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Hörspiel-Workshop: Rückblick

Im April 2018 luden mein Kollege David Wegmann und ich (Marianne Jaffke) ein zu einem Hörspiel gegen die Zeit. Das Bielefelder Festival THEATER IM PAVILLON gab uns eine herausfordernde Location: ein weißes Häuschen, in der prallen Sonne, ohne Ruhezone. Geschlossene Fenster oder nicht: die Hauptstraße knatterte in die Mikrofone. 

Das nutzten wir zu unserem Vorteil: 

Sodann handelte unser Hörspiel  von Ereignissen im Pavillon an der Hauptstraße.

Die Workshopteilenehmer kamen zur Tür herein, wurden zum Hörspiel-Ensemble ernannt und stellten sich der Herausforderung, in zwei Stunden unser Skript zu vertonen (eine Story über eine Geister-WG). Sie erhielten Kopfhörer, Aufnahmegeräte, Unterstützung von Profis -- und freie Hand.

Hier das Ergebnis:

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Do we all keep each others thinking in check?

It makes sense to think of it a an evolutionary advantage.

It can be a trap, though, to assume all things that make sense are true.

They are not. A lot of nonsense makes sense.

So, I must remind myself: My assumption about our keeping-each-other-in-check to be an evolutionary drive -- is only that: An assumption, a working theory.

And does it need to be true? If I want to convey that there may be some force at work that makes us all Align In Communication so very much: how important is it for me to link this issue with evolution? I guess, it isn't. It's just a personal preference.

Certainly, the claim that there is something forcing cooperative members of a group to keep each others thinking in check... must be backed up somehow. I don't know how to go about this.

So, again, I remind myself: I assume, I assume, I assume. I only assume. I shall be ready to be proven wrong. And then, there shall be joy; since the change from no-proof to proof is always a triumph.

But don't we all keep each others thinking in check?

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Aromatischer Sellerie

... steht da.  Automatischer Sellerie, lese ich. Und denke: Isses schon soweit? Sellerie 4.0?

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Ich glaube, ich schreib das hier alles nur, um zu erklären, warum ich ab sofort einem Trumpy auf Twitter folge.

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Food Blogging

Wenn Du so 'ne Thunfischdose aufmachst, Mayo drüber haust & das umrührst & die Pampe auf 'n Toast haust & noch noch 'ne Scheibe milden Käse drüber & das dann in die Mikrowelle tust, sodass der Käse ordentlich warm im Kopf wird, dann ist das 'n ziemlich gutes Frühstück.

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Nebenan, bei Reddit

...in Edward Snowdens nächtlichem AskMeAnythingy, fragte doch tatsächlich jemand, ob auch irgendwann geheime Dokumente über UFOs veröffentlicht werden würden. Snowdens Antwort ist wunderbar:

"C'mon, guys. If I had found something about UFOs, you better believe the journalists would've run it. Headlines would've been:

Monday: GOVERNMENT VIOLATING RIGHTS OF EVERY AMERICAN

Tuesday: BY THE WAY, ALIENS, YA'LL"

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“I am in a muggle studies class at Hogwarts”

Aus der Reihe WRONG SUBREDDIT, heute: "Explain Scientology to me like I am in a muggle studies class at Hogwarts."

Teacher: Scientology is proof that it is easy for muggles to not notice magic. They always look in the wrong places. Scientology was lied-up by a man named L. Ron Hubbard. A Muggle. Your fellow student Jason will tell us now about that Muggle. Everyone, be quiet. Jason, please start your presentation.

Jason: My book report is on “Muggle Illusions of Magic”, half of the chapters are about the life of the Muggle man Lafayette Ron Hubbard. The other half is about why muggles think magically wrong. --- Let's look at the Muggle man. Muggle is smart. Muggle is also mentally ill: he sees and hears magic things when they are not there. Muggle is good at convincing people. Muggle has a great memory. Muggle can write novels over the weekend. Holds record of most written muggle pulp fiction stories ever. Muggle learns hypnosis: that’s how to make people do things without them knowing it, without magic. Muggle has big ego. Muggle never succeeds at all the cool stuff he tries, though. And when Muggle succeeds, no one perceives it, and others say he's an idiot. (He muggled up as an officer in the war, for example. Hunted non-existent enemies.) Muggle likes to eat things that make him see things that are not there; it’s called drugs. Muggle sees things. Muggle tries the occult.

