want

i guess it's the expectations and delusional stuffs i've thought of that made me disappointed like this and the worst part, i have to keep it together. my pride will be the death of me

[anonyposse]

I feel blah

I'll go back to work in 24 hours. I hate it. i've been so fully rested this week that I don't wanna go back to work.

I didn't even go out (only for a walk and buy some stuffs from grocery) and I feel like I enjoyed it alot. I just wanna vibes here at home alone.

[anonyposse]

sometimes i just wanna shut up cause i don't like oversharing

why do i tend to overshare some stuffs and at the end of the conversation i truly regret it and i kept reminding myself that i need to shut up and just don't share anything unnecessary.

then i'll do it again the next conversation 💀

[anonyposse]

damn my mood shifts

have you ever been feeling so good then all of a sudden you see a celebrity you've been looking up to, and you even witnessed her hard work all through these years and see her prosper and just think that "damn what have i been doing in my life"

like whatever they did in their past lives to be this lucky. but then again, we don't see what they do behind the curtains of entertainment. for sure it wasn't easy, for sure they had some moments they regret, moments they feel miserable and just wish that they aren't famous.

so i think i'll just be rich and not known lol

[anonyposse]

i just have to get this sht off from me right now

a big part of me why im feeling sht even though i have no reason to be, and i'm waiting for something big to happen and it's in the process so why would i feel bad and down about it? i mean, it's gonna come soon, I will get my money soon.

the thing that has been making me feel down is the old me who made promises and and did a timeline on what i have to do, and now even 2 years after, i am still in the rut waiting. so yeah, i couldn't face anyone not even my friends out of embarrassment.

i do most things alone lately practicing for when my money comes, i'll be on the go with my networking plans. what makes me feel shittier is that 2 years ago, i planned everything will happen. and now probably it'll get delayed so my plan will probably happen next year, and from my experience, it will probably happen in 2 years.

[anonyposse]

feeling sick cause of 3 vaccines i took. i'm feeling okay but just physically miserable also cause i'm just a little stressed about going home but i'm excited! just hoping i won't get bumped off

[anonyposse]

just realized that maybe i want to date :/ i want to start dating. BUT i have like a lot of preparations to do before i go back to dating scene and i need first my millions and hopefully my dad is right that it'll come this may :/ hoping but not expecting

[anonyposse]

i feel like i am depressed.... i have too high standards for my goals and timeline and that's what was wrong in the first place

been waiting for something for 3 years and not sure anymore if it'll come or if it will, will it take another 2 years?

i am getting older and from my goals 3 years ago, i could have built an empire at this time and will probably start looking to start family but then i've always say "start slow" but this is too slow...

when things are not going your way in your timing... it feels depressing.