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Doksoo Analysis: Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint [SPOILERS]

I’d like to talk about the relationship between Kim Dokja and Han Sooyoung and how I perceive it. At its core, I think their story portrays that when we really love someone—truly and fully—we are willing to give up our own happiness to ensure theirs. This is something we see from both Sooyoung and Dokja. Han Sooyoung may seem selfish at times, especially at the beginning of the novel, but that’s because we did not yet know at the time that she gave up each of her nights and slept away her days to save Kim Dokja. We see Kim Dokja constantly throwing his life away because he loves his companions—something he is often berated for. So yes, the two of them are the same in this aspect: I love you, and I will destroy anything that gets in the way of your path to happiness. I will uproot the world and empty oceans; I will shoot down the sun and grab the moon to give to you, so long as you are safe and happy. Kim Dokja and Han Sooyoung are not perfect people. And I think they see the faults in one another, and love even those pieces of themselves that the other hates. Han Sooyoung who hated Kim Dokja so much for sacrificing himself over and over again—and yet she ended up doing the same thing for him. Her memories, her time, her youth. She spent all that time ensuring the happiness of a little boy who thought he couldn’t be happy. We see in the epilogue that Han Sooyoung truly loves every part of Kim Dokja as she races after him in that train station. She reflects on his negative and positive traits positively:

“That was the exact same face of Kim Dokja she remembered.

The man who came to her 1863rd regression turn. The man who she wanted to see again. The detestable man with his own brand of ass-kissing. The man who lied really easily. The man who she enjoyed being around, since they could lie about something together and snicker among themselves.

‘----‘

The man, who didn't remember her.”

When Han Sooyoung even considers the possibility that Kim Dokja could really, truly be gone, she thought: “That was the sound of someone only living in their past finally letting go of that very past. Right at that moment, Han Sooyoung was overcome by the bizarre guilt of corruption, of betrayal.” Her regret of not being able to save him properly. All of her efforts wasted. But they weren’t wasted, not to Kim Dokja, who got to experience love, joy, friendship, and family because of Han Sooyoung. She created a world in which he could be happy. She crafted a universe where Kim Dokja could be loved just by being.. Kim Dokja. So they’re really in this constant loop. Han Sooyoung sacrifices herself to save Kim Dokja, Kim Dokja sacrifices himself to save the world she created. And then she tries everything in her power to get him back. And Kim Dokja continues to love that story she created for him:

“Not being able to comment did bum me out. I wanted to let Han Sooyoung know of my emotions one more time. To tell her that I could only come this far because of the story you gave me, that I loved your story more than anyone in this world.” 

Kim Dokja loved her story. But people are stories too. Friends, families, lovers, strangers. We’re all stories in the end. Han Sooyoung and Kim Dokja. She wrote the story. He read it. They created a world together. And in the end, they tore it all down to ensure the happiness of those they loved. Because what is the point of such a world if Han Sooyoung cannot turn to her left and tease Kim Dokja. What is the point of such a world if Kim Dokja cannot take another joyride with Han Sooyoung, and get made fun of for screaming “I am the protagonist!” 

I’ll leave with this. The last thing Han Sooyoung wished to do before her memories faded was to see Kim Dokja. Just to /see/ him. Can you grasp the weight of this action? 

“Kim Dokja felt that sensation of touch on his shoulder and looked behind him.

However, the incoming waves of commuters heading to work swept him up, and he got pushed into the subway, instead.”

Just one last touch. One last glance. One last time—can I please see him again? Can I please see the man that I am about to ruin the world for? Can I please see that he is whole? That he is real? That he isn’t words behind a screen? I think this moment really displays just how much Han Sooyoung really.. loved Kim Dokja. Wholeheartedly and unapologetically. Just seeing him one more time before disaster struck, and knowing all that was about to ensue: that was her moment. The moment that made it all worth it. This man. This pathetic man. I will destroy the world for you. And I will not apologize for it. So don’t you ever apologize for existing, and don’t you ever forget how loved you are. 

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　　　　❝𝐃𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐌𝐘 𝐀𝐁𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄, 𝐈 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐈𝐊𝐎'𝐒 𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐒.❞

　❝𝐈'𝐌 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐌𝐘 𝐆𝐎𝐃 𝐈𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐒, 𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄, 𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊.❞

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-Kamilah Sayeed

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no, mommy is sorry

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Who are you people? 

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