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Nightmares

I usually don’t have nightmares. On the off-chance that I do, they’re just silly dreams, right? They’re nothing real. Monsters who live in alleyways and spiders the size of large dogs aren’t real. They can’t hurt you.

Memories can.

Our first kiss, except this time you leave as soon as our lips make contact.

Going shopping together, except I take a wrong turn in an isle and suddenly you’re gone.

Making a meal together, peeling carrots with you hugging me from behind, planting delicate kisses on my neck. Except you abruptly leave through the front door.

All those delicate memories, sharpened and twisted to perfection and aimed at my heart. It’s not your fault. I can’t be angry with you. If anything, I can be grateful that I have such good memories. I loved you truly and deeply, and you fell out of love. That’s all there is to it.

At the very heart of it, these nightmares show me how deeply I am capable of loving. I loved you so hard, so dearly that I saw past my worst fears to make these memories. I took leaps I never would’ve usually done.

You’ve helped me realise the kind of love I am capable of giving.

I can’t wait to show my future wife.

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Delphine Seyrig in The Milky Way (La voie lactée) 1969, dir. Luis Buñuel.

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I went on a picnic today. It was lovely. I spent the day laughing and knitting in the park. On the way home, this very cuddly cat followed me home. I ended up having to carry the cat back to their home (I can’t steal someone else’s cat, after all) but the cat kept running after me when I tried leaving. I hope that cat is getting lots of cuddles by their owner right now. 💕

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hey, bro… do you have a bandaid? i scraped my knee while falling for you bro

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Tsk everyone wants a cottage core wife until yall realise u actually need to scoot up the sofa to make space for our yarn🙄 it’s knitting time babey!!!

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imagine if you loved yourself in the same way you loved another person; not caring about the flaws in the body or inside the mind, seeing the virtues even bigger, supporting, taking care. that would be a new level of self-esteem and another way to be  indestructible

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Bed (Lit à la polonaise), Unknown maker.

Paris, France, 1775 - 1780

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will u let me kiss u forever

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yesterday was our first kiss. 

it wasn’t your first kiss, but it was mine. you knew that. i was nervous beyond belief but the way you handled it was incredible- on your bed, holding onto each other as we peacefully drifted into the comfort of each other’s presence. speaking softly whilst shyly planting kisses on each other like decorative bandaids- 

my forehead. 

your collarbone. 

my neck. slowly.

i hesitated. paralysed. you’re so delicate.

- my cheek! 

our eyes met. we were both smiling sweetly. we lay there, locked in an embrace as the crushing sound of the treetops in the wind laced the atmosphere. your music blasting from your speakers- 

“can i ask you a question?”, you half whisper.

“yeah, sure”

long silence. you say nothing. 

“are you okay? what’s up?”, i let my anxiety blurt out. 

“can i kiss you?”

what followed felt like a blissful mixture of everything and nothing at the same time. there’s no purpose in trying to recreate it. i truly wouldn’t have the words to. 

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what I need to have in my future home:

big windows

large greenhouse where I can grow my vegetables

garden where I can settle parties and picnics

storage room for all my witchy things

a lot of paintings and works of art

big kitchen where I can cook magic dishes and potions

window sill big enough to sit on it and grow my herbs

library with a lot of books where I can read in rainy weather (and whenever I want)

wardrobe for all my witchy clothes

a lot of open space where I can dance at 2 am

black cat

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surprise kisses, french kisses, open mouth kisses, neck kisses, hand kisses, cheek kisses, small kisses, butterfly kisses, long kisses, first kisses, noisy kisses, eskimo kisses, shy kisses, spiderman kisses, slow kisses, forehead kisses, chin kisses, shoulder kisses, stomach kisses, your kisses

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wow.... my hand’s feeling... rather empty right now hmm... it’d be such a shame if someone were to... hold it....

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The fact my partners instinct when drunk is to message me “I love you!!” multiple times over makes my heart weak

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i got the most relatable spam email

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Photography by Xuebing Du