Teacher: That’s another example on why it is easy for muggles to not notice magic. We will cover that next week.

Jason: Muggle learns things in the occult group, but his ego is not stroked enough. Muggle is mistreated by psychiatrists. Hates them. Muggle thinks: I'm broke; everyone who knows me hates me; people who don't know me adore me. Muggle thinks: Belief systems make money.

Teacher: Belief systems in the Muggle world are often called religions. – Sorry Jason, go on.

Jokes: Muggle writes book about how to solve everything that muggles can’t solve. Lots of bollocks in it, lots of truth in it.

Teacher: Jason!

Jason: Sorry. – So, there is true stuff in it. Not his truth, since it has been written elsewhere anyhow. But he puts it all together. Talks about it, convincing a willing audience. Without magic. Just by talking nicely. Muggle man lies a lot. Says he is a nuclear physicist. Which is a smart person in the muggle world. But he isn't. Says he is a mental health expert. He isn't. Says he met with bandits in Mongolia, and traveled to India and Tibet. Never went there. All the muggles are in awe. Muggle man calls himself a pioneer "at the dawn of aviation in America”. That has to do with flying without a broom or carpet. But he wasn't. Muggle tells his audiences he invented a, uhm, a-a-a-a “radio-based system for navigation”, called LORAN. He didn't. Muggle says he created the U.S. Air Force; they also fly without brooms. But he didn't invent it. Muggle says he's been awarded around 25 combat medals in a big war, that he was wounded and got really cool medals. All bullshit.

Teacher: Jason!

Jason: Sorry. All not true, I meant to say. Muggle man also says he was a commander of a muggle ship. Didn't though: he just once stood on board... and then was relieved because he was behaving weird. Never fought underwater boats. Muggle have that: they have underwater boats that work without magic. It’s kinda impressive. How they don't see all the magic in the oceans, I mean. – Muggle man says he was attacked by enemy soldiers on an island in Java... wasn’t!! --- And all the muggles are impressed. So, when his ramblings about the universe and people's road to great mental health become incomprehensible, all the muggles think: "he was awesome at making me feel good earlier and he is a hero and smart and an expert and I simply don't understand what he says right now but it must be true, here's my money." So, see, they rather believe things that aren’t there. = We are there. = So, they don’t believe in us.

Teacher: So true.

Jason: Muggle establishes cult. That is a group of muggles that follow a leader even though they shouldn’t. Muggle man writes many books about how the cult is supposed to work. Muggles who want to better the world flock to him.

Teacher: Because contrary to the beliefs of many, there ARE a lot of muggles who want to better the world.

Jason: Yes! – And muggles like stories. And the LRH muggle man is good at telling his storys. So muggles who like stories also flock to him. But also, lost people, sad people, and weak people, and whole muggle families as well. They buy all his books. Read all of it. Many books. The muggles do all the commandments he puts into the books and policies. And when they find out that it's all not true...they are so thinking-changed... or trapped... they don't WANT to believe it, because they invested already all their belongings and friends and families, and a good portion of their lives. = They are muggles.

Teacher: Very good, Jason. Very good.

Jason: Also, they like snitching. But not with quidditch.

Teacher: Is that so?

Jason: Muggles in Scientology have snitching culture. When one does something against the ideas of the Hubbard Muggle Man… they snitch. Even their mums. Like Slytherin.

Teacher: JASON!

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Ridgway, Sam et al.

Ich hab gerade die Ton-Aufnahme eines Beluga-Wals gehört, der versucht, Menschenstimmen nachzuahmen. Der Abend ist gerettet. This world is awesome.

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[Hausaufgabe: turn on the language about “Fädeln”] Fabelhaften Fabelwesen fädeln rote Fäden durch ungeheure Geschichten. Sie heißen Autoren und dürfen nicht verwechselt werden mit echten Menschen. Ihre Ideen fädeln ein, Ihre Ideen fädeln aus.

Manchmal fädeln Autoren auch mit!

Doch meist sehen sie sich dem sich auf dem weißen Blatt Papier irgendwie von alleine bewegenden Füllfederhalter ausgeliefert.

In all languages: Unwritten story ideas are fading away before they get a chance. 

Ideen im Fadenkreuz verknäulter, verwollter Gedanken. Federweißer in Fadenglass hilft manchmal. Aber auch nicht immer. Fade.

