anotherreason-blog2

[anotherreason-blog2]

It’s 1:00am

It’s 1:00am in the morning and I can’t sleep. I can’t go back to sleep because he was being rude to be again. I woke up to a light from the google home and I told him about it. He freaked out, and frantically asked me how to turn it off. (That set the mood) I told him I don’t know. (Which I really didn’t) he got frustrated. I got stressed. He kept getting frustrated. I kept getting stressed and I told him to stop it. Just stop. He kept at it. I told him to just “ducking pull it “ he pulled it and then got even more frustrated. I got mad saying “why did you have to do that?” “Wtf is wrong with you?!” He replied saying “I’m tired of you yelling at me, just go to sleep” I turned around and said “Fuck you!” And he said “just go to sleep”. In my mind I said, well how could I if you already fucked up my mood. I work in a few hours, do you really think I’ll be able to go back to sleep after this?! You are so inconsiderate. I don’t need to keep this baby, I’m always so stressed out everyday from you. And I already know this won’t get any better. You need some fucking growing up to do yourself. You can’t be a good father to my child when you are a child yourself...

I turned around and told him “you’re an asshole..” I tried to go back to sleep and just pull it all together but here he goes again, getting frustrated, tossing around in bed and said “the WiFi won’t work anymore?! I need the WiFi in the morning!” I kept my mouth shut because I know any better that I’ll just say something mean and he won’t even know what I’m saying to him.

Every time this happens I forget why I’m so stressed. Then I remind myself it’s not me it’s him. He knows well enough that when he does things like this, people around him absorb that energy and it creates this toxic smoke in the air and everyone become toxic. I ha w told this to him numerous times, yet he still doesn’t get it. He has learned and become this person because to him he thinks it’s normal and ok. But it isn’t OK.

Now I’m awake. It’s 1:45am. I gotta get up for my 12 hour shift at 3:30am. I’ve lost hours of sleep. Here is my start of my work week.