anthelioswrites

[anthelioswrites]

Before I fall asleep, I always think about you. The way your voice sounded, the way you smiled, the words you said. The things we spoke about, the laughter we shared. And when I dream, I dream about you. Because everything is about you, it’ll always be about you.

[anthelioswrites]

It's during these difficult times that you realise the importance of family. Our family is our village. No matter where they are scattered around the world, they'll always find a way to reach us when we're going through hell. They don't mock us, they don't victim-blame us, they don't make us feel the need to prove ourselves or our illness. They just get genuinely and instinctively concerned and tensed for us. So, it becomes easier to loosen up and let them take control.

I'm grateful for my immediate family for taking care of me. For now, they can see only my physical injury as I'm not ready to open my emotional wounds to them yet. Bedridden, they treated me like a precious doll.

Maybe peace IS in the real life, we just need to open our eyes and be grateful enough to see it. Thank you, my village.

[anthelioswrites]

My lavender boy

Lavender signifies purity, dedication, peace, grace, silence and calm. As a colour, it's neither masculine, nor feminine - just like you. It suits your temperament. You're not an angry, pretentious, manly person but neither are you a femininely weak boy. You're right where you need to be. You have nothing to prove to anyone, by now you should be proud of your worth. Companionship should not define you. You're capable to sail the winds with your strength and determination. You deserve tranquil afternoons laying in lavender fields amidst beautiful flowers, basking under a soothing sun and lulled by a cool freeze.

[anthelioswrites]

Love Love is devotion, love is longing, love is yearning, love is feeling as if your whole being will combust into ashes if you don't see her, love is forgetting the world, love is forgetting yourself. Love is hunger, one that will never be appeased until you both become one physically and divinely. If love does not turn you into a child, even if you're a scholar, even if you're 6 feet tall, even if you're the most practical and logical person on this earth - if it does not turn you into a child who constantly seeks the comfort of this mother - then you're not in love. Love isn't the hunger of flesh. It is - here, take my flesh, take my eyes, take my heart, take my organs - they're all yours, just yours. Everything, always, yours, only yours. I am a firm believer of love albeit not for me but for the sake of my poetry.

[anthelioswrites]

Your name is sacred to me. No one else can utter it, I'll slash their tongues out. I'll whisper it, scream it, moan it and say it in every possible way.

[anthelioswrites]

His words have claws which gnaw on the flesh of my heart mercilessly.

[anthelioswrites]

Oh those ripping my wings away, do not worry, i shall grow horns very soon.

[anthelioswrites]

My love, my love, my love, my fucking love. What shall i do with my swollen heart that threatens to explode at the sight of your face, at the sound of your voice, at the touch of your hands?

[anthelioswrites]

Why can't they reciprocate the intensity of my emotions which come out raw, unfiltered, albeit choked up, fucked up, messed up. I moved mountains for those who couldn't even bother to bring a pebble for me.

[anthelioswrites]

Sometimes insanity brings clarity. Let go of branches whose roots are entrenched elsewhere.

[anthelioswrites]

Familiarity

I used the concept of familiarity far too long as an excuse for denying my feelings. If it was familiarity, why do i still feel so wretchedly jealous and possessive? If it really was familiarity, why does your absence and lack of attention torture me so much, even after a decade! I put the blame on attachment issues, on abandonment issues, on ADHD and loneliness, yet.. none of them was the reason for my inability to detach from you. The further i try to run away, the closer i become to my pen & when i am in possession of that, you haunt me as my muse.

[anthelioswrites]

I forgot my depression for an afternoon. I was in the car, looking through the window and i saw God. I saw Him through his creations; the clear blue sky with sprinkles of clouds, the solid mountains, the glistening sea, the green trees.. I do not know what came over me but it felt like i opened my eyes today after months. I was mesmerised by the beauty of nature. I kept saying "Oh, God", "oh, wow". Am i so simple-minded? Or have i lost my mind? Maybe the cure of every illness is found in nature.

[anthelioswrites]

Thank you @hentailord134 and everyone who got me to 10 reblogs!

[anthelioswrites]

If I If I could, I would live. Not that I don't want to go anywhere, but where do I go? How do I pass through the door of my room without disappointing someone, without feeling that I am a disappointment, a failure? It's a constant fear, a constant anxiety. Who wants to live like this? When I hear them talk, the faintest of whispers, the quietest of murmurs, I cannot help but imagine the worst. I crave silence. But then, in silence, the voices I had barely managed to mute, grow loud. The screams of a kid. A kid I failed. A kid who refuses to accept the failure he has grown up to be.

[anthelioswrites]

Why shouldn't the act itself give you satisfaction?

What other rewards do you seek? There is no haven or hell. If you give your meal to someone, you'll be left starving. Do that enough times and you will perish. Your reward is in the satisfaction of the soul you gave your meal to. Nothing more.

[anthelioswrites]

[anthelioswrites]

Our thirst is for eternity, but our existence is of mere instants. It's a good thing our desires are short-lived.