antirealisation

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The Burn series

Jane Fulton Alt

Via David Simonton

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lol Getting smacked over the head with “this character dynamic reminds you of you and him!” in a very inconvenient fashion. Feels like such a mild thing to gripe about in the whole swath of trauma symptoms but. >:|

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Kinda funny to me when people warn for the possibly-invalidating-feeling aspects of CBT but are all gungho for ACT and DBT instead.

Like, I get it, it’s all gonna depend on who you’re with and how they tailor things and how good they are with trauma but like, lol I for one hate being told “It doesn’t matter what you feel, just accept that you feel awful and act in a certain way anyway.” And that’s even before the issue of, like, “Well if we’re focusing on actions, then it should just be about the body’s actions.”

I guess I just don’t get the unique hate CBT gets when they’re all just forms of behavioural therapy anyhow? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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"Nostalgia is the opposite of trauma" pffffff

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Rainer Maria Rilke, Rilke’s Book of Hours [originally published 1905]

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Jenny Holzer, With all the holes in you already (1983/1985) from the Survival series.

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These days, I don’t really think about Him™ unless there’s some specific reminder.

... Which is I guess how "remembering things” tends to work, good job Serpent, but what I mean is that there hasn’t been many things reminding me of him lately?

I’m inclined to take that as a good thing.

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btw you should make sure to spend the infinite cycle of life, death, and rebirth with a bestie. it’s called ouroboros not myoboros

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I'm not mentally ill I just have an unparalleled commitment to the bit

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... Hah, when the same person who makes a Huge Fucking Deal about “Wow!! Unreality!! Don’t worry everyone, you’re real and this is real, stay safe :)” as soon as a character in a piece of fiction has even a few seconds thoughts of “Is this really happening, what is going on, are you even real lol”

... is also the same person who immediately brought up maladaptive daydreaming when 🎶 was explaining to them how it has memories of a different world.

*sweating, button-pressing meme between “hypothetical person who might be triggered by a few seconds of a character going “wait, is this really happening?” and appreciate the patronising talking down” vs. “real person with real experiences whose memories you just implied are imaginary”*

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Guess it's a "Serpent gets to exist in order to be weird and thanatophobic for a while" sort of night, hooray.

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Ugh, it's been a bit "maybe I'm not strong enough to be imaginary" lately.

Which I know is a very dumb and boring thing to still be bothered by, like shouldn't you be over it by now.

But y'know, came across a system describing having told their therapist about their exotrauma and getting called delusional for it, and importantly, being fine with/openly claiming that label -- and now I'm over here taking that kinda self-centredly personally, like oh right that's really objectively what this is, huh?

And as usual, those thoughts are associated with an increase in The Symptoms themselves, particularly the missing him, ho hum ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

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Saw something earlier talking about plurality as "a voluntary lifestyle/identity" and I'm still just kinda lol about that.

Like hell yeah, the cool lifestyle of *checks notes* having no offline social life whatsoever and only a scant online one because I'm unable to talk about myself at all, sharing time and a body and thus feeling a bit stymied in whatever hobbies and ~lifestyles~ I might actually want to choose, and of course chronic uncertainty about the stability of my existence.

Maybe I'm just grumpy from our own switching issues lately, but I think I'm allowed to still be a bit "oh fuck off" about that framing. :Y Not very happy with this binary of "either you have literal clinical pathological DID or you're just choosing to act this way for funsies", sheesh.

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Just vibin

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Actually I've decided, everything in media is a metaphor for exarchship. Especially if it's about capitalism.