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Ich habe zwei Dinge gelernt

(1) Black bears are very good at getting to food left by humans. Bear-proof canisters have to be constantly updated to deal with bears who teach each other how to open them. That is interesting to know, I feel educated now. (2) Der Waldweg beim Bielefelder Tierpark als Radweg von Dornberg nach Brackwede ist weder eine Abkürzung noch ich-geeignet. 

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Carefully it stepped forward, upward. Not knowing it was witnessed by men in gowns. Well, there were women, too. And no one wore a gown. But we need to establish that they were scientists, and the best way to set the scene is to evoke the classical men-in-white-gowns image. So, you know, there.

Forward it stepped. Like a grasshopper in foreign lands. Which is a fitting comparison -- since that lab was, for sure, like a forgein country to that grasshopper. And it was a grasshopper. So, you know... there.

Legs. It had six legs. Like little twigs. Feeling out the territory. Climbing up those tiny man-made stairs. On each of the twiggy legs there were little balls. Everyone likes balls. So do scientists. Our scientists here had build this motion-sensor array, and it simply works best with balls involved. Therefore, minute balls had been made and painted with a somewhat reflective material for the motion sensors to notice well. And them balls had been put onto them legs of said grasshopper.

That this grasshopper was part of a robotics projects, it did not know. It had no incling that at some point in its near future one of those scientists -- with or without a gown -- would rip out a few legs to see how they worked without its owner's body. But the grasshopper's cautious movements gave away that it indeed experienced a sense of distrust about the whole situation. Something was up. Those balls, it thought, hadn't been there yesterday.

The grasshopper's mother had never had THE TALK with its offspring, so there always had been, like, a lack of clarity on the those matters of procreation. But the grasshopper was fairly certain that them balls did not mean that he was pregnant; it just didn't feel like that was what was going on.

Maybe I drank too much last night, he thought.

And it was true: he wasn't that sure how he had gotten here.

Suddenly, it occured to him: this is a prank! Ma mates a’ pranking me. And they filming me! I'm gonna end up on YouTube.

And he was right. He would. His mates, though, had nothing to do with. The ball-pinned grasshopper was part of the GGC, the Great Grasshopper Conspiracy, financed by an anti-grasshopper crime organisation called CITEC.

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The #flatearth hashtag

at twitter is killing what's left of my inner wellbeing

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Why is my laptop so clean and shiny?

'Cause I accidently dropped a fried chicken on to it today which made me conclude it is time to implemented the month-old decision to clean my laptop. That's why.  

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Ringleader

Manche Zeilen schlagen über, ohne mit der Wimper zu zucken... "Ringleader in maple syrup heist gets 8 years in prison"

Ringleader. In Maple syrup heist.

Ja. Also.

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Wieder was gelernt

Wenn man sich seinen Android-Wecker stellt, um daran erinnert zu werden, wann die Nuggets aus dem Ofen müssen, dann sollte man nicht telefonieren. Denn wenn man telefoniert, dann klingelt der Wecker nicht, sondern icon-t nur still und heimlich neben der Zeitanzeige.

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Hart wie Game of Thrones, witzig-makaber wie ein Tarantino, anarchisch wie die Trump-Regierung – in Shakespeares „Titus Andronicus“ wird der römische Staat zuerst geschluckt, dann zerkaut und schließlich wieder ausgespuckt. Nach vierzig Jahren im Krieg kehrt Feldherr Titus Andronicus endlich heim und soll Kaiser werden. Mit seinem Verzicht auf die Krone setzt sich eine Gewaltspirale in Gang, die niemand zu stoppen vermag und zeigt, was passiert, wenn die falschen Kräfte an die Macht gelangen... 

 Im Rahmen eines mehrwöchigen Theaterfestivals wird TITUS ANDRONICUS im Rathaus-Pavillon Brackwede aufgeführt. Das junge Bielefelder Ensemble THTR lädt ein zu Aufführungen an vier Terminen. [...] 

 INFO LINK: http://www.thtr-festival.de/titus.html 

(Fotos: Evgeny Borisov; Stimmen: Liliana Mendes, Johannes Dreyer; Aufnahme/Sounddesign Marianne Jaffke)

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PsBattle: Boys from Stranger Things

Reddit Photoshop Battle: 

The boys from Stranger Things on the red carpet at the Golden Globes

My submission called OBLIGATORY DINKLAGE